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7-30 AM
Dark Mark awakes for another grand day at work. He pulls on his trousers but gets his foot caught and falls over on the dog killing it instantly.
“Mum!” He shouts, “I’ve killed the dog again!”
7:35 AM
After flushing the dead dog down the toilet Dark Mark decides he needs a quick confession with his bishop before another hard day at work and then he empties his intestines.
8:10 AM
Dark Mark finally emerges from the Bathroom followed by a cloud of a green gas like substance. He quickly closes the door and makes a mad dash for the fridge.
“Cheese. Ham. 3 day old Pizza. Damn this is too hard to call.”
8:20 AM
Dark Mark finally chooses a meal to eat for his breakfast.
“Hmmm, can’t beat a good bit of 3 day old pizza with cat fur.”
He sits there eating until he spits a piece out.
“Damn it, I was wondering where my Gamecube memory card had got to!”
8:30 AM
Dark Mark picks him self up and goes to put on his Sainsbury’s staff Id Badge..
“2002 Shelf Stacking Champion of the world, 3 times European Champion and 4 times National champion Dark MarkTM!”
He wears his badge with pride and whips out his Mr. Sheen to give it a quick polish.
8:40 AM
Dark Mark hauls himself to his “loafing chair” into which he collapses to watch some P-Rock.
8:55 AM
“Argh! 5 minutes till work!”
Dark Mark springs from his “loafing chair” and jumps onto his Sainsbury’s custom automobile and speeds off into the distance.
“Oi, you idiot! Can’t you see the Dark Mark Siren!”
Dark Mark points to a little flashing light he has attached to his car.
“3 minutes! Quickly”
8:58 AM
Dark Mark speeds into the Sainsbury’s car park squashing Jamie Oliver in his furious effort to keep his 100% record of on time ness.
9:00 AM
Dark mark walks into the store exactly on time to start another day at work.
“Right Mark, we have just got this stock of real nice olives from this lorry, right. So keep it a bit hush hush and I will slip you and extra bit if you load these into my car.” Said Nigel as he rubbed a £20 note in his hand and slotted it into Dark Mark’s front pocket.
9:15 AM
Mark places the last olive into the boot of Nigel’s car and moves onto the bottles of cola they have just had delivered. They were all wet because it had been raining.
Already bored Mark decides that he is going to make a pyramid of cola to help kill a customer, until he sees some paramedics wheeling Jamie Oliver into the store.
“Quick, someone ran over Jamie Oliver!” They were shouting.
At this point Dark Mark picked up a cola bottle and hurled it across the store hitting Jamie Oliver square on the fore head piercing his head and killing him instantly.
“Score!”
Dark Mark bounced up and down with his pride!
9:45 AM
After half an hour of cola stacking Mark decides to play a little game. Grabbing hold of a random customer he plans to present them with a prize.
“Congratulations, you have won our price for being our 100th customer of the day! Your prize is all your shopping for free. Just walk out the door and you can even keep the trolley!”
So his “victim” walks out the door and Mark shouts and she is promptly taken away into the “managers office”
“Well done Mark, have another note” said Nigel. “Our quota for shoplifters is going up, only a few more and I will get a raise!”
10:30 AM
Dark Mark goes for his 15 minute “tea break” taking a large box of Yorkie bars with him. He enters the staff room scoffing his face with the king size Yorkie bars (not for girls) and notices Jason Babbage, the duty manager, asleep in the staff room. The perfect crime. Mark eats all but one of the Yorkie bars and melts the last one. He then smears the melted chocolate around his victims mouth and leaves the empty box and wrappers around his duty manager. He then leaves to get back to work.
10:55 AM
Dark Mark finishes his tea break 10 minutes late as usual. This time he screams out “thief” and points to the staff room door. The security guard rushes in to find Jason covered in chocolate and his crime is obvious. Jason is carried away and a faint gun shot is heard. Dark Mark claps his hands knowing that the crime for treason within Sainsbury’s is death.
