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"Console Jobs."

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Sat 10/11/01 at 12:19
Regular
Posts: 787
I recently decided to take a look at console from a different angle. Rather than examining which console has the better games, or which has better specifications, I began wondering what job each console would have if it were a real person. Looking at each consoles' features as if they were personality traits, I linked up suitable jobs for each.

First of all, a couple of notes: As I have only really looked at the more recent consoles, I have left the older consoles and assumed they are simply pensioners. Secondly, this is not intended to start any console wars, as it is really meant as a bit of fun.

Anyway, on with the jobs:

The Gamecube - A teacher. It has been argued quite often that Nintendo consoles are aimed more at a younger audience, and recently with the addition of the Resident Evil series, this seems less likely. However, the fact still remains that in general, the games are intended as fun for younger people, as well as a method of learning. It should also be pointed out that Teachers are good with kids, but also fairly useful to many adults too.

The X-Box - A lawyer. Strange one that? Why has he picked lawyer? Well, to be honest, its because I don`t know an awful lot about the X-Box, apart from a few simple things. They include the pictures at a game show that turned out to be "modified" using top end PCs. The kind of enhanced image the X-Box tried to give off reminded me of the way a lawyer can take a very small insignificant fact and turn it into a case solving piece of evidence. Will the X-Box turn out to be all talk?

The Playstation 2 - An Engineer. Another slightly strange choice, but this is mainly due to the PS2's slow start. To become an engineer, the level of work and training that must first be completed is quite incredible, with large amounts of time spent studying before the real world is opened up. The PS2's start in life has been quite similar. Its been tough, but the end result could be good. Another point to mention is the complex architecture of this console, which is again similar to an engineer. The learning curve will just keep on going and going!

The Playstation 1 - A Supermarket Manager. Seems obvious when you think about it. Its the console with the largest range of products in store. You can get a game for virtually any genre, and of any quality. The PSone was tainted by many mediocre titles that brought down the greater titles amongst them. When you have a huge super market full of products, its quite easy to loose some of the more quality items in the crowd.

The Dreamcast - The Anonymous Researcher. It took me ages to find a good title for this console. Even I, a Playstation 2 owner, must admit that the Dreamcast has a few good titles out on its machine, so it was tough to find a suitable job. The eventual pick is due to the consoles mix of success and failuer. It produced some stunning games, but as nobody really knew enough about it, the console burnt itself out after a short time. Its possible to do the same thing in research - make a huge discovery, but receive little acknowledgement. It can result in the appearence of failure, even if there was a great deal of success in between.

Well, there we go, each console has a job, or in some cases is retired. I haven`t included handhelds, but thats probably because I consider those a gadget more than a console. Like I said, this isn`t meant to spark off another console wars, so I just hope somebody enjoyed reading. Feel free to add any other sensible job titles for the consoles I haven`t included.
Mon 12/11/01 at 15:57
Regular
Posts: 9,848
Lego Brick maker...

Hmmm...

Allows the devellopers to recreate their dreams and fantasies in games with more emphasiss on the imagination and ideas rather than building.

Microsoft's Xbox dispenses air fix parts which fit and glue together nicely and perhaps look a bit better, but you can't toy around and experiment so easily and you have to spend a bit more time building than making a good scene.

The PS2 is a supply of plastic, a set of paints, and a plastic moulding kit.
Devellopers get to paint and make it however they please by melting the plastic, shaping it and painting it.
Ofcourse, this is very awkward, hard and most end up making a pigs ear out of it.
In theory, it has potential to out do any of the others, but seeing as it takes the develloper over a year to produce something of similar quality to what they could make in 10 mintutes out of Lego, most wonder if it's really the most effective method around.

I think you might be onto something Dringo...

It's amazing what your perceptions on "Lego Brick dispenser" can become! :-)





Disclaimer: This post was biased and exadurated towards the Nintendo Gamecube but is based on solid facts and the opinions of top unbiased games programmers such as Yu Suzuki (creator of Sonic and NiGHTs), Yuji Naka (creator of Sega titles such as Shenmue), the creator of Resident Evil (I've forgotten his name AGAIN!), and many other various sources posted on various sites (ok, so they were biased Nintendo supporting sites. The quotes were word for word though and the sources themselves were unbiased!).
Sun 11/11/01 at 15:11
Regular
Posts: 6,702
Lego Brick maker? Simple designs, bright colours, and aimed at children.

