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(Picture a soldier lying in a corner)
Sarge.... SARGE!.........
(Up runs Sarge.)
Higgins! What is it? Whats wrong?
I can't take it no longer! I JUST CAN'T!!
What! Get a hold of yourself! What can't you take?
The criticism sarge... the criticism...
What are they saying?
They don't like the design Sarge, they say it looks like... like...
What Soldier!
Like a sandwich box Sarge.
What?
A sandwich box, and they say the controller looks like a fisher price toy, especially in white...
And?
Well... the criticism Sarge! The criticism!
(Slaps Soldier round the face) Pull yourself together you stupid maggot! Look at my face, LOOK AT MY FACE!
(Tearful soldier stares into Sarges eyes) What sir?
Do you like my face?
What?
DO YOU LIKE MY FACE?
Well, what am I supposed to say Sarge?
(Sighs) You are supposed to say no.
No, then.
My face is ugly, I look like a dogs undercarridge and my teeth are as yellow as its product. BUT. I am the finest Sergeant that you will ever work under, I am Gods greatest fighter.
So..?
It does not matter that I am one ugly mutherf**ker, what matters is we will win this war, and we are the ones to do it because we have courage, strength, and a easy to program console.
But what about Sega sir?
Sega are on our side soldier, they want to see the skullf**kers go down too. We just aren't sure about Microsoft, they want to stay out of the war at the moment.
Do we have a chance Sarge?
Soldier. We have all the chances in the world. We just have to make sure we don't b****r all of them up.
Thanks Sarge.
Now get up.
(Soldier gets up) Permission to be dismissed Sarge.
Hang on, just want to say, Nintendo have got a very large Ace up their sleeves, just found out this minute.
What sarge?
Now is not the time Soldier. Dismissed.
Sarge.
Sarge.... SARGE!.........
(Up runs Sarge.)
Higgins! What is it? Whats wrong?
I can't take it no longer! I JUST CAN'T!!
What! Get a hold of yourself! What can't you take?
The criticism sarge... the criticism...
What are they saying?
They don't like the design Sarge, they say it looks like... like...
What Soldier!
Like a sandwich box Sarge.
What?
A sandwich box, and they say the controller looks like a fisher price toy, especially in white...
And?
Well... the criticism Sarge! The criticism!
(Slaps Soldier round the face) Pull yourself together you stupid maggot! Look at my face, LOOK AT MY FACE!
(Tearful soldier stares into Sarges eyes) What sir?
Do you like my face?
What?
DO YOU LIKE MY FACE?
Well, what am I supposed to say Sarge?
(Sighs) You are supposed to say no.
No, then.
My face is ugly, I look like a dogs undercarridge and my teeth are as yellow as its product. BUT. I am the finest Sergeant that you will ever work under, I am Gods greatest fighter.
So..?
It does not matter that I am one ugly mutherf**ker, what matters is we will win this war, and we are the ones to do it because we have courage, strength, and a easy to program console.
But what about Sega sir?
Sega are on our side soldier, they want to see the skullf**kers go down too. We just aren't sure about Microsoft, they want to stay out of the war at the moment.
Do we have a chance Sarge?
Soldier. We have all the chances in the world. We just have to make sure we don't b****r all of them up.
Thanks Sarge.
Now get up.
(Soldier gets up) Permission to be dismissed Sarge.
Hang on, just want to say, Nintendo have got a very large Ace up their sleeves, just found out this minute.
What sarge?
Now is not the time Soldier. Dismissed.
Sarge.
(Meanwhile, in the secret underground X-shaped bunker...)
Is the Device ready yet?
No Bill, i'm afraid it will take some time yet...
Damnit man, i can't wait that long!
I'm sorry, but this is revolutionary stuff... a PC/Console hybrid is a difficult task, it was hard enough getting the buggers to mate, stupid console kept getting it's controller jammed in the Cd drive.
Yes, but soon... soon, my friends, our ancient foes will be destroyed! We will rule this gaming world, and there will be no opposition... we must complete the device and sneak it into the battle, without anyone suspecting that it is really a CONSOLE BOMB! We will destroy the console market, and everyone will buy PC games! MWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
That's right Bill..... but what of Halo? shall we use it as cover for sneaking into enemy lines, or should we release it on the PC first?
Well this is top secret stuff, and i'm afraid you aren't authorised to know... It would make an excellent selling point for our console though...
But Bill! would you deprive those loyal PC gamers of what may be one of the greatest games of the year?
You make a good point Doctor, but you and everyone else shall have to wait and see what i do! Now get back to work, i want rid of all opposition in 2 years!
Yes Mr Gates sir.
