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"The SR Investigators"

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Mon 03/03/03 at 22:44
Regular
Posts: 787
*Two men are seen waiting in front of a bathroom*

Snuggly: Oh, hello everyone, and welcome to The SR Investigators. The show that doesn't give a hoot.

BEARDS: Damn right.

Snuggly: I'm Mr. Snuggly and this is my good friend BEARDS and we are filling in on the welcoming duties for our boss Tony, who is at this moment deep in thought, pondering the success and structure of the beloved Mario series....on the toilet!

BEARDS: As you may guess, these games have profound historical, social, and economical significance. Certainly, serious thought on the subject is far too deep for your normal ten minute session on the crapper, hence, Tony has holed up in our specially made "thinking chamber" used to be our "sitting room" until it was decided after a big discussion that we were free to sit anywhere we darn well pleased.

Snuggly: We also use it to store lawn furniture in the winter months.

BEARDS: The thinking chamber is a place of quite and solitude. It's free of distractions. In all ways it is the perfect spot for serious contemplation, excepting of course those instances where the isolation leads to bouts of madness.

Snuggly: You okay in there Tony!

Tony: Kooooo-Pahs.....Gooooom-Bahs...

BEARDS: Um, Tony.

Tony: I GOT IT! I've figured it out you cretins! The secret of the Mario brothers’ success! Get in the car I'll explain on the way!

Snuggly: Might be good if you put on some trousers first.

Tony: A good idea! Sharp eye Snuggly. I like that in an employee!

*Tony hops into the car while struggling to put on his trousers and BEARDS and Snuggly follow patiently*

Tony: Okay. Now BEARDS, tell me in your opinion, what elements set Mario games apart from all others? Why are they such a remarkable success?

BEARDS: Um, it's a straightforward platform with great gameplay. It has an established franchise. And about ten-babillion fans. By the way your trousers go on your legs, not your arms.

Tony: Ah! That will make driving MUCH easier!

BEARDS: Hmm.

Tony: Back to the point, you're still missing the central theme here BEARDS. What makes Mario games MARIO games? What keeps them from being "Pong" or "Contra" or even one of those "Olsen Twins" jobbies?

BEARDS: Well besides copyright laws, I don't know.

*The car pulls over to a shop entitle Phillip And Lou's Plumbing Services*

Tony: We're here!

Snuggly: Where....? Oh no.

Tony: This shall prove educational!

Snuggly: Do you want us to come with you as you dive deeper into madness, or should we wait in the car?

Tony: Better come in. It's a hot day.

*They all walk in casually*

Lou: Welcome to Phillip and Lou's House Of Pipe And Drain Related Plumbing Services. I'm Lou Role, how may I help you?

Tony: Hi, we're looking for someone who can help us with a "turtle problem".

BEARDS: Oh, boy.

Lou: I'm afraid I don't follow you sir.

Tony: A "turtle problem". Also having some trouble with our "mushrooms". Wink wink!

Snuggly: I'm just going to go back to the car until the cops arrive okay?

Lou: I believe you're looking for an exterminator sir. Not a plumber.

Tony: I just thought you might know something that could help. See, these are special turtles. There's a pair of them, in particular, who keep throwing hammers at me, WINK WINK!

Lou: Sir, if you do not have a plumbing problem I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Tony: You can't hide ANYTHING plumber cretins! I know all about you and your little front company here! If you don't want me to blow the lid off the whole thing, you better start talking!

Lou: *Stalled response*..............Okay, you win. Hey Phillip, open the hatch!

*The front desk opens widely and Lou invites Tony and the others in welcomingly. Inside is a vast technological environment with surveillance cameras everywhere*

Phillip: Err, hi all. This is the world headquarters of the brotherhood of Italian plumbers, an organization devoted to protecting the world from the global threat posed by evil turtles, toadstools, Venus Flytraps and other harmless objects.

BEARDS: Mama mia!

Lou: Our facilities are state of the art with areas devoted to battle strategy.