11:20 AM
After 25 minutes of walking around grinning Dark Mark returns to his job and starts to stack some sweets. Half of which seem to disappear as they are being stacked.
“Mark!” called Nigel, “Because of Jason’s unexpected departure we have to find a new owner for his shop scooter. We thought you should have it!”
“Wow, thanks!”
And so Dark Mark climbs upon the scooter and zooms around the store for the next 40 minutes.
11:36 AM
Dark Mark crashes into a pile of sugar that was left lying in the middle of isle 12. After 5 minutes of swearing and cursing he finally manages to climb up again and he zooms off around the store again.
11:48 AM
Dark Mark sees his brother shopping for “magazines” so he zooms inches away from him and slaps him across the forehead. He is not seen by his brother who shouts,
“I am sorry mother!”
His brother slams the “magazine” on the floor and he runs crying out of the store.
12:00 AM
Dark Mark sets out for his lunch break, and locks the scooter to an old mans Zimmer frame to prevent it from being stolen.
For his lunch break Dark Mark travels home in his Sainsbury’s mobile dragging the body of Jamie Oliver with him. He makes the sharp turn before his street and Jamie Oliver goes flying, conveniently, into Tesco!
1:10 PM
Dark Mark zooms back into work 10 minutes late again, and starts to stack shelves with his chum Becky.
Disturbed by a woman they stop working.
“Excuse me” said the woman, “Where is the cereal?”
“Well, you need to go to Isle 17” Explained Becky
And so the woman wheels her trolley off in search of isle 17.
“Hang on a minute, we don’t have an Isle 17!” Stated Dark Mark to Becky.
“I know!” she laughed
1:50 PM
After 35 minutes of falling over laughing and stacking some more shelves Dark Mark is called over the loud speaker
“Will Dark Mark please come to the diary room, I mean main office.”
So off he zooms on his scooter.
2:00 PM
Dark Mark arrives at the office.
“Now Mark, please sit down.” Ordered the “Big Boss Man”
So Mark takes a seat.
“I think you know why we have called you to the office!”
“Erm, is it about the box of Whisky? Because I already said that was Jason.” Replied Dark Mark.
“What case of Whisky?”
“Oh no, is it about the stacking trials again?”
“Ah, yes you know then. We have trials in a week and once again we want you to represent the store.”
No problems there. As long as I get my reward.!”
“Yes Mark you will be rewarded with your years supply of premium ribbed…”
“Hush! Don’t say it out loud.”
Dark Mark storms out in a huff, because of his anger he goes and hides in the cleaning cupboard for a while.
3:00 PM
Dark Mark heads to the pharmacy to satisfy his “addiction”.
3:45 PM
After he has replenished his stock of “smarties” he decides it is time to pay a visit to the customer service department.
“Hey, Suzie!” He shouts to the customer service woman, “The boss wants to see you, he said he is at the Sainsbury’s up the old village about an hour away, he wants to see you right away”
So with her complete trust in Dark Mark she heads off into the car park, and Dark Mark takes up the customer Services desk for some fun.
3:52 PM
An elderly woman approaches the desk.
4:13 PM
The Elderly woman finally arrives at the desk and she lays her Zimmer frame on the floor.
“Excuse me young ‘un, I bought this stick of celery and it is green.”
“Well, no I am afraid you are wrong their madam, the celery is actually purple,” Explained Dark Mark. “But as you are unhappy with your product I will go and et you a replacement.”
So Dark Mark waddles off to find her a replacement Celery stick.
4:26 PM
Dark Mark returns with a cabbage in his hand.
“Here you go Madam here is a replacement stick of celery. I hope you find no troubles with this.”
And so the woman slowly made her way out of the store.
5:00 PM
Time to get off work and Dark Mark is happy. He has had one of the most productive days ever, so he sets out to the car park. He ducks behind a car for he spots Suzie coming back into the car park in a mighty huff. He quickly hops into his Sainsbury’s automobile and drives off.
