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They said that 'The Sim's' was a life game. They said it let you control your own world-in-a-box. And they were right. Mostly. But apart from this, and being the game that everybody's younger (or worryingly, older sibling) owns, it is unavoidable. Selling far to well on the PC (and admittedly, Mac, with its ... extensive ... selection of games) and now hitting the PS2 like a large lorry of bricks running into a frail, osteoporosis ridden old lady (and soon followed by Gamecube, represented by the husband of this woman, with osteoporosis and angina), will the domination of the market ever step back? How did the world succumb to the viciousness to us and the amazing product of time to EA that is ... The Sims?
It all started in a quiet boardroom, somewhere in America, where fat and stupid people generally rule supreme. Unfortunately, it seems it is these people whom quite accidentally think up the best ideas ever, but that’s not the point. Anyway, a selection of this sort, after clamouring for the last 'bagel', sat down and resumed a conversation on how to implement their master plan, which had been decided after much deliberation between it and buying 'Taco Bell'.
To rule the WORLD!
This, however, was proving difficult, however, with the UN and other authorities laughing then saying 'No' to EA's unsuccessful bribery (bagels, once again), so they settled for gaming world instead (in the hope conscription isn't announced worldwide, which only really stupid folk would think up, and only ideas thought up by really stupid folk happen. So, in actual fact, EA caused this likelihood of war by stating there will be conscription. That, however, is another story). And so the gaming world it was.
Many months were spent deliberating how they could penetrate so many homes in the time span they were given ('The same as Randy's waist', there boss insanely laugh as he left the office one final time after hearing about the board members plan). Every board member then, for a week or so, deliberated whether he meant his waist size converted from inches to days, from inches to weeks, or simply staying inches (the option which any true stupid person would quite obviously pick). After choosing the 'convert to day' (by a metaphorically-only narrow margin, keeping in mind these people all buy XXXL clothing), they worked hard, played with hard ... games (make your mind up on that one) and eat lots of things, even Harry's 3 month old puppy whom had come on work experience. And eventually, they came up with...
'The Cows!'
Apparently, a strategic cow simulator, with a gelatine in each cow's eyes which could send hypnotic messages to the player demanding them to 'Kill' (how original). It wasn't until Randy ((one of) the overweight board members) woke up properly and told they rest of them, in a true stupid idea style, that the game would be ...
'The Sims!'
They already have Sim City, Sim Golf, Sim Lighthouse, Sim Earthquake, Sim Purr (engrossing cat enthusiasts minus the cat because of .. natural causes ... for many a week) and Sim Curse (you too can have Tourettes!). And so development began. The basic plot was decided within a record time for the men at EA (interesting, the plot is ironic as in non-existent) and 3D designs on exciting items began, for both The Sims and one or more of the various add-on's, which hadn't even been decided, but they thought they had better make them anyway. As the excuse-for-a-game came together, and as a national bagel shortage / rationing programme was announced (time is money, but more importantly, bagels), it seemed the 20% complete version was almost as good as the 97% complete version. Worry not, Maxis said, for it will sell. That’s all well and good, but what about the plans to control the gaming world?
Well, in a secret development lab, on the outskirts of a monstrously large papier mache beef roasting joint, many a chip was being mass produced. These chips had the potential to change the way we live and work. Unfortunately, it was Peter Molyneux in control of the line of chips, so the 'Peter-Molyneux-Translatertron' had to be used, revealing 'These chips will simply demand the user to repeat repetitive tasks and wee involuntarily on friend's sofas'. A slight letdown for EA, but being as stupid as they are, they considered it good enough. The road to gaming world domination is long and winding, and it looks like they took the long route (therefore assuming there is a shorter route, once again, another story).
And so it came to be. 'The Sims' was released on PC, and stormed up the charts in a week. And hence many embarrassing sofa moments and much playing of a certain lifesim was introduced. Bemused but generally please at the reception of the game, the masters at EA (three frogs balanced upon 2 compact disks, a floppy drive, a game disc case and a monkey with a fez hat) decided that several as-good extensions to the game were sold in the aid to increase sofa accidents. And this time, the frogs would be much obliged if they chips actually did something of use, apart from the hysterical second before the sofa owner realises 'yes, it is real'.
And therefore House Party, Unleashed, Vacation, Hot Date (in no particular order) were released. House Party increased ratio of dog-to-snowplough crashes on the A76, Unleashed made the elderly horny, Vacation encouraged adultery and necrophilism, and Hot Date suggested that infact the O-Zone layer was made up of several whoopee cushions, and it was the players mission to sit on them...all. The frogs weren't pleased in the slightest.
So with Superstar on the way, who knows how far EA will go to control us all? I'm not sure, but my guess is 50 km, non-stop. Without drinking. Astonishing? Yes. Possible? No. Well. Darn.
Thanks for reading :D
It all started in a quiet boardroom, somewhere in America, where fat and stupid people generally rule supreme. Unfortunately, it seems it is these people whom quite accidentally think up the best ideas ever, but that’s not the point. Anyway, a selection of this sort, after clamouring for the last 'bagel', sat down and resumed a conversation on how to implement their master plan, which had been decided after much deliberation between it and buying 'Taco Bell'.
To rule the WORLD!
This, however, was proving difficult, however, with the UN and other authorities laughing then saying 'No' to EA's unsuccessful bribery (bagels, once again), so they settled for gaming world instead (in the hope conscription isn't announced worldwide, which only really stupid folk would think up, and only ideas thought up by really stupid folk happen. So, in actual fact, EA caused this likelihood of war by stating there will be conscription. That, however, is another story). And so the gaming world it was.
