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Taken from Reuters.com
Having spent billions on a fiendishly brilliant advertising campaign to launch the X-box console, Bill Gates was bitterly angry to learn that America's war against Afghanistan had overshadowed the launch. As a result he has decided to launch his own war against a small, entirely defenseless nation in order to promote his console. However, Gates is keen to keep in the spirit of democracy and so has opened a poll (which can be accessed at www.microsoft.com/war) to decide which country should be attacked. Voters can currently choose from Luxembourg, the Vatican and Outer Mongolia, with plans to add more later as the advertising campaign gains momentum.
Upon hearing the news this morning Luxembourg's Prime Minister convened an emergency session of parliament to debate what action should be taken. One worried official commented "Bill Gates is actually worth ten times as much as our entire economy". However, Luxembourg looks set to weather the voting as an emergency law was passed declaring that all citizens were confined to their computers to vote for the Vatican. "We need a systematic approach to saving our small, defenceless country," observed the Prime Minister, "and we have no desire to antagonise Outer Mongolia with whom we have established a successful market for mannequins of Robert de Niro made entirely of cheese."
Man of the moment Bill Gates was able to take time out of his war discussions to hold a live press conference today. Initially cagey, Gates revealed his anger that a country as small as Afghanistan had successfully ruined an enormously expensive advertising campaign. However, upon hearing that approval ratings among windows users stood at more than 98% Gates disclosed his plans in full:
"In most quarters I have long been regarded as a man of the highest influence, given my affluence and control of the world's computers. However, there are a few who seek to shun me and deride me as nothing more than a jumped-up geek. The majority have nothing to fear from the Microsoft corporation only countries like Luxembourg, which has the largest percentage of Linux users in the Western world, Outer Mongolia, which has no market for Microsoft products, and the Vatican, who claim to have heard of someone more powerful than me, should fear my wrath. I plan to wage this war until there is an x-box in every home and all computers run the latest, non-pirated copy of Windows. I suggest that if you don't own a Microsoft product you go and start buying now. Or face the consequences."
Gates has already set the Microsoft Corporation into war mode and has hired the entire population of Switzerland to fight on his behalf. Jorg Guttenfrensonson, President of Switzerland defended his country's right to be hired as mercenaries:
"Look back to the late medieval period. Swiss troops were the finest money could buy. However, in 1500 a wage dispute emerged that led to us withdrawing from all wars until the money was payed in full with interest. Not only is Gates paying the debt but he is also taking our entire population on as Microsoft employees with executive pay and share options."
When questioned about Switzerland's previous stance as a neutral country Guttenfrensonson merely snorted "Neutral?! You just couldn't afford us!"
Backstreet Boy Nick Carter commented "The audacity of man is breath-taking.. I have never seen two consecutive advertising campaigns launched to promote the same product. I think he's trying to tell us that the X-box is this year's must-buy console." However, opinion was not entirely behind Microsoft, Apple chairman Steve Jobs mumbled something that no one caught and probably didn't matter anyway. President George W. Bush was apparently unaware that Gates' move was undermining his own authority as "leader of the free World". Keen to point out his own achievements Bush said "I finished a "Spot the Dog" book book today, it took me months and months, and Dick Cheney had to help me with some of the big words."
Current information suggests that the Vatican is likely to feel the force of Microsoft's war. Although renowned pacifist Cat Stevens was unavailable for comment, Darius from pop stars observed wrily "Anyone who's studied history will know that the prospect of Swiss mercenaries invading the Vatican brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'I'm gonna get Medieval on your ass'!"
Unfortunately for Gates his declaration of war was overshadowed by Nintendo's announcement that the Gamecube was in fact a monkey whose growth had been stunted after Fred Durst taught it how to smoke. So console war followers, rest assured that Nintendo is still on top.