6:00 PM
After eating for over 35 minutes Dark Mark settles down in front of his PC to watch Transformers and to chat online. At this point he tells us to turn the camera off for he is about to get into his underwear and wait for the window cleaner.
He stays online for around 5 hours until he falls asleep in his loafing chair.
Well, that was Dark Mark and just one of his days at work. Who knows what else this marvellous creature gets up to? I have been Parr, and goodnight!
Dark Mark awakes for another grand day at work. He pulls on his trousers but gets his foot caught and falls over on the dog killing it instantly.
“Mum!” He shouts, “I’ve killed the dog again!”
7:35 AM
After flushing the dead dog down the toilet Dark Mark decides he needs a quick confession with his bishop before another hard day at work and then he empties his intestines.
8:10 AM
Dark Mark finally emerges from the Bathroom followed by a cloud of a green gas like substance. He quickly closes the door and makes a mad dash for the fridge.
“Cheese. Ham. 3 day old Pizza. Damn this is too hard to call.”
8:20 AM
Dark Mark finally chooses a meal to eat for his breakfast.
“Hmmm, can’t beat a good bit of 3 day old pizza with cat fur.”
He sits there eating until he spits a piece out.
“Damn it, I was wondering where my Gamecube memory card had got to!”
8:30 AM
Dark Mark picks him self up and goes to put on his Sainsbury’s staff Id Badge..
“2002 Shelf Stacking Champion of the world, 3 times European Champion and 4 times National champion Dark MarkTM!”
He wears his badge with pride and whips out his Mr. Sheen to give it a quick polish.
8:40 AM
Dark Mark hauls himself to his “loafing chair” into which he collapses to watch some P-Rock.
8:55 AM
“Argh! 5 minutes till work!”
Dark Mark springs from his “loafing chair” and jumps onto his Sainsbury’s custom automobile and speeds off into the distance.
“Oi, you idiot! Can’t you see the Dark Mark Siren!”
Dark Mark points to a little flashing light he has attached to his car.
“3 minutes! Quickly”
8:58 AM
Dark Mark speeds into the Sainsbury’s car park squashing Jamie Oliver in his furious effort to keep his 100% record of on time ness.
9:00 AM
Dark mark walks into the store exactly on time to start another day at work.
“Right Mark, we have just got this stock of real nice olives from this lorry, right. So keep it a bit hush hush and I will slip you and extra bit if you load these into my car.” Said Nigel as he rubbed a £20 note in his hand and slotted it into Dark Mark’s front pocket.
9:15 AM
Mark places the last olive into the boot of Nigel’s car and moves onto the bottles of cola they have just had delivered. They were all wet because it had been raining.
Already bored Mark decides that he is going to make a pyramid of cola to help kill a customer, until he sees some paramedics wheeling Jamie Oliver into the store.
“Quick, someone ran over Jamie Oliver!” They were shouting.
At this point Dark Mark picked up a cola bottle and hurled it across the store hitting Jamie Oliver square on the fore head piercing his head and killing him instantly.
“Score!”
Dark Mark bounced up and down with his pride!
9:45 AM
After half an hour of cola stacking Mark decides to play a little game. Grabbing hold of a random customer he plans to present them with a prize.
“Congratulations, you have won our price for being our 100th customer of the day! Your prize is all your shopping for free. Just walk out the door and you can even keep the trolley!”
So his “victim” walks out the door and Mark shouts and she is promptly taken away into the “managers office”
“Well done Mark, have another note” said Nigel. “Our quota for shoplifters is going up, only a few more and I will get a raise!”
10:30 AM
Dark Mark goes for his 15 minute “tea break” taking a large box of Yorkie bars with him. He enters the staff room scoffing his face with the king size Yorkie bars (not for girls) and notices Jason Babbage, the duty manager, asleep in the staff room. The perfect crime. Mark eats all but one of the Yorkie bars and melts the last one. He then smears the melted chocolate around his victims mouth and leaves the empty box and wrappers around his duty manager. He then leaves to get back to work.
