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‘SNAKE’
Although he appears to be a fearless, hard-as-nails guy called ‘Solid’ Snake on set, Joseph Matron (his real name) is actually a drag queen in one of Mexico’s top nightspots, ‘Le Machico Bandana’, owned by Hideo Kojima himself. There, he likes to be called ‘Josephine’, and is very popular with the punters. He loves catwalking, shopping for new stilettos, putting on make-up, going on the sun bed and waxing. The customers immediately notice that he’s a he when he approaches them because of his facial hair, which he says he cannot shave off to keep up appearances on his scripted journeys. His other hobbies are gardening, ballet dancing and he loves to cook, Italian delicatessens being his speciality.
‘MASTER CHIEF’
He may have a fetish for destroying aliens, but this guy has an even darker secret to his life. He is Bill Gates contracted assassin; needless to say he’s on a good wage. Bill was so impressed by his enhancement of the Xbox rep in Halo, that he decided to make him one of his most trusted associates, to help remove those he disliked. Top of the list was Lee Bradley, a computer wiz kid from Cheshire who hacked into Bill Gates prime-mail address, and sold his personal information over the net, one being about a past event in College where he snuck into the cheerleader’s changing rooms with a Canon digital video camera, and took some tissues with him on the way out. Lee has already been caught and is currently being held in Bill’s personal bondage chamber for further interrogation.
‘MARIO’
Mario enjoys being the fun-loving hero he’s well known for in his videogames, but he also enjoys some time off to do other things. Other things as in, lead the Super Mafia. That’s right, he’s a cute munchkin puppet during the day, but when the eyes have lost interest he controls a huge mafia organization in the typical Mario World, invading the mushroom homes of owners who are in debt and taking over local bars for his business and pleasure. When he’s really miffed with somebody, don’t be fooled, he doesn’t just jump on them or fire soft substances at them like he’s well known to do, he likes the good old traditional mafia way of feeding hard objects to their face in which he prefers the golf club he uses in Mario Golf. He gambles a lot, drinks a lot and kills a lot. Hard to believe eh?
‘SAM FISHER’
Super espionage agent…who is the proud finder of the German Shepherd Society. That’s right, Sam Fisher, with his wife Jolene Fisher, own a club dedicated to the love of these dogs, which has up to two hundred members. They meet up mainly at evenings to talk about german shepherds, play link the breed bingo and trade in attire for dogs. Sam sells dog merchandise and occasionally enjoys sharing a meal with his german shepherd, which just so happens to be called Jolene as well.
‘TOMMY VERCETTI’
He gets sick of his rough life in the tough streets surrounded with violence and wickedness, so that is why when we are not controlling him, Mr. Vercetti joins forces with Yoda’s crew to try and overcome the evil Darth Vader’s plans. He finds the experience thrilling and more peaceful than insanely chopping enemies up with chainsaws and grilling them with flamethrowers. He likes exploring and discovering new living organisms, plants and so on and on different planets, and he doesn’t mind the odd alien encounter or two, where he feels right at home with his trusted Laser Machine Gun and Golden Light Sabre. He’s been taught by the masters themselves and even knows kung-fu for when the situation calls. He is now very familiar with the term ‘the force is great in this one’.
‘THE SIMS’
You may have thought you’d seen it all with the sims, but just you wait till you see what they get up to behind-the-scenes. They have what they call an ‘Erotica Night’, which happens ever so often in one mansion, where the guys and gals play games like strip poker, have games with shots and basically get rat-arsed, which means anything could happen wink wink. Pizzas are ordered along with female dancers by the lads, in one half of the mansion, whilst firemen and sailors are ordered in the other half. There are enough rooms available upstairs for (whatever), and enough sinks and buckets for any vile accidents. The party never stops with the sims.
Thanks for reading
PS: (for the dummies out there) all this was made up.
> Once I was with this girl in town and she is a bit of a minger to be
> polite lol and we decided to like assign each other game characters
> names based uppon what the others thought we looke like. Since she was
> a bit of a minger, shy etc I just said Princess Peach to be nice and
> she said "You should be solid snake or Squal from final
> fantasy" lol I think she has a thing for me (there's other
> reasons that I wont go into)
................................... o.k
um......very good..............congratulations
.........i think you need a hobby
:D
Again!
