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Little Zelda-like story for you all. Here’s a list of the characters to help you all through the story. Hope you enjoy
_______________________________
Monkey_With_Attitude(MWA): 25 year old man whom still lives with his grandfather Chipseh and his sister Mystique.
Mystique: Confused 18 year old girl who has a fancy for her brother MWA.
Chipseh: The only parent of the two siblings. He is a courageous man who taught MWA how to be brave and reckless. Even though he is wise he is still very very old. Sickeningly old.
Rosalind J. Virginity: An 18 year old mother with a 3 month old baby.
FinalFantasyFanatic Virginity(FFF): Rosalind’s baby who was born addicted to crack.
Darkus: Evil mastermind who owns a New York’s biggest prison, GADless Penitentiary, which is a jail for people who can’t afford layers. Darkus is a big trench wearing bad guy who enjoys rap music.
Gerrid: Good friends with Darkus and also owns part of the prison. Has cardboard wings, which he uses to fly around and pretend he is a bird.
Froots: A very pink and very gay car with pink leather seats and overall gayness at high. Is the only car in the known universe that can speak the words of man.
Ms. NY: Her father was part of the NewbieCon Crew which was a gang of 3 noobs that killed many and always managed to never get caught. He is the only NewbieCon Crew member living. Ms NY is also over-sexual and enjoys touching herself and moaning while shouting her own name aloud.
Micheal Hercules Jackson: A surgery fanatic, which was one NewbieCon Crew member’s only real friend before he sadly past away in a terrible hopscotch accident.
El Blokey: A prison guard who is a little too rough with his jail mates.
****************
“MWA! Hey hott sexy man, wake up” Mystique whispers while caressing MWA’s thigh. She was always like this. Some people thought that one day they would both get married in a hillbilly chapel and make love to each other to make deformed brother sister babies, but that was just a rumor. “MWA. Wow nice peni-“ Mystique is interrupted when MWA suddenly awakes.
He jumps up while still half asleep. “No! Don’t touch me like that daddy……..Mystique. What did grandpa say about you being in my room in tight leather garments.” MWA questions. “MWA, remember who’s birthday it is today. Do you. Huh. Huh”. She says while bouncing up and down on a trampoline and shaking her assets.
“No I don’t Myst”. MWA spoke. “It’s…………I don’t know. I was asking you” she said making herself confused, causing her to fly off the trampoline and into the wall near the door. Even though her face was now bruised and battered, her tight leather was great to stare at.
MWA and Mystique run downstairs to the kitchen where Chipseh always went to water the pet fish he keeps in a hamster cage. He was 98. That goes pretty far back. And when you get to that age your intelligence seems to fade away before your eyes. It’s sad really.
“My mustard hurts” Chipseh complained as he caught a glimpse at MWA through his thick glasses. “Pa. What day is it” MWA yelled is excitement. “Well, Sally_With_Amplitude it is your birthday” Chipseh said while staring at his ancient girly mag which he leaves on the kitchen table as a decoration.
“Happy Birthday MWA! I remember it was a hott person’s birthday but I didn’t know who………I made you cake! I made it completely out of frosting just how you like it” Mystique said while holding a dripping plate of goo in her hands, claiming it to be a cake.
Everyone dug into a slice when suddenly from the sky came an ear piercing scream. Mystique ran over to the window while shaking her behind very notably.
“Guys! There is a bird, uh, human guy carrying a girl in his mouth in the air!” Mystique screamed. It was none other than the psycho bird lover himself, Gerrid.
The girl being held by the tiny molars of Gerrid was wiggling frantically. So much that it caused Gerrid to loose grip and drop her right in the middle of the busy streets of New York. “Chipy! MWA! Go help her please. I’ll give you good loving, a manicure, money, good loving, anything! Just go” Mystique cried.
