The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
This is a (very) long story so you may want to copy and paste it to save your phone bill...
=====EPISODE 1=====
Mr. Yamauchi was feeling particularly proud. The now universally famous Poke-It-Ons had just been launched in Europe. A decade earlier, they had just been a little idea of some young games designer hired by Nintendo, now they were a global phenomenon. Eight long years ago they had launched in Japan. The consumers in Japan lapped up this original and kooky idea…
The game had been released on the Super Game Boy Turbo 2 Revival Edition, which had strong third party support, especially from Capcom with their Street Fighter Advance series. Poke-It-On had been a hit. Players got a free cuddly toy with the game which included a chip in it so the so the Super Game Boy Information Station Chip Reader could read the information about their Poke-It-On and convert it into game data like Poke-It-On type, sex, strengths and weaknesses, etc. Players had to fight their Poke-It-On with others to increase its level and make it stronger. Players could expand their team by buying more chipped cuddly toys and having their data read into the game.
A year after the Japanese received the game the reams of crucial text, data and Poke-It-On names had been converted into English. This let the American launch go ahead. The hype had been mounting, and it paid off for Nintendo. Again the Poke-It-Ons were a huge hit. The cuddly toys were banned from schools as they distracted pupils and bullies often stole them.
Now, eight long years after the Japanese launch, and seven after the US, Europe was finally going to get a taste of the Poke-It-On craze. But they were letting something much more sinister into the EU than anyone could have predicted…
=====EPISODE 2=====
Deeply embedded within every Poke-It-On cuddly toy is a Super Game Boy Pi-krap-chu Edition Mini Camera. From Japan Mr. Yamauchi could watch the Poke-It-On hysteria grow. But even more sinister was a mind beacon device developed by one of Nintendo’s many second parties called ‘Yuri Systems’. When activated it could take control of youngsters in the immediate area around the so-called toy.
Mr. Yamauchi’s plan was all going well. The hype in Japan had led to great success in America. In this land of the free he was sure the children could gain access to the higher level military equipment they would need. Now all he needed was the Europeans. Well every other World War was centred in Europe. If nothing else, at least Mr. Yamauchi was being consistent. The European launch was just as hectic as Japan and the US, parents desperately trying to get their ‘little angels’ Poke-It-Ons before they sold out in the Christmas rush. And it was only July.
By Christmas almost no child had a Poke-It-On free holiday, but the parents thanks for them came the very next day. Mr. Yamauchi decided it was time, and flicked the little red switch. Instantly child’s minds went blank. The next thoughts they had were along the lines of “KILL SONY” (except in rare cases where the translation was distorted, and came out as “KILL SHEEPY”, as if he didn’t have enough problems with Dringo!)
=====EPISODE 3=====
The carnage that ensued involved much destruction of property and the burning of all Sony goods and supporters as well as Sheepy having to barricade himself into his house and plead for humanitarian aid on Ukchatforums.com
The few who were still free in body and mind were in hiding. In America the Poke-It-On controlled kids had seized control of all the arms and were proceeding to take over all other countries arms world wide. However, back in the UK there was one who heard Sheepy’s pleas for help. He decided drastic measures were needed. He nipped into his local Special Reserve store and found Tony. On seeing the hordes approaching, Tony had given up all Sony related stock to the Poke-It-On controlled masses and vowed allegiance to Nintendo. The teenage hero and Tony then went in search of supplies. They were gonna need guns… lots of guns.
Meanwhile Sheepys cheese stock was running low. He decided to make a run for it. He just made it to the local cheeserie, luckily for him being controlled by the Poke-It-Ons made the children shamble along slowly and mumble incoherently. As sheepy opened the door he heard *Click-click
“Get outta here Poke-It-On scum!”
“I’m Human! Don’t shoot!” wailed Sheepy… “What? Tony is that you?”
“Sheepy? What are you doing here?”
“This is my favourite cheeserie thank you very much! Where’d you get that sawn off shotgun?”
“Oh, this… out back. We need to stop these damn Poke-It-On controlled kids!”
“No! You two stay here. I know what I have to do.” It was Tony’s saviour.
“Who are you?” asked Sheepy
“You probably don’t see me much. I usually stick to the Nintendo forum.”
=====EPISODE 4=====
And with that he left. Tony and Sheepy exchanged worried glances.
Suddenly the glass window smashed and three Poke-It-On kids were lunging at Sheepy. He went down and they toppled on top of him. He flailed wildly as Tony shot into the fray with the sawn off. All three kids eventually stopped moving. Sheepy gasped, “One… last… GAD win…” and then his head dropped and his tongue rolled out.
Hordes of cuddly Poke-It-Ons had been burnt already, but he was getting nowhere. There were too many. The chosen one placed the nozzle of his modified hoover back in place and ran though the masses of brainwashed kids. His destination was the airport. He needed a ride to Japan!
In the airport some adults were holding out, still not captured, and some were planning a daring escape to Scotland, where the Poke-It-Ons had ceased to function correctly due to the cold. All kids there got the message “KILL BILL” which had no effect on anyone, as most were already thinking it. But our hero demanded to be taken to Japan, the heartland of all the Poke-It-On evil. After some convincing one pilot agreed on the dangerous mission. It was a hotshot named Strafex who had just completed the training for the British government’s best kept military secret- the Argh-Wing Fighter Aircraft.
=====EPISODE 5=====
Getting to Japan proved no easy task. Strafex had to use all his barrel rolling, U-turning, lock on bombs and loops just to survive- not to mention the four Argh-Bombs he used to destroy the elite Poke-It-On Stray Fox squadron.
When the pair finally reached Japan Strafex realised he couldn’t land his Argh-Wing! His co-pilot ejected out over the ominous Nintendo building. He landed on the roof, where no guards were patrolling. He was only thirteen and therefore not so big, so he managed to clamber down the vents, until he reached what looked to be some sort of lobby. As he clambered past he was amazed to see none other than Shigeru Miyamoto!
“HEY! Where are you going?”
“I’m leaving! It… used to be about gameplay. Now his ambitions of… World Domination… they have taken over!” replied Shigsy in surprisingly good English. Shigsy continued running, and our teenage friend decided that if Shigsy was running away, he’d have to go the opposite way to get to Yamauchi…
The Poke-It-On hunter opened the double doors, and an alarm sounded. Kids brought over from the US armed to the teeth poured in. Bullet time was immediately dived into. Fire from twin uzis neutralised countless targets, and the Americans did not know what had hit them. Their ranks had first been decimated and now they could not see their target. He was behind one of the pillars, but there were so many. A tapping was heard and all the Poke-It-On controlled American children ran to investigate.
*BOOM
The proximity pinball grenade detonated as they drew close, sending body parts, and cuddly Poke-It-On limbs flying all over the room. That showed them who was boss…
=====EPISODE 6=====
Our Carrington Institute trainee proceeded to the next room. As he entered he heard a booming laugh… Mwa Ha Ha Ha! But it wasn’t Yamauchi… Swivelling round in his black leather chair stroking his famous water bong (aptly named ‘fluffy’) was Tiltawhirl!
“Who are you? Some Newbie? I’ll defeat you no problem!” he said calmly as he connected to the chat forums. His nemesis whipped out the Laptop gun and swiftly connected his favoured Dreamcast keyboard and proceeded to type at a pace previously unseen by Tiltawhirl. His new copy of Windows XP was overloaded by data from the posts and soon- ‘An internal error has occurred in Windows. Please save all programs and shut down your computer’
“DAMN YOU TO HELL BILL GATES!” yelled Tiltawhirl as his net connection went down, and he fainted in the chair.
“That boss was easy… too easy…”
As the ominous looking lift was entered and the next floor up pressed gas filled the chamber!
*Cough, Cough
Luckily you don’t invade Nintendo’s HQ unprepared. An (ahem) GasMask saved the day! The correct floor was reached and the *Bing of the lift alerted the guards on the floor.
“Leave him to me…” A voice echoed. The guards immediately left the room. A figure in black combat clothing dropped form the ceiling, munching a Tesco brand American Style chocolate chip cookie.
“Ah… The infamous Ev][L~Cooky I presume”
“That’s right” came the reply as he wiped the chocolate crumbs from his lips, “And you are?”
“You’re worst nightmare…”
Cooky immediately whipped out his Nunchuks and charged. Cookys adversary grabbed at his Fairy Bow and shot arrow after arrow at him, but he batted them all down with his fast paced Nunchuk skills. The duelling pair dived at each other and the bow fell to the ground. They met in mid-air in a beautiful dance of death. They fell to the floor and much hair pulling ensued. Finally they broke off from their close combat, and both pulled out a CMP-150. Cooky immediately switched to Lock on target mode. His target dived for cover behind the desk, unloading rounds towards Cooky. He had him now. Locked on and strafing around the desk Cooky approached.
“Say Goodbye newbie!”
=====EPISODE 7=====
“NOOOO!” Sheepy came crashing though the roof and dived into the crossfire. As Cooky let loose, his bullets hit Sheepy, and as his body collapsed onto the floor Cooky was met with a face full of lead from his nemesis’ CMP-150.
*Narrator: Hang on Sheepy, you’re already dead!
“I just did it for the dramatic effect” Came Sheepys repley.
*Narrator: What? You’re STILL not dead?
“What can I say, I found some shield technology on my way here.”
*Narrator: So why did you pretend to die AGAIN?
“Well, it did scare the $*@! out of Tony last time! Heh heh. But don’t blame me, you’re writing this rubbish!”
*Narrator: Fair point…
“Sheepy, get out of here. It’s too dangerous!”
