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The infamous town of the pork pie, also known for its production of Stilton cheese, the place where the townsfolk are unlawful drunks, where the streets are scattered with crisp packets and blood from the evening before, where corruption is the name of the game, and everyone plays the game.
You know where I’m talkin’ about… Melton Mowbray. This small urban-like, deranged place, situated in East Midlands has obviously caught the eye of the UK based developer ‘Rockstar’.
Fans of the Grand Theft Auto series have awaited the announcement for the next criminal-based masterpiece ever since the announcement of Vice City. Rumours of the next instalment being based in various, well known cities or towns, have been crushed into a small package, and kicked into the air, where they shall plummet to their death…
The reason that Rockstar have chosen to avoid using well-known cities, is to avoid the inevitable cheesy clichéd monuments, inhabitants and vehicles. So they chose the more simple option, a culture-less place, where everyone is no one, faces as bland as a whiteboard, and there are no recognisable buildings, or monuments… Welcome my friend, To GTA: Melton Mowbray…
From the beginning of the game you have the choice to opt for a certain cult, branded ‘Goth’, ‘Skater’, ‘Townie’ or ‘Norm’. Each specialised with their specific weapons, attitudes and hideouts.
The Goths are treated with various, sharp, rusty armaments, such as blades and crucifix crosses. As a gothic tribe exclusive, they have the ability to contact the dead, and turn them against the opponents; they also have access to the Internet, for no apparent reason whatsoever. The leader of this faction is known by the name ‘Satan’.
The skaters live by the board, and use it to attack, shield, and inevitably, ride. Despite being absolutely appalling at skating, they continue to make a mockery out of themselves. However their attacking skills are high, as they can swing the board in various different fashions, in order to dismantle their adversary’s skulls. The skaters do not have a specific base; they just sleep on their beds, which happen to be boards…
If you were to choose to be part of the Townie faction, you shall live by the way of the ‘five-finger discount’ a tradition these absurd, creatures hold close to their shallow hearts. Five-finger discount plays a big party in the life of a townie, and is portrayed especially well in this Rockstar production. Townies are available to any assortment of weapon, but to gain the weapon they must, of course, ‘KNICK IT!’ Townies hide out in the local council flats, nicknamed ‘Colditz’ after a war death camp. And for a very good reason.
As a norm, you are open to be converted to any cult, and can do jobs for whichever tribe suits. But the level of trust should remain constant throughout the gangs leaders, or they shall become wary, and the norm will end up, either, stabbed with a rust impediment, cracked open with a piece of wood or mugged in broad daylight, murdered, then mugged a second time, just to make sure.
Melton Mowbray isn’t one of the friendliest places to be living and the pure horror, and fright is conveyed excellently in GTA: MM. A new feature to the GTA series the ability to purchase animals and use them as part of your gang, dogs (mans best friend), cats (Second best to dogs), rats (Everyone hates rats), pigeons (like rats, but with wings. Everyone enjoys listening to a pigeon being shot down, mid air) and Iguanas (Sounds like bananas).
The animals will play a major part in sniffing out drugs, and stealing them (in the case of a townie pet), brutally ripping off limbs of opposing gang members, and killing pigeons, because everyone hates the winged rat.
The vehicles on offer will differ according to which tribe you opt for, for example, Goths are entitled to use mysterious transportation methods, and bicycles (naturally). Townies use whatever they can get their dirty palms on, the skaters can use their boards, pretty obvious really, and the norms are allowed to ride along in posh vehicles, such as a ’94 Skoda…
Vice City offered a score of many vintage pop classics to groove to while driving aimlessly, but GTA: MM offers one batter. All the tunes from Engelbert Humpadinks ‘classic’ albums, are sure to put a smile on the face… of absolutely no one. In fact, may I suggest, ripping off your ears, if you are to play this game, to avoid the ‘beauty’ of Engelbert’s voice.
GTA: MM offers little over its predecessors, but has enabled the Rockstar team to advertise Melton Mowbray to the extent that everyone hates it.
Yes, the game did look tasty in the early stages of Beta testing, but one cannot assume the game will live up to its tiny hype, and will not appeal to people with any morals whatsoever,
Just remember. Melton Mowbray is not just the town splashed on the packaging of your pork pie, but, is in fact one of the most sinister, perverse towns in the world.
As Nick Ross has probably said, during some time in his life, ‘Don’t have nightmares, do sleep well’
Cheers
You know where I’m talkin’ about… Melton Mowbray. This small urban-like, deranged place, situated in East Midlands has obviously caught the eye of the UK based developer ‘Rockstar’.
