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I'm writing a story & I want to know what I should do to make it better (apart from finish it)
DESTRUCTIVE FORCES
Prologue: - History of Forces
Chaos was the first. He was created at the same time as the world. His soul purpose was to devour the excess havoc that came from the developing planet. But as the eons passed, there was more havoc than Chaos could handle. Then there was Mayhem, Chaos’s little brother. As the planet stopped changing, and the amount of havoc decreased, Chaos and Mayhem began to create more, thus, making them both stronger.
As life started to emerge, so to did Death, and as the health of living creatures diminished, Disease grew rapidly stronger, and as creatures developed minds and thought Panic and Terror began to take hold of their lives.
When humans began to take control of the planet, Hatred and Rivalry took form, and Misery and Sorrow thrived on the despair of mankind.
For centuries, the Forces of Destruction, hid themselves from humans, only showing themselves to strike fear into the hearts of any ‘adventurers’ that strayed to close to their lair, hidden deep within the Amazonian Rainforest, which is were they still are today.
Chapter 1: Descending darkness
“You cannot plan havoc! It has to be spontaneous or else it is just terrorism.”
Mayhem has heard this sentence many times before.
“But Chaos, you know better than the others that I don’t plan things. Anyway, I’m even more chaotic than you are sometimes!”
Chaos and Mayhem are in a circular cavern known as ‘the hall’. The ceiling of the hall reaches high up into the beckoning darkness. There are around twenty tunnels spreading out from the hall. These lead to ‘rooms’ each with a different purpose, for example, air training, water training, planning, etc. The only sources of light are sunlight seeping in through the entrance and strange phosphorous plants growing on the walls. This lair had been dug out of a mountain several centuries before by Mayhem.
“Yes, but you do not think of the consequences of your actions. A decade ago you devoured almost an entire party of explorers. Did you not realise that they would send expeditions into the jungle to look for what killed those men? You were lucky that Misery was nearby to finish off the remaining explorers before they could tell anyone of your existence! The humans know nothing of us but still we must be careful, you know as well as I do that the prophecy is true.” Mayhem has heard the prophecy before, not originally from Chaos but the very jungle that surrounds them.
“When man doth know of thy existence they shall come for thee,
The forces and the Spirits, this shall be the company.
The earth will quake, the sea will swell, then fire will scorch the sky,
With this new weapon and no control, Man will surly die.
This shall be thy fate unless Forces and Spirits unite,
Then all men save one will surly see the light.”
“I know, we cannot, let that happen. But we don’t even know where the Spirits are.” Admits Mayhem.
“I have sent Hatred and Misery to fetch me an ancient tablet from the ruins. I myself have been in there many times before. The ancient writing was difficult to decipher but after about five years I could read it perfectly. One stone tablet had on it two words that instantly made me think about the prophecy, Forces and Spirits. Hopefully this will tell us the location of the Spirits.” Explains Chaos.
“How long ago did you send them?”
“About, seven months ago… It’s a very large jungle” Adds Chaos, seeing the startled look on Mayhem’s face. “They should be back in an day or two.”
Sorrow walks out of a ‘room’ with a blue water droplet shaped carving above the entrance, the Water Training room.
“Sorrow, how long have you been training for?” Asks Chaos.
“About six days, Why?” Replies Sorrow with a very quizzical look on her face.
“I need to talk to you privately. Will you go ahead to the Planning room? I will be there in a minute.”
As Sorrow walks into the Planning room, Chaos turns back to Mayhem. “Mayhem, go and get the others and tell them to meet me in the planning room.”
“Ok” Mayhem gets up off of the tree stump that has been dragged into the lair as a chair and walks into the ‘room’ closest to him, the Darkness Training room. Chaos looks at the floor, closes his eyes and sighs deeply, before slowly opening his eyes and turning towards the Planning room.
Chapter 2: Whispers in the jungle
“Hatred, hurry up! I want to know what the tablet says.”
Although Misery is the fastest, she is not strong enough to lift a 13-ft slab of rock. This is why Hatred, who is the only one strong enough, was sent with Misery to the Ruins of Guthara to retrieve the tablet.