“Okay, I don’t know who you are, but take this” Sheepy handed him a block of finely matured Edam. “Use it wisely”
Sheepy took the elevator down while the thorn in Nintendo’s side continued on through the building. As another set of double doors swung open yet another ominous voice echoed around.
=====EPISODE 8=====
“Ah, I’ve heard so much about you, yet I still don’t know your name.” There was a tense silence. “If you don not wish to speak allow me to tell you of my brilliant plan. For years I have yearned to take over the world to make it a cuter place, but Sega and now Sony have proved worthy opponents. They must be obliterated. My Poke-It-On merchandise will ensure their downfall. Even now most anti Nintendo resistance has been crushed, and the worlds arms are in my power! Just watch now as your rebel friends see that these ‘toys’ are not just mind control devices.” Mr. Yamauchi motioned over to large circular window behind his throne. “Just look at your pathetic friends attempts” he spat, flicking a switch on his Super Game Boy Weapons Of Mass Destruction Edition. Behind the glass window the forms of rebels could be made out. The Poke-It-On masses where overwhelming them. Suddenly they all drew back, and one of the cuddly toys started moving slowly forwards with its ‘realistic walking action’ feature. As it drew closer to the rebels cover, Mr. Yamauchi and his ‘guest’ could see the full extent of these ‘toys’ powers. Some of the fur had ripped off and inside was a vast quantity of C4 explosives! The cuddly rounded the corner and the rebels saw it.
“OPEN FIRE” one yelled. It was too late.
*BEEEEEEEP… BOOM!
The rebels were goners.
“And so you see, you have no hope. Nintendo will rule supreme, and I will make the world a better place. A place of only one race! The Nintys! All races, classes, sexes, religious beliefs, will all be accepted… as long as they support Nintendo! This elite race is the only fit to rule the world!”
=====EPISODE 9=====
Now he had heard the speech and the evil plot it was time to take action. James Bond style he whipped out his magnetic watch, and pulled the Super Game Boy Weapons Of Mass Destruction Edition out of Yamauchi’s hands and grabbed it himself. He ripped it apart and stamped on it just to be sure.
“Now what are you going to do Yamauchi?” was the triumphant question.
Yamauchi took out his BigGoron sword (but how he kept it in that relatively small suit pocket always remained a mystery) and charged, but the source of his anger had dived aside.
“I’ll get you! Come out and fight like a man!” Yamauchi really shouldn’t have said that. Grabbing at the Fierce Deities mask hanging from the wall, a transformation took place. Yamauchi saw a small teenager one-minute, the next a hulking great figure with burning eyes and a fat afro!
“NOO!” yelled Yamauchi as the figure stomped towards him. The sword hit right and left of Yamauchi as it was swung wildly, and as he tried to run for the door. But the Deity somersaulted over Yamauchi, blocking the doorway.
“NO ESCAPE FOR YOU!” the voice boomed, literally blowing Yamauchi to the other side of the room. An arrow whizzed to the right of his head at incredible speed considering it had just been chucked, with no bow in sight. Then a second, this one flaming, shot straight through his hand and into the wall. Yamauchi was stuck. And on fire.
“If I go down, I’m taking you with me!” A look of intense concentration came over his face, as he summoned his thoughts to telepathically tell his minions to press the big red button marked ‘Do Not Press’.
*3 Minutes till self destruct… came a voice over the PA.
*Remember, regular medical checks are required for continued employment in the Nintendo facility. It repeated on a constant loop for no apparent reason.
=====EPISODE 10=====
The fierce deity mask fell to the floor, leaving our hero as a thirteen-year-old boy once again.
“Gotta get outta here!” he muttered. He ran for the exit, but through the door unfinished business was waiting.
“Stop right there! You’re not escaping this place!”
“It’s over Cooky! You’re finished. Lets get the hell out of here before we both end up dead!”
“NO! It will never be over. You shot me in the goddamn face you little $#@*!”
“Yeah, how come you’re not dead? I know this is Nintendo and all, but this is getting ridiculous!”
“Hey, that guy out of Goldeneye survived being shot in the face. Why can’t I?”
With that, Tiltawhirl entered from the lift.
“It’s over Cooky. We can’t beat him! He’s the chosen one… We need to get out of here. I know you are loyal to Nintendo, but Yamauchi’s scheme has gone too far! It ends here!”
The three ended their disputes for the time being and ran like hell to get out of the building. As they exited the ground floor they saw a Mundano parked outside.
“It’ll have to do” panted Tiltawhirl, as they clambered in. Suddenly they realised someone was already in the car.
“Drive damn you, this whole place is about to blow!” yelled Cooky.
“Okay, okay, came the reply. Don’t worry, I’ve played Grand Theft Auto 3!”
“OH $#@* !” replied all three passengers. It was Ant in the driver’s seat.
He sped off, pedal to the metal, and as he was driving by the hordes of Poke-It-On controlled Japanese kids, he still managed to lean out the window and spray hot lead at them. Ant steered straight towards a bloke running for his life.
*Splat
“Ant! You’re only supposed to kill the Poke-It-On controlled kids! This is what happens when you play evil games on the Playstation2!” Yelled Tiltawhirl. But Ant was having way too much fun to listen. Behind them they heard the huge explosion, and dust and debris began chasing them through the streets.
“FLOOR IT” the three passengers, yelled in unison. Ant did so, and flicked the switch on the gearbox, marked Nitrous Oxide.
“HERE WE GO… NITROS!” Screamed Ant in a fit of almost psychotic daring. He weaved in and out of the parked cars and straight through many people and through plenty off ill placed cardboard boxes and stacks of old newspapers. The nitro boost finally ended and the burnt out motor skidded to a halt. Behind the car the once towering Nintendo building was just so much rubble and incinerated stockpiles of Poke-It-On merchandise.
=====EPISODE 11=====
“Ant, what the hell are you doing here anyway?” Asked Tiltawhirl
“My drug lord boss told me to blow the Nintendo building. Looks like you guys saved me a job. Us gangster types can’t let all those back payments from magic mushrooms go you know. And they had a lot!” As the group looked back on the Nintendo building they saw small figures moving slowly in their direction. “What are they?” Inquired Ant.
“Poke-It-Ons. Can’t do anything now. Their control centre is gone, so they can’t control minds now.” Answered Cooky.
“Umm, they’re not quite harmless… when I was facing Yamauchi I saw him demonstrate their ‘extra features’ as it were. Each one is packed with C4 like a walking proximity mine!”
“This way!” yelled a voice. It was Sheepy! “I’ve found an unlocked house. We can hide out there!” Everyone piled in and the door was barricaded shut. The house was searched for supplies. Sheepy took a look upstairs, and heard a strange noise from one of the rooms. He slowly reached for the door handle and turned it, then flung open the door.
“Burn Sony, Burn Sony!” came the chant. The guy was circling a flaming PS2 doing the strange chant.
“Grix? Is that you?” Sheepy asked, “What are YOU doing here?”
“Oh, hi Sheepy. I live here. Didn’t I tell you? I got fed up of European release dates so I moved over here. What are you doing in my house?”
“Grix why are you burning that thing? Hasn’t the mind control from the Poke-It-Ons worn off?”
“What do you mean ‘mind control’? Heh, see, Nintendo are always coming up with innovative new ideas for their games. Mind Control? Who else but Ninty could have come up with that?” Suddenly the terrible truth dawned on Sheepy. Grixs’ room was full of the cuddly Poke-It-Ons. He grabbed Grix by the arm and bolted down the stairs.
“GET OUT OF HERE!” Sheepy yelled. But it was too late. The barricaded door had been busted and Poke-It-Ons were already flooding down the stairs.
“It was nice knowing you guys.” Remarked Tiltawhirl, “actually, who are you?” he asked to the youngster who had seen off yamauchi.
“I’m E…”
*BOOM
The explosion from the Poke-It-Ons cut him short. All was silent…
=====EPISODE 12=====
“HEY!!! Can anyone hear me? I’m ALIVE!!!”
*Narrator: Not you again! That was supposed to kill everyone!”
“What about Strafex? He’s still flying that stupid plane around!”
Narrator: Fine then…
Just at that moment Strafex and his Argh-Wing came into sight. Its’ engine was stuttering and try as he might, Strafex couldn’t level it out. He was heading straight for the burnt out remains of Grixs house. Sheepy started to attempt a dash for safety, but couldn’t clamber over the rubble quick enough. The Argh-Wing craft crashed right into Sheepy.
Narrator: You’d better be dead this time…
“It’s only a flesh wound, it’s only a flesh wound…” came the panicked yells.
Narrator: Right! That’s it!
One final Poke-It-On toy had survived the previous blasts and it began slowly walking to the burnt out remains where the Argh-Wing and Sheepy were lying. As it got to the Argh-Wing it clambered inside and then,
*BEEEEEEEEP
*BOOM
Simultaneously all the Argh-Wings remaining Argh-Bombs and the fuel tank exploded in a fiery inferno. Nothing could ever survive a blast that hot, and even if it did, the radiation would slowly kill anything, giving a slow and excruciating death that had no cure.
*Narrator: Ha! Get out of that one…
For the second time all was silent…
===== THE FINALE =====
Ev][L~Dark shot up in bed, the LED blinking in his eye. He could remember the dream vividly. But how did he know he was really awake, and wasn’t just dreaming that LED blinking in his eye? This gadget Richard Garriot had lent him really screwed with his mind. Was this all real? Was he asleep or awake? Was this part of some new game? Ev][L~Dark couldn’t be sure. But what he did know was he had saved the world. Whether it was in reality, a game or just in his mind, he had experienced it. He looked around his room for some evidence. There was nothing…except a small block of fine Edam in his pocket…
But then he noticed it. In the corner. Had it been there before?
A mere stuffed toy. Or was it?