Yes, lice.
‘SNAKE’
Although he appears to be a fearless, hard-as-nails guy called ‘Solid’ Snake on set, Joseph Matron (his real name) is actually a drag queen in one of Mexico’s top nightspots, ‘Le Machico Bandana’, owned by Hideo Kojima himself. There, he likes to be called ‘Josephine’, and is very popular with the punters. He loves catwalking, shopping for new stilettos, putting on make-up, going on the sun bed and waxing. The customers immediately notice that he’s a he when he approaches them because of his facial hair, which he says he cannot shave off to keep up appearances on his scripted journeys. His other hobbies are gardening, ballet dancing and he loves to cook, Italian delicatessens being his speciality.
‘MASTER CHIEF’
He may have a fetish for destroying aliens, but this guy has an even darker secret to his life. He is Bill Gates contracted assassin; needless to say he’s on a good wage. Bill was so impressed by his enhancement of the Xbox rep in Halo, that he decided to make him one of his most trusted associates, to help remove those he disliked. Top of the list was Lee Bradley, a computer wiz kid from Cheshire who hacked into Bill Gates prime-mail address, and sold his personal information over the net, one being about a past event in College where he snuck into the cheerleader’s changing rooms with a Canon digital video camera, and took some tissues with him on the way out. Lee has already been caught and is currently being held in Bill’s personal bondage chamber for further interrogation.
‘MARIO’
Mario enjoys being the fun-loving hero he’s well known for in his videogames, but he also enjoys some time off to do other things. Other things as in, lead the Super Mafia. That’s right, he’s a cute munchkin puppet during the day, but when the eyes have lost interest he controls a huge mafia organization in the typical Mario World, invading the mushroom homes of owners who are in debt and taking over local bars for his business and pleasure. When he’s really miffed with somebody, don’t be fooled, he doesn’t just jump on them or fire soft substances at them like he’s well known to do, he likes the good old traditional mafia way of feeding hard objects to their face in which he prefers the golf club he uses in Mario Golf. He gambles a lot, drinks a lot and kills a lot. Hard to believe eh?
‘SAM FISHER’
Super espionage agent…who is the proud finder of the German Shepherd Society. That’s right, Sam Fisher, with his wife Jolene Fisher, own a club dedicated to the love of these dogs, which has up to two hundred members. They meet up mainly at evenings to talk about german shepherds, play link the breed bingo and trade in attire for dogs. Sam sells dog merchandise and occasionally enjoys sharing a meal with his german shepherd, which just so happens to be called Jolene as well.
‘TOMMY VERCETTI’
He gets sick of his rough life in the tough streets surrounded with violence and wickedness, so that is why when we are not controlling him, Mr. Vercetti joins forces with Yoda’s crew to try and overcome the evil Darth Vader’s plans. He finds the experience thrilling and more peaceful than insanely chopping enemies up with chainsaws and grilling them with flamethrowers. He likes exploring and discovering new living organisms, plants and so on and on different planets, and he doesn’t mind the odd alien encounter or two, where he feels right at home with his trusted Laser Machine Gun and Golden Light Sabre. He’s been taught by the masters themselves and even knows kung-fu for when the situation calls. He is now very familiar with the term ‘the force is great in this one’.
‘THE SIMS’
You may have thought you’d seen it all with the sims, but just you wait till you see what they get up to behind-the-scenes. They have what they call an ‘Erotica Night’, which happens ever so often in one mansion, where the guys and gals play games like strip poker, have games with shots and basically get rat-arsed, which means anything could happen wink wink. Pizzas are ordered along with female dancers by the lads, in one half of the mansion, whilst firemen and sailors are ordered in the other half. There are enough rooms available upstairs for (whatever), and enough sinks and buckets for any vile accidents. The party never stops with the sims.
Thanks for reading
PS: (for the dummies out there) all this was made up.