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Drunk Cow’s Pro Skater:
Drunk Cow: Hey dude and welcome to my own virtual skating game! First you have to select a character depending on your ability and technique:
Parr: The beginner’s skater. He is sturdy and fall’s off very rarely but can’t do the big tricks other skaters can. An all rounder and easy to play with (Filthy minds, all of you!)
Aliboy: The drunken skateboarder who falls off constantly, trips over curbs and makes frequent visits to the off-licence. He will attempt any trick or jump once he has half a litre of vodka in him, at which point he will begin shouting “Argh, there’s blood in my alcohol system!”
Juicy Melons: The transvestite skater guy who wears a bikini across his hairy chest. He skates around winking at blokes and getting arrested for flashing his dangly bits at nuns.
Cookie Monster: An unlockable of course and bears an uncanny resemblance to the honey monster from the Sugar Puffs adverts. He is too heavy in his costume to do any fancy flip or even grind but can snatch ice creams from small children and push old ladies onto the road with relative ease.
Bazzman: The Fonz-a-like skater glides around with the shades and leather jacket shouting “Eyyy” at anyone that comes within 12 meters of him. As cool as a cucumber, Bazzman can execute even the most dangerous of moves without breaking into a sweat.
Drunk Cow: All right guys, now you have to select a level to skate on. Each level comes complete with some pretty tricky tasks so beware! The levels are:
The Hick Farm: A ranch in the deep south of the USA where you can impress the simple country folk’s who will brand you an outsider and chase you with pitch forks. Tasks will include finding big uncle Jim’s hat and fetching momma some road kill for dinner.
Iraq: You can skate around the desolate hellhole, grinding on broken roofs and doing a 1080 over 12 terrorists. Tasks will include ‘dodge the missiles’ and execute a nose slide on Saddam Hussein’s head.
Vaseline Factory: Set in the middle of an industrial estate you can grind around a huge vat of the shiny crap girls just can’t get enough of. Tasks may include getting enough Vaseline to unstuck big Joe from the porta-loo and lubricating an elephant in need.
The Brit Awards: Yes, you skate around the award ceremony, lapping up the glitz and glamour as you do so. Tasks will include hooking Gareth Gates and Will Young up with each other, grinding around Kerry McFadden’s cleavage and smacking Tom Jones on the back of the head with your skateboard again and again.
Super Monkey Ball Arena: You have to skate around one of the levels from the monkey rolling extravaganza, grinding along the thin edges and tilting the platform to make your board move. Only one task applies for this level, don’t fall off!
Drunk Cow: Now you’ve seen the levels how about the other crap we compiled onto the disk to make the game seem bigger than it actually is. Well of course there are unlockables:
Glow in the dark board: Yes if you play the game at night, the board actually glows (along with the rest of your TV set!)
Bondage Gear: Yes, you can make your skater dress as a gimp, works especially well on Juicy Melons.
Good Soundtrack: Instead of playing ‘Mary Had A Little Lamb’ renditions, we will play appropriate songs like OPM – Heaven is a half pipe or Avril Lavigne – Skater Boy.
Multi-Coloured Afro Wig: What do I need a motive for including this in the game? It’s just funny, ok!
Drunk Cow: Once you have enjoyed the unlockables (Takes about 14 minutes) you can watch some of the interesting movies we stuck onto the end of the disk:
Movie 1: Parr break dancing in a room full of lesbian monkeys.
Movie 2: Cookie Monster’s ice cream stealing spree, eventually thwarted by 16 FBI helicopters.
Movie 3: Aliboy telling a barman, “Enough? I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough” and casually sipping out of a brown paper bag whilst skateboarding.
Movie 4: Juicy Melons documentary, investigating people who are confused about gender. (Educational)
Movie 5: Bazzman’s cameo role in Happy Days where he plays an impostor Fonz.
Movie 6: Drunk Cow’s office getting raided by fraud detectives and discovering he doesn’t have a license to make games at all.