Ev][l~Dark got the uneasy feeling he was being watched…
=====EPISODE 1=====
Mr. Yamauchi was feeling particularly proud. The now universally famous Poke-It-Ons had just been launched in Europe. A decade earlier, they had just been a little idea of some young games designer hired by Nintendo, now they were a global phenomenon. Eight long years ago they had launched in Japan. The consumers in Japan lapped up this original and kooky idea…
The game had been released on the Super Game Boy Turbo 2 Revival Edition, which had strong third party support, especially from Capcom with their Street Fighter Advance series. Poke-It-On had been a hit. Players got a free cuddly toy with the game which included a chip in it so the so the Super Game Boy Information Station Chip Reader could read the information about their Poke-It-On and convert it into game data like Poke-It-On type, sex, strengths and weaknesses, etc. Players had to fight their Poke-It-On with others to increase its level and make it stronger. Players could expand their team by buying more chipped cuddly toys and having their data read into the game.
A year after the Japanese received the game the reams of crucial text, data and Poke-It-On names had been converted into English. This let the American launch go ahead. The hype had been mounting, and it paid off for Nintendo. Again the Poke-It-Ons were a huge hit. The cuddly toys were banned from schools as they distracted pupils and bullies often stole them.
Now, eight long years after the Japanese launch, and seven after the US, Europe was finally going to get a taste of the Poke-It-On craze. But they were letting something much more sinister into the EU than anyone could have predicted…
=====EPISODE 2=====
Deeply embedded within every Poke-It-On cuddly toy is a Super Game Boy Pi-krap-chu Edition Mini Camera. From Japan Mr. Yamauchi could watch the Poke-It-On hysteria grow. But even more sinister was a mind beacon device developed by one of Nintendo’s many second parties called ‘Yuri Systems’. When activated it could take control of youngsters in the immediate area around the so-called toy.
Mr. Yamauchi’s plan was all going well. The hype in Japan had led to great success in America. In this land of the free he was sure the children could gain access to the higher level military equipment they would need. Now all he needed was the Europeans. Well every other World War was centred in Europe. If nothing else, at least Mr. Yamauchi was being consistent. The European launch was just as hectic as Japan and the US, parents desperately trying to get their ‘little angels’ Poke-It-Ons before they sold out in the Christmas rush. And it was only July.
By Christmas almost no child had a Poke-It-On free holiday, but the parents thanks for them came the very next day. Mr. Yamauchi decided it was time, and flicked the little red switch. Instantly child’s minds went blank. The next thoughts they had were along the lines of “KILL SONY” (except in rare cases where the translation was distorted, and came out as “KILL SHEEPY”, as if he didn’t have enough problems with Dringo!)
=====EPISODE 3=====
The carnage that ensued involved much destruction of property and the burning of all Sony goods and supporters as well as Sheepy having to barricade himself into his house and plead for humanitarian aid on Ukchatforums.com
The few who were still free in body and mind were in hiding. In America the Poke-It-On controlled kids had seized control of all the arms and were proceeding to take over all other countries arms world wide. However, back in the UK there was one who heard Sheepy’s pleas for help. He decided drastic measures were needed. He nipped into his local Special Reserve store and found Tony. On seeing the hordes approaching, Tony had given up all Sony related stock to the Poke-It-On controlled masses and vowed allegiance to Nintendo. The teenage hero and Tony then went in search of supplies. They were gonna need guns… lots of guns.
Meanwhile Sheepys cheese stock was running low. He decided to make a run for it. He just made it to the local cheeserie, luckily for him being controlled by the Poke-It-Ons made the children shamble along slowly and mumble incoherently. As sheepy opened the door he heard *Click-click
“Get outta here Poke-It-On scum!”
“I’m Human! Don’t shoot!” wailed Sheepy… “What? Tony is that you?”
“Sheepy? What are you doing here?”
“This is my favourite cheeserie thank you very much! Where’d you get that sawn off shotgun?”
“Oh, this… out back. We need to stop these damn Poke-It-On controlled kids!”
“No! You two stay here. I know what I have to do.” It was Tony’s saviour.
“Who are you?” asked Sheepy
“You probably don’t see me much. I usually stick to the Nintendo forum.”
=====EPISODE 4=====
And with that he left. Tony and Sheepy exchanged worried glances.
Suddenly the glass window smashed and three Poke-It-On kids were lunging at Sheepy. He went down and they toppled on top of him. He flailed wildly as Tony shot into the fray with the sawn off. All three kids eventually stopped moving. Sheepy gasped, “One… last… GAD win…” and then his head dropped and his tongue rolled out.
Hordes of cuddly Poke-It-Ons had been burnt already, but he was getting nowhere. There were too many. The chosen one placed the nozzle of his modified hoover back in place and ran though the masses of brainwashed kids. His destination was the airport. He needed a ride to Japan!
In the airport some adults were holding out, still not captured, and some were planning a daring escape to Scotland, where the Poke-It-Ons had ceased to function correctly due to the cold. All kids there got the message “KILL BILL” which had no effect on anyone, as most were already thinking it. But our hero demanded to be taken to Japan, the heartland of all the Poke-It-On evil. After some convincing one pilot agreed on the dangerous mission. It was a hotshot named Strafex who had just completed the training for the British government’s best kept military secret- the Argh-Wing Fighter Aircraft.
=====EPISODE 5=====
Getting to Japan proved no easy task. Strafex had to use all his barrel rolling, U-turning, lock on bombs and loops just to survive- not to mention the four Argh-Bombs he used to destroy the elite Poke-It-On Stray Fox squadron.
When the pair finally reached Japan Strafex realised he couldn’t land his Argh-Wing! His co-pilot ejected out over the ominous Nintendo building. He landed on the roof, where no guards were patrolling. He was only thirteen and therefore not so big, so he managed to clamber down the vents, until he reached what looked to be some sort of lobby. As he clambered past he was amazed to see none other than Shigeru Miyamoto!
“HEY! Where are you going?”
“I’m leaving! It… used to be about gameplay. Now his ambitions of… World Domination… they have taken over!” replied Shigsy in surprisingly good English. Shigsy continued running, and our teenage friend decided that if Shigsy was running away, he’d have to go the opposite way to get to Yamauchi…
The Poke-It-On hunter opened the double doors, and an alarm sounded. Kids brought over from the US armed to the teeth poured in. Bullet time was immediately dived into. Fire from twin uzis neutralised countless targets, and the Americans did not know what had hit them. Their ranks had first been decimated and now they could not see their target. He was behind one of the pillars, but there were so many. A tapping was heard and all the Poke-It-On controlled American children ran to investigate.
*BOOM
The proximity pinball grenade detonated as they drew close, sending body parts, and cuddly Poke-It-On limbs flying all over the room. That showed them who was boss…
=====EPISODE 6=====
Our Carrington Institute trainee proceeded to the next room. As he entered he heard a booming laugh… Mwa Ha Ha Ha! But it wasn’t Yamauchi… Swivelling round in his black leather chair stroking his famous water bong (aptly named ‘fluffy’) was Tiltawhirl!
“Who are you? Some Newbie? I’ll defeat you no problem!” he said calmly as he connected to the chat forums. His nemesis whipped out the Laptop gun and swiftly connected his favoured Dreamcast keyboard and proceeded to type at a pace previously unseen by Tiltawhirl. His new copy of Windows XP was overloaded by data from the posts and soon- ‘An internal error has occurred in Windows. Please save all programs and shut down your computer’
“DAMN YOU TO HELL BILL GATES!” yelled Tiltawhirl as his net connection went down, and he fainted in the chair.
“That boss was easy… too easy…”
As the ominous looking lift was entered and the next floor up pressed gas filled the chamber!
*Cough, Cough
Luckily you don’t invade Nintendo’s HQ unprepared. An (ahem) GasMask saved the day! The correct floor was reached and the *Bing of the lift alerted the guards on the floor.
“Leave him to me…” A voice echoed. The guards immediately left the room. A figure in black combat clothing dropped form the ceiling, munching a Tesco brand American Style chocolate chip cookie.
“Ah… The infamous Ev][L~Cooky I presume”
“That’s right” came the reply as he wiped the chocolate crumbs from his lips, “And you are?”
“You’re worst nightmare…”
Cooky immediately whipped out his Nunchuks and charged. Cookys adversary grabbed at his Fairy Bow and shot arrow after arrow at him, but he batted them all down with his fast paced Nunchuk skills. The duelling pair dived at each other and the bow fell to the ground. They met in mid-air in a beautiful dance of death. They fell to the floor and much hair pulling ensued. Finally they broke off from their close combat, and both pulled out a CMP-150. Cooky immediately switched to Lock on target mode. His target dived for cover behind the desk, unloading rounds towards Cooky. He had him now. Locked on and strafing around the desk Cooky approached.
“Say Goodbye newbie!”
=====EPISODE 7=====
“NOOOO!” Sheepy came crashing though the roof and dived into the crossfire. As Cooky let loose, his bullets hit Sheepy, and as his body collapsed onto the floor Cooky was met with a face full of lead from his nemesis’ CMP-150.
*Narrator: Hang on Sheepy, you’re already dead!
“I just did it for the dramatic effect” Came Sheepys repley.
*Narrator: What? You’re STILL not dead?
“What can I say, I found some shield technology on my way here.”
*Narrator: So why did you pretend to die AGAIN?
“Well, it did scare the $*@! out of Tony last time! Heh heh. But don’t blame me, you’re writing this rubbish!”
*Narrator: Fair point…
“Sheepy, get out of here. It’s too dangerous!”
“Okay, I don’t know who you are, but take this” Sheepy handed him a block of finely matured Edam. “Use it wisely”
Sheepy took the elevator down while the thorn in Nintendo’s side continued on through the building. As another set of double doors swung open yet another ominous voice echoed around.