“I’m coming!” Hatred’s voice is muffled through a thick blanket of vines and branches.
This part of the Jungle has been untouched by human kind for several thousand years, it was last inhabited by an ancient tribe who worshiped the Forces because they feared them. That tribe died out about 15’000 years ago.
The trees that grow here are larger than any in the entire rainforest, this is because that tribe found a way of producing super fertile soil and never chopped down any trees. They survived only on the fruits of these trees, which can grow to be two feet tall and weigh 13 pounds. The animals in this part of the forest are also wilder than any others because the tribe stayed as far away from them as they could, believing that these animals were sacred. They have evolved separately from their counterparts elsewhere in the jungle because they had to survive in the area inhabited by the Forces.
DESTRUCTIVE FORCES
Prologue: - History of Forces
Chaos was the first. He was created at the same time as the world. His soul purpose was to devour the excess havoc that came from the developing planet. But as the eons passed, there was more havoc than Chaos could handle. Then there was Mayhem, Chaos’s little brother. As the planet stopped changing, and the amount of havoc decreased, Chaos and Mayhem began to create more, thus, making them both stronger.
As life started to emerge, so to did Death, and as the health of living creatures diminished, Disease grew rapidly stronger, and as creatures developed minds and thought Panic and Terror began to take hold of their lives.
When humans began to take control of the planet, Hatred and Rivalry took form, and Misery and Sorrow thrived on the despair of mankind.
For centuries, the Forces of Destruction, hid themselves from humans, only showing themselves to strike fear into the hearts of any ‘adventurers’ that strayed to close to their lair, hidden deep within the Amazonian Rainforest, which is were they still are today.
Chapter 1: Descending darkness
“You cannot plan havoc! It has to be spontaneous or else it is just terrorism.”
Mayhem has heard this sentence many times before.
“But Chaos, you know better than the others that I don’t plan things. Anyway, I’m even more chaotic than you are sometimes!”
Chaos and Mayhem are in a circular cavern known as ‘the hall’. The ceiling of the hall reaches high up into the beckoning darkness. There are around twenty tunnels spreading out from the hall. These lead to ‘rooms’ each with a different purpose, for example, air training, water training, planning, etc. The only sources of light are sunlight seeping in through the entrance and strange phosphorous plants growing on the walls. This lair had been dug out of a mountain several centuries before by Mayhem.
“Yes, but you do not think of the consequences of your actions. A decade ago you devoured almost an entire party of explorers. Did you not realise that they would send expeditions into the jungle to look for what killed those men? You were lucky that Misery was nearby to finish off the remaining explorers before they could tell anyone of your existence! The humans know nothing of us but still we must be careful, you know as well as I do that the prophecy is true.” Mayhem has heard the prophecy before, not originally from Chaos but the very jungle that surrounds them.
“When man doth know of thy existence they shall come for thee,
The forces and the Spirits, this shall be the company.
The earth will quake, the sea will swell, then fire will scorch the sky,
With this new weapon and no control, Man will surly die.
This shall be thy fate unless Forces and Spirits unite,
Then all men save one will surly see the light.”
“I know, we cannot, let that happen. But we don’t even know where the Spirits are.” Admits Mayhem.
“I have sent Hatred and Misery to fetch me an ancient tablet from the ruins. I myself have been in there many times before. The ancient writing was difficult to decipher but after about five years I could read it perfectly. One stone tablet had on it two words that instantly made me think about the prophecy, Forces and Spirits. Hopefully this will tell us the location of the Spirits.” Explains Chaos.
“How long ago did you send them?”
“About, seven months ago… It’s a very large jungle” Adds Chaos, seeing the startled look on Mayhem’s face. “They should be back in an day or two.”
Sorrow walks out of a ‘room’ with a blue water droplet shaped carving above the entrance, the Water Training room.
“Sorrow, how long have you been training for?” Asks Chaos.
“About six days, Why?” Replies Sorrow with a very quizzical look on her face.
“I need to talk to you privately. Will you go ahead to the Planning room? I will be there in a minute.”