Drunk Cow: Well, that’s about for now but, erm something happened and I’m in jail. I’ve been Drunk Cow, until next time goodbye.
Convict 005671: Hey Drunk Cow, would you pick up the soap for me…?
-kyz²²-
Drunk Cow: Hey dude and welcome to my own virtual skating game! First you have to select a character depending on your ability and technique:
Parr: The beginner’s skater. He is sturdy and fall’s off very rarely but can’t do the big tricks other skaters can. An all rounder and easy to play with (Filthy minds, all of you!)
Aliboy: The drunken skateboarder who falls off constantly, trips over curbs and makes frequent visits to the off-licence. He will attempt any trick or jump once he has half a litre of vodka in him, at which point he will begin shouting “Argh, there’s blood in my alcohol system!”
Juicy Melons: The transvestite skater guy who wears a bikini across his hairy chest. He skates around winking at blokes and getting arrested for flashing his dangly bits at nuns.
Cookie Monster: An unlockable of course and bears an uncanny resemblance to the honey monster from the Sugar Puffs adverts. He is too heavy in his costume to do any fancy flip or even grind but can snatch ice creams from small children and push old ladies onto the road with relative ease.
Bazzman: The Fonz-a-like skater glides around with the shades and leather jacket shouting “Eyyy” at anyone that comes within 12 meters of him. As cool as a cucumber, Bazzman can execute even the most dangerous of moves without breaking into a sweat.
Drunk Cow: All right guys, now you have to select a level to skate on. Each level comes complete with some pretty tricky tasks so beware! The levels are:
The Hick Farm: A ranch in the deep south of the USA where you can impress the simple country folk’s who will brand you an outsider and chase you with pitch forks. Tasks will include finding big uncle Jim’s hat and fetching momma some road kill for dinner.
Iraq: You can skate around the desolate hellhole, grinding on broken roofs and doing a 1080 over 12 terrorists. Tasks will include ‘dodge the missiles’ and execute a nose slide on Saddam Hussein’s head.
Vaseline Factory: Set in the middle of an industrial estate you can grind around a huge vat of the shiny crap girls just can’t get enough of. Tasks may include getting enough Vaseline to unstuck big Joe from the porta-loo and lubricating an elephant in need.
The Brit Awards: Yes, you skate around the award ceremony, lapping up the glitz and glamour as you do so. Tasks will include hooking Gareth Gates and Will Young up with each other, grinding around Kerry McFadden’s cleavage and smacking Tom Jones on the back of the head with your skateboard again and again.
Super Monkey Ball Arena: You have to skate around one of the levels from the monkey rolling extravaganza, grinding along the thin edges and tilting the platform to make your board move. Only one task applies for this level, don’t fall off!
Drunk Cow: Now you’ve seen the levels how about the other crap we compiled onto the disk to make the game seem bigger than it actually is. Well of course there are unlockables:
Glow in the dark board: Yes if you play the game at night, the board actually glows (along with the rest of your TV set!)
Bondage Gear: Yes, you can make your skater dress as a gimp, works especially well on Juicy Melons.
Good Soundtrack: Instead of playing ‘Mary Had A Little Lamb’ renditions, we will play appropriate songs like OPM – Heaven is a half pipe or Avril Lavigne – Skater Boy.
Multi-Coloured Afro Wig: What do I need a motive for including this in the game? It’s just funny, ok!
Drunk Cow: Once you have enjoyed the unlockables (Takes about 14 minutes) you can watch some of the interesting movies we stuck onto the end of the disk:
Movie 1: Parr break dancing in a room full of lesbian monkeys.
Movie 2: Cookie Monster’s ice cream stealing spree, eventually thwarted by 16 FBI helicopters.
Movie 3: Aliboy telling a barman, “Enough? I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough” and casually sipping out of a brown paper bag whilst skateboarding.