10:55 AM
Dark Mark finishes his tea break 10 minutes late as usual. This time he screams out “thief” and points to the staff room door. The security guard rushes in to find Jason covered in chocolate and his crime is obvious. Jason is carried away and a faint gun shot is heard. Dark Mark claps his hands knowing that the crime for treason within Sainsbury’s is death.
11:20 AM
After 25 minutes of walking around grinning Dark Mark returns to his job and starts to stack some sweets. Half of which seem to disappear as they are being stacked.
“Mark!” called Nigel, “Because of Jason’s unexpected departure we have to find a new owner for his shop scooter. We thought you should have it!”
“Wow, thanks!”
And so Dark Mark climbs upon the scooter and zooms around the store for the next 40 minutes.
11:36 AM
Dark Mark crashes into a pile of sugar that was left lying in the middle of isle 12. After 5 minutes of swearing and cursing he finally manages to climb up again and he zooms off around the store again.
11:48 AM
Dark Mark sees his brother shopping for “magazines” so he zooms inches away from him and slaps him across the forehead. He is not seen by his brother who shouts,
“I am sorry mother!”
His brother slams the “magazine” on the floor and he runs crying out of the store.
12:00 AM
Dark Mark sets out for his lunch break, and locks the scooter to an old mans Zimmer frame to prevent it from being stolen.
For his lunch break Dark Mark travels home in his Sainsbury’s mobile dragging the body of Jamie Oliver with him. He makes the sharp turn before his street and Jamie Oliver goes flying, conveniently, into Tesco!
1:10 PM
Dark Mark zooms back into work 10 minutes late again, and starts to stack shelves with his chum Becky.
Disturbed by a woman they stop working.
“Excuse me” said the woman, “Where is the cereal?”
“Well, you need to go to Isle 17” Explained Becky
And so the woman wheels her trolley off in search of isle 17.
“Hang on a minute, we don’t have an Isle 17!” Stated Dark Mark to Becky.
“I know!” she laughed
1:50 PM
After 35 minutes of falling over laughing and stacking some more shelves Dark Mark is called over the loud speaker
“Will Dark Mark please come to the diary room, I mean main office.”
So off he zooms on his scooter.
2:00 PM
Dark Mark arrives at the office.
“Now Mark, please sit down.” Ordered the “Big Boss Man”
So Mark takes a seat.
“I think you know why we have called you to the office!”
“Erm, is it about the box of Whisky? Because I already said that was Jason.” Replied Dark Mark.
“What case of Whisky?”
“Oh no, is it about the stacking trials again?”
“Ah, yes you know then. We have trials in a week and once again we want you to represent the store.”
No problems there. As long as I get my reward.!”
“Yes Mark you will be rewarded with your years supply of premium ribbed…”
“Hush! Don’t say it out loud.”
Dark Mark storms out in a huff, because of his anger he goes and hides in the cleaning cupboard for a while.
3:00 PM
Dark Mark heads to the pharmacy to satisfy his “addiction”.
3:45 PM
After he has replenished his stock of “smarties” he decides it is time to pay a visit to the customer service department.
“Hey, Suzie!” He shouts to the customer service woman, “The boss wants to see you, he said he is at the Sainsbury’s up the old village about an hour away, he wants to see you right away”
So with her complete trust in Dark Mark she heads off into the car park, and Dark Mark takes up the customer Services desk for some fun.
3:52 PM
An elderly woman approaches the desk.
4:13 PM
The Elderly woman finally arrives at the desk and she lays her Zimmer frame on the floor.
“Excuse me young ‘un, I bought this stick of celery and it is green.”
“Well, no I am afraid you are wrong their madam, the celery is actually purple,” Explained Dark Mark. “But as you are unhappy with your product I will go and et you a replacement.”