Many months were spent deliberating how they could penetrate so many homes in the time span they were given ('The same as Randy's waist', there boss insanely laugh as he left the office one final time after hearing about the board members plan). Every board member then, for a week or so, deliberated whether he meant his waist size converted from inches to days, from inches to weeks, or simply staying inches (the option which any true stupid person would quite obviously pick). After choosing the 'convert to day' (by a metaphorically-only narrow margin, keeping in mind these people all buy XXXL clothing), they worked hard, played with hard ... games (make your mind up on that one) and eat lots of things, even Harry's 3 month old puppy whom had come on work experience. And eventually, they came up with...
'The Cows!'
Apparently, a strategic cow simulator, with a gelatine in each cow's eyes which could send hypnotic messages to the player demanding them to 'Kill' (how original). It wasn't until Randy ((one of) the overweight board members) woke up properly and told they rest of them, in a true stupid idea style, that the game would be ...
'The Sims!'
They already have Sim City, Sim Golf, Sim Lighthouse, Sim Earthquake, Sim Purr (engrossing cat enthusiasts minus the cat because of .. natural causes ... for many a week) and Sim Curse (you too can have Tourettes!). And so development began. The basic plot was decided within a record time for the men at EA (interesting, the plot is ironic as in non-existent) and 3D designs on exciting items began, for both The Sims and one or more of the various add-on's, which hadn't even been decided, but they thought they had better make them anyway. As the excuse-for-a-game came together, and as a national bagel shortage / rationing programme was announced (time is money, but more importantly, bagels), it seemed the 20% complete version was almost as good as the 97% complete version. Worry not, Maxis said, for it will sell. That’s all well and good, but what about the plans to control the gaming world?
Well, in a secret development lab, on the outskirts of a monstrously large papier mache beef roasting joint, many a chip was being mass produced. These chips had the potential to change the way we live and work. Unfortunately, it was Peter Molyneux in control of the line of chips, so the 'Peter-Molyneux-Translatertron' had to be used, revealing 'These chips will simply demand the user to repeat repetitive tasks and wee involuntarily on friend's sofas'. A slight letdown for EA, but being as stupid as they are, they considered it good enough. The road to gaming world domination is long and winding, and it looks like they took the long route (therefore assuming there is a shorter route, once again, another story).
And so it came to be. 'The Sims' was released on PC, and stormed up the charts in a week. And hence many embarrassing sofa moments and much playing of a certain lifesim was introduced. Bemused but generally please at the reception of the game, the masters at EA (three frogs balanced upon 2 compact disks, a floppy drive, a game disc case and a monkey with a fez hat) decided that several as-good extensions to the game were sold in the aid to increase sofa accidents. And this time, the frogs would be much obliged if they chips actually did something of use, apart from the hysterical second before the sofa owner realises 'yes, it is real'.
And therefore House Party, Unleashed, Vacation, Hot Date (in no particular order) were released. House Party increased ratio of dog-to-snowplough crashes on the A76, Unleashed made the elderly horny, Vacation encouraged adultery and necrophilism, and Hot Date suggested that infact the O-Zone layer was made up of several whoopee cushions, and it was the players mission to sit on them...all. The frogs weren't pleased in the slightest.
So with Superstar on the way, who knows how far EA will go to control us all? I'm not sure, but my guess is 50 km, non-stop. Without drinking. Astonishing? Yes. Possible? No. Well. Darn.
Thanks for reading :D
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Cyclone wrote:
> Probably, but they are all monkeys.
No. I know loads of people who have the sims who want the sims and who love the sims
> Probably, but they are all monkeys.
No. I know loads of people who have the sims who want the sims and who love the sims
Probably, but they are all monkeys.
Microchips wrote:
> Heh, great post.
>
>
> I hate the sims, but this post was indeed funny.
>
> Nice. :)
Well if you think so many people hate the sims and since you dont like the sims I bet all the millions of Sims fans out there would be willing to disagree with you on that.
> Heh, great post.
>
>
> I hate the sims, but this post was indeed funny.
>
> Nice. :)
Well if you think so many people hate the sims and since you dont like the sims I bet all the millions of Sims fans out there would be willing to disagree with you on that.
Heh, great post.
I hate the sims, but this post was indeed funny.
Nice. :)
I hate the sims, but this post was indeed funny.
Nice. :)
I personally don't like the game. But hey, just me :)
phuzzy wrote:
> Was it on EA's plans for 'world domination', or a slightly more
> serious one?
No it was just about it comming out onto the gamecube. And also discusion on the pc version and such. So not really serious. But some people thaught that the sims were serious.....ly runbbish. I think they need prefessional help.
> Was it on EA's plans for 'world domination', or a slightly more
> serious one?
No it was just about it comming out onto the gamecube. And also discusion on the pc version and such. So not really serious. But some people thaught that the sims were serious.....ly runbbish. I think they need prefessional help.
Was it on EA's plans for 'world domination', or a slightly more serious one?
Did you know I posted a topic on the sims a while ago. I dont really think people would be that much intrested in it right now considering all the replies and coments posted on the thread.
"(bagels, once again),"
Ha.
And 'The Cows' would have been wonderful.
Ha.
And 'The Cows' would have been wonderful.
Heh. Good post, made me laugh.
"You too can have Tourettes!" - genius.
"You too can have Tourettes!" - genius.
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