Movie 4: Juicy Melons documentary, investigating people who are confused about gender. (Educational)
Movie 5: Bazzman’s cameo role in Happy Days where he plays an impostor Fonz.
Movie 6: Drunk Cow’s office getting raided by fraud detectives and discovering he doesn’t have a license to make games at all.
Drunk Cow: Well, that’s about for now but, erm something happened and I’m in jail. I’ve been Drunk Cow, until next time goodbye.
Convict 005671: Hey Drunk Cow, would you pick up the soap for me…?
-kyz²²-
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One word to say about this post, supurb.
Great stuff Kyz!
GAD perhaps?
GAD perhaps?
idlewild wrote:
> Sorry Ky, but this wasn't of your usual standard, and sounded to me
> like nothing but churned out crap.
>
> Don't take it personally.
It is a different style to my usual posts I think, this was more slapstick and in-your-face whereas my usual stuff is more subtle. I suppose this appeals to some but not others but a few negative comments aren't going to put me off. Thanks for the constructive criticism (i.e - churned out crap)
> Sorry Ky, but this wasn't of your usual standard, and sounded to me
> like nothing but churned out crap.
>
> Don't take it personally.
It is a different style to my usual posts I think, this was more slapstick and in-your-face whereas my usual stuff is more subtle. I suppose this appeals to some but not others but a few negative comments aren't going to put me off. Thanks for the constructive criticism (i.e - churned out crap)
idlewild wrote:
> Sorry Ky, but this wasn't of your usual standard, and sounded to me
> like nothing but churned out crap.
>
> Don't take it personally.
>
> focus your energies onto one project and spend time with it, and don't
> just do one a day - do one once a week or something - it feels more
> special (bad grammar)
Thats what I was trying to say. In my own little way.
> Sorry Ky, but this wasn't of your usual standard, and sounded to me
> like nothing but churned out crap.
>
> Don't take it personally.
>
> focus your energies onto one project and spend time with it, and don't
> just do one a day - do one once a week or something - it feels more
> special (bad grammar)
Thats what I was trying to say. In my own little way.
It wasn't fantastic, and read as if you were desperate.
Not that good really.
Concentrate on your next one, and put more effort in..
Not that good really.
Concentrate on your next one, and put more effort in..
Don't pretend you don't like the potential rewards :)
This was the funniest thing I've read since seeing myself losing my soul.
If only I'd been included as the almighty super-duper-mega Sk8r Boi.
This was the funniest thing I've read since seeing myself losing my soul.
If only I'd been included as the almighty super-duper-mega Sk8r Boi.
Sorry Ky, but this wasn't of your usual standard, and sounded to me like nothing but churned out crap.
Don't take it personally.
focus your energies onto one project and spend time with it, and don't just do one a day - do one once a week or something - it feels more special (bad grammar)
Don't take it personally.
focus your energies onto one project and spend time with it, and don't just do one a day - do one once a week or something - it feels more special (bad grammar)
Paranoid Idiot wrote:
> Haven't you tried for GAD enough this week?!
I post because I enjoy writing not for the potential rewards.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Thanks everyone for the comments :-)
> Haven't you tried for GAD enough this week?!
I post because I enjoy writing not for the potential rewards.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Thanks everyone for the comments :-)
Kyz22 wrote:
>Drunk Cow: Now you’ve seen the levels how about the other crap we >compiled onto the disk to make the game seem bigger than it actually is
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!
Awesome stuff dude! I even read aloud he whole post in the voice of a surfer guy.
That was really fun to read Kyle!! That was simply GREAT!
"does olly onto a computer then picks up soap"
>Drunk Cow: Now you’ve seen the levels how about the other crap we >compiled onto the disk to make the game seem bigger than it actually is
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!
Awesome stuff dude! I even read aloud he whole post in the voice of a surfer guy.
That was really fun to read Kyle!! That was simply GREAT!
"does olly onto a computer then picks up soap"
Haven't you tried for GAD enough this week?!
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