The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Holy poop, I’ve just remembered how I spent £3 on Chocolate bars today at the school tuck shop for no apparent reason. “I’m going home” I thought to myself and “Oh well, it’s the end of the week and isn’t even my money anyway” and so I spent it. Just kept pointing and saying “That one” over and over. The guy thought I was a crazed nutter, but I reassured him by handing over the money. Damn dirty Chocolate bar selling teeth rotting tuck shop guy, now I have to eat them all after discovering them or they’ll go melty.
So instead of just stuffing them down with no meaning while trying not to be sick I thought I’d come here and review them as I eat. It could be quite interesting to see how my tastebuds get overloaded near the end and can’t take anymore but then again the whole subject of ‘Chocolate bars’ could be an interesting one. But what I’m going to do here is see which one rules above all other Chocolate bars, which one is the KING!
So first up out of the bag is (I’ll dig out at random)
DIME
mmmmmm as I chew I can taste the Toffee and it’s crunchy and mmmmmm it’s good. It’s made by…*turns over bar*…Kraft…whoever the hell they are. But I don’t care, it’s T-A-S-T-Y but maybe a bit too crunchy for my teeth which are very weak and seem to chip at any given moment. It’s too small aswell, I want more goddammit!
9/10 Crowns
WONKER XPLODER
Ok, supposedly this is ‘Wonkalicious’ which sounds a bit rude if you ask me. It also says it’s ‘Tongue Crackling Chocolate’ so let’s test it. *Opens wrapper* URGH! It’s got Rice Krispies in it and tastes like cheap Easter egg! Ok it’s crackling and I can open my mouth and it gets louder. Actually, the crackling is annoying me now SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Who made this crap? NESTLE! Rice Krispies in a Chocolate bar don’t go you idiots! SHUT UP! As I bite it’s like my teeth are cracking individually, not what I want from a chocolate bar.
2/10 Crowns (1 for being food and another for being totally stupid)
MILKY BAR CHUNKY
This isn’t Chunky, when were Milky Bars ever chunky? Milky Bars are for little kids who think milk chocolate is bad for them, mostly snob children. Oh damn, it’s Nestle again but this is quite pleasing and different even though I still hear the crackling from the previous Nestle product. SHUT UP! Actually, there’s nothing special to this bar it’s just plain Milk Chocolate and I’m getting bored of chewing the same boring thing. Needs a bit of spice to it, something that’ll make it less boring *takes sip of drink*. SHUT UP! Bloody crackling…damn you Nestle for infecting my mouth with the ‘Wonkalicious’ chocolate and damn you for making an alright tasting Milky Bar into a boring Chunky piece of crap.
5/10 Crowns
*burps* Three down and my chews are getting slower. I’ll put some chewing kind of music on to aid me.
SNOWFLAKE
This is Cadbury’s so I’m expecting it to be good. It’s basically a Flake with white stuff inside which means I’ll be getting two tastes instead of one (take note Mr. Nestle). Woah! this bar is thicker then I thought but it makes a lot of mess, crumbly stuff is everywhere. The middle stuff is nice even though I’m trying to think what Shampoo it tastes like. I can’t really describe the flavour it gives off, it’s kind of new and well worth a try. You can’t taste the Cadbury’s in it either. You know, that classic Dairy Milk taste, it’s gone. But I like it even though it’s a bit girly. Chocolate bars are suppose to be manly things.
7/10 Crowns (points knocked off for the mess it caused)
I feel like giving up. But NO! I AM A MAN! The cracklings shut up now, I think it read what I was typing. That Chocolate bar can go to hell just like Nestle, unless they make it up to me by giving me decent chocolate.
DAIRY MILK
Damn, this can’t be good. Two Cadbury chocolates in a row will make me puke, I can feel it. But I’ll chew on. Dairy Milk is actually really nice when you haven’t had five other bars before it. Buy one of those big bars though and you won’t get through it all. Like the Milky Bar this will get boring very quickly, but it’s a classic. Really nice melty, but this ones kinda hard. Weird because all the other ones are meltyish.