Mario Look-a-like: Sometimes I stomp-a the turtles and sometimes, when I really angry, I throw them-a turnip!

Phillip: We also have interrogations!

*A bald man is seen screaming at a baby turtle*

Bald Man: TALK YOU MONSTER!

Lou: And of course we have preparations for the worst case scenario.

Phillip: This is of course a secret organization, but there have been leaks from time to time, hence the Mario Bros. games...

Lou: Thankfully, that awful movie came out and destroyed all credibility.

BEARDS: You got to be kidding me.

Mario Look-a-like: ALARM! They've broken through the defenses! They're inside!

Snuggly: What? Who!?

Lou: It's a raid! Grab some firepower kid! This is going to get messy!

*Lou hands the three some rifles*

Phillip: Take this you shell wearing son of a-

Killer Turtle Bob: EVERYONE DOWN!

Phillip: Quick you guys shoot! Do something!

Tony: I hope I still know how to do this! *Blows balloon animal* YES! But now what should we do something about these turtles!

Lou: I'll never give you this empire Turtles!

Killer Turtle Bob: Who said that..........LOU!

Lou: BOB!

Killer Turtle Bob: Lou!

Lou: Bob!

Snuggly: Mr. Snuggly...

BEARDS: ........

Snuggly: I want to feel important too you know.

Killer Turtle Bob: Hand over the empire Lou!

Lou: In the words of Mahatma Gandhi..................BITE ME!

Phillip: Quick everyone run into that room!

*All the Bros. and the three SR members run into an unguarded room*

Tony: We better do something quick you guys. It's only a while before they figure out the automatic sliding doors!

Lou: Don’t worry we have a secret weapon!

*Lou blows a whistle and a petit woman in a bikini walks out of the closet*

Phillip: Guys, meet a helper of ours in the killing of harmless creatures…..Lara Croft.

BEARDS: Hey that’s not Lara Croft! That just looks like her!

Suppose Lara: So Lou, when do I jump out of the cake?

Lou: Uh, just go back into the closet Lara.

Suppose Lara: Suit yourself.

*The swarm of killer turtles, discover how to use the door and it slides open*

Killer Turtle Bob: You will pay for what you have done to my family Lou!

Lou: Bob, I had to do it. It’s not the Bros. and my fault!

Snuggly: Hmm, what’s going on?

BEARDS: Are we dead yet?

Lou: Bob, I sent you up the river and I gave you my heart as your paddle.

Killer Turtle Bob: But you smacked me with that paddle Lou! You smacked me! Because I wear my heart on my sleeve. So when I went to wiped my tears….…….I got heart all over my face!

Lou: But when………. Hey wait, what are we talking about again?

Killer Turtle Bob: It doesn’t matter anymore! WE TAKE NO PRISONES…………….. So go on leave. Do lunch or something. Just go.

*Everyone looks around confused then walks out the nearest exit*

Tony: So BEARDS, what did you learn today?

BEARDS: That Mario’s success doesn’t only rely on the obvious fact that the game is entertaining but the game’s obvious stupidity of it’s storyline and enemies………and I learned that killer turtles make me wet myself.

Snuggly: I learned that Lara Croft wannabees make me drool. Oh, and that turtles want to take over Plumbing Services.

Tony: Well as long as trip was worth while! Thanks for watching everyone. This has been The SR Investigators! Good night!

BEARDS: It’s 11 in the morning…..

THE END

Drunk
Tue 04/03/03 at 19:04
Regular
"Baros!!!"
Posts: 6,989
Nice on Drink Cow

=D
Tue 04/03/03 at 18:49
Regular
"Being Ignorant"
Posts: 2,574
TÞhi wrote:
> Funny. Although I'm sure Gandhi never said that..

Gandhi's sandles are legendary!
Tue 04/03/03 at 18:28
Regular
"Cardboard Tube Ninj"
Posts: 2,221
Drunk Cow wrote:
> BEARDS: It’s 11 in the morning…..


