Viewing Thread:
"Dear Mister President..."

From the deep blurriness of Sfones Outlook Express Inbox, arises the third part in the highly acclaimed saga. Will I ever receive a free game, and will I die?…

A Sfone Production…

Featuring Sfone…

Here is today matinee…

‘Dear Mister President’ : The animals bleed harder…

Enjoy.

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To: [email protected]
Re: I am da Saddam!!111
From: Sfone
Date: 10 April 2003

Hiya loooza u hav bummed my country but im still alive im in da englend, ROLF.

I ave got 2 metres of anthrax ann am goin 2 explode da usa if u don’t send me free gamez.

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To: Sfone
Re: Please could you not do this?
From: [email protected]
Date: 10 April 2003

This is an automated system message:

Please do not send unclassified emails, or any form on contact to the presidential office of the American country.

However, if you are Saddam please locate yourself, and we will send your free games *wink wink* (Tony: Don’t write *wink wink*, or he will know we will bomb his damn brains out… w00t!) as soon as possible.

Thanks you Mister Hussein

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To: [email protected]
Re: I wnt 5 gamez
From: Sfone
Date: 11 April 2003

Yeh k ladzzzz, I wnt 2 get 5 gamez for me suns;
1) Bmx xxx
2) Turok evulotoin
3) Fifa 200
4) GTA w00t!!1
5) Wesling

If you snd the gamez to da flowing addy;

(The subsequent information has been edited, for the safety of the innocent)

Mr J Bloggs
123 Street
Tinkletown
Space
Bleep bloop

I wnt de gamez in soon or lundon will be blwn upppppppppppp1111111!!!!!

*Explodies*

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To: Sfone
Re: Are you really ‘da main man Saddam’?
From: [email protected]
Date: 12 April 2003

Hey matey,

We really want to know the honest truth. Because we would really like to save the lives of innocent civilians (John: More like we don’t want to waste explosives) (Tony: Shuddup Johnny…)

So, are you really Saddam Hussein, or as many backstreet drug dealers in the red light district have dubbed him ‘Da main man ‘dam’ or ‘Rob Sad Dam’?

Thank you for your time…

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To: [email protected]
Re: Yes, I am Husseiney boy
From: Sfone
Date: 13 April 2003

If I am not, could I still have the games??///

And cud I have da new tome raider wen it comz out 2? Even I am not da main man saddam?

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To: Sfone
Re: Are you saddam?
From: [email protected]
Date: 14 April 2003

(See Title of email)

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To: [email protected]
Re: Yes
From: Sfone
Date: 14 April 2003

(C da title)

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To: Sfone
Re: Are you saddam?
From: [email protected]
Date: 14 April 2003

Really?

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To: [email protected]
Re: Plz
From: Sfone
Date: 14 April 2003

No…

I just wanted free games, could you give me some free games? I tried to help… pleeeaaasssee???/////

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To: Sfone
Re: You ******* *******
From: [email protected]
Date: 15 April 2003

(Note: This email has been strictly moderated in order to surpass the Special reserve swear filter)









Try www.specialreserve.com …


Now *** off

Thanks

(Note: Offensive words, animal gestures and the attachment of an elephant being sucked off by a huge woman have been removed, for obvious reasons, and personal use, respectively)

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To: [email protected]
Re: Whoa
From: Sfone
Date: 15 April 2003

I am incredibly overwhelmed by your vast knowledge of hardcore insults and array of animal pornography… I am stunned.

I shall leave you now, and will not bother your petty existence again…

Yours sincerely
Sam

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To: Alistair Gray
Re: I can’t remember my password, email address, or username
From: Sfone
Date: 16 April 2003

Hello

I have recently won a gameaday prize on your website and am yet to claim it. But unfortunately I have forgotten/ misplaced my username, email address and password. It occurred when my house was burnt down by burglars and all my relatives passed on, causing me to slide into a state of deep depression, therefore making me forget a lot of stuff.