“I’ll go when this cake stops being so tasty” Chipseh replied. MWA thought different though. He got out of his seat looked forward and…….farted. A really nasty one too. You know the ones you try to hold in a lot but it just makes it worse because the fart is building up and making itself bigger inside you. And it ends up coming out thick and feeling a little wet. Yea that kind of fart. But right after the fart he raced out the door, ready to do something heroic just like his grandfather always wanted him to do, but forgot to tell him.
“Nope, still tasty”
MWA finally makes it to the exact spot that the young woman landed in. There she laid on the street getting ran over by several small minivans with very soft tires and getting kicked by boys that weren’t held when they were children. Something about seeing this girl in pain just made MWA aroused.
MWA picked her off the ground like a very heavy pancake and they met eyes. She was lucky she were alive. “Thank you sir. Let me introduce myself. I am Rosalind”. Her hair was blonde, her teeth glowed, and her eyes were slightly bleeding from the impact of the ground. “Ahh! I lost my virginity” Rosalind yelled.
MWA inspected her body but still was confused. Rosalind then picks up her baby child. “This is my child FFF Virginity. I call him virginity because it’s his pet name…….and because I’m a sick freak.
“I-I’m….MWA” stuttered MWA while twitching nervously in a very non-attractive way. “Brother! You found her” Mystique yells as she runs out of the house which was actually only 7 feet away.
Out of the blue, Gerrid comes sweeping back and snatches Mystique and carries her into the sky. “Myst!” MWA shrieked.
“Gerrid must have thought that was me! He isn’t very bright, sorry”
“Do something then”
“I could pull my leg behind my head and have FFF hang from my mouth”
“About Gerrid!!!”
“Uh…..you got me there”
Chipseh comes out of the house and stares at both of them still standing in the middle of the road, causing traffic. “Sally, I think you have an adventure ahead of you. I sense it. You must go save her from where ever she is, but before you go I need to tell you something” Chipseh speaks in a serious tone.
“What is it Pa”
“Sally….”
“What”
“You’re gay”
“WHAT! NO I’m not”
“It’s true son. I’ve been keeping it from you for a few years. Now go on and save your leather wearing sister”
“I have a car at my house where we can follow him” Rosalind suggests. And they were off.
************
There MWA. was. Outside of a woman’s house whom he met five minutes ago. “Want to come in for a while” Rosalind said while doing a split and touching her lips gently. “I have to feed my baby real fast just come please. He needs food often because he doesn’t eat most of what I give him”
Out of pity MWA walks in alongside her. “You’re a messy baby aren’t you! Messy baby, yes! MESSY!” Rosalind says while chugging huge handfuls of baby food at FFF’s face.
“FFF was born addicted to crack, sadly. I need lots of money to maintain him and I’m a single woman. Sir can you spare money for my baby”
“I would love to Miss. But if I gave him money I think we BOTH know what he will spend it on”
“You’re…..different”
“Enough of this! Tell me what happened to my sister”
“Well……I was in GADless Penitentiary because I had jay walked in the MacDonalds playground. They sent me there and I didn’t like it so I simply escaped! Gerrid somehow caught me outside of the prison and started sending me back but then…..you know the rest”
“I do?”
“Enough talking lets get a move on! Do it for the Queen, the King…..and all the other bed sizes”
***********
They made it to the prison in no time. MWA and Rosalind sat at the car silent at a loose of words. “MWA, please………..look through the cushions and find some quarters for the meter”. MWA lazily disagreed and boasted out of the car and into GADless.
It was a cold dark place so it was easy to sneak around. He hugged the walls in order for no one to see him and managed to get into the north-west corridor where prisoners F-M were held.
It all seemed fine until a vicious guard saw him lurking.
“Hey! Why you be hugging that wall” said, El Blokey the toughest security guard this side of the 50 states had ever seen. “I am not here! I am air.” MWA said slyly. “You can’t trick me! I went to school! I’m going to kill you! Kill you then eat you, you pig”
MWA rockets up a nearby flight of stairs with El Blokey in close pursuit of him. At the end of the steps he finds himself in a small dim-lit office inhabited by an old fat man dressed in a black trench.