As Sorrow walks into the Planning room, Chaos turns back to Mayhem. “Mayhem, go and get the others and tell them to meet me in the planning room.”
“Ok” Mayhem gets up off of the tree stump that has been dragged into the lair as a chair and walks into the ‘room’ closest to him, the Darkness Training room. Chaos looks at the floor, closes his eyes and sighs deeply, before slowly opening his eyes and turning towards the Planning room.
Chapter 2: Whispers in the jungle
“Hatred, hurry up! I want to know what the tablet says.”
Although Misery is the fastest, she is not strong enough to lift a 13-ft slab of rock. This is why Hatred, who is the only one strong enough, was sent with Misery to the Ruins of Guthara to retrieve the tablet.
“I’m coming!” Hatred’s voice is muffled through a thick blanket of vines and branches.
This part of the Jungle has been untouched by human kind for several thousand years, it was last inhabited by an ancient tribe who worshiped the Forces because they feared them. That tribe died out about 15’000 years ago.
The trees that grow here are larger than any in the entire rainforest, this is because that tribe found a way of producing super fertile soil and never chopped down any trees. They survived only on the fruits of these trees, which can grow to be two feet tall and weigh 13 pounds. The animals in this part of the forest are also wilder than any others because the tribe stayed as far away from them as they could, believing that these animals were sacred. They have evolved separately from their counterparts elsewhere in the jungle because they had to survive in the area inhabited by the Forces.
Right, you need to make Passion and Aromatherapy do acrobatics with Rage and Inner Child. Damn your characters have wierd names.
I love you.
Star Fury wrote:
> 1. Get rid of the usual fantasy cliches.
> 2. Get rid of the umpteen wrongly capitalised words
> 3. Change the character's dialogue, for saying they're the bad guys
> they're talking to each other like the natioal politeness
> championships.
They aren't the real bad guys, the Government is!
> 1. Get rid of the usual fantasy cliches.
> 2. Get rid of the umpteen wrongly capitalised words
> 3. Change the character's dialogue, for saying they're the bad guys
> they're talking to each other like the natioal politeness
> championships.
They aren't the real bad guys, the Government is!
See my I need an orphan thread for purposes of amusement
1. Get rid of the usual fantasy cliches.
2. Get rid of the umpteen wrongly capitalised words
3. Change the character's dialogue, for saying they're the bad guys they're talking to each other like the natioal politeness championships.
2. Get rid of the umpteen wrongly capitalised words
3. Change the character's dialogue, for saying they're the bad guys they're talking to each other like the natioal politeness championships.
ok.....
Include more naked ladies.
I'm really sorry if it's too long but I'm desperate
I'm writing a story & I want to know what I should do to make it better (apart from finish it)
DESTRUCTIVE FORCES
Prologue: - History of Forces
Chaos was the first. He was created at the same time as the world. His soul purpose was to devour the excess havoc that came from the developing planet. But as the eons passed, there was more havoc than Chaos could handle. Then there was Mayhem, Chaos’s little brother. As the planet stopped changing, and the amount of havoc decreased, Chaos and Mayhem began to create more, thus, making them both stronger.
As life started to emerge, so to did Death, and as the health of living creatures diminished, Disease grew rapidly stronger, and as creatures developed minds and thought Panic and Terror began to take hold of their lives.
When humans began to take control of the planet, Hatred and Rivalry took form, and Misery and Sorrow thrived on the despair of mankind.
For centuries, the Forces of Destruction, hid themselves from humans, only showing themselves to strike fear into the hearts of any ‘adventurers’ that strayed to close to their lair, hidden deep within the Amazonian Rainforest, which is were they still are today.
Chapter 1: Descending darkness
“You cannot plan havoc! It has to be spontaneous or else it is just terrorism.”
Mayhem has heard this sentence many times before.
“But Chaos, you know better than the others that I don’t plan things. Anyway, I’m even more chaotic than you are sometimes!”