=====EPISODE 8=====
“Ah, I’ve heard so much about you, yet I still don’t know your name.” There was a tense silence. “If you don not wish to speak allow me to tell you of my brilliant plan. For years I have yearned to take over the world to make it a cuter place, but Sega and now Sony have proved worthy opponents. They must be obliterated. My Poke-It-On merchandise will ensure their downfall. Even now most anti Nintendo resistance has been crushed, and the worlds arms are in my power! Just watch now as your rebel friends see that these ‘toys’ are not just mind control devices.” Mr. Yamauchi motioned over to large circular window behind his throne. “Just look at your pathetic friends attempts” he spat, flicking a switch on his Super Game Boy Weapons Of Mass Destruction Edition. Behind the glass window the forms of rebels could be made out. The Poke-It-On masses where overwhelming them. Suddenly they all drew back, and one of the cuddly toys started moving slowly forwards with its ‘realistic walking action’ feature. As it drew closer to the rebels cover, Mr. Yamauchi and his ‘guest’ could see the full extent of these ‘toys’ powers. Some of the fur had ripped off and inside was a vast quantity of C4 explosives! The cuddly rounded the corner and the rebels saw it.
“OPEN FIRE” one yelled. It was too late.
*BEEEEEEEP… BOOM!
The rebels were goners.
“And so you see, you have no hope. Nintendo will rule supreme, and I will make the world a better place. A place of only one race! The Nintys! All races, classes, sexes, religious beliefs, will all be accepted… as long as they support Nintendo! This elite race is the only fit to rule the world!”
=====EPISODE 9=====
Now he had heard the speech and the evil plot it was time to take action. James Bond style he whipped out his magnetic watch, and pulled the Super Game Boy Weapons Of Mass Destruction Edition out of Yamauchi’s hands and grabbed it himself. He ripped it apart and stamped on it just to be sure.
“Now what are you going to do Yamauchi?” was the triumphant question.
Yamauchi took out his BigGoron sword (but how he kept it in that relatively small suit pocket always remained a mystery) and charged, but the source of his anger had dived aside.
“I’ll get you! Come out and fight like a man!” Yamauchi really shouldn’t have said that. Grabbing at the Fierce Deities mask hanging from the wall, a transformation took place. Yamauchi saw a small teenager one-minute, the next a hulking great figure with burning eyes and a fat afro!
“NOO!” yelled Yamauchi as the figure stomped towards him. The sword hit right and left of Yamauchi as it was swung wildly, and as he tried to run for the door. But the Deity somersaulted over Yamauchi, blocking the doorway.
“NO ESCAPE FOR YOU!” the voice boomed, literally blowing Yamauchi to the other side of the room. An arrow whizzed to the right of his head at incredible speed considering it had just been chucked, with no bow in sight. Then a second, this one flaming, shot straight through his hand and into the wall. Yamauchi was stuck. And on fire.
“If I go down, I’m taking you with me!” A look of intense concentration came over his face, as he summoned his thoughts to telepathically tell his minions to press the big red button marked ‘Do Not Press’.
*3 Minutes till self destruct… came a voice over the PA.
*Remember, regular medical checks are required for continued employment in the Nintendo facility. It repeated on a constant loop for no apparent reason.
=====EPISODE 10=====
The fierce deity mask fell to the floor, leaving our hero as a thirteen-year-old boy once again.
“Gotta get outta here!” he muttered. He ran for the exit, but through the door unfinished business was waiting.
“Stop right there! You’re not escaping this place!”
“It’s over Cooky! You’re finished. Lets get the hell out of here before we both end up dead!”
“NO! It will never be over. You shot me in the goddamn face you little $#@*!”
“Yeah, how come you’re not dead? I know this is Nintendo and all, but this is getting ridiculous!”
“Hey, that guy out of Goldeneye survived being shot in the face. Why can’t I?”
With that, Tiltawhirl entered from the lift.
“It’s over Cooky. We can’t beat him! He’s the chosen one… We need to get out of here. I know you are loyal to Nintendo, but Yamauchi’s scheme has gone too far! It ends here!”
The three ended their disputes for the time being and ran like hell to get out of the building. As they exited the ground floor they saw a Mundano parked outside.
“It’ll have to do” panted Tiltawhirl, as they clambered in. Suddenly they realised someone was already in the car.
“Drive damn you, this whole place is about to blow!” yelled Cooky.
“Okay, okay, came the reply. Don’t worry, I’ve played Grand Theft Auto 3!”
“OH $#@* !” replied all three passengers. It was Ant in the driver’s seat.
He sped off, pedal to the metal, and as he was driving by the hordes of Poke-It-On controlled Japanese kids, he still managed to lean out the window and spray hot lead at them. Ant steered straight towards a bloke running for his life.
*Splat
“Ant! You’re only supposed to kill the Poke-It-On controlled kids! This is what happens when you play evil games on the Playstation2!” Yelled Tiltawhirl. But Ant was having way too much fun to listen. Behind them they heard the huge explosion, and dust and debris began chasing them through the streets.
“FLOOR IT” the three passengers, yelled in unison. Ant did so, and flicked the switch on the gearbox, marked Nitrous Oxide.
“HERE WE GO… NITROS!” Screamed Ant in a fit of almost psychotic daring. He weaved in and out of the parked cars and straight through many people and through plenty off ill placed cardboard boxes and stacks of old newspapers. The nitro boost finally ended and the burnt out motor skidded to a halt. Behind the car the once towering Nintendo building was just so much rubble and incinerated stockpiles of Poke-It-On merchandise.
=====EPISODE 11=====
“Ant, what the hell are you doing here anyway?” Asked Tiltawhirl
“My drug lord boss told me to blow the Nintendo building. Looks like you guys saved me a job. Us gangster types can’t let all those back payments from magic mushrooms go you know. And they had a lot!” As the group looked back on the Nintendo building they saw small figures moving slowly in their direction. “What are they?” Inquired Ant.
“Poke-It-Ons. Can’t do anything now. Their control centre is gone, so they can’t control minds now.” Answered Cooky.
“Umm, they’re not quite harmless… when I was facing Yamauchi I saw him demonstrate their ‘extra features’ as it were. Each one is packed with C4 like a walking proximity mine!”
“This way!” yelled a voice. It was Sheepy! “I’ve found an unlocked house. We can hide out there!” Everyone piled in and the door was barricaded shut. The house was searched for supplies. Sheepy took a look upstairs, and heard a strange noise from one of the rooms. He slowly reached for the door handle and turned it, then flung open the door.
“Burn Sony, Burn Sony!” came the chant. The guy was circling a flaming PS2 doing the strange chant.
“Grix? Is that you?” Sheepy asked, “What are YOU doing here?”
“Oh, hi Sheepy. I live here. Didn’t I tell you? I got fed up of European release dates so I moved over here. What are you doing in my house?”
“Grix why are you burning that thing? Hasn’t the mind control from the Poke-It-Ons worn off?”
“What do you mean ‘mind control’? Heh, see, Nintendo are always coming up with innovative new ideas for their games. Mind Control? Who else but Ninty could have come up with that?” Suddenly the terrible truth dawned on Sheepy. Grixs’ room was full of the cuddly Poke-It-Ons. He grabbed Grix by the arm and bolted down the stairs.
“GET OUT OF HERE!” Sheepy yelled. But it was too late. The barricaded door had been busted and Poke-It-Ons were already flooding down the stairs.
“It was nice knowing you guys.” Remarked Tiltawhirl, “actually, who are you?” he asked to the youngster who had seen off yamauchi.
“I’m E…”
*BOOM
The explosion from the Poke-It-Ons cut him short. All was silent…
=====EPISODE 12=====
“HEY!!! Can anyone hear me? I’m ALIVE!!!”
*Narrator: Not you again! That was supposed to kill everyone!”
“What about Strafex? He’s still flying that stupid plane around!”
Narrator: Fine then…
Just at that moment Strafex and his Argh-Wing came into sight. Its’ engine was stuttering and try as he might, Strafex couldn’t level it out. He was heading straight for the burnt out remains of Grixs house. Sheepy started to attempt a dash for safety, but couldn’t clamber over the rubble quick enough. The Argh-Wing craft crashed right into Sheepy.
Narrator: You’d better be dead this time…
“It’s only a flesh wound, it’s only a flesh wound…” came the panicked yells.
Narrator: Right! That’s it!
One final Poke-It-On toy had survived the previous blasts and it began slowly walking to the burnt out remains where the Argh-Wing and Sheepy were lying. As it got to the Argh-Wing it clambered inside and then,
*BEEEEEEEEP
*BOOM
Simultaneously all the Argh-Wings remaining Argh-Bombs and the fuel tank exploded in a fiery inferno. Nothing could ever survive a blast that hot, and even if it did, the radiation would slowly kill anything, giving a slow and excruciating death that had no cure.
*Narrator: Ha! Get out of that one…
For the second time all was silent…
===== THE FINALE =====
Ev][L~Dark shot up in bed, the LED blinking in his eye. He could remember the dream vividly. But how did he know he was really awake, and wasn’t just dreaming that LED blinking in his eye? This gadget Richard Garriot had lent him really screwed with his mind. Was this all real? Was he asleep or awake? Was this part of some new game? Ev][L~Dark couldn’t be sure. But what he did know was he had saved the world. Whether it was in reality, a game or just in his mind, he had experienced it. He looked around his room for some evidence. There was nothing…except a small block of fine Edam in his pocket…
But then he noticed it. In the corner. Had it been there before?
A mere stuffed toy. Or was it?
Ev][l~Dark got the uneasy feeling he was being watched…
There have been no replies to this thread yet.