”Who it is daWg” Said Darkus is a deep voice. “I’m very sorry sir. I let this fiend enter you’re office. For that I will grab his scrotum and twist it until it snaps!”. “woRd”.
MWA sees El Blokey putting on his little dominatrix suit and he gets scared. In an attempt to put an end to that whole evil place he ran up to Darkus and punched him with all his strength. Darkus didn’t even flinch.
“You wanna fight homie! Lets go. One on one dawg. Wassup!” Darkus yelled. “Clouds are up. And they’re fluffy!” El Blokey announced.
MWA wasn’t going to die like this. He does a quick ballerina move, does a cartwheel to a backflip combo to dazzle the two but it fails. El Blokey lifts MWA into the air and throws him with tremendous force out the window.
************
MWA hours later regains consciousness and looks around him confused. He was in a gay looking automobile with pink tints and Hanson tunes playing in the background. “Hello MWA. I have been watching you’re nice body all day” a voice says.
“Who’s there” MWA says while slapping himself, thinking he is dreaming. “Don’t slap your soft skin, honey” the car grumbles. “I am the only car known to talk the words of man. My name is froots and I like men………don’t worry I heard from you’re grandpa that you were gay too, honey”.
“What! No I’M NOT!”
“Ha. Well don’t be too surprised that there is a talking car out in the world either, honey. Lots of sad things live in this world. Well just yesterday Yoda from Star Wars became the US’s best insurance salesman”.
“Why did you kidnap me”
“Kidnap? No. I took you for I could help you on your quest. I saw how you couldn’t even move Darkus, chico. I happen to know of something that could kill anything in a single shot you might need, honey”
“Details girlfriend…….uh I mean…tell me!”
“Long ago in a time long forgotten, most likely yesterday, there was a gang of 3 newbies who called themselves The NewbieCon Crew. They killed so many with a gun called the Death Maker! When ever they weren’t using it they kept it an a box that needed 2 keys to open. Two members owned the key and the other owned the box. But these days it seems that the NewbieCon Crew has split up because two of the members have died. The Death Maker is still out there though! You must find it, honey!”
“Where’s the first key frooty my boy”
“Stick that key in my ignition and I’ll take you there, honey”
“Ewwww”
***********
The pink flashy car takes MWA to a large mansion where the only living member lives. He gets out of the car and begins to walk the long twisting path to the front of the house.
As he paces he hears something behind him. “Huh. Who’s there?”. The rustling behind him continues. “Someone…..must….be……TRYING TO SELL ME SOMETHING” He starts to walk faster and faster and the noise gets closer. “I don’t want anything your selling!”. Something then pops out of the bushes and lands in front of MWA.
“Hiya. Oh yes!” a womanly voice says. “Don’t be scared. I’m to good looking for you to be scared. Oh Ms. NY, harder!”. MWA looks up to find a little 13 girl in shorts and a wrinkled shirt due to herself touching her boobs so much. “My name is Ms NY. Who are you sir. I love you. AWW!” Ms NY says as she pokes her boob with her fingernail.
“Uh, I’m Monkey_With_Attitude. Most call me MWA, grandpa calls me Sally, and friends call me on the phone” MWA says, still quite frightened. “I’m looking for a special key of your father’s. You know which one”
“Oh is that the one that feels good on my hott 13 year old body. Touch. Touch”
“Can I touch?”
“NO! Only I touch me! I’m mine you fool! Oh yea baby. Feel, Feel. TOUCH!”
“Where is that key!!”
Ms NY points to a mansion window close to the door and right there as if by fate just stood on the windowsill as if wanting to be taken. “You can’t have it!” Ms NY pouted. “Why not”. “Because it feels good. Ever so good. Oh yes”. “Ms NY I am on an important quest to save my sister! If you give me your daddy’s key you would be helping me.” “NO!”. “Uh, here touch yourself with this instead” MWA says then reaches into his pocket where he kept his piece of cake from that morning.
“Oh…..sticky. Go ahead and have the key this rules!”