So Dark Mark waddles off to find her a replacement Celery stick.
4:26 PM
Dark Mark returns with a cabbage in his hand.
“Here you go Madam here is a replacement stick of celery. I hope you find no troubles with this.”
And so the woman slowly made her way out of the store.
5:00 PM
Time to get off work and Dark Mark is happy. He has had one of the most productive days ever, so he sets out to the car park. He ducks behind a car for he spots Suzie coming back into the car park in a mighty huff. He quickly hops into his Sainsbury’s automobile and drives off.
6:00 PM
After eating for over 35 minutes Dark Mark settles down in front of his PC to watch Transformers and to chat online. At this point he tells us to turn the camera off for he is about to get into his underwear and wait for the window cleaner.
He stays online for around 5 hours until he falls asleep in his loafing chair.
Well, that was Dark Mark and just one of his days at work. Who knows what else this marvellous creature gets up to? I have been Parr, and goodnight!
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maddmun wrote:
> Parr wrote:
>
> 11:20 AM
> >
> And so Dark Mark climbs upon the scooter and zooms around the store
> for the next 40 minutes.
>
> 11:36 AM
>
> Dark Mark crashes into a pile of sugar that was left lying in the
> middle of isle 12. After 5 minutes of swearing and cursing he
> finally
> manages to climb up again and he zooms off around the store again.
>
> What ghappened to the 40 minutes? That was only 16!!!
> (COnstructive Critiscism)
>
> THat was good though I must say. TYup.
If you look he is still scootering around he just falls off a couple of times!!
> Parr wrote:
>
> 11:20 AM
> >
> And so Dark Mark climbs upon the scooter and zooms around the store
> for the next 40 minutes.
>
> 11:36 AM
>
> Dark Mark crashes into a pile of sugar that was left lying in the
> middle of isle 12. After 5 minutes of swearing and cursing he
> finally
> manages to climb up again and he zooms off around the store again.
>
> What ghappened to the 40 minutes? That was only 16!!!
> (COnstructive Critiscism)
>
> THat was good though I must say. TYup.
If you look he is still scootering around he just falls off a couple of times!!
Parr wrote:
> 11:20 AM
>
> And so Dark Mark climbs upon the scooter and zooms around the store
> for the next 40 minutes.
>
> 11:36 AM
>
> Dark Mark crashes into a pile of sugar that was left lying in the
> middle of isle 12. After 5 minutes of swearing and cursing he finally
> manages to climb up again and he zooms off around the store again.
What ghappened to the 40 minutes? That was only 16!!!
(COnstructive Critiscism)
THat was good though I must say. TYup.
> 11:20 AM
>
> And so Dark Mark climbs upon the scooter and zooms around the store
> for the next 40 minutes.
>
> 11:36 AM
>
> Dark Mark crashes into a pile of sugar that was left lying in the
> middle of isle 12. After 5 minutes of swearing and cursing he finally
> manages to climb up again and he zooms off around the store again.
What ghappened to the 40 minutes? That was only 16!!!
(COnstructive Critiscism)
THat was good though I must say. TYup.
Hehehhehehhe.... diarrhoea.
Dark Mark™ wrote:
OK, I'll admit it... it's semen.
------------
...
OK, I'll admit it... it's semen.
------------
...
Drunk Cow wrote:
> "Stares at Dark Mark across the room"
>
> Very cool!!!
*
OK, I'll admit it... it's semen.
> "Stares at Dark Mark across the room"
>
> Very cool!!!
*
OK, I'll admit it... it's semen.
Good post m8 :D
Very cool Parr.
"Stares at Dark Mark across the room"
Very cool!!!
"Stares at Dark Mark across the room"
Very cool!!!
right!!
Thank you everyone. I thought why not come back in huge style, and then I spell the topic wrong!
LOL
Thanks peeps!
LOL
Thanks peeps!
Lol very funny good post:)
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