Even I tried not to be that critical :-)
Sun 11/11/01 at 13:30
Regular
Posts: 18,185
The Gamecube - lego brick maker
The Playstation 2 - A murderer
The PS1- A fish
Dreamcast - Retired
N64 - chocolate maker
GBA - Nurse.

Don't ask.
Sun 11/11/01 at 12:52
Regular
"Wasting away"
Posts: 2,230
The Gamecube – A Paediatrician. Why? Cos it’s got to be gentle to the younger generation and show signs that it is willing to be your friend if you are kind back. Basically in pure English, you buy the games, you buy the console and then you will grow to love it. But if you ignore its talent then you will carry on living in a world of hurt where you can no longer call your console a friend. Being aimed at children there job is to take care of them so that they come back for more…

The X-Box – I’m going to agree with you on this one and say that the X-Box is like a first time hotshot lawyer. The reasons simple. The X-Box has the money to take on tasks that others couldn’t it also has the connections to get itself out of trouble. It has to do a lot of research to know what it’s on about and spent a lot of time being educated. The other reasons are of course the price. You get what you pay for and with the X Box you pay big and get big ;-)
The Xbox has turned something that didn’t stand a chance against the other ‘lawyers’ and has made itself known. But will it stand up to its unbeaten reputation

The Playstation 2 – Advertisement Manager. To be an advertisement manager you must be able to broadcast whatever you are selling to the public in a way that makes it recognised, known and wanted, otherwise you’re not doing the job right. So how does this link to the PS2? Well, without a doubt the success to the PS2 came from its predecessor, the PSX. It kicked off with a small pop but then turned into a monstrous giant within a matter of a year. The original price proved too much for most people even though it wasn’t the first time that Sony had released a console at such a price and nor would it be the last, but people just didn’t seem that interested.

The Playstation 1 – A retired supermarket manager. Over 6 years old and with over 800 titles to it’s name the PS looked like no showing no sign of dying even when the new manager (PS2) took over. Its huge variety is enough for anyone with no matter what taste they have. But as you reach the fruit and veg section, people find it cold so they tend to walk off and do their shopping as quick as possible. When the shop was first opened it attracted crowds from places all over the country and after a while it expanded into other countries.

The Dreamcast – A dustbin man. Everyone has the impression of a Dustbin man not being the sharpest knife in the draw and this must have been the case when Sega released this. After much failure from the Sega Saturn, which was crushed by the PSX, Sega returned to make the first of the 128BIT consoles. But something went wrong once again, they got the timing wrong the price wrong and they forget about the PS2 being just around the corner. It woke up early but ended the day sooner taking home a small pay wage. It produced some games that caught our attention but they were never recognised and therefore were ignored for doing a job that they were doing right. In the end all that happened was a load of them were thrown away to never be heard of again….
Sat 10/11/01 at 23:37
Regular
Posts: 6,702
Everyone`s gotta have aims :-)
Sat 10/11/01 at 13:41
Regular
"Want a cd key.."
Posts: 3,443
:-D

Sexpro :-D
Sat 10/11/01 at 13:26
Regular
Posts: 6,702
GasMask wrote:
> You could of done handhelds...

True, but the only ideas I had for handhelds were along the lines of no competition. Sort of like Labour winning the election - it was as if they were the only one in it. The GBA is successful, as there is nothing else like it.


>Dosen't that look a bit like sex?

True. I nearly had that as a tag line - Wants to be sexpro!
:-)
Sat 10/11/01 at 13:10
Regular
"Want a cd key.."
Posts: 3,443
Nice original post there ssx. You could of done handhelds...

...GBA.. Brain Surgeon.
He is one of very few, in fact he is the ONLY one. He makes more money then everyone else by having the most well paid job in the world :o)

Top post ssx
Dosen't that look a bit like sex?

:D
Sat 10/11/01 at 12:59
Regular
"[SE] Acetrooper"
Posts: 2,527
What's so bad about winning another GAD, eh? I hope he wins with it, it's a mighty fine post, I tell ye...

So, what would you choose, sxxpro?

:D

SHOCKY - Asking in advance.
Sat 10/11/01 at 12:56
Regular
Posts: 9,494
SSXpro will probably win another GAD

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