8/10 Crowns (It’s just too plain for full marks)
CRUNCHIE
ARGHHHH! Another Cadbury’s but this ones a bit different. You get a Honeycomb centre which doesn’t taste all that great to me. I really hate it when that bit is hard, like now, and it gets all stuck in my teeth. It’s really sickening too, especially after all I’ve eaten. Can’t…eat….anymore…*throws it in bin* Sorry…
5/10 Crowns (It would be alright but I can’t eat it right now and its stuck in my teeth)
KIT-KAT CHUNKY
How many more?!? This one is just too big for me to eat, it looks twice the size when you have eaten too much. And it’s Nestle again, who’s chocolate SUCKS! I’ll eat half…the wafer isn’t very nice nor is the chocolate and this isn’t turning me on one bit. I’ll give it a miss *throws it in bin* I’m feeling less manly by the minute.
4/10 Crowns
BOOST (CHARGED WITH GLUCOSE)
Is Glucose the stuff that makes you able to eat more? What makes them point this out so much? It’s just on the wrapped screaming at me. Anyway, I like this Chocolate bar it’s got biscuit stuff then toffee (and lots of it) then lovely Chocolate on the outside. I know this is my favourite but not right now so I’ll give it 10 anyway. Don’t eat the ones in green wrappers though, they are rubbish and have even more ‘glucose’ which is a load of crap.
10/10 Crowns
CRÈME EGG
Holy Mother, this thing is gorgeous even when your full up. It’s got gorgeous Dairy Milk Chocolate and then some soft white/orange egg like stuff in the centre. I don’t know what it is but it is one of the best things you’ll ever taste. The great thing about this is that you can eat it in many different ways. I bite off the top and lick out the middle, but that’s me being normal. I would use my finger and scoop it out and stuff it up my nose but that would just be too un-normal. It’s very small which is a bad thing, it should be big like Easter egg size and be full up with the Egg stuff which is probably eating away at my heart.
10/10 Crowns
YORKIE
This is the last one, FINALLY! I’m sweating here and feeling drowsy and dizzy and what a crap one to finish on. So crap, I’ll take one bite. There, now it’s in the bin as it’s horrible Nestle rubbish and its nothing but that. Thick Nestle Chocolate which supposedly isn’t for girls. Well it’s not for Men either because it has no taste you morons. This is like Milky Bar and Dairy Milk but without any flavour. It’s rubbish.
0/10 Crowns
So yes that’s the end and I just done all that to give myself something to do whilst eating stuff I have to get rid of. Excuse me if it was a load of crap but I can’t see the screen anymore my stomach is nearly dead. After this I’m going toilet.
Anyway, the winners are:
Boost & Creme Egg – THE KINGS (gay lover Kings so they share the crown)
Dime – THE QUEEN (who feels a bit left out sometimes with them two around)
Yorkie – JOKER
Cadbury’s – Best Choco maker.
Nestle – Losers.
Kraft – The underrated mid-european company (probably).
Bye.
So instead of just stuffing them down with no meaning while trying not to be sick I thought I’d come here and review them as I eat. It could be quite interesting to see how my tastebuds get overloaded near the end and can’t take anymore but then again the whole subject of ‘Chocolate bars’ could be an interesting one. But what I’m going to do here is see which one rules above all other Chocolate bars, which one is the KING!
So first up out of the bag is (I’ll dig out at random)
DIME
mmmmmm as I chew I can taste the Toffee and it’s crunchy and mmmmmm it’s good. It’s made by…*turns over bar*…Kraft…whoever the hell they are. But I don’t care, it’s T-A-S-T-Y but maybe a bit too crunchy for my teeth which are very weak and seem to chip at any given moment. It’s too small aswell, I want more goddammit!
9/10 Crowns
WONKER XPLODER
Ok, supposedly this is ‘Wonkalicious’ which sounds a bit rude if you ask me. It also says it’s ‘Tongue Crackling Chocolate’ so let’s test it. *Opens wrapper* URGH! It’s got Rice Krispies in it and tastes like cheap Easter egg! Ok it’s crackling and I can open my mouth and it gets louder. Actually, the crackling is annoying me now SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Who made this crap? NESTLE! Rice Krispies in a Chocolate bar don’t go you idiots! SHUT UP! As I bite it’s like my teeth are cracking individually, not what I want from a chocolate bar.