MWA grabs the key and runs into Froots. “I got it!” he says in triumph. “So we are off to the plastic surgery clinic, that is where Micheal Jackson lives!”
***************
“MWA. we are here! Now go get that hippie with the last key, chico!”
MWA walks in and the first thing he lays his eyes upon is Micheal Hercules Jackson in his daily nose surgery.
“Okay, I want my nostrils thin here…thick there…..and squeezed together for I can’t breath.” Herucles Jackson says while pointing out his flaws.
“Hercules! I need your friend’s key”
“Um…..I can’t, um…….do that.”
“Why the hell not!”
“Because it is mine okay!”
“Micheal that could help someone’s life! Doesn’t that help out”
“People are the ones that laugh at me”
“My sister isn’t human she is like you, android”
“Oh if you put it that way”
Micheal hands over the key politely(without dropping it off a second story balcony) to MWA. MWA then walks outside and sees Rosalind in front of Froots.
“MWA….hypothetically, what would you say if I had the last thing you are looking for and was keeping it from you this whole time” Rosalind speaks, looking down at the floor sadly. “Well, I would have to rip your head open take out your stomach and squeeze the stomach acids onto you’re corpse……hypothetically of course” MWA said.
Rosalind then extends her arms forward, FFF in her hands. “GOO!” FFF says stupidly. “Look at his diaper MWA. LOOK!” Rosalind says. MWA looks down and to his surprise sees two key sockets on each of the diaper’s sides.
“I have never opened it in years MWA. I faked my death when I thought that the NewbieCon Crew was going nowhere. This is the box. This is the truth…………………..Hi I’m Rosalind.”
“Years! No wonder he smells like the inside of Chipseh’s armpit.”
MWA grabs one key, Rosalind grabs the other, FFF grabs his nipple. And together they open the diaper and fish out the Death Taker gun from all the poo. “You are ready MWA. Now go! And don’t look back at my very flexible legs!” Rosalind whispers.
He was ready.
**********
Froots led MWA back to GADless and he got out anxiously and walked inside in slow motion while white birds flew in the background. MWA held the golden Death Maker in his left hand and he wore sunglasses, which brought out his nosehairs.
He walked into the door and saw El Blokey boasting his way down the hall.
BANG!
Then there were two. Gerrid and Darkus. He inched his way up the stairs in the north-west corridor and there was Darkus, playing Ring-around-the-Rosie with Gerrid. They were planning something about all falling down! Those evil cretins will pay for making him feel like a dunce and taking his sister.
BANG……
”CAW. CAW. Cawww…….” Gerrid yelped.
“The Death Taker! Uh…look a dawg!” Darkus stalls.
“You can’t trick me” MWA replies.
“You iz right. That’s just a brick wall” Darkus says.
“Bricks! YaY!”. MWA turns around licks the wall. Darkus then leaps out the window and lands on his car conveniently. MWA tries to shoot down but his aim is off.
“Don’t worry, honey, I got him” Froots announces from below then gets in front of Darkus’s car, blocking his path. He attempts to reverse but another car from behind boxes him in. The car door opens and Rosalind, Ms. NY, and Hercules prance out and throw dirty surgery needles at the evil man’s vehicle, tearing holes through it like cheese.
MWA finally makes his way to the others so he shoots Darkus’s gas tank and Froots drives away just in time to not explode like the other two cars!
“Lots of insurance have you all, hmm” Yoda says
“I did it” MWA” celebrates as he views the rubble.
“I love you MWA!” Mystique screams then runs out of GADless.
“GiMMe Crack!” FFF drools.
And that pretty much sums up the legend of Mystique. Hope you enjoyed.
Now I hope someone read all this.
_______________________________
Monkey_With_Attitude(MWA): 25 year old man whom still lives with his grandfather Chipseh and his sister Mystique.
Mystique: Confused 18 year old girl who has a fancy for her brother MWA.
