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Sick of playing games the "normal" way? Well, vomit no more because right here is a list of wacky methods, even you kids can try at home.
The Pad Hull
Instead of merely holding the control pad in the palm of your hand, stick it in your wholesome gob, and try and feel around for the buttons to play the game. Don't worry, electric shocks are not frequent using this method and if you happen to have a very wide throat and manage to swallow the controller, do not panic, the wires will help relocate the pad, which hopefully will still be in tact, that's why the wires were invented (this may not apply to GameCube Wavebird owners). Although the bitter taste of manufactured plastic may seem unpleasant at first, your mates laughing "with" you on the fact that you look like a zombie being teased with a malteser will make things all worthwhile.
Sleep Tight
For anyone sleeping at a mates who likes games, this is for you. Make sure to pretend to fall asleep, after playing late on a console, before your friend actually does. Once they are asleep, they are assuming the cooperative position. Simply lift the console (remove the connections first to avoid waking the victim), lock the sleeping target and ...smash the console on their skull. Judging on how hard you do this (or whether you have an Xbox or Gamecube), the candidate may remain conscious or go unconscious, but I'd be hoping they stayed unconscious for the duration of your stay if I were you, otherwise you may be the one to be knocked unconscious (better them than you).
Memory Card Slot
This is for the Steevo alikes, and obviously not for built-in hard drive Xbox owners(:D). Get a standardised memory card, like the PS2's or GameCube's, or if you're really daring, get an N64 pack. And from then on all this stunt acquires from you is to 'slot' it up your rear end, and keep it there for 10 seconds; it could be a like your party trick if you master it well enough. Don't worry, it doesn't hurt (not that I would know), but hey if they can shove a whole toy car up their yoo-hoos(from the movie), surely a Memory Card isn't much a task. Obviously, constipated and runny candidates should not in any way attempt this during their unwell period, for theirs and the memory cards sake.
Smashing!
For the rich fanboys that earn about the same as the Jackass crew. Buy a console you totally despise, place it preferably on a ground surface and, use it as a bouncy castle. Judge the amount of pressure landed on the console by the amount of hatred you have for the console and things should run rather smoothly. Once you can see the insides of the vile machine, do not hesitate nor panic, instead continue, for this is not enough. The console must be smashed completely for total success and victory of... your lunacy, and of course your hatred for the thing. If you want you can chew on the leads as well and use the games that came with the package for a fry-up - mmmmm.... the sweet taste of data.
DIY - Dog It Yourself
If you have one of these, let them have a go. Guide their soft little paws on the buttons, lift their scruffy chins towards the screen and use their repetitive drool as a lubricant to account for their sharp claws. The effects are amazing. When they bark, it means they're enjoying the game. When they breathe heavily with their tongues out, it means they need some tic-tacs. And when they sigh and droop their eyes, it means they're disappointed because of an unwanted bowel interruption. So really, you're doing this for the dogs and the dogs only. No cats. They're evil! Don't wipe the drool off either, for the sake of the first method (see above).
Stiff Competition
Somehow get authorised permission for a body cast in a hospital, making sure it's put on with you in your normal sitting position. Once you've easily overcome that problem, make your way back home with your fiends in the cast, in a shopping trolley and prepare to play one of your favourite videogames, after obviously being hurled off a few curbs. Only this time, you won't find it so easy. You'll be sweating to bits and frustrated to bits as you eagerly attempt to press just a single button, to stop your character being slashed to death on the screen by horrible litte demon things. Your friends will be laughing, but that just comes with the job. It's fun, plus you get a free lolly from the nurse.
There are my crazy methods, which any of you who have lost some screws can and probably will attempt at home. And yes, I only just saw the movie.
Cheers
The Pad Hull
Instead of merely holding the control pad in the palm of your hand, stick it in your wholesome gob, and try and feel around for the buttons to play the game. Don't worry, electric shocks are not frequent using this method and if you happen to have a very wide throat and manage to swallow the controller, do not panic, the wires will help relocate the pad, which hopefully will still be in tact, that's why the wires were invented (this may not apply to GameCube Wavebird owners). Although the bitter taste of manufactured plastic may seem unpleasant at first, your mates laughing "with" you on the fact that you look like a zombie being teased with a malteser will make things all worthwhile.
Sleep Tight
For anyone sleeping at a mates who likes games, this is for you. Make sure to pretend to fall asleep, after playing late on a console, before your friend actually does. Once they are asleep, they are assuming the cooperative position. Simply lift the console (remove the connections first to avoid waking the victim), lock the sleeping target and ...smash the console on their skull. Judging on how hard you do this (or whether you have an Xbox or Gamecube), the candidate may remain conscious or go unconscious, but I'd be hoping they stayed unconscious for the duration of your stay if I were you, otherwise you may be the one to be knocked unconscious (better them than you).