2/10 Crowns (1 for being food and another for being totally stupid)
MILKY BAR CHUNKY
This isn’t Chunky, when were Milky Bars ever chunky? Milky Bars are for little kids who think milk chocolate is bad for them, mostly snob children. Oh damn, it’s Nestle again but this is quite pleasing and different even though I still hear the crackling from the previous Nestle product. SHUT UP! Actually, there’s nothing special to this bar it’s just plain Milk Chocolate and I’m getting bored of chewing the same boring thing. Needs a bit of spice to it, something that’ll make it less boring *takes sip of drink*. SHUT UP! Bloody crackling…damn you Nestle for infecting my mouth with the ‘Wonkalicious’ chocolate and damn you for making an alright tasting Milky Bar into a boring Chunky piece of crap.
5/10 Crowns
*burps* Three down and my chews are getting slower. I’ll put some chewing kind of music on to aid me.
SNOWFLAKE
This is Cadbury’s so I’m expecting it to be good. It’s basically a Flake with white stuff inside which means I’ll be getting two tastes instead of one (take note Mr. Nestle). Woah! this bar is thicker then I thought but it makes a lot of mess, crumbly stuff is everywhere. The middle stuff is nice even though I’m trying to think what Shampoo it tastes like. I can’t really describe the flavour it gives off, it’s kind of new and well worth a try. You can’t taste the Cadbury’s in it either. You know, that classic Dairy Milk taste, it’s gone. But I like it even though it’s a bit girly. Chocolate bars are suppose to be manly things.
7/10 Crowns (points knocked off for the mess it caused)
I feel like giving up. But NO! I AM A MAN! The cracklings shut up now, I think it read what I was typing. That Chocolate bar can go to hell just like Nestle, unless they make it up to me by giving me decent chocolate.
DAIRY MILK
Damn, this can’t be good. Two Cadbury chocolates in a row will make me puke, I can feel it. But I’ll chew on. Dairy Milk is actually really nice when you haven’t had five other bars before it. Buy one of those big bars though and you won’t get through it all. Like the Milky Bar this will get boring very quickly, but it’s a classic. Really nice melty, but this ones kinda hard. Weird because all the other ones are meltyish.
8/10 Crowns (It’s just too plain for full marks)
CRUNCHIE
ARGHHHH! Another Cadbury’s but this ones a bit different. You get a Honeycomb centre which doesn’t taste all that great to me. I really hate it when that bit is hard, like now, and it gets all stuck in my teeth. It’s really sickening too, especially after all I’ve eaten. Can’t…eat….anymore…*throws it in bin* Sorry…
5/10 Crowns (It would be alright but I can’t eat it right now and its stuck in my teeth)
KIT-KAT CHUNKY
How many more?!? This one is just too big for me to eat, it looks twice the size when you have eaten too much. And it’s Nestle again, who’s chocolate SUCKS! I’ll eat half…the wafer isn’t very nice nor is the chocolate and this isn’t turning me on one bit. I’ll give it a miss *throws it in bin* I’m feeling less manly by the minute.
4/10 Crowns
BOOST (CHARGED WITH GLUCOSE)
Is Glucose the stuff that makes you able to eat more? What makes them point this out so much? It’s just on the wrapped screaming at me. Anyway, I like this Chocolate bar it’s got biscuit stuff then toffee (and lots of it) then lovely Chocolate on the outside. I know this is my favourite but not right now so I’ll give it 10 anyway. Don’t eat the ones in green wrappers though, they are rubbish and have even more ‘glucose’ which is a load of crap.
10/10 Crowns
CRÈME EGG
Holy Mother, this thing is gorgeous even when your full up. It’s got gorgeous Dairy Milk Chocolate and then some soft white/orange egg like stuff in the centre. I don’t know what it is but it is one of the best things you’ll ever taste. The great thing about this is that you can eat it in many different ways. I bite off the top and lick out the middle, but that’s me being normal. I would use my finger and scoop it out and stuff it up my nose but that would just be too un-normal. It’s very small which is a bad thing, it should be big like Easter egg size and be full up with the Egg stuff which is probably eating away at my heart.