This is a (very) long story so you may want to copy and paste it to save your phone bill...
=====EPISODE 1=====
Mr. Yamauchi was feeling particularly proud. The now universally famous Poke-It-Ons had just been launched in Europe. A decade earlier, they had just been a little idea of some young games designer hired by Nintendo, now they were a global phenomenon. Eight long years ago they had launched in Japan. The consumers in Japan lapped up this original and kooky idea…
The game had been released on the Super Game Boy Turbo 2 Revival Edition, which had strong third party support, especially from Capcom with their Street Fighter Advance series. Poke-It-On had been a hit. Players got a free cuddly toy with the game which included a chip in it so the so the Super Game Boy Information Station Chip Reader could read the information about their Poke-It-On and convert it into game data like Poke-It-On type, sex, strengths and weaknesses, etc. Players had to fight their Poke-It-On with others to increase its level and make it stronger. Players could expand their team by buying more chipped cuddly toys and having their data read into the game.
A year after the Japanese received the game the reams of crucial text, data and Poke-It-On names had been converted into English. This let the American launch go ahead. The hype had been mounting, and it paid off for Nintendo. Again the Poke-It-Ons were a huge hit. The cuddly toys were banned from schools as they distracted pupils and bullies often stole them.
Now, eight long years after the Japanese launch, and seven after the US, Europe was finally going to get a taste of the Poke-It-On craze. But they were letting something much more sinister into the EU than anyone could have predicted…
=====EPISODE 2=====
Deeply embedded within every Poke-It-On cuddly toy is a Super Game Boy Pi-krap-chu Edition Mini Camera. From Japan Mr. Yamauchi could watch the Poke-It-On hysteria grow. But even more sinister was a mind beacon device developed by one of Nintendo’s many second parties called ‘Yuri Systems’. When activated it could take control of youngsters in the immediate area around the so-called toy.
Mr. Yamauchi’s plan was all going well. The hype in Japan had led to great success in America. In this land of the free he was sure the children could gain access to the higher level military equipment they would need. Now all he needed was the Europeans. Well every other World War was centred in Europe. If nothing else, at least Mr. Yamauchi was being consistent. The European launch was just as hectic as Japan and the US, parents desperately trying to get their ‘little angels’ Poke-It-Ons before they sold out in the Christmas rush. And it was only July.
By Christmas almost no child had a Poke-It-On free holiday, but the parents thanks for them came the very next day. Mr. Yamauchi decided it was time, and flicked the little red switch. Instantly child’s minds went blank. The next thoughts they had were along the lines of “KILL SONY” (except in rare cases where the translation was distorted, and came out as “KILL SHEEPY”, as if he didn’t have enough problems with Dringo!)
=====EPISODE 3=====
The carnage that ensued involved much destruction of property and the burning of all Sony goods and supporters as well as Sheepy having to barricade himself into his house and plead for humanitarian aid on Ukchatforums.com
The few who were still free in body and mind were in hiding. In America the Poke-It-On controlled kids had seized control of all the arms and were proceeding to take over all other countries arms world wide. However, back in the UK there was one who heard Sheepy’s pleas for help. He decided drastic measures were needed. He nipped into his local Special Reserve store and found Tony. On seeing the hordes approaching, Tony had given up all Sony related stock to the Poke-It-On controlled masses and vowed allegiance to Nintendo. The teenage hero and Tony then went in search of supplies. They were gonna need guns… lots of guns.
Meanwhile Sheepys cheese stock was running low. He decided to make a run for it. He just made it to the local cheeserie, luckily for him being controlled by the Poke-It-Ons made the children shamble along slowly and mumble incoherently. As sheepy opened the door he heard *Click-click
“Get outta here Poke-It-On scum!”
“I’m Human! Don’t shoot!” wailed Sheepy… “What? Tony is that you?”
“Sheepy? What are you doing here?”
“This is my favourite cheeserie thank you very much! Where’d you get that sawn off shotgun?”
“Oh, this… out back. We need to stop these damn Poke-It-On controlled kids!”
“No! You two stay here. I know what I have to do.” It was Tony’s saviour.
“Who are you?” asked Sheepy
“You probably don’t see me much. I usually stick to the Nintendo forum.”
=====EPISODE 4=====
And with that he left. Tony and Sheepy exchanged worried glances.
Suddenly the glass window smashed and three Poke-It-On kids were lunging at Sheepy. He went down and they toppled on top of him. He flailed wildly as Tony shot into the fray with the sawn off. All three kids eventually stopped moving. Sheepy gasped, “One… last… GAD win…” and then his head dropped and his tongue rolled out.
Hordes of cuddly Poke-It-Ons had been burnt already, but he was getting nowhere. There were too many. The chosen one placed the nozzle of his modified hoover back in place and ran though the masses of brainwashed kids. His destination was the airport. He needed a ride to Japan!
In the airport some adults were holding out, still not captured, and some were planning a daring escape to Scotland, where the Poke-It-Ons had ceased to function correctly due to the cold. All kids there got the message “KILL BILL” which had no effect on anyone, as most were already thinking it. But our hero demanded to be taken to Japan, the heartland of all the Poke-It-On evil. After some convincing one pilot agreed on the dangerous mission. It was a hotshot named Strafex who had just completed the training for the British government’s best kept military secret- the Argh-Wing Fighter Aircraft.
=====EPISODE 5=====
Getting to Japan proved no easy task. Strafex had to use all his barrel rolling, U-turning, lock on bombs and loops just to survive- not to mention the four Argh-Bombs he used to destroy the elite Poke-It-On Stray Fox squadron.
When the pair finally reached Japan Strafex realised he couldn’t land his Argh-Wing! His co-pilot ejected out over the ominous Nintendo building. He landed on the roof, where no guards were patrolling. He was only thirteen and therefore not so big, so he managed to clamber down the vents, until he reached what looked to be some sort of lobby. As he clambered past he was amazed to see none other than Shigeru Miyamoto!
“HEY! Where are you going?”
“I’m leaving! It… used to be about gameplay. Now his ambitions of… World Domination… they have taken over!” replied Shigsy in surprisingly good English. Shigsy continued running, and our teenage friend decided that if Shigsy was running away, he’d have to go the opposite way to get to Yamauchi…
The Poke-It-On hunter opened the double doors, and an alarm sounded. Kids brought over from the US armed to the teeth poured in. Bullet time was immediately dived into. Fire from twin uzis neutralised countless targets, and the Americans did not know what had hit them. Their ranks had first been decimated and now they could not see their target. He was behind one of the pillars, but there were so many. A tapping was heard and all the Poke-It-On controlled American children ran to investigate.
*BOOM
The proximity pinball grenade detonated as they drew close, sending body parts, and cuddly Poke-It-On limbs flying all over the room. That showed them who was boss…
=====EPISODE 6=====
Our Carrington Institute trainee proceeded to the next room. As he entered he heard a booming laugh… Mwa Ha Ha Ha! But it wasn’t Yamauchi… Swivelling round in his black leather chair stroking his famous water bong (aptly named ‘fluffy’) was Tiltawhirl!
“Who are you? Some Newbie? I’ll defeat you no problem!” he said calmly as he connected to the chat forums. His nemesis whipped out the Laptop gun and swiftly connected his favoured Dreamcast keyboard and proceeded to type at a pace previously unseen by Tiltawhirl. His new copy of Windows XP was overloaded by data from the posts and soon- ‘An internal error has occurred in Windows. Please save all programs and shut down your computer’
“DAMN YOU TO HELL BILL GATES!” yelled Tiltawhirl as his net connection went down, and he fainted in the chair.
“That boss was easy… too easy…”
As the ominous looking lift was entered and the next floor up pressed gas filled the chamber!
*Cough, Cough
Luckily you don’t invade Nintendo’s HQ unprepared. An (ahem) GasMask saved the day! The correct floor was reached and the *Bing of the lift alerted the guards on the floor.
“Leave him to me…” A voice echoed. The guards immediately left the room. A figure in black combat clothing dropped form the ceiling, munching a Tesco brand American Style chocolate chip cookie.
“Ah… The infamous Ev][L~Cooky I presume”
“That’s right” came the reply as he wiped the chocolate crumbs from his lips, “And you are?”
“You’re worst nightmare…”
Cooky immediately whipped out his Nunchuks and charged. Cookys adversary grabbed at his Fairy Bow and shot arrow after arrow at him, but he batted them all down with his fast paced Nunchuk skills. The duelling pair dived at each other and the bow fell to the ground. They met in mid-air in a beautiful dance of death. They fell to the floor and much hair pulling ensued. Finally they broke off from their close combat, and both pulled out a CMP-150. Cooky immediately switched to Lock on target mode. His target dived for cover behind the desk, unloading rounds towards Cooky. He had him now. Locked on and strafing around the desk Cooky approached.
“Say Goodbye newbie!”
=====EPISODE 7=====
“NOOOO!” Sheepy came crashing though the roof and dived into the crossfire. As Cooky let loose, his bullets hit Sheepy, and as his body collapsed onto the floor Cooky was met with a face full of lead from his nemesis’ CMP-150.
*Narrator: Hang on Sheepy, you’re already dead!
“I just did it for the dramatic effect” Came Sheepys repley.
*Narrator: What? You’re STILL not dead?
“What can I say, I found some shield technology on my way here.”
*Narrator: So why did you pretend to die AGAIN?
“Well, it did scare the $*@! out of Tony last time! Heh heh. But don’t blame me, you’re writing this rubbish!”
*Narrator: Fair point…
“Sheepy, get out of here. It’s too dangerous!”
