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Marriage: The Game
The happiest day of a lot of people lives is their wedding day, what would it be like to experience a virtual marriage with a touch of gaming magic? Cool, no doubt. Here are my ideas on making a game based on holy matrimony.
Getting Hitched
First you will need to find a man/woman to get married to. This will be much like Vice City with your character running around a real city looking for a partner. Once you see someone you like the look of, you get a sack and throw it over him or her, and chuck them in the back of a van. You take them to an undisclosed location (i.e. a Fish Finger warehouse) and impose marriage upon them (at knife point, of course). Once they tearfully agree, you are all set to be married, hurrah!
Looking Good
You have to look good for your wedding of course, don’t you? So strut down to the local marital ware store and find a suit you like. You then have some options, you can try walking out of the shop in a tuxedo and claim ‘I was wearing this when I came in!’ or you can take the suit to the counter, poke the store clerk in the eye and run away giggling like an 8-year-old on helium. Now you have the dress and the partner, you just need to arrange the wedding!
Location, Location, Location
Choose somewhere to be wed, a traditional church, a registrar office, underwater in the Bahamas or in the back of a speeding Mercedes being chased by police. You can choose any location to get married you like, just point a sawn-off at whoever owns the building and it is your for the day! Isn’t life great?
The Main Man
Any wedding needs a licensed chap (Yes, or lady, you raging feminists) to conduct the service. They don’t have to be a vicar nowadays and marital licenses can be printed off the Internet (fake ones, admittedly). So you will have a few options in the game. You can get a mate to marry you and your non-consenting bride, get a stranger off the street to marry the two of you or kick down a vicar’s front door, tie him up, kidnap him and force him to marry your bride till death do you part. Easy!
Rings
In most wedding ceremonies there is the exchanging of the rings after the vows. However seeing as you have contacts, you can get some “Pukka counterfeit rings” from fat Tony at half the price. When you find out they are simply spray-painted onion rings you can hold up a jewellers and get some genuine 24 carrot gold rings for the ‘big day’.
Transport
A limousine is traditional transport to a wedding but seeing as your bride is going to be somewhat uncooperative a transit van may be a better option. You can get your ‘boys’ to rough up the owner of the local van rental store to get you a 100% discount on a van for the day. Instead of scrawling “Just Wed” on the bonnet you will have a “Return by 5PM” sticker on the bumper and instead of a chauffer you will have a getaway driver ready to speed off if the ‘pigs’ show up.
Honeymoon
No wedding would be complete without a honeymoon and a break in the sun is just what you and your newlywed wife needs. Run into Lunn Poly wielding an AK-47 and you can have a complimentary break to the Mediterranean for a grand total of nothing. However on holiday your wife will get off with the bar man of the hotel, tell them you kidnapped her and get the FBI after you on charges of kidnap and grand theft auto.
Coming soon, Getting Arrested: The Game
The happiest day of a lot of people lives is their wedding day, what would it be like to experience a virtual marriage with a touch of gaming magic? Cool, no doubt. Here are my ideas on making a game based on holy matrimony.
Getting Hitched
First you will need to find a man/woman to get married to. This will be much like Vice City with your character running around a real city looking for a partner. Once you see someone you like the look of, you get a sack and throw it over him or her, and chuck them in the back of a van. You take them to an undisclosed location (i.e. a Fish Finger warehouse) and impose marriage upon them (at knife point, of course). Once they tearfully agree, you are all set to be married, hurrah!
Looking Good
You have to look good for your wedding of course, don’t you? So strut down to the local marital ware store and find a suit you like. You then have some options, you can try walking out of the shop in a tuxedo and claim ‘I was wearing this when I came in!’ or you can take the suit to the counter, poke the store clerk in the eye and run away giggling like an 8-year-old on helium. Now you have the dress and the partner, you just need to arrange the wedding!
Location, Location, Location
Choose somewhere to be wed, a traditional church, a registrar office, underwater in the Bahamas or in the back of a speeding Mercedes being chased by police. You can choose any location to get married you like, just point a sawn-off at whoever owns the building and it is your for the day! Isn’t life great?
The Main Man
Any wedding needs a licensed chap (Yes, or lady, you raging feminists) to conduct the service. They don’t have to be a vicar nowadays and marital licenses can be printed off the Internet (fake ones, admittedly). So you will have a few options in the game. You can get a mate to marry you and your non-consenting bride, get a stranger off the street to marry the two of you or kick down a vicar’s front door, tie him up, kidnap him and force him to marry your bride till death do you part. Easy!
Rings
In most wedding ceremonies there is the exchanging of the rings after the vows. However seeing as you have contacts, you can get some “Pukka counterfeit rings” from fat Tony at half the price. When you find out they are simply spray-painted onion rings you can hold up a jewellers and get some genuine 24 carrot gold rings for the ‘big day’.
Transport
A limousine is traditional transport to a wedding but seeing as your bride is going to be somewhat uncooperative a transit van may be a better option. You can get your ‘boys’ to rough up the owner of the local van rental store to get you a 100% discount on a van for the day. Instead of scrawling “Just Wed” on the bonnet you will have a “Return by 5PM” sticker on the bumper and instead of a chauffer you will have a getaway driver ready to speed off if the ‘pigs’ show up.
Honeymoon
No wedding would be complete without a honeymoon and a break in the sun is just what you and your newlywed wife needs. Run into Lunn Poly wielding an AK-47 and you can have a complimentary break to the Mediterranean for a grand total of nothing. However on holiday your wife will get off with the bar man of the hotel, tell them you kidnapped her and get the FBI after you on charges of kidnap and grand theft auto.
Coming soon, Getting Arrested: The Game
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Marriage. Terrible.
Playing at getting married in a game. Even more terrible.
Playing at getting married in a game. Even more terrible.
pop
Nice post Kyle.
:)
:)
FinalFantasyFanatic wrote:
> People get married in Leeds.
Was that a question or a statement?
> People get married in Leeds.
Was that a question or a statement?
Erm ..... Tokyo?
Dogs can get married though. hee hee hee. They dress them up and everything. ho ho ho. A groom and a bride, ha ha ha.
Also irrelevant.
People get married in Leeds.
That is irrelevant
People get married in Everquest.
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