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OF LUCKY DIPS & MOUSE TRAPS
Life is like an elaborate Lucky Dip:
-there are those who find the fruit,
-there are those who find the gold,
-there are those who find something of little worth,
-there are those who rummage around and find nothing,
-there are those who find the booby prize,
-and then there are those who find the Mouse Trap. OUCH!
And with videogames it is very similar.
Tis true.
You can read, analyze and digest every word of every game review under the sun, but until you slip the software into the hardware - you never really know what you are going to get; you never really know if you are going love it, hate it, or just feel nothing in particular.
And so much can go wrong.
~With a Racer the vehicles might handle like tractors trudging through glue, or like steamrollers on ice.
The approaching landscape might pop-up like a ugly jack-in-a-box.
~With Action/Adventures the camera might whirl around in an erratic manner causing disorientation and bouts of nausea; or perhaps the combat system will be as fluffy and as uncontrollable as a feather on the wind.
~With First Person Shooters the enemies might die like relatives of Roy Of The Rovers.
~And with Football games, the passing might be as accurate as a cluster bomb, and the artificial intelligence of the goalkeepers might be plagued with a fatal dose of Barthezism.
But when a game works: when all the pieces of the jigsaw fit snugly together, and the graphics, gameplay and sound merge to create something special - oh what a joy it is, and what a relief.
No need to sprint back to the games store to argue and explain the reasons for a quick refund or exchange.
You can just sit back as happy as Hugh Hefner with a bottle of Viagra and indulge in the eye-candy unfolding before your eyes.
For the true gamer: to be LOST within a the wonders of outstanding graphics & gameplay is to be FOUND.
Yea, tis true.
Delving your eager hand into the videogame Lucky Dip, who knows what you will find.
With careful rummaging, you will mostly grasp the gold, but it is not uncommon to end up with a game that leaves you feeling indifferent.
But beware, the Mouse Trap is out there: the utter videogame stinker.
We have all had our fingers snapped by cold steel at some time or other.
Forty hard-earned Pounds thrown away on a product that should have never seen the light of day.
All I can say is: DON'T GET STUNG - but experience tells me that it is inevitable that you will.
Brothers & Sisters,
Boys & Girls,
Console Zealots & PC Nerds,
May your path of videogame purchasing be laden with the sweet blossoms of contentment.
May your hand be guided only to the games that will serve to inspire, uplift and satisfy.
May you experience the joys of graphical & gameplay exploration to your heart's content.
And may you never misplace your game receipt, for if you do and your purchase turns out to be the gaming equivalent of treading in dog vomit, then you will be totally stuffed.
Thus Spoke Zarathustra.
Life is like an elaborate Lucky Dip:
-there are those who find the fruit,
-there are those who find the gold,
-there are those who find something of little worth,
-there are those who rummage around and find nothing,
-there are those who find the booby prize,
-and then there are those who find the Mouse Trap. OUCH!
And with videogames it is very similar.
Tis true.
You can read, analyze and digest every word of every game review under the sun, but until you slip the software into the hardware - you never really know what you are going to get; you never really know if you are going love it, hate it, or just feel nothing in particular.
And so much can go wrong.
~With a Racer the vehicles might handle like tractors trudging through glue, or like steamrollers on ice.
The approaching landscape might pop-up like a ugly jack-in-a-box.
~With Action/Adventures the camera might whirl around in an erratic manner causing disorientation and bouts of nausea; or perhaps the combat system will be as fluffy and as uncontrollable as a feather on the wind.
~With First Person Shooters the enemies might die like relatives of Roy Of The Rovers.
~And with Football games, the passing might be as accurate as a cluster bomb, and the artificial intelligence of the goalkeepers might be plagued with a fatal dose of Barthezism.
But when a game works: when all the pieces of the jigsaw fit snugly together, and the graphics, gameplay and sound merge to create something special - oh what a joy it is, and what a relief.
No need to sprint back to the games store to argue and explain the reasons for a quick refund or exchange.
You can just sit back as happy as Hugh Hefner with a bottle of Viagra and indulge in the eye-candy unfolding before your eyes.
For the true gamer: to be LOST within a the wonders of outstanding graphics & gameplay is to be FOUND.
Yea, tis true.
Delving your eager hand into the videogame Lucky Dip, who knows what you will find.
With careful rummaging, you will mostly grasp the gold, but it is not uncommon to end up with a game that leaves you feeling indifferent.
But beware, the Mouse Trap is out there: the utter videogame stinker.
We have all had our fingers snapped by cold steel at some time or other.
Forty hard-earned Pounds thrown away on a product that should have never seen the light of day.
All I can say is: DON'T GET STUNG - but experience tells me that it is inevitable that you will.
Brothers & Sisters,
Boys & Girls,
Console Zealots & PC Nerds,
May your path of videogame purchasing be laden with the sweet blossoms of contentment.
May your hand be guided only to the games that will serve to inspire, uplift and satisfy.
May you experience the joys of graphical & gameplay exploration to your heart's content.
And may you never misplace your game receipt, for if you do and your purchase turns out to be the gaming equivalent of treading in dog vomit, then you will be totally stuffed.
Thus Spoke Zarathustra.