Fans of the Grand Theft Auto series have awaited the announcement for the next criminal-based masterpiece ever since the announcement of Vice City. Rumours of the next instalment being based in various, well known cities or towns, have been crushed into a small package, and kicked into the air, where they shall plummet to their death…
The reason that Rockstar have chosen to avoid using well-known cities, is to avoid the inevitable cheesy clichéd monuments, inhabitants and vehicles. So they chose the more simple option, a culture-less place, where everyone is no one, faces as bland as a whiteboard, and there are no recognisable buildings, or monuments… Welcome my friend, To GTA: Melton Mowbray…
From the beginning of the game you have the choice to opt for a certain cult, branded ‘Goth’, ‘Skater’, ‘Townie’ or ‘Norm’. Each specialised with their specific weapons, attitudes and hideouts.
The Goths are treated with various, sharp, rusty armaments, such as blades and crucifix crosses. As a gothic tribe exclusive, they have the ability to contact the dead, and turn them against the opponents; they also have access to the Internet, for no apparent reason whatsoever. The leader of this faction is known by the name ‘Satan’.
The skaters live by the board, and use it to attack, shield, and inevitably, ride. Despite being absolutely appalling at skating, they continue to make a mockery out of themselves. However their attacking skills are high, as they can swing the board in various different fashions, in order to dismantle their adversary’s skulls. The skaters do not have a specific base; they just sleep on their beds, which happen to be boards…
If you were to choose to be part of the Townie faction, you shall live by the way of the ‘five-finger discount’ a tradition these absurd, creatures hold close to their shallow hearts. Five-finger discount plays a big party in the life of a townie, and is portrayed especially well in this Rockstar production. Townies are available to any assortment of weapon, but to gain the weapon they must, of course, ‘KNICK IT!’ Townies hide out in the local council flats, nicknamed ‘Colditz’ after a war death camp. And for a very good reason.
As a norm, you are open to be converted to any cult, and can do jobs for whichever tribe suits. But the level of trust should remain constant throughout the gangs leaders, or they shall become wary, and the norm will end up, either, stabbed with a rust impediment, cracked open with a piece of wood or mugged in broad daylight, murdered, then mugged a second time, just to make sure.
Melton Mowbray isn’t one of the friendliest places to be living and the pure horror, and fright is conveyed excellently in GTA: MM. A new feature to the GTA series the ability to purchase animals and use them as part of your gang, dogs (mans best friend), cats (Second best to dogs), rats (Everyone hates rats), pigeons (like rats, but with wings. Everyone enjoys listening to a pigeon being shot down, mid air) and Iguanas (Sounds like bananas).
The animals will play a major part in sniffing out drugs, and stealing them (in the case of a townie pet), brutally ripping off limbs of opposing gang members, and killing pigeons, because everyone hates the winged rat.
The vehicles on offer will differ according to which tribe you opt for, for example, Goths are entitled to use mysterious transportation methods, and bicycles (naturally). Townies use whatever they can get their dirty palms on, the skaters can use their boards, pretty obvious really, and the norms are allowed to ride along in posh vehicles, such as a ’94 Skoda…
Vice City offered a score of many vintage pop classics to groove to while driving aimlessly, but GTA: MM offers one batter. All the tunes from Engelbert Humpadinks ‘classic’ albums, are sure to put a smile on the face… of absolutely no one. In fact, may I suggest, ripping off your ears, if you are to play this game, to avoid the ‘beauty’ of Engelbert’s voice.
GTA: MM offers little over its predecessors, but has enabled the Rockstar team to advertise Melton Mowbray to the extent that everyone hates it.
Yes, the game did look tasty in the early stages of Beta testing, but one cannot assume the game will live up to its tiny hype, and will not appeal to people with any morals whatsoever,
Just remember. Melton Mowbray is not just the town splashed on the packaging of your pork pie, but, is in fact one of the most sinister, perverse towns in the world.
As Nick Ross has probably said, during some time in his life, ‘Don’t have nightmares, do sleep well’
Cheers
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The infamous town of the pork pie, also known for its production of Stilton cheese, the place where the townsfolk are unlawful drunks, where the streets are scattered with crisp packets and blood from the evening before, where corruption is the name of the game, and everyone plays the game.
You know where I’m talkin’ about… Melton Mowbray. This small urban-like, deranged place, situated in East Midlands has obviously caught the eye of the UK based developer ‘Rockstar’.