Chaos and Mayhem are in a circular cavern known as ‘the hall’. The ceiling of the hall reaches high up into the beckoning darkness. There are around twenty tunnels spreading out from the hall. These lead to ‘rooms’ each with a different purpose, for example, air training, water training, planning, etc. The only sources of light are sunlight seeping in through the entrance and strange phosphorous plants growing on the walls. This lair had been dug out of a mountain several centuries before by Mayhem.
“Yes, but you do not think of the consequences of your actions. A decade ago you devoured almost an entire party of explorers. Did you not realise that they would send expeditions into the jungle to look for what killed those men? You were lucky that Misery was nearby to finish off the remaining explorers before they could tell anyone of your existence! The humans know nothing of us but still we must be careful, you know as well as I do that the prophecy is true.” Mayhem has heard the prophecy before, not originally from Chaos but the very jungle that surrounds them.
“When man doth know of thy existence they shall come for thee,
The forces and the Spirits, this shall be the company.
The earth will quake, the sea will swell, then fire will scorch the sky,
With this new weapon and no control, Man will surly die.
This shall be thy fate unless Forces and Spirits unite,
Then all men save one will surly see the light.”
“I know, we cannot, let that happen. But we don’t even know where the Spirits are.” Admits Mayhem.
“I have sent Hatred and Misery to fetch me an ancient tablet from the ruins. I myself have been in there many times before. The ancient writing was difficult to decipher but after about five years I could read it perfectly. One stone tablet had on it two words that instantly made me think about the prophecy, Forces and Spirits. Hopefully this will tell us the location of the Spirits.” Explains Chaos.
“How long ago did you send them?”
“About, seven months ago… It’s a very large jungle” Adds Chaos, seeing the startled look on Mayhem’s face. “They should be back in an day or two.”
Sorrow walks out of a ‘room’ with a blue water droplet shaped carving above the entrance, the Water Training room.
“Sorrow, how long have you been training for?” Asks Chaos.
“About six days, Why?” Replies Sorrow with a very quizzical look on her face.
“I need to talk to you privately. Will you go ahead to the Planning room? I will be there in a minute.”
As Sorrow walks into the Planning room, Chaos turns back to Mayhem. “Mayhem, go and get the others and tell them to meet me in the planning room.”
“Ok” Mayhem gets up off of the tree stump that has been dragged into the lair as a chair and walks into the ‘room’ closest to him, the Darkness Training room. Chaos looks at the floor, closes his eyes and sighs deeply, before slowly opening his eyes and turning towards the Planning room.
Chapter 2: Whispers in the jungle
“Hatred, hurry up! I want to know what the tablet says.”
Although Misery is the fastest, she is not strong enough to lift a 13-ft slab of rock. This is why Hatred, who is the only one strong enough, was sent with Misery to the Ruins of Guthara to retrieve the tablet.
“I’m coming!” Hatred’s voice is muffled through a thick blanket of vines and branches.
This part of the Jungle has been untouched by human kind for several thousand years, it was last inhabited by an ancient tribe who worshiped the Forces because they feared them. That tribe died out about 15’000 years ago.
The trees that grow here are larger than any in the entire rainforest, this is because that tribe found a way of producing super fertile soil and never chopped down any trees. They survived only on the fruits of these trees, which can grow to be two feet tall and weigh 13 pounds. The animals in this part of the forest are also wilder than any others because the tribe stayed as far away from them as they could, believing that these animals were sacred. They have evolved separately from their counterparts elsewhere in the jungle because they had to survive in the area inhabited by the Forces.
DESTRUCTIVE FORCES
Prologue: - History of Forces
Chaos was the first. He was created at the same time as the world. His soul purpose was to devour the excess havoc that came from the developing planet. But as the eons passed, there was more havoc than Chaos could handle. Then there was Mayhem, Chaos’s little brother. As the planet stopped changing, and the amount of havoc decreased, Chaos and Mayhem began to create more, thus, making them both stronger.
As life started to emerge, so to did Death, and as the health of living creatures diminished, Disease grew rapidly stronger, and as creatures developed minds and thought Panic and Terror began to take hold of their lives.
When humans began to take control of the planet, Hatred and Rivalry took form, and Misery and Sorrow thrived on the despair of mankind.