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OF LUCKY DIPS & MOUSE TRAPS
Life is like an elaborate Lucky Dip:
-there are those who find the fruit,
-there are those who find the gold,
-there are those who find something of little worth,
-there are those who rummage around and find nothing,
-there are those who find the booby prize,
-and then there are those who find the Mouse Trap. OUCH!
And with videogames it is very similar.
Tis true.
You can read, analyze and digest every word of every game review under the sun, but until you slip the software into the hardware - you never really know what you are going to get; you never really know if you are going love it, hate it, or just feel nothing in particular.
And so much can go wrong.
~With a Racer the vehicles might handle like tractors trudging through glue, or like steamrollers on ice.
The approaching landscape might pop-up like a ugly jack-in-a-box.
~With Action/Adventures the camera might whirl around in an erratic manner causing disorientation and bouts of nausea; or perhaps the combat system will be as fluffy and as uncontrollable as a feather on the wind.
~With First Person Shooters the enemies might die like relatives of Roy Of The Rovers.
~And with Football games, the passing might be as accurate as a cluster bomb, and the artificial intelligence of the goalkeepers might be plagued with a fatal dose of Barthezism.
But when a game works: when all the pieces of the jigsaw fit snugly together, and the graphics, gameplay and sound merge to create something special - oh what a joy it is, and what a relief.
No need to sprint back to the games store to argue and explain the reasons for a quick refund or exchange.
You can just sit back as happy as Hugh Hefner with a bottle of Viagra and indulge in the eye-candy unfolding before your eyes.
For the true gamer: to be LOST within a the wonders of outstanding graphics & gameplay is to be FOUND.
Yea, tis true.
Delving your eager hand into the videogame Lucky Dip, who knows what you will find.
With careful rummaging, you will mostly grasp the gold, but it is not uncommon to end up with a game that leaves you feeling indifferent.
But beware, the Mouse Trap is out there: the utter videogame stinker.
We have all had our fingers snapped by cold steel at some time or other.
Forty hard-earned Pounds thrown away on a product that should have never seen the light of day.
All I can say is: DON'T GET STUNG - but experience tells me that it is inevitable that you will.
Brothers & Sisters,
Boys & Girls,
Console Zealots & PC Nerds,
May your path of videogame purchasing be laden with the sweet blossoms of contentment.
May your hand be guided only to the games that will serve to inspire, uplift and satisfy.
May you experience the joys of graphical & gameplay exploration to your heart's content.
And may you never misplace your game receipt, for if you do and your purchase turns out to be the gaming equivalent of treading in dog vomit, then you will be totally stuffed.
Thus Spoke Zarathustra.
Life is like an elaborate Lucky Dip:
-there are those who find the fruit,
-there are those who find the gold,
-there are those who find something of little worth,
-there are those who rummage around and find nothing,
-there are those who find the booby prize,
-and then there are those who find the Mouse Trap. OUCH!
And with videogames it is very similar.
Tis true.
You can read, analyze and digest every word of every game review under the sun, but until you slip the software into the hardware - you never really know what you are going to get; you never really know if you are going love it, hate it, or just feel nothing in particular.
And so much can go wrong.
~With a Racer the vehicles might handle like tractors trudging through glue, or like steamrollers on ice.
The approaching landscape might pop-up like a ugly jack-in-a-box.
~With Action/Adventures the camera might whirl around in an erratic manner causing disorientation and bouts of nausea; or perhaps the combat system will be as fluffy and as uncontrollable as a feather on the wind.
~With First Person Shooters the enemies might die like relatives of Roy Of The Rovers.
~And with Football games, the passing might be as accurate as a cluster bomb, and the artificial intelligence of the goalkeepers might be plagued with a fatal dose of Barthezism.
But when a game works: when all the pieces of the jigsaw fit snugly together, and the graphics, gameplay and sound merge to create something special - oh what a joy it is, and what a relief.
No need to sprint back to the games store to argue and explain the reasons for a quick refund or exchange.
You can just sit back as happy as Hugh Hefner with a bottle of Viagra and indulge in the eye-candy unfolding before your eyes.
For the true gamer: to be LOST within a the wonders of outstanding graphics & gameplay is to be FOUND.
Yea, tis true.
Delving your eager hand into the videogame Lucky Dip, who knows what you will find.
With careful rummaging, you will mostly grasp the gold, but it is not uncommon to end up with a game that leaves you feeling indifferent.
But beware, the Mouse Trap is out there: the utter videogame stinker.
We have all had our fingers snapped by cold steel at some time or other.
Forty hard-earned Pounds thrown away on a product that should have never seen the light of day.
All I can say is: DON'T GET STUNG - but experience tells me that it is inevitable that you will.
Brothers & Sisters,
Boys & Girls,
Console Zealots & PC Nerds,
May your path of videogame purchasing be laden with the sweet blossoms of contentment.
May your hand be guided only to the games that will serve to inspire, uplift and satisfy.
May you experience the joys of graphical & gameplay exploration to your heart's content.
And may you never misplace your game receipt, for if you do and your purchase turns out to be the gaming equivalent of treading in dog vomit, then you will be totally stuffed.
Thus Spoke Zarathustra.