Chipseh: The only parent of the two siblings. He is a courageous man who taught MWA how to be brave and reckless. Even though he is wise he is still very very old. Sickeningly old.
Rosalind J. Virginity: An 18 year old mother with a 3 month old baby.
FinalFantasyFanatic Virginity(FFF): Rosalind’s baby who was born addicted to crack.
Darkus: Evil mastermind who owns a New York’s biggest prison, GADless Penitentiary, which is a jail for people who can’t afford layers. Darkus is a big trench wearing bad guy who enjoys rap music.
Gerrid: Good friends with Darkus and also owns part of the prison. Has cardboard wings, which he uses to fly around and pretend he is a bird.
Froots: A very pink and very gay car with pink leather seats and overall gayness at high. Is the only car in the known universe that can speak the words of man.
Ms. NY: Her father was part of the NewbieCon Crew which was a gang of 3 noobs that killed many and always managed to never get caught. He is the only NewbieCon Crew member living. Ms NY is also over-sexual and enjoys touching herself and moaning while shouting her own name aloud.
Micheal Hercules Jackson: A surgery fanatic, which was one NewbieCon Crew member’s only real friend before he sadly past away in a terrible hopscotch accident.
El Blokey: A prison guard who is a little too rough with his jail mates.
****************
“MWA! Hey hott sexy man, wake up” Mystique whispers while caressing MWA’s thigh. She was always like this. Some people thought that one day they would both get married in a hillbilly chapel and make love to each other to make deformed brother sister babies, but that was just a rumor. “MWA. Wow nice peni-“ Mystique is interrupted when MWA suddenly awakes.
He jumps up while still half asleep. “No! Don’t touch me like that daddy……..Mystique. What did grandpa say about you being in my room in tight leather garments.” MWA questions. “MWA, remember who’s birthday it is today. Do you. Huh. Huh”. She says while bouncing up and down on a trampoline and shaking her assets.
“No I don’t Myst”. MWA spoke. “It’s…………I don’t know. I was asking you” she said making herself confused, causing her to fly off the trampoline and into the wall near the door. Even though her face was now bruised and battered, her tight leather was great to stare at.
MWA and Mystique run downstairs to the kitchen where Chipseh always went to water the pet fish he keeps in a hamster cage. He was 98. That goes pretty far back. And when you get to that age your intelligence seems to fade away before your eyes. It’s sad really.
“My mustard hurts” Chipseh complained as he caught a glimpse at MWA through his thick glasses. “Pa. What day is it” MWA yelled is excitement. “Well, Sally_With_Amplitude it is your birthday” Chipseh said while staring at his ancient girly mag which he leaves on the kitchen table as a decoration.
“Happy Birthday MWA! I remember it was a hott person’s birthday but I didn’t know who………I made you cake! I made it completely out of frosting just how you like it” Mystique said while holding a dripping plate of goo in her hands, claiming it to be a cake.
Everyone dug into a slice when suddenly from the sky came an ear piercing scream. Mystique ran over to the window while shaking her behind very notably.
“Guys! There is a bird, uh, human guy carrying a girl in his mouth in the air!” Mystique screamed. It was none other than the psycho bird lover himself, Gerrid.
The girl being held by the tiny molars of Gerrid was wiggling frantically. So much that it caused Gerrid to loose grip and drop her right in the middle of the busy streets of New York. “Chipy! MWA! Go help her please. I’ll give you good loving, a manicure, money, good loving, anything! Just go” Mystique cried.
“I’ll go when this cake stops being so tasty” Chipseh replied. MWA thought different though. He got out of his seat looked forward and…….farted. A really nasty one too. You know the ones you try to hold in a lot but it just makes it worse because the fart is building up and making itself bigger inside you. And it ends up coming out thick and feeling a little wet. Yea that kind of fart. But right after the fart he raced out the door, ready to do something heroic just like his grandfather always wanted him to do, but forgot to tell him.
“Nope, still tasty”
MWA finally makes it to the exact spot that the young woman landed in. There she laid on the street getting ran over by several small minivans with very soft tires and getting kicked by boys that weren’t held when they were children. Something about seeing this girl in pain just made MWA aroused.