For centuries, the Forces of Destruction, hid themselves from humans, only showing themselves to strike fear into the hearts of any ‘adventurers’ that strayed to close to their lair, hidden deep within the Amazonian Rainforest, which is were they still are today.
Chapter 1: Descending darkness
“You cannot plan havoc! It has to be spontaneous or else it is just terrorism.”
Mayhem has heard this sentence many times before.
“But Chaos, you know better than the others that I don’t plan things. Anyway, I’m even more chaotic than you are sometimes!”
Chaos and Mayhem are in a circular cavern known as ‘the hall’. The ceiling of the hall reaches high up into the beckoning darkness. There are around twenty tunnels spreading out from the hall. These lead to ‘rooms’ each with a different purpose, for example, air training, water training, planning, etc. The only sources of light are sunlight seeping in through the entrance and strange phosphorous plants growing on the walls. This lair had been dug out of a mountain several centuries before by Mayhem.
“Yes, but you do not think of the consequences of your actions. A decade ago you devoured almost an entire party of explorers. Did you not realise that they would send expeditions into the jungle to look for what killed those men? You were lucky that Misery was nearby to finish off the remaining explorers before they could tell anyone of your existence! The humans know nothing of us but still we must be careful, you know as well as I do that the prophecy is true.” Mayhem has heard the prophecy before, not originally from Chaos but the very jungle that surrounds them.
“When man doth know of thy existence they shall come for thee,
The forces and the Spirits, this shall be the company.
The earth will quake, the sea will swell, then fire will scorch the sky,
With this new weapon and no control, Man will surly die.
This shall be thy fate unless Forces and Spirits unite,
Then all men save one will surly see the light.”
“I know, we cannot, let that happen. But we don’t even know where the Spirits are.” Admits Mayhem.
“I have sent Hatred and Misery to fetch me an ancient tablet from the ruins. I myself have been in there many times before. The ancient writing was difficult to decipher but after about five years I could read it perfectly. One stone tablet had on it two words that instantly made me think about the prophecy, Forces and Spirits. Hopefully this will tell us the location of the Spirits.” Explains Chaos.
“How long ago did you send them?”
“About, seven months ago… It’s a very large jungle” Adds Chaos, seeing the startled look on Mayhem’s face. “They should be back in an day or two.”
Sorrow walks out of a ‘room’ with a blue water droplet shaped carving above the entrance, the Water Training room.
“Sorrow, how long have you been training for?” Asks Chaos.
“About six days, Why?” Replies Sorrow with a very quizzical look on her face.
“I need to talk to you privately. Will you go ahead to the Planning room? I will be there in a minute.”
As Sorrow walks into the Planning room, Chaos turns back to Mayhem. “Mayhem, go and get the others and tell them to meet me in the planning room.”
“Ok” Mayhem gets up off of the tree stump that has been dragged into the lair as a chair and walks into the ‘room’ closest to him, the Darkness Training room. Chaos looks at the floor, closes his eyes and sighs deeply, before slowly opening his eyes and turning towards the Planning room.
Chapter 2: Whispers in the jungle
“Hatred, hurry up! I want to know what the tablet says.”
Although Misery is the fastest, she is not strong enough to lift a 13-ft slab of rock. This is why Hatred, who is the only one strong enough, was sent with Misery to the Ruins of Guthara to retrieve the tablet.
“I’m coming!” Hatred’s voice is muffled through a thick blanket of vines and branches.
This part of the Jungle has been untouched by human kind for several thousand years, it was last inhabited by an ancient tribe who worshiped the Forces because they feared them. That tribe died out about 15’000 years ago.
The trees that grow here are larger than any in the entire rainforest, this is because that tribe found a way of producing super fertile soil and never chopped down any trees. They survived only on the fruits of these trees, which can grow to be two feet tall and weigh 13 pounds. The animals in this part of the forest are also wilder than any others because the tribe stayed as far away from them as they could, believing that these animals were sacred. They have evolved separately from their counterparts elsewhere in the jungle because they had to survive in the area inhabited by the Forces.