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While I’ve been sat at my desk here in work today, I’ve been racking my brain for a quick way to make a load of cash and retire by this time next year. I’m sure you’ve all done it at some point. Anyway, I went through the usual – bank robber (dangerous), gambler (unpredictable), porn star (dunno if the moneys great) you name it I thought of it.
Once again I conceded to a life of mediocrity, of one decent holiday a year, a nice house to live in with nice furniture and a nice car. How nice. I sat back in my seat and looked to the sky, suddenly it dawned on me – I could become an inventor! YES! All my problems will be solved! Granted – most of the greatest inventors of all time have been ridiculed for their ideas and not lived long enough to reap the benefits, but I would be different!
I remembered back to that episode of the Simpsons, when Homer decided to become an inventor. I was looking for something useful, something that would make peoples lives one hell of a lot easier. My first idea was the Portable Kebab Machine – a must for every student’s home. Imagine coming in after a hard night on Snakebite and Black to a hand cooked kebab. But on further investigation it soon became apparent that although convenient, my market was somewhat limited and there were all kinds of health and safety issues. A quick buck this was not.
Next up was the Dog Watch. Now here’s a handy little gadget for all you pet lovers. Perfect for perceiving time at Fido’s rate instead of your own. Genius! Quite a simple design – a watch that multiplies every second, minute and hour by seven giving us ‘doggy time’. Exactly why people would want to know doggy time I’m not sure, but there must be a market there. Then I realised if many people started wearing the Dog Watch they might get confused and be early/late for everything. Back to the drawing board.
Alarm Fork, Arm Mitten, Foot Hoops, Rain Dome.. you name it, I had some kind of idea for it. But it still wasn’t right. None of the items I came up with covered a mass market, big enough to make me a millionaire. I wanted to have an item in every home, one that people from all walks of life depended on – one that people would say ‘I wish I’d invented that’.
Sitting back in my chair I once again looked to the sky (albeit obstructed by a ceiling) for inspiration. It was looking down upon me all along, how could I have been so stupid?! Lightbulbs have been an essential part of our lives for the best part of a century right? Always there, showing us the way in the dark, lighting up rooms, flashing at Christmas – you can’t knock them. Its safe to say the invention of the lightbulb was a defining moment in history.
In physics, they say ‘for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction’, so I decided to apply this theory to the Lightbulb, thus coming up with……
THE DARKBULB
Just think about the possibilities…. Being able to make light vanish! Imagine if you worked night shifts and slept in the day.. you could come home, switch on the dark bulb and have an undisturbed nights sleep in perfect darkness (curtains do not provide this). Or how about in warfare? Imagine plunging a whole city during daytime, into darkness seconds before attacking them? Wow! Or helping those children that are allergic to sunlight, to actually lead a fairly normal life?
These are just a tip of the iceberg, but I reckon a few years down the line every household would own a Darkbulb. I’ve started drawing up the plans already but I figured as long as I have the basic idea, then physics bods can work on the theories and principles. I can sit back and watch the cash roll in. In darkness.
Once again I conceded to a life of mediocrity, of one decent holiday a year, a nice house to live in with nice furniture and a nice car. How nice. I sat back in my seat and looked to the sky, suddenly it dawned on me – I could become an inventor! YES! All my problems will be solved! Granted – most of the greatest inventors of all time have been ridiculed for their ideas and not lived long enough to reap the benefits, but I would be different!
I remembered back to that episode of the Simpsons, when Homer decided to become an inventor. I was looking for something useful, something that would make peoples lives one hell of a lot easier. My first idea was the Portable Kebab Machine – a must for every student’s home. Imagine coming in after a hard night on Snakebite and Black to a hand cooked kebab. But on further investigation it soon became apparent that although convenient, my market was somewhat limited and there were all kinds of health and safety issues. A quick buck this was not.
Next up was the Dog Watch. Now here’s a handy little gadget for all you pet lovers. Perfect for perceiving time at Fido’s rate instead of your own. Genius! Quite a simple design – a watch that multiplies every second, minute and hour by seven giving us ‘doggy time’. Exactly why people would want to know doggy time I’m not sure, but there must be a market there. Then I realised if many people started wearing the Dog Watch they might get confused and be early/late for everything. Back to the drawing board.
Alarm Fork, Arm Mitten, Foot Hoops, Rain Dome.. you name it, I had some kind of idea for it. But it still wasn’t right. None of the items I came up with covered a mass market, big enough to make me a millionaire. I wanted to have an item in every home, one that people from all walks of life depended on – one that people would say ‘I wish I’d invented that’.
Sitting back in my chair I once again looked to the sky (albeit obstructed by a ceiling) for inspiration. It was looking down upon me all along, how could I have been so stupid?! Lightbulbs have been an essential part of our lives for the best part of a century right? Always there, showing us the way in the dark, lighting up rooms, flashing at Christmas – you can’t knock them. Its safe to say the invention of the lightbulb was a defining moment in history.
