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So, Gameboy Advance SP is launched tomorrow – brilliant! However, as it plays the same old games as your regular GBA does you may be lost for something new and exciting to do with it. Never fear, through an arduous and extensive range of tests Gonzo Tech. have developed a handy list of suggestions to keep SP purchasers as happy as some bloke named Larry.
1. Feel smug! Grab your SP tomorrow and walk around town laughing into yourself at the fools who don’t have a teeny games console in their pocket. Losers.
2. Lost for something to do with your old, original Gameboy? See if you can fit a GBA SP into the battery compartment. Breathe in!
3. Sick of being bothered by dull people in the street? “Friends” bothering you when you want to get down to some gaming? The GBA SP owner is smart – as the dullard approaches, quick as a flash whip out your SP and pretend you have an important business call that just can’t wait. Add colour to the act by shouting things like “No! You’re fired!”, “Downsize it again moron” or “Sexual Harassment? I always put my crotch there”.
4. Don’t you hate it when you get hungry in the middle of the day but that tasty Craft Cheese slice has become squished in your pocket? First thing in the morning snap one closed safe inside your clam shell SP and sit comfortable in the knowledge your cheesy snack will be fresh as a button right into the afternoon.
5. How many times have you been at war in the middle of the desert without something to signal your comrades with? Use your shiny, shiny GBA SP screen to reflect the sun and catch your follow soldier’s attention. Then open and close the shell to make a sophisticated Morse code message. Watch out Saddam!
6. But wait, you can send messages at night too! Use your spangly new front lit screen to cut through the darkness and get that vital message across. You’re a real spy now.
7. I love Spanish parties, but I can never find castanets – bloody British retailers! When will you learn to listen to your customers? Grab a pair of SPs and you’re off to a console clacking fiesta.
8. Make larger handhelds feel self-conscious by placing your skinny SP next to them. Maybe you could even get a selection of handhelds are recreate the iconic Identity Parade scene from The Usual Suspects.
9. Aggghhhh! Mother’s Day is just around the corner and you’ve forgot to buy your dearest Mumsie a card – disaster! Who’ll wash your socks now? Fortunately, the SP makes a handy template – now you just need to find some stiff paper. I suggest the back of a cereal box for that homemade feel.
10. Fun guessing game: which is heavier, a GBA SP or a pregnant hamster?
11. Sick of Knock and Run? Neighbours bored of you asking if you can get your ball out of their garden? Try this exciting combination – stick your SP through someone’s letterbox and then ring their bell and ask for it back. See how many times you can do this before the angry neighbour refuses.
12. I love Star Trek as much as the next guy, but in dressing up games can you ever find a good communicator? GBA SP to the rescue! AGAIN!!!
13. I’m sick of waiting for a hard drive to make use of that Expansion Bay at the back of my PS2. Slip the cover off and slide your SP in. Whoa! It’s like Nintendo and Sony are working together!
14. Remember, your SP is shiny. If you ever say something stupid quickly dazzle your conversational partner and then run off into the sunset laughing heartily. That was close!
15. Sometimes you’ve got a hankering to play Brucie’s ‘Higher or Lower’ card game, but no cards are handy. Gather yourself a small selection of mini-disk players and an SP – can your friends guess whether the next is bigger or smaller?
16. Whatever! Socks in your boxers are sooooooo, like, 90’s. Girls will swoon over the attractively angular, square, 3x3 inch package the SP affords to the creative stud-muffin.
17. No one likes long journeys; even I Spy gets boring sooner or later. Clever old Nintendo have been hard at work with a killer new title as innovative as it is brilliant. How many phrases can you think of with the initials GBASP? Game Bonanza Around Sunny Pool. Best bit: no purchase necessary! Got Bananas Again Silly Parisian?
18. Help one handed people clap louder by adding the satisfying clunk of the SP to their sorry flapping.
19. Girls love cute. Find some animals and place them around an SPs – get a camera and, whoa, the animals are playing computer games! Knee deep in woman for months, easy.
20. Old people’s brains need to be kept active to halt the onset of brain dilapidating diseases. Why not find one and ask them to guess what the futuristic little bundle is. The answers will be hilarious!
21. Funny practical joke: slip your SP into the pocket of a pair of jeans on the washing line. Hahaha! When your mum comes to do the ironing she will think she’s shrunk your Gamecube in the wash and not know what to do!
22. Everyone loves boobs. Put on a smart suit and call at a promising looking house. When the door opens, quickly confuse the victim by shaking their hand and bidding them a good morning. Tell them you are the Breast Inspector and confidently flash your SP. The fools will think it’s a badge and be flashing you! Grab a camera and sell the pictures on the internet.