MWA picked her off the ground like a very heavy pancake and they met eyes. She was lucky she were alive. “Thank you sir. Let me introduce myself. I am Rosalind”. Her hair was blonde, her teeth glowed, and her eyes were slightly bleeding from the impact of the ground. “Ahh! I lost my virginity” Rosalind yelled.
MWA inspected her body but still was confused. Rosalind then picks up her baby child. “This is my child FFF Virginity. I call him virginity because it’s his pet name…….and because I’m a sick freak.
“I-I’m….MWA” stuttered MWA while twitching nervously in a very non-attractive way. “Brother! You found her” Mystique yells as she runs out of the house which was actually only 7 feet away.
Out of the blue, Gerrid comes sweeping back and snatches Mystique and carries her into the sky. “Myst!” MWA shrieked.
“Gerrid must have thought that was me! He isn’t very bright, sorry”
“Do something then”
“I could pull my leg behind my head and have FFF hang from my mouth”
“About Gerrid!!!”
“Uh…..you got me there”
Chipseh comes out of the house and stares at both of them still standing in the middle of the road, causing traffic. “Sally, I think you have an adventure ahead of you. I sense it. You must go save her from where ever she is, but before you go I need to tell you something” Chipseh speaks in a serious tone.
“What is it Pa”
“Sally….”
“What”
“You’re gay”
“WHAT! NO I’m not”
“It’s true son. I’ve been keeping it from you for a few years. Now go on and save your leather wearing sister”
“I have a car at my house where we can follow him” Rosalind suggests. And they were off.
************
There MWA. was. Outside of a woman’s house whom he met five minutes ago. “Want to come in for a while” Rosalind said while doing a split and touching her lips gently. “I have to feed my baby real fast just come please. He needs food often because he doesn’t eat most of what I give him”
Out of pity MWA walks in alongside her. “You’re a messy baby aren’t you! Messy baby, yes! MESSY!” Rosalind says while chugging huge handfuls of baby food at FFF’s face.
“FFF was born addicted to crack, sadly. I need lots of money to maintain him and I’m a single woman. Sir can you spare money for my baby”
“I would love to Miss. But if I gave him money I think we BOTH know what he will spend it on”
“You’re…..different”
“Enough of this! Tell me what happened to my sister”
“Well……I was in GADless Penitentiary because I had jay walked in the MacDonalds playground. They sent me there and I didn’t like it so I simply escaped! Gerrid somehow caught me outside of the prison and started sending me back but then…..you know the rest”
“I do?”
“Enough talking lets get a move on! Do it for the Queen, the King…..and all the other bed sizes”
***********
They made it to the prison in no time. MWA and Rosalind sat at the car silent at a loose of words. “MWA, please………..look through the cushions and find some quarters for the meter”. MWA lazily disagreed and boasted out of the car and into GADless.
It was a cold dark place so it was easy to sneak around. He hugged the walls in order for no one to see him and managed to get into the north-west corridor where prisoners F-M were held.
It all seemed fine until a vicious guard saw him lurking.
“Hey! Why you be hugging that wall” said, El Blokey the toughest security guard this side of the 50 states had ever seen. “I am not here! I am air.” MWA said slyly. “You can’t trick me! I went to school! I’m going to kill you! Kill you then eat you, you pig”
MWA rockets up a nearby flight of stairs with El Blokey in close pursuit of him. At the end of the steps he finds himself in a small dim-lit office inhabited by an old fat man dressed in a black trench.
”Who it is daWg” Said Darkus is a deep voice. “I’m very sorry sir. I let this fiend enter you’re office. For that I will grab his scrotum and twist it until it snaps!”. “woRd”.
MWA sees El Blokey putting on his little dominatrix suit and he gets scared. In an attempt to put an end to that whole evil place he ran up to Darkus and punched him with all his strength. Darkus didn’t even flinch.