Fans of the Grand Theft Auto series have awaited the announcement for the next criminal-based masterpiece ever since the announcement of Vice City. Rumours of the next instalment being based in various, well known cities or towns, have been crushed into a small package, and kicked into the air, where they shall plummet to their death…
The reason that Rockstar have chosen to avoid using well-known cities, is to avoid the inevitable cheesy clichéd monuments, inhabitants and vehicles. So they chose the more simple option, a culture-less place, where everyone is no one, faces as bland as a whiteboard, and there are no recognisable buildings, or monuments… Welcome my friend, To GTA: Melton Mowbray…
From the beginning of the game you have the choice to opt for a certain cult, branded ‘Goth’, ‘Skater’, ‘Townie’ or ‘Norm’. Each specialised with their specific weapons, attitudes and hideouts.
The Goths are treated with various, sharp, rusty armaments, such as blades and crucifix crosses. As a gothic tribe exclusive, they have the ability to contact the dead, and turn them against the opponents; they also have access to the Internet, for no apparent reason whatsoever. The leader of this faction is known by the name ‘Satan’.
The skaters live by the board, and use it to attack, shield, and inevitably, ride. Despite being absolutely appalling at skating, they continue to make a mockery out of themselves. However their attacking skills are high, as they can swing the board in various different fashions, in order to dismantle their adversary’s skulls. The skaters do not have a specific base; they just sleep on their beds, which happen to be boards…
If you were to choose to be part of the Townie faction, you shall live by the way of the ‘five-finger discount’ a tradition these absurd, creatures hold close to their shallow hearts. Five-finger discount plays a big party in the life of a townie, and is portrayed especially well in this Rockstar production. Townies are available to any assortment of weapon, but to gain the weapon they must, of course, ‘KNICK IT!’ Townies hide out in the local council flats, nicknamed ‘Colditz’ after a war death camp. And for a very good reason.
As a norm, you are open to be converted to any cult, and can do jobs for whichever tribe suits. But the level of trust should remain constant throughout the gangs leaders, or they shall become wary, and the norm will end up, either, stabbed with a rust impediment, cracked open with a piece of wood or mugged in broad daylight, murdered, then mugged a second time, just to make sure.
Melton Mowbray isn’t one of the friendliest places to be living and the pure horror, and fright is conveyed excellently in GTA: MM. A new feature to the GTA series the ability to purchase animals and use them as part of your gang, dogs (mans best friend), cats (Second best to dogs), rats (Everyone hates rats), pigeons (like rats, but with wings. Everyone enjoys listening to a pigeon being shot down, mid air) and Iguanas (Sounds like bananas).
The animals will play a major part in sniffing out drugs, and stealing them (in the case of a townie pet), brutally ripping off limbs of opposing gang members, and killing pigeons, because everyone hates the winged rat.
The vehicles on offer will differ according to which tribe you opt for, for example, Goths are entitled to use mysterious transportation methods, and bicycles (naturally). Townies use whatever they can get their dirty palms on, the skaters can use their boards, pretty obvious really, and the norms are allowed to ride along in posh vehicles, such as a ’94 Skoda…
Vice City offered a score of many vintage pop classics to groove to while driving aimlessly, but GTA: MM offers one batter. All the tunes from Engelbert Humpadinks ‘classic’ albums, are sure to put a smile on the face… of absolutely no one. In fact, may I suggest, ripping off your ears, if you are to play this game, to avoid the ‘beauty’ of Engelbert’s voice.
GTA: MM offers little over its predecessors, but has enabled the Rockstar team to advertise Melton Mowbray to the extent that everyone hates it.
Yes, the game did look tasty in the early stages of Beta testing, but one cannot assume the game will live up to its tiny hype, and will not appeal to people with any morals whatsoever,
Just remember. Melton Mowbray is not just the town splashed on the packaging of your pork pie, but, is in fact one of the most sinister, perverse towns in the world.
As Nick Ross has probably said, during some time in his life, ‘Don’t have nightmares, do sleep well’
Cheers
You know where I’m talkin’ about… Melton Mowbray. This small urban-like, deranged place, situated in East Midlands has obviously caught the eye of the UK based developer ‘Rockstar’.
Fans of the Grand Theft Auto series have awaited the announcement for the next criminal-based masterpiece ever since the announcement of Vice City. Rumours of the next instalment being based in various, well known cities or towns, have been crushed into a small package, and kicked into the air, where they shall plummet to their death…
The reason that Rockstar have chosen to avoid using well-known cities, is to avoid the inevitable cheesy clichéd monuments, inhabitants and vehicles. So they chose the more simple option, a culture-less place, where everyone is no one, faces as bland as a whiteboard, and there are no recognisable buildings, or monuments… Welcome my friend, To GTA: Melton Mowbray…
From the beginning of the game you have the choice to opt for a certain cult, branded ‘Goth’, ‘Skater’, ‘Townie’ or ‘Norm’. Each specialised with their specific weapons, attitudes and hideouts.
