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If Microsoft made cars
Microsoft are hell bent on world domination, and I present you with this warning, when they are one day producing everything and anything, DON’T BUY IT! For instance, CARS, what would happen if Microsoft made these?
Your car would only run on Microsoft roads, if the road was busy, your car would run very slowly and there would possibly be a jitter or delay of a few seconds on some commands (such as steering or brakes)
Your car, would be new for about a month before the new car XP or NT/2000 would come out, this would mean you had an older model of Microsoft car and would need to buy the upgrade to continue driving on Microsoft roads.
When you brought your car you’d then have to buy and install expensive upgrades, like ‘passenger’.
Your car would be prone to catch viruses when other people entered it, or you drove on certain Microsoft roads. These viruses would be incredibly irritating and would cause you electric windows to wind up and down, fog lights to flash, boot to pop open or stop the car from starting entirely, if this happened you would need to install the drivers all over again, loosing all mileage and other details.
Certain Microsoft functions wouldn’t run, and you’d need to buy patched to fix them. But you’d wait until you thought one would come out on the sly, or ignore the problem. This could impose a massive threat, as the airbag probably wouldn’t work, nor the seatbelt. These would however be seen as marketing flaws, so be accepted and ignored. It would be considered your responsibility to BUY the seatbelt patch and Microsoft would accept no blame.
There would be other faster more efficient cars on the road (like Mac car) but people would not buy these, for no apparent reason.
On motorways, whist driving, for no apparent reason your car would stop running entirely, however you would not see this as odd, you’d just start you car again and pretend it never happened.
Some mornings, for no apparent reason your car would not start up, you’d ring a mechanics help line, at a corking Ł1 a minute. Eventually after 27minutes on hold a mechanic would ask you if you’d done anything suspicious on the Microsoft car (like use it) if you had, he’d tell you to re-install the drivers, you’d accept this and do it.
Your car would accuse you of illegal operations when you had committed no such thing, you’d receive the notification “this car has performed an illegal operation and will now stop” you’d accept this and start the car again.
Microsoft would try to make the car more user friendly, by installing ‘ABC drive-check’ and making the car try to predict what you will do before you do it. This will be irritating. ‘ABC drive-check would say things like “you wanted a left there mate, when actually you didn’t, but an irritating squiggly red line would go across the windshield until you accepted what ABC had to say. The prediction program would do things like if you made three lefts in a row it’d predict the next left and do it for you. This would send you careering into a ditch. You would accept this, restart start and continue driving.
Microsoft cars would not be capable of performing multiple tasks such as having the radio on and driving at the same time without crashing. But you’d just accept this.
Finally when driving to a destination, pop-ups would appear on your windscreen, such as “visit red light district now” or “Vegas, the worlds biggest off-road casino”, you’d just close and accept them.
Still knowing all these facts, the Microsoft cars would outsell all other companies and provide a poor service, knowing this wont stop you from buying a Microsoft car, you’ll just accept this…
Thanks for reading : )
Microsoft are hell bent on world domination, and I present you with this warning, when they are one day producing everything and anything, DON’T BUY IT! For instance, CARS, what would happen if Microsoft made these?
Your car would only run on Microsoft roads, if the road was busy, your car would run very slowly and there would possibly be a jitter or delay of a few seconds on some commands (such as steering or brakes)
Your car, would be new for about a month before the new car XP or NT/2000 would come out, this would mean you had an older model of Microsoft car and would need to buy the upgrade to continue driving on Microsoft roads.
When you brought your car you’d then have to buy and install expensive upgrades, like ‘passenger’.
Your car would be prone to catch viruses when other people entered it, or you drove on certain Microsoft roads. These viruses would be incredibly irritating and would cause you electric windows to wind up and down, fog lights to flash, boot to pop open or stop the car from starting entirely, if this happened you would need to install the drivers all over again, loosing all mileage and other details.
Certain Microsoft functions wouldn’t run, and you’d need to buy patched to fix them. But you’d wait until you thought one would come out on the sly, or ignore the problem. This could impose a massive threat, as the airbag probably wouldn’t work, nor the seatbelt. These would however be seen as marketing flaws, so be accepted and ignored. It would be considered your responsibility to BUY the seatbelt patch and Microsoft would accept no blame.
There would be other faster more efficient cars on the road (like Mac car) but people would not buy these, for no apparent reason.
On motorways, whist driving, for no apparent reason your car would stop running entirely, however you would not see this as odd, you’d just start you car again and pretend it never happened.
Some mornings, for no apparent reason your car would not start up, you’d ring a mechanics help line, at a corking Ł1 a minute. Eventually after 27minutes on hold a mechanic would ask you if you’d done anything suspicious on the Microsoft car (like use it) if you had, he’d tell you to re-install the drivers, you’d accept this and do it.
Your car would accuse you of illegal operations when you had committed no such thing, you’d receive the notification “this car has performed an illegal operation and will now stop” you’d accept this and start the car again.
Microsoft would try to make the car more user friendly, by installing ‘ABC drive-check’ and making the car try to predict what you will do before you do it. This will be irritating. ‘ABC drive-check would say things like “you wanted a left there mate, when actually you didn’t, but an irritating squiggly red line would go across the windshield until you accepted what ABC had to say. The prediction program would do things like if you made three lefts in a row it’d predict the next left and do it for you. This would send you careering into a ditch. You would accept this, restart start and continue driving.
Microsoft cars would not be capable of performing multiple tasks such as having the radio on and driving at the same time without crashing. But you’d just accept this.
Finally when driving to a destination, pop-ups would appear on your windscreen, such as “visit red light district now” or “Vegas, the worlds biggest off-road casino”, you’d just close and accept them.
Still knowing all these facts, the Microsoft cars would outsell all other companies and provide a poor service, knowing this wont stop you from buying a Microsoft car, you’ll just accept this…
Thanks for reading : )
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i got the idea from a if microsoft made toasters post on an anti-windows web site, then a friend said go for cars, so i did, he's obviously seen it somewhere before. any while i was on the site, i read about the new inroduction to windows. apparantly the next windows operating system will require you to ring up whenever you install a program, not quite sure how this works, so if anyone knows could they explain?
He's copied the original idea and just tried to retype it so that it looks like he made it up all by himself...
Unfortunatly this thing is about five billion years old and everybody has seen it!
Unfortunatly this thing is about five billion years old and everybody has seen it!
I think I have read this before!
The original was a reply from Detroit Motor Industry to the infamous Blii gates statement; "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon".
http://www.vbrad.com/Misc/hum_ms_cars.htm
http://www.vbrad.com/Misc/hum_ms_cars.htm
well, he is gay (or just american)
OMG, does he react like a right woman or what?
http://www.bitstorm.org/gates/
There you are, download the movie, its great...
There you are, download the movie, its great...
No, where is it?
Has anyone seen the mini clip were bill gates gets hit in the face with a pie, its great...
Whats been done before? the whole "if microsoft made" thing? damn, it, i though i was onto a winner there!
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