Memory Card Slot
This is for the Steevo alikes, and obviously not for built-in hard drive Xbox owners(:D). Get a standardised memory card, like the PS2's or GameCube's, or if you're really daring, get an N64 pack. And from then on all this stunt acquires from you is to 'slot' it up your rear end, and keep it there for 10 seconds; it could be a like your party trick if you master it well enough. Don't worry, it doesn't hurt (not that I would know), but hey if they can shove a whole toy car up their yoo-hoos(from the movie), surely a Memory Card isn't much a task. Obviously, constipated and runny candidates should not in any way attempt this during their unwell period, for theirs and the memory cards sake.
Smashing!
For the rich fanboys that earn about the same as the Jackass crew. Buy a console you totally despise, place it preferably on a ground surface and, use it as a bouncy castle. Judge the amount of pressure landed on the console by the amount of hatred you have for the console and things should run rather smoothly. Once you can see the insides of the vile machine, do not hesitate nor panic, instead continue, for this is not enough. The console must be smashed completely for total success and victory of... your lunacy, and of course your hatred for the thing. If you want you can chew on the leads as well and use the games that came with the package for a fry-up - mmmmm.... the sweet taste of data.
DIY - Dog It Yourself
If you have one of these, let them have a go. Guide their soft little paws on the buttons, lift their scruffy chins towards the screen and use their repetitive drool as a lubricant to account for their sharp claws. The effects are amazing. When they bark, it means they're enjoying the game. When they breathe heavily with their tongues out, it means they need some tic-tacs. And when they sigh and droop their eyes, it means they're disappointed because of an unwanted bowel interruption. So really, you're doing this for the dogs and the dogs only. No cats. They're evil! Don't wipe the drool off either, for the sake of the first method (see above).
Stiff Competition
Somehow get authorised permission for a body cast in a hospital, making sure it's put on with you in your normal sitting position. Once you've easily overcome that problem, make your way back home with your fiends in the cast, in a shopping trolley and prepare to play one of your favourite videogames, after obviously being hurled off a few curbs. Only this time, you won't find it so easy. You'll be sweating to bits and frustrated to bits as you eagerly attempt to press just a single button, to stop your character being slashed to death on the screen by horrible litte demon things. Your friends will be laughing, but that just comes with the job. It's fun, plus you get a free lolly from the nurse.
There are my crazy methods, which any of you who have lost some screws can and probably will attempt at home. And yes, I only just saw the movie.
Cheers
Cheers for the positive feedback guys!
:D
:D
Gah, I forgot to comment.
Good post, funny read.
Nice one.
Good post, funny read.
Nice one.
Heh great read.
I liked the smashing of the console round yer mates head one :-D
Nice one.
I liked the smashing of the console round yer mates head one :-D
Nice one.
Wasn't it Bam that shoved his favourite toy car up his *ahem*?
Margera rocks.
He's mad.
But he rocks.
Margera rocks.
He's mad.
But he rocks.
Sick of playing games the "normal" way? Well, vomit no more because right here is a list of wacky methods, even you kids can try at home.
The Pad Hull
Instead of merely holding the control pad in the palm of your hand, stick it in your wholesome gob, and try and feel around for the buttons to play the game. Don't worry, electric shocks are not frequent using this method and if you happen to have a very wide throat and manage to swallow the controller, do not panic, the wires will help relocate the pad, which hopefully will still be in tact, that's why the wires were invented (this may not apply to GameCube Wavebird owners). Although the bitter taste of manufactured plastic may seem unpleasant at first, your mates laughing "with" you on the fact that you look like a zombie being teased with a malteser will make things all worthwhile.
Sleep Tight
For anyone sleeping at a mates who likes games, this is for you. Make sure to pretend to fall asleep, after playing late on a console, before your friend actually does. Once they are asleep, they are assuming the cooperative position. Simply lift the console (remove the connections first to avoid waking the victim), lock the sleeping target and ...smash the console on their skull. Judging on how hard you do this (or whether you have an Xbox or Gamecube), the candidate may remain conscious or go unconscious, but I'd be hoping they stayed unconscious for the duration of your stay if I were you, otherwise you may be the one to be knocked unconscious (better them than you).
Memory Card Slot
This is for the Steevo alikes, and obviously not for built-in hard drive Xbox owners(:D). Get a standardised memory card, like the PS2's or GameCube's, or if you're really daring, get an N64 pack. And from then on all this stunt acquires from you is to 'slot' it up your rear end, and keep it there for 10 seconds; it could be a like your party trick if you master it well enough. Don't worry, it doesn't hurt (not that I would know), but hey if they can shove a whole toy car up their yoo-hoos(from the movie), surely a Memory Card isn't much a task. Obviously, constipated and runny candidates should not in any way attempt this during their unwell period, for theirs and the memory cards sake.
Smashing!
For the rich fanboys that earn about the same as the Jackass crew. Buy a console you totally despise, place it preferably on a ground surface and, use it as a bouncy castle. Judge the amount of pressure landed on the console by the amount of hatred you have for the console and things should run rather smoothly. Once you can see the insides of the vile machine, do not hesitate nor panic, instead continue, for this is not enough. The console must be smashed completely for total success and victory of... your lunacy, and of course your hatred for the thing. If you want you can chew on the leads as well and use the games that came with the package for a fry-up - mmmmm.... the sweet taste of data.