In physics, they say ‘for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction’, so I decided to apply this theory to the Lightbulb, thus coming up with……
THE DARKBULB
Just think about the possibilities…. Being able to make light vanish! Imagine if you worked night shifts and slept in the day.. you could come home, switch on the dark bulb and have an undisturbed nights sleep in perfect darkness (curtains do not provide this). Or how about in warfare? Imagine plunging a whole city during daytime, into darkness seconds before attacking them? Wow! Or helping those children that are allergic to sunlight, to actually lead a fairly normal life?
These are just a tip of the iceberg, but I reckon a few years down the line every household would own a Darkbulb. I’ve started drawing up the plans already but I figured as long as I have the basic idea, then physics bods can work on the theories and principles. I can sit back and watch the cash roll in. In darkness.
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Mystique wrote:
> i went with pornstar and i'm retired at 18
loadsa mon-ay!
It looks like I have sadly missed my vocation in life then... ho hum...
> i went with pornstar and i'm retired at 18
loadsa mon-ay!
It looks like I have sadly missed my vocation in life then... ho hum...
pb wrote:
> Quazimodo wrote:
> *sigh*.....I have already invented it, i am here sitting
> at my
> desk typing into the computer whilst looking into my cinema computer
> screen
> (which i also invented)......
Someone's trying to get their word
> count up then...
No not me (trys to think of long posh words)....Splashitanstastic.....ha ha ha......
> Quazimodo wrote:
> *sigh*.....I have already invented it, i am here sitting
> at my
> desk typing into the computer whilst looking into my cinema computer
> screen
> (which i also invented)......
Someone's trying to get their word
> count up then...
No not me (trys to think of long posh words)....Splashitanstastic.....ha ha ha......
Quazimodo wrote:
> *sigh*.....I have already invented it, i am here sitting at my
> desk typing into the computer whilst looking into my cinema computer screen
> (which i also invented)......
Someone's trying to get their word count up then...
> *sigh*.....I have already invented it, i am here sitting at my
> desk typing into the computer whilst looking into my cinema computer screen
> (which i also invented)......
Someone's trying to get their word count up then...
*sigh*.....I have already invented it, i am here sitting at my desk typing into the computer whilst looking into my cinema computer screen (which i also invented)......
Asphalt wrote:
> my fiend is mad about the simpsons.
You have your own personal fiend? I'm jealous!
> my fiend is mad about the simpsons.
You have your own personal fiend? I'm jealous!
Mystique wrote:
> i went with pornstar and i'm retired at 18
loadsa mon-ay!
Obviously didn't have a very good career then, you need to be 18 to become a pornstar.
:P
> i went with pornstar and i'm retired at 18
loadsa mon-ay!
Obviously didn't have a very good career then, you need to be 18 to become a pornstar.
:P
i went with pornstar and i'm retired at 18
loadsa mon-ay!
loadsa mon-ay!
Craw wrote:
>Or how about in warfare? Imagine plunging a whole city >during daytime, into darkness seconds before attacking >them?
You would need a REALLY big darkbulb.
___
Now, the really potential is finding someone you REALLY hate, watch as they are about to walk up/down some stairs, and just as they are about to step, turn on the darkbulb and listen to them fall.
I did this by turning the light off at night when I was away with my school. There was a small step just infront of the door, it was dark outside, and someone was running towards our door. Just as they got to the step, I turned off the light and they went flying.
__
How about making a wind up emergency mobile phone charger. If you need help, and your phone battery is dead, just whip out the charger, plug it in your phone, charge it up and you can call for help. PURE GENIUS, I should be the inventor.
>Or how about in warfare? Imagine plunging a whole city >during daytime, into darkness seconds before attacking >them?
You would need a REALLY big darkbulb.
___
Now, the really potential is finding someone you REALLY hate, watch as they are about to walk up/down some stairs, and just as they are about to step, turn on the darkbulb and listen to them fall.
I did this by turning the light off at night when I was away with my school. There was a small step just infront of the door, it was dark outside, and someone was running towards our door. Just as they got to the step, I turned off the light and they went flying.
__
How about making a wind up emergency mobile phone charger. If you need help, and your phone battery is dead, just whip out the charger, plug it in your phone, charge it up and you can call for help. PURE GENIUS, I should be the inventor.
Didn't they have those keyrings that beeped if you clapped your hands? Hmmm....
You'd be better off working on a TV remote control that you can phone up to make it ring, that way you would never loose.
I haven't been able to find my damn remote for the last month, if I could just ring it up like I do my mobile when I loose it, then the problem would be solved.
I haven't been able to find my damn remote for the last month, if I could just ring it up like I do my mobile when I loose it, then the problem would be solved.
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