The Goths are treated with various, sharp, rusty armaments, such as blades and crucifix crosses. As a gothic tribe exclusive, they have the ability to contact the dead, and turn them against the opponents; they also have access to the Internet, for no apparent reason whatsoever. The leader of this faction is known by the name ‘Satan’.
The skaters live by the board, and use it to attack, shield, and inevitably, ride. Despite being absolutely appalling at skating, they continue to make a mockery out of themselves. However their attacking skills are high, as they can swing the board in various different fashions, in order to dismantle their adversary’s skulls. The skaters do not have a specific base; they just sleep on their beds, which happen to be boards…
If you were to choose to be part of the Townie faction, you shall live by the way of the ‘five-finger discount’ a tradition these absurd, creatures hold close to their shallow hearts. Five-finger discount plays a big party in the life of a townie, and is portrayed especially well in this Rockstar production. Townies are available to any assortment of weapon, but to gain the weapon they must, of course, ‘KNICK IT!’ Townies hide out in the local council flats, nicknamed ‘Colditz’ after a war death camp. And for a very good reason.
As a norm, you are open to be converted to any cult, and can do jobs for whichever tribe suits. But the level of trust should remain constant throughout the gangs leaders, or they shall become wary, and the norm will end up, either, stabbed with a rust impediment, cracked open with a piece of wood or mugged in broad daylight, murdered, then mugged a second time, just to make sure.
Melton Mowbray isn’t one of the friendliest places to be living and the pure horror, and fright is conveyed excellently in GTA: MM. A new feature to the GTA series the ability to purchase animals and use them as part of your gang, dogs (mans best friend), cats (Second best to dogs), rats (Everyone hates rats), pigeons (like rats, but with wings. Everyone enjoys listening to a pigeon being shot down, mid air) and Iguanas (Sounds like bananas).
The animals will play a major part in sniffing out drugs, and stealing them (in the case of a townie pet), brutally ripping off limbs of opposing gang members, and killing pigeons, because everyone hates the winged rat.
The vehicles on offer will differ according to which tribe you opt for, for example, Goths are entitled to use mysterious transportation methods, and bicycles (naturally). Townies use whatever they can get their dirty palms on, the skaters can use their boards, pretty obvious really, and the norms are allowed to ride along in posh vehicles, such as a ’94 Skoda…
Vice City offered a score of many vintage pop classics to groove to while driving aimlessly, but GTA: MM offers one batter. All the tunes from Engelbert Humpadinks ‘classic’ albums, are sure to put a smile on the face… of absolutely no one. In fact, may I suggest, ripping off your ears, if you are to play this game, to avoid the ‘beauty’ of Engelbert’s voice.
GTA: MM offers little over its predecessors, but has enabled the Rockstar team to advertise Melton Mowbray to the extent that everyone hates it.
Yes, the game did look tasty in the early stages of Beta testing, but one cannot assume the game will live up to its tiny hype, and will not appeal to people with any morals whatsoever,
Just remember. Melton Mowbray is not just the town splashed on the packaging of your pork pie, but, is in fact one of the most sinister, perverse towns in the world.
As Nick Ross has probably said, during some time in his life, ‘Don’t have nightmares, do sleep well’
Cheers
Amazing.
Brilliant.
Tremendous.
*drools*
Brilliant.
Tremendous.
*drools*
Yeah, cuz this hasn't been done every week since Vice City was announced...
Oh, not again.
Does anyone have any tissues for Mr. Blokey over here?
Does anyone have any tissues for Mr. Blokey over here?
What? If you can moan at EA for Fifa updates, I can moan for endless 'GTA Mice City' and 'GTA Cornwall' posts.
Quite a good read mate :-)
I always wondered why everyone disliked you El Blokey...
El Blokey wrote:
> What? If you can moan at EA for Fifa updates, I can moan for endless
> 'GTA Mice City' and 'GTA Cornwall' posts.
GTA Mice City sounds like a Disney game
> What? If you can moan at EA for Fifa updates, I can moan for endless
> 'GTA Mice City' and 'GTA Cornwall' posts.
GTA Mice City sounds like a Disney game
Blokey's tagline should read - "Moaner"
The only people that dislike me on these boards tend to either be unable to spell properly or unable to post things in the right forum. Or unable to take criticism.
And frankly, I don't care if they don't like me. Go vote Kyz22 for notable.
And frankly, I don't care if they don't like me. Go vote Kyz22 for notable.
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