“You wanna fight homie! Lets go. One on one dawg. Wassup!” Darkus yelled. “Clouds are up. And they’re fluffy!” El Blokey announced.
MWA wasn’t going to die like this. He does a quick ballerina move, does a cartwheel to a backflip combo to dazzle the two but it fails. El Blokey lifts MWA into the air and throws him with tremendous force out the window.
************
MWA hours later regains consciousness and looks around him confused. He was in a gay looking automobile with pink tints and Hanson tunes playing in the background. “Hello MWA. I have been watching you’re nice body all day” a voice says.
“Who’s there” MWA says while slapping himself, thinking he is dreaming. “Don’t slap your soft skin, honey” the car grumbles. “I am the only car known to talk the words of man. My name is froots and I like men………don’t worry I heard from you’re grandpa that you were gay too, honey”.
“What! No I’M NOT!”
“Ha. Well don’t be too surprised that there is a talking car out in the world either, honey. Lots of sad things live in this world. Well just yesterday Yoda from Star Wars became the US’s best insurance salesman”.
“Why did you kidnap me”
“Kidnap? No. I took you for I could help you on your quest. I saw how you couldn’t even move Darkus, chico. I happen to know of something that could kill anything in a single shot you might need, honey”
“Details girlfriend…….uh I mean…tell me!”
“Long ago in a time long forgotten, most likely yesterday, there was a gang of 3 newbies who called themselves The NewbieCon Crew. They killed so many with a gun called the Death Maker! When ever they weren’t using it they kept it an a box that needed 2 keys to open. Two members owned the key and the other owned the box. But these days it seems that the NewbieCon Crew has split up because two of the members have died. The Death Maker is still out there though! You must find it, honey!”
“Where’s the first key frooty my boy”
“Stick that key in my ignition and I’ll take you there, honey”
“Ewwww”
***********
The pink flashy car takes MWA to a large mansion where the only living member lives. He gets out of the car and begins to walk the long twisting path to the front of the house.
As he paces he hears something behind him. “Huh. Who’s there?”. The rustling behind him continues. “Someone…..must….be……TRYING TO SELL ME SOMETHING” He starts to walk faster and faster and the noise gets closer. “I don’t want anything your selling!”. Something then pops out of the bushes and lands in front of MWA.
“Hiya. Oh yes!” a womanly voice says. “Don’t be scared. I’m to good looking for you to be scared. Oh Ms. NY, harder!”. MWA looks up to find a little 13 girl in shorts and a wrinkled shirt due to herself touching her boobs so much. “My name is Ms NY. Who are you sir. I love you. AWW!” Ms NY says as she pokes her boob with her fingernail.
“Uh, I’m Monkey_With_Attitude. Most call me MWA, grandpa calls me Sally, and friends call me on the phone” MWA says, still quite frightened. “I’m looking for a special key of your father’s. You know which one”
“Oh is that the one that feels good on my hott 13 year old body. Touch. Touch”
“Can I touch?”
“NO! Only I touch me! I’m mine you fool! Oh yea baby. Feel, Feel. TOUCH!”
“Where is that key!!”
Ms NY points to a mansion window close to the door and right there as if by fate just stood on the windowsill as if wanting to be taken. “You can’t have it!” Ms NY pouted. “Why not”. “Because it feels good. Ever so good. Oh yes”. “Ms NY I am on an important quest to save my sister! If you give me your daddy’s key you would be helping me.” “NO!”. “Uh, here touch yourself with this instead” MWA says then reaches into his pocket where he kept his piece of cake from that morning.
“Oh…..sticky. Go ahead and have the key this rules!”
MWA grabs the key and runs into Froots. “I got it!” he says in triumph. “So we are off to the plastic surgery clinic, that is where Micheal Jackson lives!”
***************
“MWA. we are here! Now go get that hippie with the last key, chico!”
MWA walks in and the first thing he lays his eyes upon is Micheal Hercules Jackson in his daily nose surgery.