DIY - Dog It Yourself
If you have one of these, let them have a go. Guide their soft little paws on the buttons, lift their scruffy chins towards the screen and use their repetitive drool as a lubricant to account for their sharp claws. The effects are amazing. When they bark, it means they're enjoying the game. When they breathe heavily with their tongues out, it means they need some tic-tacs. And when they sigh and droop their eyes, it means they're disappointed because of an unwanted bowel interruption. So really, you're doing this for the dogs and the dogs only. No cats. They're evil! Don't wipe the drool off either, for the sake of the first method (see above).
Stiff Competition
Somehow get authorised permission for a body cast in a hospital, making sure it's put on with you in your normal sitting position. Once you've easily overcome that problem, make your way back home with your fiends in the cast, in a shopping trolley and prepare to play one of your favourite videogames, after obviously being hurled off a few curbs. Only this time, you won't find it so easy. You'll be sweating to bits and frustrated to bits as you eagerly attempt to press just a single button, to stop your character being slashed to death on the screen by horrible litte demon things. Your friends will be laughing, but that just comes with the job. It's fun, plus you get a free lolly from the nurse.
There are my crazy methods, which any of you who have lost some screws can and probably will attempt at home. And yes, I only just saw the movie.
Cheers
The Pad Hull
Instead of merely holding the control pad in the palm of your hand, stick it in your wholesome gob, and try and feel around for the buttons to play the game. Don't worry, electric shocks are not frequent using this method and if you happen to have a very wide throat and manage to swallow the controller, do not panic, the wires will help relocate the pad, which hopefully will still be in tact, that's why the wires were invented (this may not apply to GameCube Wavebird owners). Although the bitter taste of manufactured plastic may seem unpleasant at first, your mates laughing "with" you on the fact that you look like a zombie being teased with a malteser will make things all worthwhile.
Sleep Tight
For anyone sleeping at a mates who likes games, this is for you. Make sure to pretend to fall asleep, after playing late on a console, before your friend actually does. Once they are asleep, they are assuming the cooperative position. Simply lift the console (remove the connections first to avoid waking the victim), lock the sleeping target and ...smash the console on their skull. Judging on how hard you do this (or whether you have an Xbox or Gamecube), the candidate may remain conscious or go unconscious, but I'd be hoping they stayed unconscious for the duration of your stay if I were you, otherwise you may be the one to be knocked unconscious (better them than you).
Memory Card Slot
This is for the Steevo alikes, and obviously not for built-in hard drive Xbox owners(:D). Get a standardised memory card, like the PS2's or GameCube's, or if you're really daring, get an N64 pack. And from then on all this stunt acquires from you is to 'slot' it up your rear end, and keep it there for 10 seconds; it could be a like your party trick if you master it well enough. Don't worry, it doesn't hurt (not that I would know), but hey if they can shove a whole toy car up their yoo-hoos(from the movie), surely a Memory Card isn't much a task. Obviously, constipated and runny candidates should not in any way attempt this during their unwell period, for theirs and the memory cards sake.
Smashing!
For the rich fanboys that earn about the same as the Jackass crew. Buy a console you totally despise, place it preferably on a ground surface and, use it as a bouncy castle. Judge the amount of pressure landed on the console by the amount of hatred you have for the console and things should run rather smoothly. Once you can see the insides of the vile machine, do not hesitate nor panic, instead continue, for this is not enough. The console must be smashed completely for total success and victory of... your lunacy, and of course your hatred for the thing. If you want you can chew on the leads as well and use the games that came with the package for a fry-up - mmmmm.... the sweet taste of data.
DIY - Dog It Yourself
If you have one of these, let them have a go. Guide their soft little paws on the buttons, lift their scruffy chins towards the screen and use their repetitive drool as a lubricant to account for their sharp claws. The effects are amazing. When they bark, it means they're enjoying the game. When they breathe heavily with their tongues out, it means they need some tic-tacs. And when they sigh and droop their eyes, it means they're disappointed because of an unwanted bowel interruption. So really, you're doing this for the dogs and the dogs only. No cats. They're evil! Don't wipe the drool off either, for the sake of the first method (see above).
Stiff Competition
Somehow get authorised permission for a body cast in a hospital, making sure it's put on with you in your normal sitting position. Once you've easily overcome that problem, make your way back home with your fiends in the cast, in a shopping trolley and prepare to play one of your favourite videogames, after obviously being hurled off a few curbs. Only this time, you won't find it so easy. You'll be sweating to bits and frustrated to bits as you eagerly attempt to press just a single button, to stop your character being slashed to death on the screen by horrible litte demon things. Your friends will be laughing, but that just comes with the job. It's fun, plus you get a free lolly from the nurse.
There are my crazy methods, which any of you who have lost some screws can and probably will attempt at home. And yes, I only just saw the movie.
Cheers