If all that was meant to happen before 11am, I wouldn't have been anywhere near that coherent, awake or not killing people for talking to me.
Tue 04/03/03 at 17:48
Regular
"sweats salad dressi"
Posts: 4,599
!!!!POP!!!!
Tue 04/03/03 at 03:40
Regular
"sweats salad dressi"
Posts: 4,599
Why he did! Or maybe he said something remotely different but it included the word ME!:-|
Mon 03/03/03 at 23:21
Regular
"thursdayton!"
Posts: 7,741
Funny. Although I'm sure Gandhi never said that..
Mon 03/03/03 at 23:17
Regular
"Dr. Chad Niga"
Posts: 4,550
HAHH, lol, nice spoof
Mon 03/03/03 at 22:44
Regular
"sweats salad dressi"
Posts: 4,599
*Two men are seen waiting in front of a bathroom*

Snuggly: Oh, hello everyone, and welcome to The SR Investigators. The show that doesn't give a hoot.

BEARDS: Damn right.

Snuggly: I'm Mr. Snuggly and this is my good friend BEARDS and we are filling in on the welcoming duties for our boss Tony, who is at this moment deep in thought, pondering the success and structure of the beloved Mario series....on the toilet!

BEARDS: As you may guess, these games have profound historical, social, and economical significance. Certainly, serious thought on the subject is far too deep for your normal ten minute session on the crapper, hence, Tony has holed up in our specially made "thinking chamber" used to be our "sitting room" until it was decided after a big discussion that we were free to sit anywhere we darn well pleased.

Snuggly: We also use it to store lawn furniture in the winter months.

BEARDS: The thinking chamber is a place of quite and solitude. It's free of distractions. In all ways it is the perfect spot for serious contemplation, excepting of course those instances where the isolation leads to bouts of madness.

Snuggly: You okay in there Tony!

Tony: Kooooo-Pahs.....Gooooom-Bahs...

BEARDS: Um, Tony.

Tony: I GOT IT! I've figured it out you cretins! The secret of the Mario brothers’ success! Get in the car I'll explain on the way!

Snuggly: Might be good if you put on some trousers first.

Tony: A good idea! Sharp eye Snuggly. I like that in an employee!

*Tony hops into the car while struggling to put on his trousers and BEARDS and Snuggly follow patiently*

Tony: Okay. Now BEARDS, tell me in your opinion, what elements set Mario games apart from all others? Why are they such a remarkable success?

BEARDS: Um, it's a straightforward platform with great gameplay. It has an established franchise. And about ten-babillion fans. By the way your trousers go on your legs, not your arms.

Tony: Ah! That will make driving MUCH easier!

BEARDS: Hmm.

Tony: Back to the point, you're still missing the central theme here BEARDS. What makes Mario games MARIO games? What keeps them from being "Pong" or "Contra" or even one of those "Olsen Twins" jobbies?

BEARDS: Well besides copyright laws, I don't know.

*The car pulls over to a shop entitle Phillip And Lou's Plumbing Services*

Tony: We're here!

Snuggly: Where....? Oh no.

Tony: This shall prove educational!

Snuggly: Do you want us to come with you as you dive deeper into madness, or should we wait in the car?

Tony: Better come in. It's a hot day.

*They all walk in casually*

Lou: Welcome to Phillip and Lou's House Of Pipe And Drain Related Plumbing Services. I'm Lou Role, how may I help you?

Tony: Hi, we're looking for someone who can help us with a "turtle problem".

BEARDS: Oh, boy.

Lou: I'm afraid I don't follow you sir.

Tony: A "turtle problem". Also having some trouble with our "mushrooms". Wink wink!

Snuggly: I'm just going to go back to the car until the cops arrive okay?

Lou: I believe you're looking for an exterminator sir. Not a plumber.

Tony: I just thought you might know something that could help. See, these are special turtles. There's a pair of them, in particular, who keep throwing hammers at me, WINK WINK!

Lou: Sir, if you do not have a plumbing problem I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Tony: You can't hide ANYTHING plumber cretins! I know all about you and your little front company here! If you don't want me to blow the lid off the whole thing, you better start talking!