Having spent billions on a fiendishly brilliant advertising campaign to launch the X-box console, Bill Gates was bitterly angry to learn that America's war against Afghanistan had overshadowed the launch. As a result he has decided to launch his own war against a small, entirely defenseless nation in order to promote his console. However, Gates is keen to keep in the spirit of democracy and so has opened a poll (which can be accessed at www.microsoft.com/war) to decide which country should be attacked. Voters can currently choose from Luxembourg, the Vatican and Outer Mongolia, with plans to add more later as the advertising campaign gains momentum.
Upon hearing the news this morning Luxembourg's Prime Minister convened an emergency session of parliament to debate what action should be taken. One worried official commented "Bill Gates is actually worth ten times as much as our entire economy". However, Luxembourg looks set to weather the voting as an emergency law was passed declaring that all citizens were confined to their computers to vote for the Vatican. "We need a systematic approach to saving our small, defenceless country," observed the Prime Minister, "and we have no desire to antagonise Outer Mongolia with whom we have established a successful market for mannequins of Robert de Niro made entirely of cheese."
Man of the moment Bill Gates was able to take time out of his war discussions to hold a live press conference today. Initially cagey, Gates revealed his anger that a country as small as Afghanistan had successfully ruined an enormously expensive advertising campaign. However, upon hearing that approval ratings among windows users stood at more than 98% Gates disclosed his plans in full:
"In most quarters I have long been regarded as a man of the highest influence, given my affluence and control of the world's computers. However, there are a few who seek to shun me and deride me as nothing more than a jumped-up geek. The majority have nothing to fear from the Microsoft corporation only countries like Luxembourg, which has the largest percentage of Linux users in the Western world, Outer Mongolia, which has no market for Microsoft products, and the Vatican, who claim to have heard of someone more powerful than me, should fear my wrath. I plan to wage this war until there is an x-box in every home and all computers run the latest, non-pirated copy of Windows. I suggest that if you don't own a Microsoft product you go and start buying now. Or face the consequences."
Gates has already set the Microsoft Corporation into war mode and has hired the entire population of Switzerland to fight on his behalf. Jorg Guttenfrensonson, President of Switzerland defended his country's right to be hired as mercenaries:
"Look back to the late medieval period. Swiss troops were the finest money could buy. However, in 1500 a wage dispute emerged that led to us withdrawing from all wars until the money was payed in full with interest. Not only is Gates paying the debt but he is also taking our entire population on as Microsoft employees with executive pay and share options."
When questioned about Switzerland's previous stance as a neutral country Guttenfrensonson merely snorted "Neutral?! You just couldn't afford us!"
Backstreet Boy Nick Carter commented "The audacity of man is breath-taking.. I have never seen two consecutive advertising campaigns launched to promote the same product. I think he's trying to tell us that the X-box is this year's must-buy console." However, opinion was not entirely behind Microsoft, Apple chairman Steve Jobs mumbled something that no one caught and probably didn't matter anyway. President George W. Bush was apparently unaware that Gates' move was undermining his own authority as "leader of the free World". Keen to point out his own achievements Bush said "I finished a "Spot the Dog" book book today, it took me months and months, and Dick Cheney had to help me with some of the big words."
Current information suggests that the Vatican is likely to feel the force of Microsoft's war. Although renowned pacifist Cat Stevens was unavailable for comment, Darius from pop stars observed wrily "Anyone who's studied history will know that the prospect of Swiss mercenaries invading the Vatican brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'I'm gonna get Medieval on your ass'!"
Unfortunately for Gates his declaration of war was overshadowed by Nintendo's announcement that the Gamecube was in fact a monkey whose growth had been stunted after Fred Durst taught it how to smoke. So console war followers, rest assured that Nintendo is still on top.
reuters.com is a wire service!!!! Where you get REAL news from.
It adds authenticity to an entirely made up article. A must, along with Z-list celebrities commenting on entirely unrelated matters.
It adds authenticity to an entirely made up article. A must, along with Z-list celebrities commenting on entirely unrelated matters.
Excellent.
Long may this trend in posting 'news' continue on the forums.