Please could I claim: BMX XXX and Turok Evolution as a token of my misfortune.

Thank you for your help, it is greatly appreciated.

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To: Sfone
Re: Regrettably…
From: Alistair Gray
Date: 16 April 2003

To put it short… No.

But regrettably the team involved in Gameaday have also passed on, so I am unable to send you the games you noted. However you can subscribe to (Website address removed, due to offensive language) where all the fun of the farmyard is all sexed up and put on the internet for only $19 per month*

*Excluding VAT and allowance into the site

Hope this helps buddy

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To: Alistair Gray
Re: Why is everyone so perverse?
From: Sfone
Date: 17 April 2003

I have had ENOUGH of this PERVERSE attitude from both the Special Reserve incorporation and the American country in its entirety, EVERYONE is corrupt, EVERYONE is sick, twisted, and enjoy the sexual activities of certain animals (mainly farmyard but the introduction of certain zoo animals did arouse me further into the site…) URGH WHAT AM I SAYING! You NEED to be told that this is NOT on. I will be contacting my solicitor first thing tomorrow morning…

I bid you good-day

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To: Sfone
Re: Solicitor-a-no-no
From: Alistair Gray
Date: 20 April 2003

Still no news from your solicitor mate. Oh, and on the subject of Animal sex, could I interest you in a free 5-day trial to one of the dirtiest, naughtiest, rowdiest farmyard romp sites on the NET ?

Moo- Moo- Baa- Baa- Nay- Nay- Harder- Harder- Woof- woof- my-r ectum- is- bleeding- MEOW… Cum join us in the barnyard

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To: Alistair Gray
Re:
From: Sfone
Date: 21 April 2003

Yes, yes you could.

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To: Alistair Gray
Re: GAAAAAAAAMMES
From: Sfone
Date: 21 April 2003

Because of my interest could you send me 2 free games of my choice?

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To: Sfone
Re: YES
From: Alistair Gray
Date: 22 April 2003

After little consideration my colleagues and me decided upon sending you 2 games of OUR choice. There shall be no future contact with Special Reserve incorporation beyond this point.

Expect the games by Tuesday.

Ali

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Is this the end of Sams travels into the deep seedy underworld of mighty incorporations whom feed off the back of the innocent consumer? NO… Wait… after a few hours of hacking, it is evident that part of the above email was in white, therefore unreadable, but with a day or two or computer surgery, it was readable.

And the mysteries were uncovered…

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To: Sfone
Re: YES
From: Alistair Gray
Date: 22 April 2003

After little consideration my colleagues (Old man Tony, and Bum-buy Darkus) and me decided upon sending you 2 games of OUR choice. There shall be no future contact with Special Reserve incorporation beyond this point.

Expect the games by Tuesday.

Ali (Baba and the forty thieves)

Key:-

Games = WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION

Mwuhahahahahahaha


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Oh no, our highly disliked hero, our highly disliked, unsuspecting hero is going to be brutally murdered using Special Reserves Weapons of mass destruction… Lets take a minutes silence…

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To: Alistair Gray
Re: ?
From: Sfone
Date: 24 April 2003

I received half a packet of hubba bubba a chuppa chup, some blue fluff and a sparkler, these are clearly not games

To: Alistair Gray
Re:
From: Sfone
Date: 32 April 2003

Hello…

Where am I ?

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Hope you enjoyed…

And the moral?

'You ride the horse hard, and put it away wet.'

Goodnight.

Yey presidents

El Sfone wrote:
> El Sfone wrote:
> Like Forest, this shall go up.

El Sfone wrote:
> Like Forest, this shall go up.

Like Forest, this shall go up.

Wahey! :oD

Alas, i am laughing.

Cheers :oD

True about the original though :o)

A truely warped experience, not as good as the first one, but you cane never beat a classic, still good stuff!

Thats beyond odd..

And I like it!

Sorry must have missed that during my break about a year ago..... perhaps.