Lou: *Stalled response*..............Okay, you win. Hey Phillip, open the hatch!

*The front desk opens widely and Lou invites Tony and the others in welcomingly. Inside is a vast technological environment with surveillance cameras everywhere*

Phillip: Err, hi all. This is the world headquarters of the brotherhood of Italian plumbers, an organization devoted to protecting the world from the global threat posed by evil turtles, toadstools, Venus Flytraps and other harmless objects.

BEARDS: Mama mia!

Lou: Our facilities are state of the art with areas devoted to battle strategy.

Mario Look-a-like: Sometimes I stomp-a the turtles and sometimes, when I really angry, I throw them-a turnip!

Phillip: We also have interrogations!

*A bald man is seen screaming at a baby turtle*

Bald Man: TALK YOU MONSTER!

Lou: And of course we have preparations for the worst case scenario.

Phillip: This is of course a secret organization, but there have been leaks from time to time, hence the Mario Bros. games...

Lou: Thankfully, that awful movie came out and destroyed all credibility.

BEARDS: You got to be kidding me.

Mario Look-a-like: ALARM! They've broken through the defenses! They're inside!

Snuggly: What? Who!?

Lou: It's a raid! Grab some firepower kid! This is going to get messy!

*Lou hands the three some rifles*

Phillip: Take this you shell wearing son of a-

Killer Turtle Bob: EVERYONE DOWN!

Phillip: Quick you guys shoot! Do something!

Tony: I hope I still know how to do this! *Blows balloon animal* YES! But now what should we do something about these turtles!

Lou: I'll never give you this empire Turtles!

Killer Turtle Bob: Who said that..........LOU!

Lou: BOB!

Killer Turtle Bob: Lou!

Lou: Bob!

Snuggly: Mr. Snuggly...

BEARDS: ........

Snuggly: I want to feel important too you know.

Killer Turtle Bob: Hand over the empire Lou!

Lou: In the words of Mahatma Gandhi..................BITE ME!

Phillip: Quick everyone run into that room!

*All the Bros. and the three SR members run into an unguarded room*

Tony: We better do something quick you guys. It's only a while before they figure out the automatic sliding doors!

Lou: Don’t worry we have a secret weapon!

*Lou blows a whistle and a petit woman in a bikini walks out of the closet*

Phillip: Guys, meet a helper of ours in the killing of harmless creatures…..Lara Croft.

BEARDS: Hey that’s not Lara Croft! That just looks like her!

Suppose Lara: So Lou, when do I jump out of the cake?

Lou: Uh, just go back into the closet Lara.

Suppose Lara: Suit yourself.

*The swarm of killer turtles, discover how to use the door and it slides open*

Killer Turtle Bob: You will pay for what you have done to my family Lou!

Lou: Bob, I had to do it. It’s not the Bros. and my fault!

Snuggly: Hmm, what’s going on?

BEARDS: Are we dead yet?

Lou: Bob, I sent you up the river and I gave you my heart as your paddle.

Killer Turtle Bob: But you smacked me with that paddle Lou! You smacked me! Because I wear my heart on my sleeve. So when I went to wiped my tears….…….I got heart all over my face!

Lou: But when………. Hey wait, what are we talking about again?

Killer Turtle Bob: It doesn’t matter anymore! WE TAKE NO PRISONES…………….. So go on leave. Do lunch or something. Just go.

*Everyone looks around confused then walks out the nearest exit*

Tony: So BEARDS, what did you learn today?

BEARDS: That Mario’s success doesn’t only rely on the obvious fact that the game is entertaining but the game’s obvious stupidity of it’s storyline and enemies………and I learned that killer turtles make me wet myself.

Snuggly: I learned that Lara Croft wannabees make me drool. Oh, and that turtles want to take over Plumbing Services.

Tony: Well as long as trip was worth while! Thanks for watching everyone. This has been The SR Investigators! Good night!

BEARDS: It’s 11 in the morning…..

THE END

Drunk

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