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*I've decided to turn it into a play, the "Who's line is it" connection again, I suppose*
*curtains raise*
*A lone man is sat on a chair in the front left of the stage, there is nothing else to be seen, we now label him the narrator*
*lights focus on man, and after a short pause, he begins to speak*
Narrator: Hello there, and welcome.
*pause*
Narrator: I have a story to tell you... it's not so much an interesting one, but a rushed, pathetically written play, wrote by someone who really should be doing something else. Never the less, it's a story, and I do encourage you to listen, or in this case, read.
*pause*
Narrator: It all started during the 1999 morning delivery war in Pembrokeshire, on a rainy day... we now meet Mr Wookiee Monster, who lives in the soap powder drawer of washing machine in a local laundrette.
*lights dim*
*SCENE CHANGE: Painting of back of soap powder drawer is placed behind narrator, we hear chattering of people outside, doing laundry. Wookiee Monster is sweeping around the soap drawer, and is wearing a red polka dot apron and hair piece.*
*Wookiee stops sweeping, turns to audience*
Wookiee: Well, isn't it busy in the laundrette today? I'm so glad my machine is out of order... imagine the work I would have to do if it wasn't?!
*wookiee sighs, wipes sweat from brow*
Wookiee: But it's so boring around here... I wish something would happen. Nothing ever happens.
*wookiee starts sweeping*
Narrator: Wookiee didn't have to wait long... oh no...
*noise of drawer sliding is heard, large amount of white powder is dropped onto Wookiee's head, he coughs, and shakes fist towards where powder came from*
Wookiee: Can't you read! The machine is out of order!
*man is dropped from sky, lands on wookiee monster, who provides relative amount of cushion for impact*
*the two men stand up, the new man shakes his fist at the air*
Man: Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
*the man seems to have a club motive on the front of his shirt, but the club seems not so pointed, much more curved... and pink. He wears a full body blue latex suit.*
Wookiee: May I ask who on earth you are?
*man is still waving fist at ceiling*
Man: I'll get you yet Bill Gates!
Wookiee: I beg your pardon?
Man: Oh... I'm sorry, who are you?
Wookiee: My name is Wookiee Monster, I'm the cleaner of these parts. You are?
Man: Why... I'm Captain Buttplug, hero to all.
Wookiee: I see. Why on earth are you in my washing machine?
Buttplug: This is YOUR washing machine? I'm sorry...
*Buttplug walks around stage, gives sense of the stage actually being used*
Buttplug: That dastard... Bill Gates. He captured me, and put me in here to be washed to death.
Wookiee: You're lucky this machine doesn't work!
Buttplug: Well, Bill Gates had always had a problem with getting things to work properly!
*wait for laughter*
Buttplug: But seriously, I need to get out of here... I need to stop Bill Gates!
Wookiee: Why? What's he done?
Buttplug: Nothing useful, anyway!
*wait for laughter*
Buttplug: He's helping to start a war in the future... he's helping to fund a mad terrorist start a war...
Wookiee: You're from the future?
Buttplug: Why yes... everything is all sparkly and metallic, it's rather dull really.
*possible laughter from one or two people*
Wookiee: How can I help?
Buttplug: Worry not! My An*l Retentives will soon be here to rescue me, they always do!
*once again, possible laughter*
*sparks fly from the right hand side of the wall, hole appears*
Buttplug: Ah! Right on time!
*eight beautiful women run in, one runs to the front, Sarah Michelle Gellar*
Sarah: Captain Buttplug! We found you!
*cover poor acting from Gellar with cheering from other retentives*
Buttplug: I knew I could rely on you!
Sarah: We have to stop Bill Gates! He's just admitted to funding Bin Laden's al Quaeda organisation via a network of Polish llama farms on national television!
*possibly give the line to soap dust, as it has more chance of saying the line first time without messing up*
Buttplug: Good God! No!
*Buttplug steps to front of stage*
Buttplug: You can shrink me and put me in a washing machine's soap powder drawer, but by the rectum of Clive, I won't stay down!
Wookiee: Clive? Who on earth is Clive?
Buttplug: The God of Homosexuality.
*possible laughter*
Wookiee: Ah... but listen, dear Buttplug. The X-Box will never take off, it's a damn poor console, and only idiots will buy it. Don't worry too much about Bill Gates, he's digging his own grave with a faster pace than anyone else can.
Buttplug: My dear friend, I would be honoured if you would travel with us, and help us to defeat Bill Gates.