Long may this trend in posting 'news' continue on the forums.
Taken from, did you copy it?
Not bad, quite funny in bits but was it copied?
Not bad, quite funny in bits but was it copied?
Thank you!
*salutes sibs*
*salutes sibs*
he he... read this, cos no one else did...
quite funny too. Nice. Liked the other references and stuff.
quite funny too. Nice. Liked the other references and stuff.
Taken from Reuters.com
Having spent billions on a fiendishly brilliant advertising campaign to launch the X-box console, Bill Gates was bitterly angry to learn that America's war against Afghanistan had overshadowed the launch. As a result he has decided to launch his own war against a small, entirely defenseless nation in order to promote his console. However, Gates is keen to keep in the spirit of democracy and so has opened a poll (which can be accessed at www.microsoft.com/war) to decide which country should be attacked. Voters can currently choose from Luxembourg, the Vatican and Outer Mongolia, with plans to add more later as the advertising campaign gains momentum.
Upon hearing the news this morning Luxembourg's Prime Minister convened an emergency session of parliament to debate what action should be taken. One worried official commented "Bill Gates is actually worth ten times as much as our entire economy". However, Luxembourg looks set to weather the voting as an emergency law was passed declaring that all citizens were confined to their computers to vote for the Vatican. "We need a systematic approach to saving our small, defenceless country," observed the Prime Minister, "and we have no desire to antagonise Outer Mongolia with whom we have established a successful market for mannequins of Robert de Niro made entirely of cheese."
Man of the moment Bill Gates was able to take time out of his war discussions to hold a live press conference today. Initially cagey, Gates revealed his anger that a country as small as Afghanistan had successfully ruined an enormously expensive advertising campaign. However, upon hearing that approval ratings among windows users stood at more than 98% Gates disclosed his plans in full:
"In most quarters I have long been regarded as a man of the highest influence, given my affluence and control of the world's computers. However, there are a few who seek to shun me and deride me as nothing more than a jumped-up geek. The majority have nothing to fear from the Microsoft corporation only countries like Luxembourg, which has the largest percentage of Linux users in the Western world, Outer Mongolia, which has no market for Microsoft products, and the Vatican, who claim to have heard of someone more powerful than me, should fear my wrath. I plan to wage this war until there is an x-box in every home and all computers run the latest, non-pirated copy of Windows. I suggest that if you don't own a Microsoft product you go and start buying now. Or face the consequences."
Gates has already set the Microsoft Corporation into war mode and has hired the entire population of Switzerland to fight on his behalf. Jorg Guttenfrensonson, President of Switzerland defended his country's right to be hired as mercenaries:
"Look back to the late medieval period. Swiss troops were the finest money could buy. However, in 1500 a wage dispute emerged that led to us withdrawing from all wars until the money was payed in full with interest. Not only is Gates paying the debt but he is also taking our entire population on as Microsoft employees with executive pay and share options."
When questioned about Switzerland's previous stance as a neutral country Guttenfrensonson merely snorted "Neutral?! You just couldn't afford us!"
Backstreet Boy Nick Carter commented "The audacity of man is breath-taking.. I have never seen two consecutive advertising campaigns launched to promote the same product. I think he's trying to tell us that the X-box is this year's must-buy console." However, opinion was not entirely behind Microsoft, Apple chairman Steve Jobs mumbled something that no one caught and probably didn't matter anyway. President George W. Bush was apparently unaware that Gates' move was undermining his own authority as "leader of the free World". Keen to point out his own achievements Bush said "I finished a "Spot the Dog" book book today, it took me months and months, and Dick Cheney had to help me with some of the big words."
Current information suggests that the Vatican is likely to feel the force of Microsoft's war. Although renowned pacifist Cat Stevens was unavailable for comment, Darius from pop stars observed wrily "Anyone who's studied history will know that the prospect of Swiss mercenaries invading the Vatican brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'I'm gonna get Medieval on your ass'!"