*runs off to register www.breastinspectordiaries.com before someone else does*
1. Feel smug! Grab your SP tomorrow and walk around town laughing into yourself at the fools who don’t have a teeny games console in their pocket. Losers.
2. Lost for something to do with your old, original Gameboy? See if you can fit a GBA SP into the battery compartment. Breathe in!
3. Sick of being bothered by dull people in the street? “Friends” bothering you when you want to get down to some gaming? The GBA SP owner is smart – as the dullard approaches, quick as a flash whip out your SP and pretend you have an important business call that just can’t wait. Add colour to the act by shouting things like “No! You’re fired!”, “Downsize it again moron” or “Sexual Harassment? I always put my crotch there”.
4. Don’t you hate it when you get hungry in the middle of the day but that tasty Craft Cheese slice has become squished in your pocket? First thing in the morning snap one closed safe inside your clam shell SP and sit comfortable in the knowledge your cheesy snack will be fresh as a button right into the afternoon.
5. How many times have you been at war in the middle of the desert without something to signal your comrades with? Use your shiny, shiny GBA SP screen to reflect the sun and catch your follow soldier’s attention. Then open and close the shell to make a sophisticated Morse code message. Watch out Saddam!
6. But wait, you can send messages at night too! Use your spangly new front lit screen to cut through the darkness and get that vital message across. You’re a real spy now.
7. I love Spanish parties, but I can never find castanets – bloody British retailers! When will you learn to listen to your customers? Grab a pair of SPs and you’re off to a console clacking fiesta.
8. Make larger handhelds feel self-conscious by placing your skinny SP next to them. Maybe you could even get a selection of handhelds are recreate the iconic Identity Parade scene from The Usual Suspects.
9. Aggghhhh! Mother’s Day is just around the corner and you’ve forgot to buy your dearest Mumsie a card – disaster! Who’ll wash your socks now? Fortunately, the SP makes a handy template – now you just need to find some stiff paper. I suggest the back of a cereal box for that homemade feel.
10. Fun guessing game: which is heavier, a GBA SP or a pregnant hamster?
11. Sick of Knock and Run? Neighbours bored of you asking if you can get your ball out of their garden? Try this exciting combination – stick your SP through someone’s letterbox and then ring their bell and ask for it back. See how many times you can do this before the angry neighbour refuses.
12. I love Star Trek as much as the next guy, but in dressing up games can you ever find a good communicator? GBA SP to the rescue! AGAIN!!!
13. I’m sick of waiting for a hard drive to make use of that Expansion Bay at the back of my PS2. Slip the cover off and slide your SP in. Whoa! It’s like Nintendo and Sony are working together!
14. Remember, your SP is shiny. If you ever say something stupid quickly dazzle your conversational partner and then run off into the sunset laughing heartily. That was close!
15. Sometimes you’ve got a hankering to play Brucie’s ‘Higher or Lower’ card game, but no cards are handy. Gather yourself a small selection of mini-disk players and an SP – can your friends guess whether the next is bigger or smaller?
16. Whatever! Socks in your boxers are sooooooo, like, 90’s. Girls will swoon over the attractively angular, square, 3x3 inch package the SP affords to the creative stud-muffin.
17. No one likes long journeys; even I Spy gets boring sooner or later. Clever old Nintendo have been hard at work with a killer new title as innovative as it is brilliant. How many phrases can you think of with the initials GBASP? Game Bonanza Around Sunny Pool. Best bit: no purchase necessary! Got Bananas Again Silly Parisian?
18. Help one handed people clap louder by adding the satisfying clunk of the SP to their sorry flapping.
19. Girls love cute. Find some animals and place them around an SPs – get a camera and, whoa, the animals are playing computer games! Knee deep in woman for months, easy.
20. Old people’s brains need to be kept active to halt the onset of brain dilapidating diseases. Why not find one and ask them to guess what the futuristic little bundle is. The answers will be hilarious!
21. Funny practical joke: slip your SP into the pocket of a pair of jeans on the washing line. Hahaha! When your mum comes to do the ironing she will think she’s shrunk your Gamecube in the wash and not know what to do!
22. Everyone loves boobs. Put on a smart suit and call at a promising looking house. When the door opens, quickly confuse the victim by shaking their hand and bidding them a good morning. Tell them you are the Breast Inspector and confidently flash your SP. The fools will think it’s a badge and be flashing you! Grab a camera and sell the pictures on the internet.
*runs off to register www.breastinspectordiaries.com before someone else does*
Pah, wrote it yesterday on my lappy while watching that Fat Chicks thing on C4. By the time the show was over and I got round to posting some git had changed the day, making me look like a fool.
Released tomorrow? Cool! I got mine a day early!
Yay!
Yay!