Wookiee: I would love that very much, but myself and Sarah Michelle Gellar are due to be married, and I can't leave her.
*Sarah minces over to where Wookiee stands, and hugs him*
Sarah: But only after we make passionate love!
*turn on multicoloured flashing lights for sex scene, Sarah and Wookiee rolling in the soap powder*
*another woman runs in*
Woman: Captain Buttplug sir! Bill Gates has just provided the al Quaeda organisation with the entire stock of X-Box's, and he's going to start dropping them over America!
Buttplug: Good God! Let's get going, Retentives!
*wookiee comes up for air*
Wookiee: Buttplug! Thank you for everything!
*Buttplug stops half way out of hole, places one knee higher than other, looks back, winks, moves his head, grins, runs out*
*sex scene continues for the next quarter of an hour*
*normal lighting*
*wookiee and sarah smoke cigarettes*
Wookiee: All's well that ends well, that's what I always say.
*lights on stage begin to flash, lightning noise is heard*
*Buttplug runs in through hole*
Wookiee: Captain Buttplug? Did you forget something?
Buttplug: No Wookiee! It's been five years since I've seen you last! Now something even worse has happened! Aliens from Tau Ceti abduct the tooth fairy and refuse to return her until the truth about Santa is made common knowledge to all children! You've got to help me!
Sarah: Or we could make love again.
Wookiee: Meh, sod the kids. Christmas is a bunch of crap anyway.
*multicoloured lights begin to flash again, Buttplug shrugs, and joins in*
*fade to black*
*lights come on again, everyone bows*
*curtains down*
*curtains raise*
*A lone man is sat on a chair in the front left of the stage, there is nothing else to be seen, we now label him the narrator*
*lights focus on man, and after a short pause, he begins to speak*
Narrator: Hello there, and welcome.
*pause*
Narrator: I have a story to tell you... it's not so much an interesting one, but a rushed, pathetically written play, wrote by someone who really should be doing something else. Never the less, it's a story, and I do encourage you to listen, or in this case, read.
*pause*
Narrator: It all started during the 1999 morning delivery war in Pembrokeshire, on a rainy day... we now meet Mr Wookiee Monster, who lives in the soap powder drawer of washing machine in a local laundrette.
*lights dim*
*SCENE CHANGE: Painting of back of soap powder drawer is placed behind narrator, we hear chattering of people outside, doing laundry. Wookiee Monster is sweeping around the soap drawer, and is wearing a red polka dot apron and hair piece.*
*Wookiee stops sweeping, turns to audience*
Wookiee: Well, isn't it busy in the laundrette today? I'm so glad my machine is out of order... imagine the work I would have to do if it wasn't?!
*wookiee sighs, wipes sweat from brow*
Wookiee: But it's so boring around here... I wish something would happen. Nothing ever happens.
*wookiee starts sweeping*
Narrator: Wookiee didn't have to wait long... oh no...
*noise of drawer sliding is heard, large amount of white powder is dropped onto Wookiee's head, he coughs, and shakes fist towards where powder came from*
Wookiee: Can't you read! The machine is out of order!
*man is dropped from sky, lands on wookiee monster, who provides relative amount of cushion for impact*
*the two men stand up, the new man shakes his fist at the air*
Man: Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
*the man seems to have a club motive on the front of his shirt, but the club seems not so pointed, much more curved... and pink. He wears a full body blue latex suit.*
Wookiee: May I ask who on earth you are?
*man is still waving fist at ceiling*
Man: I'll get you yet Bill Gates!
Wookiee: I beg your pardon?
Man: Oh... I'm sorry, who are you?
Wookiee: My name is Wookiee Monster, I'm the cleaner of these parts. You are?
Man: Why... I'm Captain Buttplug, hero to all.
Wookiee: I see. Why on earth are you in my washing machine?
Buttplug: This is YOUR washing machine? I'm sorry...
*Buttplug walks around stage, gives sense of the stage actually being used*
Buttplug: That dastard... Bill Gates. He captured me, and put me in here to be washed to death.
Wookiee: You're lucky this machine doesn't work!
Buttplug: Well, Bill Gates had always had a problem with getting things to work properly!
*wait for laughter*
Buttplug: But seriously, I need to get out of here... I need to stop Bill Gates!
Wookiee: Why? What's he done?
Buttplug: Nothing useful, anyway!
*wait for laughter*
Buttplug: He's helping to start a war in the future... he's helping to fund a mad terrorist start a war...
Wookiee: You're from the future?
Buttplug: Why yes... everything is all sparkly and metallic, it's rather dull really.