“Okay, I don’t know who you are, but take this” Sheepy handed him a block of finely matured Edam. “Use it wisely”
Sheepy took the elevator down while the thorn in Nintendo’s side continued on through the building. As another set of double doors swung open yet another ominous voice echoed around.
=====EPISODE 8=====
“Ah, I’ve heard so much about you, yet I still don’t know your name.” There was a tense silence. “If you don not wish to speak allow me to tell you of my brilliant plan. For years I have yearned to take over the world to make it a cuter place, but Sega and now Sony have proved worthy opponents. They must be obliterated. My Poke-It-On merchandise will ensure their downfall. Even now most anti Nintendo resistance has been crushed, and the worlds arms are in my power! Just watch now as your rebel friends see that these ‘toys’ are not just mind control devices.” Mr. Yamauchi motioned over to large circular window behind his throne. “Just look at your pathetic friends attempts” he spat, flicking a switch on his Super Game Boy Weapons Of Mass Destruction Edition. Behind the glass window the forms of rebels could be made out. The Poke-It-On masses where overwhelming them. Suddenly they all drew back, and one of the cuddly toys started moving slowly forwards with its ‘realistic walking action’ feature. As it drew closer to the rebels cover, Mr. Yamauchi and his ‘guest’ could see the full extent of these ‘toys’ powers. Some of the fur had ripped off and inside was a vast quantity of C4 explosives! The cuddly rounded the corner and the rebels saw it.
“OPEN FIRE” one yelled. It was too late.
*BEEEEEEEP… BOOM!
The rebels were goners.
“And so you see, you have no hope. Nintendo will rule supreme, and I will make the world a better place. A place of only one race! The Nintys! All races, classes, sexes, religious beliefs, will all be accepted… as long as they support Nintendo! This elite race is the only fit to rule the world!”
=====EPISODE 9=====
Now he had heard the speech and the evil plot it was time to take action. James Bond style he whipped out his magnetic watch, and pulled the Super Game Boy Weapons Of Mass Destruction Edition out of Yamauchi’s hands and grabbed it himself. He ripped it apart and stamped on it just to be sure.
“Now what are you going to do Yamauchi?” was the triumphant question.
Yamauchi took out his BigGoron sword (but how he kept it in that relatively small suit pocket always remained a mystery) and charged, but the source of his anger had dived aside.
“I’ll get you! Come out and fight like a man!” Yamauchi really shouldn’t have said that. Grabbing at the Fierce Deities mask hanging from the wall, a transformation took place. Yamauchi saw a small teenager one-minute, the next a hulking great figure with burning eyes and a fat afro!
“NOO!” yelled Yamauchi as the figure stomped towards him. The sword hit right and left of Yamauchi as it was swung wildly, and as he tried to run for the door. But the Deity somersaulted over Yamauchi, blocking the doorway.
“NO ESCAPE FOR YOU!” the voice boomed, literally blowing Yamauchi to the other side of the room. An arrow whizzed to the right of his head at incredible speed considering it had just been chucked, with no bow in sight. Then a second, this one flaming, shot straight through his hand and into the wall. Yamauchi was stuck. And on fire.
“If I go down, I’m taking you with me!” A look of intense concentration came over his face, as he summoned his thoughts to telepathically tell his minions to press the big red button marked ‘Do Not Press’.
*3 Minutes till self destruct… came a voice over the PA.
*Remember, regular medical checks are required for continued employment in the Nintendo facility. It repeated on a constant loop for no apparent reason.
=====EPISODE 10=====
The fierce deity mask fell to the floor, leaving our hero as a thirteen-year-old boy once again.
“Gotta get outta here!” he muttered. He ran for the exit, but through the door unfinished business was waiting.
“Stop right there! You’re not escaping this place!”
“It’s over Cooky! You’re finished. Lets get the hell out of here before we both end up dead!”
“NO! It will never be over. You shot me in the goddamn face you little $#@*!”
“Yeah, how come you’re not dead? I know this is Nintendo and all, but this is getting ridiculous!”
“Hey, that guy out of Goldeneye survived being shot in the face. Why can’t I?”
With that, Tiltawhirl entered from the lift.
“It’s over Cooky. We can’t beat him! He’s the chosen one… We need to get out of here. I know you are loyal to Nintendo, but Yamauchi’s scheme has gone too far! It ends here!”
The three ended their disputes for the time being and ran like hell to get out of the building. As they exited the ground floor they saw a Mundano parked outside.
“It’ll have to do” panted Tiltawhirl, as they clambered in. Suddenly they realised someone was already in the car.
“Drive damn you, this whole place is about to blow!” yelled Cooky.
“Okay, okay, came the reply. Don’t worry, I’ve played Grand Theft Auto 3!”
“OH $#@* !” replied all three passengers. It was Ant in the driver’s seat.
He sped off, pedal to the metal, and as he was driving by the hordes of Poke-It-On controlled Japanese kids, he still managed to lean out the window and spray hot lead at them. Ant steered straight towards a bloke running for his life.
*Splat
“Ant! You’re only supposed to kill the Poke-It-On controlled kids! This is what happens when you play evil games on the Playstation2!” Yelled Tiltawhirl. But Ant was having way too much fun to listen. Behind them they heard the huge explosion, and dust and debris began chasing them through the streets.
“FLOOR IT” the three passengers, yelled in unison. Ant did so, and flicked the switch on the gearbox, marked Nitrous Oxide.
“HERE WE GO… NITROS!” Screamed Ant in a fit of almost psychotic daring. He weaved in and out of the parked cars and straight through many people and through plenty off ill placed cardboard boxes and stacks of old newspapers. The nitro boost finally ended and the burnt out motor skidded to a halt. Behind the car the once towering Nintendo building was just so much rubble and incinerated stockpiles of Poke-It-On merchandise.
=====EPISODE 11=====
“Ant, what the hell are you doing here anyway?” Asked Tiltawhirl
“My drug lord boss told me to blow the Nintendo building. Looks like you guys saved me a job. Us gangster types can’t let all those back payments from magic mushrooms go you know. And they had a lot!” As the group looked back on the Nintendo building they saw small figures moving slowly in their direction. “What are they?” Inquired Ant.
“Poke-It-Ons. Can’t do anything now. Their control centre is gone, so they can’t control minds now.” Answered Cooky.
“Umm, they’re not quite harmless… when I was facing Yamauchi I saw him demonstrate their ‘extra features’ as it were. Each one is packed with C4 like a walking proximity mine!”
“This way!” yelled a voice. It was Sheepy! “I’ve found an unlocked house. We can hide out there!” Everyone piled in and the door was barricaded shut. The house was searched for supplies. Sheepy took a look upstairs, and heard a strange noise from one of the rooms. He slowly reached for the door handle and turned it, then flung open the door.
“Burn Sony, Burn Sony!” came the chant. The guy was circling a flaming PS2 doing the strange chant.
“Grix? Is that you?” Sheepy asked, “What are YOU doing here?”
“Oh, hi Sheepy. I live here. Didn’t I tell you? I got fed up of European release dates so I moved over here. What are you doing in my house?”
“Grix why are you burning that thing? Hasn’t the mind control from the Poke-It-Ons worn off?”
“What do you mean ‘mind control’? Heh, see, Nintendo are always coming up with innovative new ideas for their games. Mind Control? Who else but Ninty could have come up with that?” Suddenly the terrible truth dawned on Sheepy. Grixs’ room was full of the cuddly Poke-It-Ons. He grabbed Grix by the arm and bolted down the stairs.
“GET OUT OF HERE!” Sheepy yelled. But it was too late. The barricaded door had been busted and Poke-It-Ons were already flooding down the stairs.
“It was nice knowing you guys.” Remarked Tiltawhirl, “actually, who are you?” he asked to the youngster who had seen off yamauchi.
“I’m E…”
*BOOM
The explosion from the Poke-It-Ons cut him short. All was silent…
=====EPISODE 12=====
“HEY!!! Can anyone hear me? I’m ALIVE!!!”
*Narrator: Not you again! That was supposed to kill everyone!”
“What about Strafex? He’s still flying that stupid plane around!”
Narrator: Fine then…
Just at that moment Strafex and his Argh-Wing came into sight. Its’ engine was stuttering and try as he might, Strafex couldn’t level it out. He was heading straight for the burnt out remains of Grixs house. Sheepy started to attempt a dash for safety, but couldn’t clamber over the rubble quick enough. The Argh-Wing craft crashed right into Sheepy.
Narrator: You’d better be dead this time…
“It’s only a flesh wound, it’s only a flesh wound…” came the panicked yells.
Narrator: Right! That’s it!
One final Poke-It-On toy had survived the previous blasts and it began slowly walking to the burnt out remains where the Argh-Wing and Sheepy were lying. As it got to the Argh-Wing it clambered inside and then,
*BEEEEEEEEP
*BOOM
Simultaneously all the Argh-Wings remaining Argh-Bombs and the fuel tank exploded in a fiery inferno. Nothing could ever survive a blast that hot, and even if it did, the radiation would slowly kill anything, giving a slow and excruciating death that had no cure.
*Narrator: Ha! Get out of that one…
For the second time all was silent…
===== THE FINALE =====
Ev][L~Dark shot up in bed, the LED blinking in his eye. He could remember the dream vividly. But how did he know he was really awake, and wasn’t just dreaming that LED blinking in his eye? This gadget Richard Garriot had lent him really screwed with his mind. Was this all real? Was he asleep or awake? Was this part of some new game? Ev][L~Dark couldn’t be sure. But what he did know was he had saved the world. Whether it was in reality, a game or just in his mind, he had experienced it. He looked around his room for some evidence. There was nothing…except a small block of fine Edam in his pocket…
But then he noticed it. In the corner. Had it been there before?
A mere stuffed toy. Or was it?