“Okay, I want my nostrils thin here…thick there…..and squeezed together for I can’t breath.” Herucles Jackson says while pointing out his flaws.
“Hercules! I need your friend’s key”
“Um…..I can’t, um…….do that.”
“Why the hell not!”
“Because it is mine okay!”
“Micheal that could help someone’s life! Doesn’t that help out”
“People are the ones that laugh at me”
“My sister isn’t human she is like you, android”
“Oh if you put it that way”
Micheal hands over the key politely(without dropping it off a second story balcony) to MWA. MWA then walks outside and sees Rosalind in front of Froots.
“MWA….hypothetically, what would you say if I had the last thing you are looking for and was keeping it from you this whole time” Rosalind speaks, looking down at the floor sadly. “Well, I would have to rip your head open take out your stomach and squeeze the stomach acids onto you’re corpse……hypothetically of course” MWA said.
Rosalind then extends her arms forward, FFF in her hands. “GOO!” FFF says stupidly. “Look at his diaper MWA. LOOK!” Rosalind says. MWA looks down and to his surprise sees two key sockets on each of the diaper’s sides.
“I have never opened it in years MWA. I faked my death when I thought that the NewbieCon Crew was going nowhere. This is the box. This is the truth…………………..Hi I’m Rosalind.”
“Years! No wonder he smells like the inside of Chipseh’s armpit.”
MWA grabs one key, Rosalind grabs the other, FFF grabs his nipple. And together they open the diaper and fish out the Death Taker gun from all the poo. “You are ready MWA. Now go! And don’t look back at my very flexible legs!” Rosalind whispers.
He was ready.
**********
Froots led MWA back to GADless and he got out anxiously and walked inside in slow motion while white birds flew in the background. MWA held the golden Death Maker in his left hand and he wore sunglasses, which brought out his nosehairs.
He walked into the door and saw El Blokey boasting his way down the hall.
BANG!
Then there were two. Gerrid and Darkus. He inched his way up the stairs in the north-west corridor and there was Darkus, playing Ring-around-the-Rosie with Gerrid. They were planning something about all falling down! Those evil cretins will pay for making him feel like a dunce and taking his sister.
BANG……
”CAW. CAW. Cawww…….” Gerrid yelped.
“The Death Taker! Uh…look a dawg!” Darkus stalls.
“You can’t trick me” MWA replies.
“You iz right. That’s just a brick wall” Darkus says.
“Bricks! YaY!”. MWA turns around licks the wall. Darkus then leaps out the window and lands on his car conveniently. MWA tries to shoot down but his aim is off.
“Don’t worry, honey, I got him” Froots announces from below then gets in front of Darkus’s car, blocking his path. He attempts to reverse but another car from behind boxes him in. The car door opens and Rosalind, Ms. NY, and Hercules prance out and throw dirty surgery needles at the evil man’s vehicle, tearing holes through it like cheese.
MWA finally makes his way to the others so he shoots Darkus’s gas tank and Froots drives away just in time to not explode like the other two cars!
“Lots of insurance have you all, hmm” Yoda says
“I did it” MWA” celebrates as he views the rubble.
“I love you MWA!” Mystique screams then runs out of GADless.
“GiMMe Crack!” FFF drools.
And that pretty much sums up the legend of Mystique. Hope you enjoyed.
Now I hope someone read all this.
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El Dominatrix?
A bit wierd. Cr@p.
OH yea, word count booster.:-D
Really I think you should have done another spoof
I really can't bring myself to read this.
Sorry Pob
Sorry Pob
Oh God that was crap.
And 'Darkus is a big trench wearing bad guy who enjoys rap music.'
He wears a trench?
Perhaps, a trench coat, you mean?
And 'Darkus is a big trench wearing bad guy who enjoys rap music.'
He wears a trench?
Perhaps, a trench coat, you mean?
Errr..........okay, spill the beans, what did you take?
Yes very good story if it took 14 hours to write ( i havent got a clue waht is about)
.... lemons and batwing ...
...rocks and nines...
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