*possible laughter from one or two people*
Wookiee: How can I help?
Buttplug: Worry not! My An*l Retentives will soon be here to rescue me, they always do!
*once again, possible laughter*
*sparks fly from the right hand side of the wall, hole appears*
Buttplug: Ah! Right on time!
*eight beautiful women run in, one runs to the front, Sarah Michelle Gellar*
Sarah: Captain Buttplug! We found you!
*cover poor acting from Gellar with cheering from other retentives*
Buttplug: I knew I could rely on you!
Sarah: We have to stop Bill Gates! He's just admitted to funding Bin Laden's al Quaeda organisation via a network of Polish llama farms on national television!
*possibly give the line to soap dust, as it has more chance of saying the line first time without messing up*
Buttplug: Good God! No!
*Buttplug steps to front of stage*
Buttplug: You can shrink me and put me in a washing machine's soap powder drawer, but by the rectum of Clive, I won't stay down!
Wookiee: Clive? Who on earth is Clive?
Buttplug: The God of Homosexuality.
*possible laughter*
Wookiee: Ah... but listen, dear Buttplug. The X-Box will never take off, it's a damn poor console, and only idiots will buy it. Don't worry too much about Bill Gates, he's digging his own grave with a faster pace than anyone else can.
Buttplug: My dear friend, I would be honoured if you would travel with us, and help us to defeat Bill Gates.
Wookiee: I would love that very much, but myself and Sarah Michelle Gellar are due to be married, and I can't leave her.
*Sarah minces over to where Wookiee stands, and hugs him*
Sarah: But only after we make passionate love!
*turn on multicoloured flashing lights for sex scene, Sarah and Wookiee rolling in the soap powder*
*another woman runs in*
Woman: Captain Buttplug sir! Bill Gates has just provided the al Quaeda organisation with the entire stock of X-Box's, and he's going to start dropping them over America!
Buttplug: Good God! Let's get going, Retentives!
*wookiee comes up for air*
Wookiee: Buttplug! Thank you for everything!
*Buttplug stops half way out of hole, places one knee higher than other, looks back, winks, moves his head, grins, runs out*
*sex scene continues for the next quarter of an hour*
*normal lighting*
*wookiee and sarah smoke cigarettes*
Wookiee: All's well that ends well, that's what I always say.
*lights on stage begin to flash, lightning noise is heard*
*Buttplug runs in through hole*
Wookiee: Captain Buttplug? Did you forget something?
Buttplug: No Wookiee! It's been five years since I've seen you last! Now something even worse has happened! Aliens from Tau Ceti abduct the tooth fairy and refuse to return her until the truth about Santa is made common knowledge to all children! You've got to help me!
Sarah: Or we could make love again.
Wookiee: Meh, sod the kids. Christmas is a bunch of crap anyway.
*multicoloured lights begin to flash again, Buttplug shrugs, and joins in*
*fade to black*
*lights come on again, everyone bows*
*curtains down*
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That was very disturbing. A side of Grix I didn't exoect to find!
Not funny at all. Honest
Bwahh ha ha he ho ha ah
:D
Bwahh ha ha he ho ha ah
:D
WòókieeMøn§†€® wrote:
"You worked the Buttplug in very well..."
I... no, I won't.
;0)
"You worked the Buttplug in very well..."
I... no, I won't.
;0)
Hehe, the layer of the slayer.....gotta love that tag! :-D
er-no wrote:
> She has slayed me in the past and will do in the
> future... lay off Wookie.
Nyah nyah! She's mine, all mine!
<--- Check the tag!
Excellent stuff, Grix! You worked the Buttplug in very well...
> She has slayed me in the past and will do in the
> future... lay off Wookie.
Nyah nyah! She's mine, all mine!
<--- Check the tag!
Excellent stuff, Grix! You worked the Buttplug in very well...
if we ever produce this i do the lighting!
LOL
LOL
Aren't An*l retentives people who like to have things perfectly right and moan if someone gets the slightest fact or wording wrong?
I get the feeling that wasn't what the meaning was implied in this topic...
I might've gotten mixed up with a similar word...
I get the feeling that wasn't what the meaning was implied in this topic...
I might've gotten mixed up with a similar word...
LOL!
Nice Grix, but there is a fault.... Gellar is mine.
She has slayed me in the past and will do inthe future... lay off Wookie.
She has slayed me in the past and will do inthe future... lay off Wookie.
After all that still forgot to say thanks.
Thanks.
:0)
Thanks.
:0)
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