Ev][l~Dark got the uneasy feeling he was being watched…
=====EPISODE 1=====
Mr. Yamauchi was feeling particularly proud. The now universally famous Poke-It-Ons had just been launched in Europe. A decade earlier, they had just been a little idea of some young games designer hired by Nintendo, now they were a global phenomenon. Eight long years ago they had launched in Japan. The consumers in Japan lapped up this original and kooky idea…
The game had been released on the Super Game Boy Turbo 2 Revival Edition, which had strong third party support, especially from Capcom with their Street Fighter Advance series. Poke-It-On had been a hit. Players got a free cuddly toy with the game which included a chip in it so the so the Super Game Boy Information Station Chip Reader could read the information about their Poke-It-On and convert it into game data like Poke-It-On type, sex, strengths and weaknesses, etc. Players had to fight their Poke-It-On with others to increase its level and make it stronger. Players could expand their team by buying more chipped cuddly toys and having their data read into the game.
A year after the Japanese received the game the reams of crucial text, data and Poke-It-On names had been converted into English. This let the American launch go ahead. The hype had been mounting, and it paid off for Nintendo. Again the Poke-It-Ons were a huge hit. The cuddly toys were banned from schools as they distracted pupils and bullies often stole them.
Now, eight long years after the Japanese launch, and seven after the US, Europe was finally going to get a taste of the Poke-It-On craze. But they were letting something much more sinister into the EU than anyone could have predicted…
=====EPISODE 2=====
Deeply embedded within every Poke-It-On cuddly toy is a Super Game Boy Pi-krap-chu Edition Mini Camera. From Japan Mr. Yamauchi could watch the Poke-It-On hysteria grow. But even more sinister was a mind beacon device developed by one of Nintendo’s many second parties called ‘Yuri Systems’. When activated it could take control of youngsters in the immediate area around the so-called toy.
Mr. Yamauchi’s plan was all going well. The hype in Japan had led to great success in America. In this land of the free he was sure the children could gain access to the higher level military equipment they would need. Now all he needed was the Europeans. Well every other World War was centred in Europe. If nothing else, at least Mr. Yamauchi was being consistent. The European launch was just as hectic as Japan and the US, parents desperately trying to get their ‘little angels’ Poke-It-Ons before they sold out in the Christmas rush. And it was only July.
By Christmas almost no child had a Poke-It-On free holiday, but the parents thanks for them came the very next day. Mr. Yamauchi decided it was time, and flicked the little red switch. Instantly child’s minds went blank. The next thoughts they had were along the lines of “KILL SONY” (except in rare cases where the translation was distorted, and came out as “KILL SHEEPY”, as if he didn’t have enough problems with Dringo!)
=====EPISODE 3=====
The carnage that ensued involved much destruction of property and the burning of all Sony goods and supporters as well as Sheepy having to barricade himself into his house and plead for humanitarian aid on Ukchatforums.com
The few who were still free in body and mind were in hiding. In America the Poke-It-On controlled kids had seized control of all the arms and were proceeding to take over all other countries arms world wide. However, back in the UK there was one who heard Sheepy’s pleas for help. He decided drastic measures were needed. He nipped into his local Special Reserve store and found Tony. On seeing the hordes approaching, Tony had given up all Sony related stock to the Poke-It-On controlled masses and vowed allegiance to Nintendo. The teenage hero and Tony then went in search of supplies. They were gonna need guns… lots of guns.
Meanwhile Sheepys cheese stock was running low. He decided to make a run for it. He just made it to the local cheeserie, luckily for him being controlled by the Poke-It-Ons made the children shamble along slowly and mumble incoherently. As sheepy opened the door he heard *Click-click
“Get outta here Poke-It-On scum!”
“I’m Human! Don’t shoot!” wailed Sheepy… “What? Tony is that you?”
“Sheepy? What are you doing here?”
“This is my favourite cheeserie thank you very much! Where’d you get that sawn off shotgun?”
“Oh, this… out back. We need to stop these damn Poke-It-On controlled kids!”
“No! You two stay here. I know what I have to do.” It was Tony’s saviour.
“Who are you?” asked Sheepy
“You probably don’t see me much. I usually stick to the Nintendo forum.”
=====EPISODE 4=====
And with that he left. Tony and Sheepy exchanged worried glances.
Suddenly the glass window smashed and three Poke-It-On kids were lunging at Sheepy. He went down and they toppled on top of him. He flailed wildly as Tony shot into the fray with the sawn off. All three kids eventually stopped moving. Sheepy gasped, “One… last… GAD win…” and then his head dropped and his tongue rolled out.
Hordes of cuddly Poke-It-Ons had been burnt already, but he was getting nowhere. There were too many. The chosen one placed the nozzle of his modified hoover back in place and ran though the masses of brainwashed kids. His destination was the airport. He needed a ride to Japan!
In the airport some adults were holding out, still not captured, and some were planning a daring escape to Scotland, where the Poke-It-Ons had ceased to function correctly due to the cold. All kids there got the message “KILL BILL” which had no effect on anyone, as most were already thinking it. But our hero demanded to be taken to Japan, the heartland of all the Poke-It-On evil. After some convincing one pilot agreed on the dangerous mission. It was a hotshot named Strafex who had just completed the training for the British government’s best kept military secret- the Argh-Wing Fighter Aircraft.
=====EPISODE 5=====
Getting to Japan proved no easy task. Strafex had to use all his barrel rolling, U-turning, lock on bombs and loops just to survive- not to mention the four Argh-Bombs he used to destroy the elite Poke-It-On Stray Fox squadron.
When the pair finally reached Japan Strafex realised he couldn’t land his Argh-Wing! His co-pilot ejected out over the ominous Nintendo building. He landed on the roof, where no guards were patrolling. He was only thirteen and therefore not so big, so he managed to clamber down the vents, until he reached what looked to be some sort of lobby. As he clambered past he was amazed to see none other than Shigeru Miyamoto!
“HEY! Where are you going?”
“I’m leaving! It… used to be about gameplay. Now his ambitions of… World Domination… they have taken over!” replied Shigsy in surprisingly good English. Shigsy continued running, and our teenage friend decided that if Shigsy was running away, he’d have to go the opposite way to get to Yamauchi…
The Poke-It-On hunter opened the double doors, and an alarm sounded. Kids brought over from the US armed to the teeth poured in. Bullet time was immediately dived into. Fire from twin uzis neutralised countless targets, and the Americans did not know what had hit them. Their ranks had first been decimated and now they could not see their target. He was behind one of the pillars, but there were so many. A tapping was heard and all the Poke-It-On controlled American children ran to investigate.
*BOOM
The proximity pinball grenade detonated as they drew close, sending body parts, and cuddly Poke-It-On limbs flying all over the room. That showed them who was boss…
=====EPISODE 6=====
Our Carrington Institute trainee proceeded to the next room. As he entered he heard a booming laugh… Mwa Ha Ha Ha! But it wasn’t Yamauchi… Swivelling round in his black leather chair stroking his famous water bong (aptly named ‘fluffy’) was Tiltawhirl!
“Who are you? Some Newbie? I’ll defeat you no problem!” he said calmly as he connected to the chat forums. His nemesis whipped out the Laptop gun and swiftly connected his favoured Dreamcast keyboard and proceeded to type at a pace previously unseen by Tiltawhirl. His new copy of Windows XP was overloaded by data from the posts and soon- ‘An internal error has occurred in Windows. Please save all programs and shut down your computer’
“DAMN YOU TO HELL BILL GATES!” yelled Tiltawhirl as his net connection went down, and he fainted in the chair.
“That boss was easy… too easy…”
As the ominous looking lift was entered and the next floor up pressed gas filled the chamber!
*Cough, Cough
Luckily you don’t invade Nintendo’s HQ unprepared. An (ahem) GasMask saved the day! The correct floor was reached and the *Bing of the lift alerted the guards on the floor.
“Leave him to me…” A voice echoed. The guards immediately left the room. A figure in black combat clothing dropped form the ceiling, munching a Tesco brand American Style chocolate chip cookie.
“Ah… The infamous Ev][L~Cooky I presume”
“That’s right” came the reply as he wiped the chocolate crumbs from his lips, “And you are?”
“You’re worst nightmare…”
Cooky immediately whipped out his Nunchuks and charged. Cookys adversary grabbed at his Fairy Bow and shot arrow after arrow at him, but he batted them all down with his fast paced Nunchuk skills. The duelling pair dived at each other and the bow fell to the ground. They met in mid-air in a beautiful dance of death. They fell to the floor and much hair pulling ensued. Finally they broke off from their close combat, and both pulled out a CMP-150. Cooky immediately switched to Lock on target mode. His target dived for cover behind the desk, unloading rounds towards Cooky. He had him now. Locked on and strafing around the desk Cooky approached.
“Say Goodbye newbie!”
=====EPISODE 7=====
“NOOOO!” Sheepy came crashing though the roof and dived into the crossfire. As Cooky let loose, his bullets hit Sheepy, and as his body collapsed onto the floor Cooky was met with a face full of lead from his nemesis’ CMP-150.
*Narrator: Hang on Sheepy, you’re already dead!
“I just did it for the dramatic effect” Came Sheepys repley.
*Narrator: What? You’re STILL not dead?
“What can I say, I found some shield technology on my way here.”
*Narrator: So why did you pretend to die AGAIN?
“Well, it did scare the $*@! out of Tony last time! Heh heh. But don’t blame me, you’re writing this rubbish!”
*Narrator: Fair point…
“Sheepy, get out of here. It’s too dangerous!”
“Okay, I don’t know who you are, but take this” Sheepy handed him a block of finely matured Edam. “Use it wisely”
Sheepy took the elevator down while the thorn in Nintendo’s side continued on through the building. As another set of double doors swung open yet another ominous voice echoed around.