> 7. I love Spanish parties, but I can never find castanets – bloody
> British retailers! When will you learn to listen to your customers?
> Grab a pair of SPs and you’re off to a console clacking fiesta.
Classic.
> British retailers! When will you learn to listen to your customers?
> Grab a pair of SPs and you’re off to a console clacking fiesta.
Classic.
So, Gameboy Advance SP is launched tomorrow – brilliant! However, as it plays the same old games as your regular GBA does you may be lost for something new and exciting to do with it. Never fear, through an arduous and extensive range of tests Gonzo Tech. have developed a handy list of suggestions to keep SP purchasers as happy as some bloke named Larry.
1. Feel smug! Grab your SP tomorrow and walk around town laughing into yourself at the fools who don’t have a teeny games console in their pocket. Losers.
2. Lost for something to do with your old, original Gameboy? See if you can fit a GBA SP into the battery compartment. Breathe in!
3. Sick of being bothered by dull people in the street? “Friends” bothering you when you want to get down to some gaming? The GBA SP owner is smart – as the dullard approaches, quick as a flash whip out your SP and pretend you have an important business call that just can’t wait. Add colour to the act by shouting things like “No! You’re fired!”, “Downsize it again moron” or “Sexual Harassment? I always put my crotch there”.
4. Don’t you hate it when you get hungry in the middle of the day but that tasty Craft Cheese slice has become squished in your pocket? First thing in the morning snap one closed safe inside your clam shell SP and sit comfortable in the knowledge your cheesy snack will be fresh as a button right into the afternoon.
5. How many times have you been at war in the middle of the desert without something to signal your comrades with? Use your shiny, shiny GBA SP screen to reflect the sun and catch your follow soldier’s attention. Then open and close the shell to make a sophisticated Morse code message. Watch out Saddam!
6. But wait, you can send messages at night too! Use your spangly new front lit screen to cut through the darkness and get that vital message across. You’re a real spy now.
7. I love Spanish parties, but I can never find castanets – bloody British retailers! When will you learn to listen to your customers? Grab a pair of SPs and you’re off to a console clacking fiesta.
8. Make larger handhelds feel self-conscious by placing your skinny SP next to them. Maybe you could even get a selection of handhelds are recreate the iconic Identity Parade scene from The Usual Suspects.
9. Aggghhhh! Mother’s Day is just around the corner and you’ve forgot to buy your dearest Mumsie a card – disaster! Who’ll wash your socks now? Fortunately, the SP makes a handy template – now you just need to find some stiff paper. I suggest the back of a cereal box for that homemade feel.
10. Fun guessing game: which is heavier, a GBA SP or a pregnant hamster?
11. Sick of Knock and Run? Neighbours bored of you asking if you can get your ball out of their garden? Try this exciting combination – stick your SP through someone’s letterbox and then ring their bell and ask for it back. See how many times you can do this before the angry neighbour refuses.
12. I love Star Trek as much as the next guy, but in dressing up games can you ever find a good communicator? GBA SP to the rescue! AGAIN!!!
13. I’m sick of waiting for a hard drive to make use of that Expansion Bay at the back of my PS2. Slip the cover off and slide your SP in. Whoa! It’s like Nintendo and Sony are working together!
14. Remember, your SP is shiny. If you ever say something stupid quickly dazzle your conversational partner and then run off into the sunset laughing heartily. That was close!
15. Sometimes you’ve got a hankering to play Brucie’s ‘Higher or Lower’ card game, but no cards are handy. Gather yourself a small selection of mini-disk players and an SP – can your friends guess whether the next is bigger or smaller?
16. Whatever! Socks in your boxers are sooooooo, like, 90’s. Girls will swoon over the attractively angular, square, 3x3 inch package the SP affords to the creative stud-muffin.
17. No one likes long journeys; even I Spy gets boring sooner or later. Clever old Nintendo have been hard at work with a killer new title as innovative as it is brilliant. How many phrases can you think of with the initials GBASP? Game Bonanza Around Sunny Pool. Best bit: no purchase necessary! Got Bananas Again Silly Parisian?
18. Help one handed people clap louder by adding the satisfying clunk of the SP to their sorry flapping.
19. Girls love cute. Find some animals and place them around an SPs – get a camera and, whoa, the animals are playing computer games! Knee deep in woman for months, easy.
20. Old people’s brains need to be kept active to halt the onset of brain dilapidating diseases. Why not find one and ask them to guess what the futuristic little bundle is. The answers will be hilarious!
21. Funny practical joke: slip your SP into the pocket of a pair of jeans on the washing line. Hahaha! When your mum comes to do the ironing she will think she’s shrunk your Gamecube in the wash and not know what to do!