(Great post by the way... who wants to do PS2?)
Is the Device ready yet?
No Bill, i'm afraid it will take some time yet...
Damnit man, i can't wait that long!
I'm sorry, but this is revolutionary stuff... a PC/Console hybrid is a difficult task, it was hard enough getting the buggers to mate, stupid console kept getting it's controller jammed in the Cd drive.
Yes, but soon... soon, my friends, our ancient foes will be destroyed! We will rule this gaming world, and there will be no opposition... we must complete the device and sneak it into the battle, without anyone suspecting that it is really a CONSOLE BOMB! We will destroy the console market, and everyone will buy PC games! MWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
That's right Bill..... but what of Halo? shall we use it as cover for sneaking into enemy lines, or should we release it on the PC first?
Well this is top secret stuff, and i'm afraid you aren't authorised to know... It would make an excellent selling point for our console though...
But Bill! would you deprive those loyal PC gamers of what may be one of the greatest games of the year?
You make a good point Doctor, but you and everyone else shall have to wait and see what i do! Now get back to work, i want rid of all opposition in 2 years!
Yes Mr Gates sir.
(Great post by the way... who wants to do PS2?)
(Picture a soldier lying in a corner)
Sarge.... SARGE!.........
(Up runs Sarge.)
Higgins! What is it? Whats wrong?
I can't take it no longer! I JUST CAN'T!!
What! Get a hold of yourself! What can't you take?
The criticism sarge... the criticism...
What are they saying?
They don't like the design Sarge, they say it looks like... like...
What Soldier!
Like a sandwich box Sarge.
What?
A sandwich box, and they say the controller looks like a fisher price toy, especially in white...
And?
Well... the criticism Sarge! The criticism!
(Slaps Soldier round the face) Pull yourself together you stupid maggot! Look at my face, LOOK AT MY FACE!
(Tearful soldier stares into Sarges eyes) What sir?
Do you like my face?
What?
DO YOU LIKE MY FACE?
Well, what am I supposed to say Sarge?
(Sighs) You are supposed to say no.
No, then.
My face is ugly, I look like a dogs undercarridge and my teeth are as yellow as its product. BUT. I am the finest Sergeant that you will ever work under, I am Gods greatest fighter.
So..?
It does not matter that I am one ugly mutherf**ker, what matters is we will win this war, and we are the ones to do it because we have courage, strength, and a easy to program console.
But what about Sega sir?
Sega are on our side soldier, they want to see the skullf**kers go down too. We just aren't sure about Microsoft, they want to stay out of the war at the moment.
Do we have a chance Sarge?
Soldier. We have all the chances in the world. We just have to make sure we don't b****r all of them up.
Thanks Sarge.
Now get up.
(Soldier gets up) Permission to be dismissed Sarge.
Hang on, just want to say, Nintendo have got a very large Ace up their sleeves, just found out this minute.
What sarge?
Now is not the time Soldier. Dismissed.
Sarge.
Sarge.... SARGE!.........
(Up runs Sarge.)
Higgins! What is it? Whats wrong?
I can't take it no longer! I JUST CAN'T!!
What! Get a hold of yourself! What can't you take?
The criticism sarge... the criticism...
What are they saying?
They don't like the design Sarge, they say it looks like... like...
What Soldier!
Like a sandwich box Sarge.
What?
A sandwich box, and they say the controller looks like a fisher price toy, especially in white...
And?
Well... the criticism Sarge! The criticism!
(Slaps Soldier round the face) Pull yourself together you stupid maggot! Look at my face, LOOK AT MY FACE!
(Tearful soldier stares into Sarges eyes) What sir?
Do you like my face?
What?
DO YOU LIKE MY FACE?
Well, what am I supposed to say Sarge?
(Sighs) You are supposed to say no.
No, then.
My face is ugly, I look like a dogs undercarridge and my teeth are as yellow as its product. BUT. I am the finest Sergeant that you will ever work under, I am Gods greatest fighter.
So..?
It does not matter that I am one ugly mutherf**ker, what matters is we will win this war, and we are the ones to do it because we have courage, strength, and a easy to program console.
But what about Sega sir?
Sega are on our side soldier, they want to see the skullf**kers go down too. We just aren't sure about Microsoft, they want to stay out of the war at the moment.
Do we have a chance Sarge?
Soldier. We have all the chances in the world. We just have to make sure we don't b****r all of them up.
Thanks Sarge.
Now get up.
(Soldier gets up) Permission to be dismissed Sarge.
Hang on, just want to say, Nintendo have got a very large Ace up their sleeves, just found out this minute.
What sarge?
Now is not the time Soldier. Dismissed.
Sarge.