=====EPISODE 8=====
“Ah, I’ve heard so much about you, yet I still don’t know your name.” There was a tense silence. “If you don not wish to speak allow me to tell you of my brilliant plan. For years I have yearned to take over the world to make it a cuter place, but Sega and now Sony have proved worthy opponents. They must be obliterated. My Poke-It-On merchandise will ensure their downfall. Even now most anti Nintendo resistance has been crushed, and the worlds arms are in my power! Just watch now as your rebel friends see that these ‘toys’ are not just mind control devices.” Mr. Yamauchi motioned over to large circular window behind his throne. “Just look at your pathetic friends attempts” he spat, flicking a switch on his Super Game Boy Weapons Of Mass Destruction Edition. Behind the glass window the forms of rebels could be made out. The Poke-It-On masses where overwhelming them. Suddenly they all drew back, and one of the cuddly toys started moving slowly forwards with its ‘realistic walking action’ feature. As it drew closer to the rebels cover, Mr. Yamauchi and his ‘guest’ could see the full extent of these ‘toys’ powers. Some of the fur had ripped off and inside was a vast quantity of C4 explosives! The cuddly rounded the corner and the rebels saw it.
“OPEN FIRE” one yelled. It was too late.
*BEEEEEEEP… BOOM!
The rebels were goners.
“And so you see, you have no hope. Nintendo will rule supreme, and I will make the world a better place. A place of only one race! The Nintys! All races, classes, sexes, religious beliefs, will all be accepted… as long as they support Nintendo! This elite race is the only fit to rule the world!”
=====EPISODE 9=====
Now he had heard the speech and the evil plot it was time to take action. James Bond style he whipped out his magnetic watch, and pulled the Super Game Boy Weapons Of Mass Destruction Edition out of Yamauchi’s hands and grabbed it himself. He ripped it apart and stamped on it just to be sure.
“Now what are you going to do Yamauchi?” was the triumphant question.
Yamauchi took out his BigGoron sword (but how he kept it in that relatively small suit pocket always remained a mystery) and charged, but the source of his anger had dived aside.
“I’ll get you! Come out and fight like a man!” Yamauchi really shouldn’t have said that. Grabbing at the Fierce Deities mask hanging from the wall, a transformation took place. Yamauchi saw a small teenager one-minute, the next a hulking great figure with burning eyes and a fat afro!
“NOO!” yelled Yamauchi as the figure stomped towards him. The sword hit right and left of Yamauchi as it was swung wildly, and as he tried to run for the door. But the Deity somersaulted over Yamauchi, blocking the doorway.
“NO ESCAPE FOR YOU!” the voice boomed, literally blowing Yamauchi to the other side of the room. An arrow whizzed to the right of his head at incredible speed considering it had just been chucked, with no bow in sight. Then a second, this one flaming, shot straight through his hand and into the wall. Yamauchi was stuck. And on fire.
“If I go down, I’m taking you with me!” A look of intense concentration came over his face, as he summoned his thoughts to telepathically tell his minions to press the big red button marked ‘Do Not Press’.
*3 Minutes till self destruct… came a voice over the PA.
*Remember, regular medical checks are required for continued employment in the Nintendo facility. It repeated on a constant loop for no apparent reason.
=====EPISODE 10=====
The fierce deity mask fell to the floor, leaving our hero as a thirteen-year-old boy once again.
“Gotta get outta here!” he muttered. He ran for the exit, but through the door unfinished business was waiting.
“Stop right there! You’re not escaping this place!”
“It’s over Cooky! You’re finished. Lets get the hell out of here before we both end up dead!”
“NO! It will never be over. You shot me in the goddamn face you little $#@*!”
“Yeah, how come you’re not dead? I know this is Nintendo and all, but this is getting ridiculous!”
“Hey, that guy out of Goldeneye survived being shot in the face. Why can’t I?”
With that, Tiltawhirl entered from the lift.
“It’s over Cooky. We can’t beat him! He’s the chosen one… We need to get out of here. I know you are loyal to Nintendo, but Yamauchi’s scheme has gone too far! It ends here!”
The three ended their disputes for the time being and ran like hell to get out of the building. As they exited the ground floor they saw a Mundano parked outside.
“It’ll have to do” panted Tiltawhirl, as they clambered in. Suddenly they realised someone was already in the car.
“Drive damn you, this whole place is about to blow!” yelled Cooky.
“Okay, okay, came the reply. Don’t worry, I’ve played Grand Theft Auto 3!”
“OH $#@* !” replied all three passengers. It was Ant in the driver’s seat.
He sped off, pedal to the metal, and as he was driving by the hordes of Poke-It-On controlled Japanese kids, he still managed to lean out the window and spray hot lead at them. Ant steered straight towards a bloke running for his life.
*Splat
“Ant! You’re only supposed to kill the Poke-It-On controlled kids! This is what happens when you play evil games on the Playstation2!” Yelled Tiltawhirl. But Ant was having way too much fun to listen. Behind them they heard the huge explosion, and dust and debris began chasing them through the streets.
“FLOOR IT” the three passengers, yelled in unison. Ant did so, and flicked the switch on the gearbox, marked Nitrous Oxide.
“HERE WE GO… NITROS!” Screamed Ant in a fit of almost psychotic daring. He weaved in and out of the parked cars and straight through many people and through plenty off ill placed cardboard boxes and stacks of old newspapers. The nitro boost finally ended and the burnt out motor skidded to a halt. Behind the car the once towering Nintendo building was just so much rubble and incinerated stockpiles of Poke-It-On merchandise.
=====EPISODE 11=====
“Ant, what the hell are you doing here anyway?” Asked Tiltawhirl
“My drug lord boss told me to blow the Nintendo building. Looks like you guys saved me a job. Us gangster types can’t let all those back payments from magic mushrooms go you know. And they had a lot!” As the group looked back on the Nintendo building they saw small figures moving slowly in their direction. “What are they?” Inquired Ant.
“Poke-It-Ons. Can’t do anything now. Their control centre is gone, so they can’t control minds now.” Answered Cooky.
“Umm, they’re not quite harmless… when I was facing Yamauchi I saw him demonstrate their ‘extra features’ as it were. Each one is packed with C4 like a walking proximity mine!”
“This way!” yelled a voice. It was Sheepy! “I’ve found an unlocked house. We can hide out there!” Everyone piled in and the door was barricaded shut. The house was searched for supplies. Sheepy took a look upstairs, and heard a strange noise from one of the rooms. He slowly reached for the door handle and turned it, then flung open the door.
“Burn Sony, Burn Sony!” came the chant. The guy was circling a flaming PS2 doing the strange chant.
“Grix? Is that you?” Sheepy asked, “What are YOU doing here?”
“Oh, hi Sheepy. I live here. Didn’t I tell you? I got fed up of European release dates so I moved over here. What are you doing in my house?”
“Grix why are you burning that thing? Hasn’t the mind control from the Poke-It-Ons worn off?”
“What do you mean ‘mind control’? Heh, see, Nintendo are always coming up with innovative new ideas for their games. Mind Control? Who else but Ninty could have come up with that?” Suddenly the terrible truth dawned on Sheepy. Grixs’ room was full of the cuddly Poke-It-Ons. He grabbed Grix by the arm and bolted down the stairs.
“GET OUT OF HERE!” Sheepy yelled. But it was too late. The barricaded door had been busted and Poke-It-Ons were already flooding down the stairs.
“It was nice knowing you guys.” Remarked Tiltawhirl, “actually, who are you?” he asked to the youngster who had seen off yamauchi.
“I’m E…”
*BOOM
The explosion from the Poke-It-Ons cut him short. All was silent…
=====EPISODE 12=====
“HEY!!! Can anyone hear me? I’m ALIVE!!!”
*Narrator: Not you again! That was supposed to kill everyone!”
“What about Strafex? He’s still flying that stupid plane around!”
Narrator: Fine then…
Just at that moment Strafex and his Argh-Wing came into sight. Its’ engine was stuttering and try as he might, Strafex couldn’t level it out. He was heading straight for the burnt out remains of Grixs house. Sheepy started to attempt a dash for safety, but couldn’t clamber over the rubble quick enough. The Argh-Wing craft crashed right into Sheepy.
Narrator: You’d better be dead this time…
“It’s only a flesh wound, it’s only a flesh wound…” came the panicked yells.
Narrator: Right! That’s it!
One final Poke-It-On toy had survived the previous blasts and it began slowly walking to the burnt out remains where the Argh-Wing and Sheepy were lying. As it got to the Argh-Wing it clambered inside and then,
*BEEEEEEEEP
*BOOM
Simultaneously all the Argh-Wings remaining Argh-Bombs and the fuel tank exploded in a fiery inferno. Nothing could ever survive a blast that hot, and even if it did, the radiation would slowly kill anything, giving a slow and excruciating death that had no cure.
*Narrator: Ha! Get out of that one…
For the second time all was silent…
===== THE FINALE =====
Ev][L~Dark shot up in bed, the LED blinking in his eye. He could remember the dream vividly. But how did he know he was really awake, and wasn’t just dreaming that LED blinking in his eye? This gadget Richard Garriot had lent him really screwed with his mind. Was this all real? Was he asleep or awake? Was this part of some new game? Ev][L~Dark couldn’t be sure. But what he did know was he had saved the world. Whether it was in reality, a game or just in his mind, he had experienced it. He looked around his room for some evidence. There was nothing…except a small block of fine Edam in his pocket…
But then he noticed it. In the corner. Had it been there before?
A mere stuffed toy. Or was it?
Ev][l~Dark got the uneasy feeling he was being watched…