22. Everyone loves boobs. Put on a smart suit and call at a promising looking house. When the door opens, quickly confuse the victim by shaking their hand and bidding them a good morning. Tell them you are the Breast Inspector and confidently flash your SP. The fools will think it’s a badge and be flashing you! Grab a camera and sell the pictures on the internet.
*runs off to register www.breastinspectordiaries.com before someone else does*
1. Feel smug! Grab your SP tomorrow and walk around town laughing into yourself at the fools who don’t have a teeny games console in their pocket. Losers.
2. Lost for something to do with your old, original Gameboy? See if you can fit a GBA SP into the battery compartment. Breathe in!
3. Sick of being bothered by dull people in the street? “Friends” bothering you when you want to get down to some gaming? The GBA SP owner is smart – as the dullard approaches, quick as a flash whip out your SP and pretend you have an important business call that just can’t wait. Add colour to the act by shouting things like “No! You’re fired!”, “Downsize it again moron” or “Sexual Harassment? I always put my crotch there”.
4. Don’t you hate it when you get hungry in the middle of the day but that tasty Craft Cheese slice has become squished in your pocket? First thing in the morning snap one closed safe inside your clam shell SP and sit comfortable in the knowledge your cheesy snack will be fresh as a button right into the afternoon.
5. How many times have you been at war in the middle of the desert without something to signal your comrades with? Use your shiny, shiny GBA SP screen to reflect the sun and catch your follow soldier’s attention. Then open and close the shell to make a sophisticated Morse code message. Watch out Saddam!
6. But wait, you can send messages at night too! Use your spangly new front lit screen to cut through the darkness and get that vital message across. You’re a real spy now.
7. I love Spanish parties, but I can never find castanets – bloody British retailers! When will you learn to listen to your customers? Grab a pair of SPs and you’re off to a console clacking fiesta.
8. Make larger handhelds feel self-conscious by placing your skinny SP next to them. Maybe you could even get a selection of handhelds are recreate the iconic Identity Parade scene from The Usual Suspects.
9. Aggghhhh! Mother’s Day is just around the corner and you’ve forgot to buy your dearest Mumsie a card – disaster! Who’ll wash your socks now? Fortunately, the SP makes a handy template – now you just need to find some stiff paper. I suggest the back of a cereal box for that homemade feel.
10. Fun guessing game: which is heavier, a GBA SP or a pregnant hamster?
11. Sick of Knock and Run? Neighbours bored of you asking if you can get your ball out of their garden? Try this exciting combination – stick your SP through someone’s letterbox and then ring their bell and ask for it back. See how many times you can do this before the angry neighbour refuses.
12. I love Star Trek as much as the next guy, but in dressing up games can you ever find a good communicator? GBA SP to the rescue! AGAIN!!!
13. I’m sick of waiting for a hard drive to make use of that Expansion Bay at the back of my PS2. Slip the cover off and slide your SP in. Whoa! It’s like Nintendo and Sony are working together!
14. Remember, your SP is shiny. If you ever say something stupid quickly dazzle your conversational partner and then run off into the sunset laughing heartily. That was close!
15. Sometimes you’ve got a hankering to play Brucie’s ‘Higher or Lower’ card game, but no cards are handy. Gather yourself a small selection of mini-disk players and an SP – can your friends guess whether the next is bigger or smaller?
16. Whatever! Socks in your boxers are sooooooo, like, 90’s. Girls will swoon over the attractively angular, square, 3x3 inch package the SP affords to the creative stud-muffin.
17. No one likes long journeys; even I Spy gets boring sooner or later. Clever old Nintendo have been hard at work with a killer new title as innovative as it is brilliant. How many phrases can you think of with the initials GBASP? Game Bonanza Around Sunny Pool. Best bit: no purchase necessary! Got Bananas Again Silly Parisian?
18. Help one handed people clap louder by adding the satisfying clunk of the SP to their sorry flapping.
19. Girls love cute. Find some animals and place them around an SPs – get a camera and, whoa, the animals are playing computer games! Knee deep in woman for months, easy.
20. Old people’s brains need to be kept active to halt the onset of brain dilapidating diseases. Why not find one and ask them to guess what the futuristic little bundle is. The answers will be hilarious!
21. Funny practical joke: slip your SP into the pocket of a pair of jeans on the washing line. Hahaha! When your mum comes to do the ironing she will think she’s shrunk your Gamecube in the wash and not know what to do!
22. Everyone loves boobs. Put on a smart suit and call at a promising looking house. When the door opens, quickly confuse the victim by shaking their hand and bidding them a good morning. Tell them you are the Breast Inspector and confidently flash your SP. The fools will think it’s a badge and be flashing you! Grab a camera and sell the pictures on the internet.
*runs off to register www.breastinspectordiaries.com before someone else does*