Unfortunately for Gates his declaration of war was overshadowed by Nintendo's announcement that the Gamecube was in fact a monkey whose growth had been stunted after Fred Durst taught it how to smoke. So console war followers, rest assured that Nintendo is still on top.
Having spent billions on a fiendishly brilliant advertising campaign to launch the X-box console, Bill Gates was bitterly angry to learn that America's war against Afghanistan had overshadowed the launch. As a result he has decided to launch his own war against a small, entirely defenseless nation in order to promote his console. However, Gates is keen to keep in the spirit of democracy and so has opened a poll (which can be accessed at www.microsoft.com/war) to decide which country should be attacked. Voters can currently choose from Luxembourg, the Vatican and Outer Mongolia, with plans to add more later as the advertising campaign gains momentum.
Upon hearing the news this morning Luxembourg's Prime Minister convened an emergency session of parliament to debate what action should be taken. One worried official commented "Bill Gates is actually worth ten times as much as our entire economy". However, Luxembourg looks set to weather the voting as an emergency law was passed declaring that all citizens were confined to their computers to vote for the Vatican. "We need a systematic approach to saving our small, defenceless country," observed the Prime Minister, "and we have no desire to antagonise Outer Mongolia with whom we have established a successful market for mannequins of Robert de Niro made entirely of cheese."
Man of the moment Bill Gates was able to take time out of his war discussions to hold a live press conference today. Initially cagey, Gates revealed his anger that a country as small as Afghanistan had successfully ruined an enormously expensive advertising campaign. However, upon hearing that approval ratings among windows users stood at more than 98% Gates disclosed his plans in full:
"In most quarters I have long been regarded as a man of the highest influence, given my affluence and control of the world's computers. However, there are a few who seek to shun me and deride me as nothing more than a jumped-up geek. The majority have nothing to fear from the Microsoft corporation only countries like Luxembourg, which has the largest percentage of Linux users in the Western world, Outer Mongolia, which has no market for Microsoft products, and the Vatican, who claim to have heard of someone more powerful than me, should fear my wrath. I plan to wage this war until there is an x-box in every home and all computers run the latest, non-pirated copy of Windows. I suggest that if you don't own a Microsoft product you go and start buying now. Or face the consequences."
Gates has already set the Microsoft Corporation into war mode and has hired the entire population of Switzerland to fight on his behalf. Jorg Guttenfrensonson, President of Switzerland defended his country's right to be hired as mercenaries:
"Look back to the late medieval period. Swiss troops were the finest money could buy. However, in 1500 a wage dispute emerged that led to us withdrawing from all wars until the money was payed in full with interest. Not only is Gates paying the debt but he is also taking our entire population on as Microsoft employees with executive pay and share options."
When questioned about Switzerland's previous stance as a neutral country Guttenfrensonson merely snorted "Neutral?! You just couldn't afford us!"
Backstreet Boy Nick Carter commented "The audacity of man is breath-taking.. I have never seen two consecutive advertising campaigns launched to promote the same product. I think he's trying to tell us that the X-box is this year's must-buy console." However, opinion was not entirely behind Microsoft, Apple chairman Steve Jobs mumbled something that no one caught and probably didn't matter anyway. President George W. Bush was apparently unaware that Gates' move was undermining his own authority as "leader of the free World". Keen to point out his own achievements Bush said "I finished a "Spot the Dog" book book today, it took me months and months, and Dick Cheney had to help me with some of the big words."
Current information suggests that the Vatican is likely to feel the force of Microsoft's war. Although renowned pacifist Cat Stevens was unavailable for comment, Darius from pop stars observed wrily "Anyone who's studied history will know that the prospect of Swiss mercenaries invading the Vatican brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'I'm gonna get Medieval on your ass'!"
Unfortunately for Gates his declaration of war was overshadowed by Nintendo's announcement that the Gamecube was in fact a monkey whose growth had been stunted after Fred Durst taught it how to smoke. So console war followers, rest assured that Nintendo is still on top.