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NEWSCASTER:…thank you for that update Sharon. Now over to our reporter who is…* pushes earpiece deeper into his ear*…currently in the heart of the capitol.
REPORTER: As I stand here and dig out the last piece of wax from my earhole I can’t help but realise this is a situation like no other. A situation which seems to have become so disturbing that I can’t sleep at night, and this time it’s not because of the sex. I fear for myself, I fear for those around me, the so called ‘Nintys’ who feel as though they have been betrayed in this fierce battle. The battle which is becoming the Hog of the gaming world, the Pig of the industry and the Cow of our bloody hearts.
NEWSCASTER: Er….how does the Nation feel about this?
REPORTER: Sitting here for my entire career, waiting for something to happen whilst eating my rashions, I have become some kind of sick homosexual as I watch this story unfold into the beast that it is. Earlier today I was told by a Tramp that I could share his Chicken. I refused and told him “I’m a NEWS REPORTER!” and he understood every word I said, he felt the fear just as I do in this little known situation I like to call WAR!
NEWSCASTER: And has there been any official word of the events which are uncovering?
REPORTER: I saw what seemed to be a freak crying in the road, I crawled to him and gave him all I had left which is very little in the situation I have been put into. But it is my job and I shall do all I can to stop the evil. It was only this morning I saw a crazy Man about 6ft tall, he carried a receipt along with something they call a bag. I asked the man what was in the bag and he told me to “Get lost”. Is that a way to treat someone who understands him in every way? NO! NO IT’S NOT GODDAMN YOU! I told him straight, I said “You try living in these conditions you hag!” and with that I tore open his bag to find a highly destructive device.
NEWSCASTER: Was it of any nuclear substance?
REPORTER: It was something he called ‘Nintendo GameCube’ and he wasn’t lying to me. It was indeed a Cube of some kind but what was in it I am not sure. When I asked if it was explosives he said “What?”. It was clear this man had dynamite and I’m not talking no Ms Dynamite either, this Man wanted justice. It was clear this was indeed WAR.
NEWSCASTER: How is the story developing? Any updates?
REPORTER: A small girl, no older then five years old, called me a Teletubbie so I slapped her, and hard.
NEWSCASTER: What do the country’s officials have to say about this?
REPORTER: Late last night I disguised myself as a Moth, the hunter of the night, and sneaked into the war zone itself. There, inside the place they call hell, stood approximately twenty Cubes or explosives in this case. They were retailing for £99 with a free ‘game’. What kind of sick game was this? You do not play with War! I carefully turned on a display Cube and it had a game inside it, I wanted to find out the truth. I started playing some kind of sick game called ‘Super Smash Bros Melee’. It involved me jumping around like an idiot trying to hurt a girl. What kind of world are we living in today?!?
NEWSCASTER: *recieves orders from the boss* Where are you?
REPORTER: IN SOME KIND OF SICK WAR!
NEWSCASTER: No really, where?
REPORTER: HELL!
NEWSCASTER: Tell me or this is your last day as a News reporter!
REPORTER: Oxford Street.
NEWSCASTER: I thought you were suppose to be in Iraq?!?
REPORTER: No, Dixons.
REPORTER: As I stand here and dig out the last piece of wax from my earhole I can’t help but realise this is a situation like no other. A situation which seems to have become so disturbing that I can’t sleep at night, and this time it’s not because of the sex. I fear for myself, I fear for those around me, the so called ‘Nintys’ who feel as though they have been betrayed in this fierce battle. The battle which is becoming the Hog of the gaming world, the Pig of the industry and the Cow of our bloody hearts.
NEWSCASTER: Er….how does the Nation feel about this?
REPORTER: Sitting here for my entire career, waiting for something to happen whilst eating my rashions, I have become some kind of sick homosexual as I watch this story unfold into the beast that it is. Earlier today I was told by a Tramp that I could share his Chicken. I refused and told him “I’m a NEWS REPORTER!” and he understood every word I said, he felt the fear just as I do in this little known situation I like to call WAR!
NEWSCASTER: And has there been any official word of the events which are uncovering?
REPORTER: I saw what seemed to be a freak crying in the road, I crawled to him and gave him all I had left which is very little in the situation I have been put into. But it is my job and I shall do all I can to stop the evil. It was only this morning I saw a crazy Man about 6ft tall, he carried a receipt along with something they call a bag. I asked the man what was in the bag and he told me to “Get lost”. Is that a way to treat someone who understands him in every way? NO! NO IT’S NOT GODDAMN YOU! I told him straight, I said “You try living in these conditions you hag!” and with that I tore open his bag to find a highly destructive device.
NEWSCASTER: Was it of any nuclear substance?
REPORTER: It was something he called ‘Nintendo GameCube’ and he wasn’t lying to me. It was indeed a Cube of some kind but what was in it I am not sure. When I asked if it was explosives he said “What?”. It was clear this man had dynamite and I’m not talking no Ms Dynamite either, this Man wanted justice. It was clear this was indeed WAR.
NEWSCASTER: How is the story developing? Any updates?
REPORTER: A small girl, no older then five years old, called me a Teletubbie so I slapped her, and hard.
NEWSCASTER: What do the country’s officials have to say about this?
REPORTER: Late last night I disguised myself as a Moth, the hunter of the night, and sneaked into the war zone itself. There, inside the place they call hell, stood approximately twenty Cubes or explosives in this case. They were retailing for £99 with a free ‘game’. What kind of sick game was this? You do not play with War! I carefully turned on a display Cube and it had a game inside it, I wanted to find out the truth. I started playing some kind of sick game called ‘Super Smash Bros Melee’. It involved me jumping around like an idiot trying to hurt a girl. What kind of world are we living in today?!?
NEWSCASTER: *recieves orders from the boss* Where are you?
REPORTER: IN SOME KIND OF SICK WAR!
NEWSCASTER: No really, where?
REPORTER: HELL!
NEWSCASTER: Tell me or this is your last day as a News reporter!
REPORTER: Oxford Street.
NEWSCASTER: I thought you were suppose to be in Iraq?!?
REPORTER: No, Dixons.
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good post monkey but you shouldn't slap children hard, it hurts your hand :D
I thought it started very well, but ended kind of suddenly. Just my opinion though. Well worth reading.
If only I could transform into a moth at will...
Yes, I'm living two minutes in the past in this room.
*changes time on PC*
I've caught up with you now.
*changes time on PC*
I've caught up with you now.
Tut tyut, television is getting worse, it's 2 minutes late!
Damn bloody initiative!
I missed loads of stuff I should of put in, but thats what happens when you just write something while it's in mind grrrrrrrrr.
This post gave me a migrane, damn colons. The best bit was the cool "Silent Hill 3" banner that shone down on me and I read it.
Excellent post dude. Really enjoyed that, even though slapping a five year old is pretty harsh.
Oh, she called you a Teletubbie...that's alright then.
:D
Oh, she called you a Teletubbie...that's alright then.
:D
Cutting edge material no -10
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