10/10 Crowns
YORKIE
This is the last one, FINALLY! I’m sweating here and feeling drowsy and dizzy and what a crap one to finish on. So crap, I’ll take one bite. There, now it’s in the bin as it’s horrible Nestle rubbish and its nothing but that. Thick Nestle Chocolate which supposedly isn’t for girls. Well it’s not for Men either because it has no taste you morons. This is like Milky Bar and Dairy Milk but without any flavour. It’s rubbish.
0/10 Crowns
So yes that’s the end and I just done all that to give myself something to do whilst eating stuff I have to get rid of. Excuse me if it was a load of crap but I can’t see the screen anymore my stomach is nearly dead. After this I’m going toilet.
Anyway, the winners are:
Boost & Creme Egg – THE KINGS (gay lover Kings so they share the crown)
Dime – THE QUEEN (who feels a bit left out sometimes with them two around)
Yorkie – JOKER
Cadbury’s – Best Choco maker.
Nestle – Losers.
Kraft – The underrated mid-european company (probably).
Bye.
Page:
Kinder Egg:
1. Short and sweet
2. Good things come in small packages
3. The best things in life are Kinder Eggs
They should actually put the toy in the burger at McDonalds, that would be so funny......i think.
1. Short and sweet
2. Good things come in small packages
3. The best things in life are Kinder Eggs
They should actually put the toy in the burger at McDonalds, that would be so funny......i think.
mikelar wrote:
> Anyway, everyone knows a Kinder Egg is the Hulk Hogan of chocolate.
Apart form the fact that it hardly has any actual chocolate on it.
The toy is cool though, it's like a happy meal but better.
> Anyway, everyone knows a Kinder Egg is the Hulk Hogan of chocolate.
Apart form the fact that it hardly has any actual chocolate on it.
The toy is cool though, it's like a happy meal but better.
I don't eat chocolate all that much - I'm sure it gives you spots y'know.
Anyway, everyone knows a Kinder Egg is the Hulk Hogan of chocolate.
Anyway, everyone knows a Kinder Egg is the Hulk Hogan of chocolate.
Damn you! My mouth is watering and we don't have any chocolate in the house!
Kraft is a swedish company and dime is a swedish chocolate.
Sweden rule at making sweets.
They have this company called Godis Kungen
It means King of Sweeties
they have these huge pic'n'mix type of things
Its really cheap as well
NARLEY
Sweden rule at making sweets.
They have this company called Godis Kungen
It means King of Sweeties
they have these huge pic'n'mix type of things
Its really cheap as well
NARLEY
My little sister eats Yorkies all the time, they always seem to be the bar my Dad always buys.
Anyway, she doesn't care about the 'It's not for Girls' bit, even though I try and tell her only real Men can eat it. Even though they are disgusting Nestle crap.
Anyway, she doesn't care about the 'It's not for Girls' bit, even though I try and tell her only real Men can eat it. Even though they are disgusting Nestle crap.
Creme Eggs and Cadburys run away with that.
Mystique wrote:
> *Apprently* Yorkie sales have gone down that much because of their
> "not for girls" thing that they've started doing pink
> wrappers to try get girls to buy them again.
> Ha that'll learn em.
well it was stupied having a slogan that says "not for girls" after all girls love chocolate but I still like them and why did kit kat chunkys get such a low score? they are one of my favs and cream eggs are a rip off they cost the same as other bars but are small.
> *Apprently* Yorkie sales have gone down that much because of their
> "not for girls" thing that they've started doing pink
> wrappers to try get girls to buy them again.
> Ha that'll learn em.
well it was stupied having a slogan that says "not for girls" after all girls love chocolate but I still like them and why did kit kat chunkys get such a low score? they are one of my favs and cream eggs are a rip off they cost the same as other bars but are small.
Woulda thought the not for girls things would have reeled in laddish boars AND overopinionated feminists proving Nestle wrong.
*Apprently* Yorkie sales have gone down that much because of their "not for girls" thing that they've started doing pink wrappers to try get girls to buy them again.
Ha that'll learn em.
Ha that'll learn em.
Page: