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Well, it's been a hell of a long time in coming, in fact I started it last year, but I've finally finished my story. It's 16 pages long so I advise you to copy it into Word and print it out else you'll damage your eyes severely :-D
Anyway, without further ado... The Plunder of Mt. Easesse
~~~~~~~~~~~~
He laboured onwards. Past the yawning caves, past the haphazard cracks and past the river. Higher and higher he climbed trying to reach the mountains peak. His body was yearning for rest but he had to continue. He HAD to…
_________
It was slowing down, the wheel was stopping. Slower, slower, slower… it was going to land on his number! The pointer poised agonisingly on black 15... and then dropped over the edge to red 21.
"DAMN!" Exclaimed Grix as he slithered down the wall, head in his hands.
He’d had his last 20 quid riding on that game.
"Russian Roulette" he decided "Is crap"
His family had once been rich. His great – great - great – great - great – great Grandfather was a very rich man... at one point. He’d procured a massive fortune over his life. He’d left all his money to his son, Thricks, but something had happened, something that *persuaded* him to change his mind…
_________
His whole body ached. He was close to unconsciousness.
"NOOOOO!!!!!! I WON’T GIVE UP!" He cried at the top of his voice. He struggled on, up the mountain…
_________
On his way back to his flat, Grix tried to think of what to do. He had no money, he had no job, he had no family to leech off and very soon he’d have no home. From every angle he looked at it, the outcome was bleak, very bleak.
Grix was so enraptured by his thoughts he failed to see the shadowy figures that were coming toward him.
Those shadowy figures were not just any shadowy figures. They were the 4 founding members of the Apocalypse Boys.
_________
"If you’d have seen them, I’d have told you to leg it." Said Grix’s Brain to Grix.
"Yeah well, I didn’t see them did I? And you know why? Because you were keeping me in Deep Thought ya smegger" Replied Grix venomously.
"Look, what are we gonna do about this?" Asked Brain, quickly changing the subject.
Grix looked around the room he was locked in...
_________
He’d made it. After four days he’d finally made it. But his quest was far from over. He still had to...
_________
There was nothing in there. Nothing in his cell apart from two halves of a table and a tube of glue.
"C’mon then Mr.Smartass Brain. What the hell are we gonna do?"
"All right all right. Don’t fret. I’m working on it"
"Well work a bit faster, you know I’m claustrophobic.
_________
There! He could see it now. After a 3 hour search he’d finally found the little crack that he was looking for. Gently, he slid his fingers into the little crack and felt along its side. *click* He’d found the freeze. The crack widened. It widened just enough to allow a smallish man to pass through...
_________
"Got it!" Shouted Brain at last.
"Got what? A way to get out of here?" Questioned Grix excitedly.
"Yeah!!!!" Brain replied vehemently.
"Great, what do I do?"
"Stick the two halves of the table together to make a whole."
"Hey! That might just work!"
Grix grabbed the tube of glue and quickly applied it to the two halves of the table...
_________
Moving stealthily through complete darkness was not easy. That was the conclusion that he’d come to after being forced to try and do that.
He plodded on through the caverns and the twisting passages. He often found himself wondering whether he should just give up now.
"No!" He cried, "I can’t quit, it has to be done!"
And so he carried on, through the seemingly eternal darkness...
_________
The light made his eyes throb. It was too bright for him. Shadowing his eyes from the dazzling light, Grix made his way down the street he found himself on. He knew exactly where he was going. He needed to find someone and he needed to find them quickly...
_________
2 days moving through the caverns hadn’t done much for his state of mind. But he was still sane enough to know what he was doing... just.
_________
"The myth is just that, a myth" said Ant in his rasping 98 year old voice."
"Ant, I NEED to know, I MUST know. It’s imperative that I find out. If I don’t, I’m deader than Penny-round collars" Replied Grix in a desperate voice.
"All - right." Wheezed Ant. "Sit down and I will tell you"
_________
He fell to the floor, barely alive.
He’d completed his task and was now free to die. The 8 day mission had worn him down... fatally. He was close to the end now, very close. At least he could die safe in the knowledge that he’d done his part. The rest was up to his descendants.
He breathed out... and didn’t breathe in again. The life of Aiesiee Thraves was over.
_________
"That’s how the myth goes."
"So where is Mt. Easesse?" Asked Grix.
"No one knows, we can only guess. They think it’s ro - und the..." Ant’s body spasmed. It was as if someone was trying to prevent him telling Grix where the mountain was believed to be.
"Vvvvvvimmmmooooo" agonised Ant; he was obviously in great pain. "Viiiimoo" he gasped.
He stopped spasming and lay on the floor.
Just when Grix thought he’d been put out of his pain, Ant started twitching. He was jerking violently. A blood - curdling scream erupted from his mouth.
And then he died. The closest person Grix ever had to a sibling was gone.
_________
"But you gotta come, Meka! If you don’t then it’ll only be me, FM and Joby!"
"What about Sheepy?"
"He’s being Shawn, he can’t come"
"Sniper?"
"Dead, remember?"
"Oh yeah, forgot about that. What about Ant then? Surely he can come"
Grix looked at the floor, tears welling up in his eyes.
"What? What’s happened?"
"Ant’s... Ant’s..." He breathed in deeply, "Ant’s dead, Meka."
"Oh" Said Meka simply.
Meka inspected his laces
"Oh" he said again
"You’ve just GOT to come, Meka. You HAVE to!" Said Grix in his most cajoling and insistent voice.
Meka sighed and looked around the pub they were in. It had been a long day and the one thing he really didn’t want right now was to be dragged off in search for something that was completely mythical. But then, he couldn’t let Grix down. Not after what Grix had done for him.
He sighed again, "Okay. I’ll come, when do we leave?"
Relief spread over Grix’s face.
"We leave tomorrow at dawn. Bring everything you’ll need to my house... Thanks Meka"
_________
Many people had gone and searched for the Plunder of Mt. Easesse. No one had come back. Many of them didn’t even make it to the mountain. Many were killed on the way. 6 years ago a body had been found at the base of what was believed to be Mt. Easesse; he had been murdered, brutally. There was nothing to see on the outside of the body and there was nothing inside either... And that was the problem. All of the man’s insides, his liver, stomach, lungs, heart... everything had been removed. How they had, no one knew but since that day the legend of the Vimo had been born.
_________
"I’m too tired for this" Thought er-no as he made his way to Grix’s dwelling. "I really can’t be bothered"
How he’d let himself be rigged into this he couldn’t remember but somehow he had been. He only thing he COULD remember from the meeting between him and Grix was the ridiculous amount of alcohol he’d drunk.
"At least it’s not just me and Grix" he thought, he’d been informed that Meka and FM were going as well.
He reached Grix’s house just before dawn. When he arrived at the dusty and dingy building, Meka was already there.
"Right, so now we’re just waiting for FM to come" Said Grix absentmindedly.
Meka sniggered.
"What’re you laughing at, Meka?" Inquired Grix fiercly.
"Err... nothing Grix. Just an attack of the nerves I suppose. I’m so nervous!" Lied Meka.
"Hmmm, well, pull yourself together"
er-no caught Meka’s eye and they both sighed. They hated it when Grix got all serious and bossy. They were confident however, that he would change back to just being normal Grix on the way to... To where? Where the Hell were they going? No one knew exactly where Mt. Easesse actually was. They only knew where it was BELIEVED to be.
A sullen knock on the door cut through the somewhat eerie silence. Grix jumped up and opened the door. FM strided in looking tired and annoyed. He obviously wasn’t in the mood for this trip either.
"Right, we’re all here" Said Grix rather pointlessly, "Let’ go"
And with that the 4 weary travellers set off in search for the Plunder of Mt. Easesse...
_________
"Look here, Time_Warp" Said the man, "You’re freelance, right?"
"Yeah that’s correct" Replied TW wearily. What did this guy want?
"And no one else has asked for your services over the past week, right?"
"Yeeeeeessssssss" TW shot back irritably. He was tired and he wanted to get home to his wife, BigSally.
"Good. Here’s what I want you to do"
The man leaned closer to TW and he began to talk...
_________
"Do have ANY idea where you’re going?" Asked er-no in an extremely annoyed voice.
"Err......no"
"What?"
"No no no, I mean, no, I don’t know where I’m going" Said Grix. He was more than just a little narked as to why everyone was so grumpy. He was sure though that they’d cheer up once he told them EXACTLY what they were looking for. Of course, they knew that they were going after the Easesse Plunder, but what they didn’t know was exactly what the Plunder was. Grix knew of course, after all it was his families, but he’d never actually told anyone.
"So when the hell are you gonna tell them what it is?" Said Brain, cutting straight through Grix’s thoughts.
"I’unno. When the time is right" He replied, more than a little annoyed at his brains rather rude interruption.
The bedraggled foursome carried on along the dusty track that led to where Mt. Easesse was supposed to be.
_________
"No way!!! Uh uh, not a chance in Hell, NO WAY JOSE!!!!" Shouted TW in M16’s face.
"You cannot seriously expect me to go trekking off on my own to search for the Plunder of Mt. Easesse! You must be out of your head boy." He carried on. "What about the Vimo, huh? How in God’s name am I supposed to tackle that by myself?"
"The Vimo’s just a legend, born out of a crazy persons mind to scare anyone and everyone." Said M16
"NO!" TW yelled, and with that he got up and made to leave the pub. The very same pub, in fact, that Grix and Meka had been sat in only the day before, in almost exactly the same scenario.
"Wait!" Called M16 after TW, but he was already gone.
_________
It was dark. But there was still light enough to see where they were going. They had unanimously decided to find a suitable cave and bunk down for the night.
They’d already rejected two caves, one because it was absolutely soaking and one because there was something in there... or so Meka’s Dragon senses told them.
"Oh c’mon!" Whined FM after they had rejected yet another cave because of it’s ‘Aura’.
"I mean we’re not likely to be their long, are we? So who cares if it’s a little bit wet?"
"Yeah I agree with FM" Said Grix. "This is getting ridiculous"
"Alright alright" Said Meka defensively. "The next one we find that’s dry, we’ll settle down in"
They went on for another 10 minutes and finally came across a cave that was dry. Exhausted, they all unrolled their sleeping bags and climbed in for the night.
_________
The sun was blazing into the cave. It came through all the cracks in the wall and straight through the yawning mouth.
er-no looked around. Everyone else seemed to be asleep. Apart from Meka. He looked wide-awake and was just staring up at the caves ceiling.
er-no crawled over to him and whispered "Hey, Meka, you all right? You seem a little distant"
Meka just carried on staring up at the ceiling, not blinking, not moving. Er-no whipped his hand across his face. Nothing... he didn’t even blink. Er-no tried to pick him up. He was surprisingly light... and that’s when it hit him. Meka was light because there was nothing inside him. The Vimo had struck again.
A horrified yell blossomed out of his mouth, waking the others.
"What? What’s wrong?" Questioned FM sleepily. He looked first at er-no then at Meka and then back to er-no. He recognised that Meka was dead and that he had nothing inside him instantly, for it’d been him who’d done the autopsy on the other victim.
"Holy hell!!" He cried.
"Buggerlugs!" shouted Grix for some reason that no one could quite remember, buggerlugs was Grix’s favourite word but quite why he used it was a mystery to all of them... including Grix.
_________
"So what’re we gonna do?" Asked er-no 10 minutes later, when they had all calmed down.
They were sitting in a tight circle on the cave floor. Meka was stood up against the wall behind them, they had closed his eyes as a sign of respect.
"I suppose we bury him" said FM quietly.
"Yes obviously, but I mean, do we carry on with the mission or should we just abandon it now?"
"Look" Said Grix authoritatively, " There’s no point turning back now. We’ve lost Meka; he’d have wanted us to carry on this mission. It’s not about my financial problems anymore, we’re gonna do this for Meka. If anything we OWE this to him."
FM nodded in approval and er-no agreed verbally.
_________
After burying and having a small service for Meka, they carried on up the mountain.
The climb was hard and strenuous, the conditions hot and humid and the groups morale was low. The death of Meka had seen to that. They trudged on up the mountain.
"The time’s right" Grix thought, "It’s time to tell them just what the Plunder of Mt.Easesse is."
Grix stopped and turned around to face FM and er-no. They both looked at him in a curious way.
"You both know that we’re looking for the Easesse Plunder, but what you don’t know is exactly WHAT the Plunder is. So I’m going to tell you..."
FM and er-no stared at Grix, their mouths hanging open wide in amazement and shock.
"You’re joking, right? You’ve got to be!" Said er-no, that dumbfounded expression still on his face.
"You cannot be serious" Came FM’s voice. The same expression was etched onto his face as well.
A small smile drove across Grix’s lips and came to a skidding stop over the other side of his mouth. He knew this would happen, knew that they wouldn’t believe him when he told them what they were looking for.
"I’m serious, that’s what it really is. It’s been in my family for years, ever since my great – great - great – great - great – great Grandfather buried it up here." He motioned up the mountain. " Since then it’s been passed down from generation to generation. No one else ever tried to look for it, at least, no one from my family."
As he’d hoped, FM and er-no now looked willing to do the task. They no longer gave the impression that they’d been dragged out there, they looked READY to risk their lives and find the plunder.
_________
I couldn’t believe what Grix had just told us. I honestly couldn’t believe it. At first I was so sure he was kidding but then I took a look at his face after FM had questioned it, he was wearing that expression. The one that everyone uses when they know they’re right.
He was telling the truth.
Suddenly I was filled with joy. We were hunting the most sought after treasure and we knew exactly what it was unlike nearly everyone else who had looked or it.
"Heh" er-no couldn’t help thinking, "If they’d known what it was they would’ve been a lot keener!"
_________
By noon of the second day the group were very near the top of the mountain. They stopped for a bit of lunch and then carried on.
By 11:30 that night they couldn’t see so they decided to go to bed. This time they were more cautious, despite Grix’s revelation they were still mourning Meka and they had no intention of being caught again. This time they slept in the mouth of the cave and kept a lookout.
When the other two woke up they were pleased to see that FM still had all his internal organs present and, on a much larger scale of relief, that they had theirs as well. They packed up their stuff and then set off again.
They reached the summit at 11 o’ clock and, after stopping for a rest, went in search of a little crack that Grix had told them about. It was believed that the crack was the key to the mountain. It was also believed that only a direct descendent of Aiesiee Thraves could use the key. So quite how the other treasure hunters intended to get in was a mystery but that didn’t stop them.
They searched for 6 hours. 6 long hours under the scorching sun. At 5 Grix called a halt. Thy both gathered round him, heat radiating from their bodies.
"Err... I get the feeling that this err... isn’t the right mountain…"
"WHAT!?" Shouted Fm and er-no in unison. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY"
"Err... that this is the wrong mountain."
"Oh bloody brilliant" grumbled FM.
"Stupid sodding shower of sh..."
"Look!" Said Grix, cutting er-no off in mid rant, "This is the wrong mountain for the treasure, but that doesn’t matter!"
It was clear to FM now. Grix was completely insane.
"If it doesn’t matter when we’ve walked up the wrong bloody mountain then what does matter?" He asked in a patronising voice.
"Shut up and listen. How do you pronounce the mountain’s where the treasures buried?" Asked Grix.
"You what? You’ve completely flipped you nutter"
" No I haven’t. So how do you pronounce it?"
"E ess E" Chimed er-no. From the look on his face Grix could see that he’d cottoned on.
"Yup, that’s right and what’s this below my feet?" Questioned Grix, stepping aside so that FM could see.
"It’s a com... COMPASS!" Shouted FM, finally seeing what Grix was getting at.
There, etched into the dirt, was a compass showing North, South, East and West.
"E Ess E" Said FM, "E S E!!! East South East!!!"
"Yup, you got it" Said Grix. "Now let’s stop sodding around and get moving.
And they did.
_________
Their course took them through a large wooded area and over a river to another mountain. It was the only mountain that was in the direction they were headed so they, correctly, assumed that it was Mt. Easesse.
It was dark by the time they got there. So they found a cave, set up a watchman and went to sleep.
The following morning after finding they could still breathe they set off up the mountain. It was a long and hard hike but after many hours of struggling, they got to the top. They immediately started looking for the crack but there was no need. Er-no had already found it.
"Right then" Said Grix, "Time to open up the treasure box"
He slipped his two fingers gingerly inside the crack and... Nothing happened.
"BUGGERLUGS!" Shouted Grix with great annoyance.
There was a cracking sound and suddenly the crack widened. And widened. And widened. And there it was, the door to the mountain.
Er-no and FM looked at Grix, astounded.
"So that’s why it’s your favourite word then, eh?"
They both chuckled and Grix allowed himself a satisfied smile. "I guess so"
And into the mountain they went.
It was dark after only 5 paces. Completely dark. On more than one occasion Er-no came in contact with very hard and very pointy rock.
"Crap! That’s the fourth time in 5 minutes! There’s got to be someway to see, I’m going to end up dead if I carry on like this."
"Hang on" Came the voice of Grix from somewhere to the left. "Just getting out my matches"
There was a crack and the match sparked into life.
"Thankgod"
"Indeed. Now, I suggest you stop thanking him and start praying" Came Grix’s voice in a very worried tone.
"Eh?" Grunted FM. He looked around. " Hmmm... What does this remind me of?" He said with almost amusement in his voice.
The whole cavern was piled high with box’s of TNT. (And at this point I’d like to apologise to Lucas Arts even though I did not steal this bit from Monkey Island 2... Honest!)
Grix just had time to read "Property of Aiesiee Thraves" on the side of one of the boxes before the whole lot blew.
All three of the adventurers were flung high into the air. And when gravity finally took hold of them they were sure they were going to die.
"Ahhh well, it was fun while it lasted" Said Grix"
They all three came crashing down into another cavern.
This was it. He was finally going to die. Grix braced himself.
Splat.
Creak.
"ARGH!"
Were the noises that came out of that cavern. The last one coming from a very disturbed Er-no. They had all three landed on a gigantic bed made from mattresses!
"What the fu-"
"Am I dead?"
"Hurrah! Let’s go meet St Peter!"
"I’m alive, I’M ALIVEEEEE!!!"
"Yeah so am I"
"And me!"
"What the hell happened?" asked FM
" Hmmm... I reckon that was supposed to happen. I’m sure old Aiesiee planned that."
"You reckon?"
"I’m sure"
"Well then, let’s get up and go search for that plunder!"
"Yup, let’s."
They all got up and all made their way to the corner of the room where a chest lay.
"Buggerlugs" Said Grix without even thinking about it. And the chest opened.
They’d finally done it. They’d finally found the Plunder of Mt Eassee.
Grix bent over and picked up whatever was in the chest. Although they all knew what it would be.
"So, what you gonna do with it?" Inquired Er-no
"Well I’m going to take it back home and play on it. Just like God intended."
"Fair enough. Can we have our share then?"
"Certainly can"
Grix went to pick up what was in the chest. He looked down and saw something he couldn’t believe. There, in the chest, lay the broken up pieces of three GameCubes. Attached to the pieces was a note.
"Dear Grix and Co.
Sorry about this old chaps but I simply couldn’t let you take your GameCube’s home with you. They would cause too much damage to Sony’s profits, so, consequently I killed Meka, smashed up the GC’s and let you carry on trying to find them.
Signed Vimo "AKA Turbonutter"
PS. Look behind you"
"Well let’s see ‘em then" Said FM and Er-no excitedly.
Grix turned around with a dumb expression on his face which melted into fear soon thereafter.
"What is it?" Asked FM, turning around.
And there, they saw the Vimo. Snarling at them, murder in its eyes.
"Hello Ladsssssss" He hissed. "Glad you make it"
And with that he leapt, jaws snapping at the throat of FM. FM tried to block but it was too late. Vimo’s jaws latched on and tore through his wind-pipe like a warm knife through butter. With a strangled yell FM fell to the ground. Dead.
"Who’sssss Nexttttttt?" Grinned the beast. Before leaping at the groin of Grix. Again he tried to parry but the jaws locked on. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Came the very high yell of Grix before HE fell to the ground, moaning and whimpering clutching his beaten balls.
" Eep" Said Er-no simply.
"Eeeeep indeed, Joby, prepare to dieeeee" Screamed the Vimo before jumping at er-no.
This time though, the victim managed to parry the Vimo off, and he started circling the beast.
The Vimo’s devil-like eyes watched every step he took. Waiting for the right time to strike.
"Grix" said a voice. "Grix, use the force of of the ‘Tards. USE THE FORCE GRIX!"
Grix looked up to see a face floating before him. "USE THE FORCE, GRIX, USE THE FORCE!"
Grix dragged himself across the ground, still clutching his injured crotch. He headed for the chest and grabbed a piece of the shattered GameCubes. A particularly sharp and pointy piece. He crawled back to where Er-no was still fending off the Vimo. Grix was amazed he’d lasted this long.
And with the thought of revenge for FM and Meka running through his head he emitted a primal scream and launched himself at the Vimo, still wielding the piece of GameCube.
Hearing the yell the Vimo turned to see Grix flying through the air, holding a sharp piece of plastic and still holding his groin. And he burst out laughing. And he was still laughing when Grix shoved the pointy piece of GameCube straight into his heart muttering, "I’ll give you cute and cuddly".
And, still laughing hysterically, Turbonutter crumpled to the ground and died.
Anyway, without further ado... The Plunder of Mt. Easesse
~~~~~~~~~~~~
He laboured onwards. Past the yawning caves, past the haphazard cracks and past the river. Higher and higher he climbed trying to reach the mountains peak. His body was yearning for rest but he had to continue. He HAD to…
_________
It was slowing down, the wheel was stopping. Slower, slower, slower… it was going to land on his number! The pointer poised agonisingly on black 15... and then dropped over the edge to red 21.
"DAMN!" Exclaimed Grix as he slithered down the wall, head in his hands.
He’d had his last 20 quid riding on that game.
"Russian Roulette" he decided "Is crap"
His family had once been rich. His great – great - great – great - great – great Grandfather was a very rich man... at one point. He’d procured a massive fortune over his life. He’d left all his money to his son, Thricks, but something had happened, something that *persuaded* him to change his mind…
_________
His whole body ached. He was close to unconsciousness.
"NOOOOO!!!!!! I WON’T GIVE UP!" He cried at the top of his voice. He struggled on, up the mountain…
_________
On his way back to his flat, Grix tried to think of what to do. He had no money, he had no job, he had no family to leech off and very soon he’d have no home. From every angle he looked at it, the outcome was bleak, very bleak.
Grix was so enraptured by his thoughts he failed to see the shadowy figures that were coming toward him.
Those shadowy figures were not just any shadowy figures. They were the 4 founding members of the Apocalypse Boys.
_________
"If you’d have seen them, I’d have told you to leg it." Said Grix’s Brain to Grix.
"Yeah well, I didn’t see them did I? And you know why? Because you were keeping me in Deep Thought ya smegger" Replied Grix venomously.
"Look, what are we gonna do about this?" Asked Brain, quickly changing the subject.
Grix looked around the room he was locked in...
_________
He’d made it. After four days he’d finally made it. But his quest was far from over. He still had to...
_________
There was nothing in there. Nothing in his cell apart from two halves of a table and a tube of glue.
"C’mon then Mr.Smartass Brain. What the hell are we gonna do?"
"All right all right. Don’t fret. I’m working on it"
"Well work a bit faster, you know I’m claustrophobic.
_________
There! He could see it now. After a 3 hour search he’d finally found the little crack that he was looking for. Gently, he slid his fingers into the little crack and felt along its side. *click* He’d found the freeze. The crack widened. It widened just enough to allow a smallish man to pass through...
_________
"Got it!" Shouted Brain at last.
"Got what? A way to get out of here?" Questioned Grix excitedly.
"Yeah!!!!" Brain replied vehemently.
"Great, what do I do?"
"Stick the two halves of the table together to make a whole."
"Hey! That might just work!"
Grix grabbed the tube of glue and quickly applied it to the two halves of the table...
_________
Moving stealthily through complete darkness was not easy. That was the conclusion that he’d come to after being forced to try and do that.
He plodded on through the caverns and the twisting passages. He often found himself wondering whether he should just give up now.
"No!" He cried, "I can’t quit, it has to be done!"
And so he carried on, through the seemingly eternal darkness...
_________
The light made his eyes throb. It was too bright for him. Shadowing his eyes from the dazzling light, Grix made his way down the street he found himself on. He knew exactly where he was going. He needed to find someone and he needed to find them quickly...
_________
2 days moving through the caverns hadn’t done much for his state of mind. But he was still sane enough to know what he was doing... just.
_________
"The myth is just
"Ant, I NEED to know, I MUST know. It’s imperative that I find out. If I don’t, I’m deader than Penny-round collars" Replied Grix in a desperate voice.
"All -
_________
He fell to the floor, barely alive.
He’d completed his task and was now free to die. The 8 day mission had worn him down... fatally. He was close to the end now, very close. At least he could die safe in the knowledge that he’d done his part. The rest was up to his descendants.
He breathed out... and didn’t breathe in again. The life of Aiesiee Thraves was over.
_________
"That’s how the myth goes.
"So where is Mt. Easesse?" Asked Grix.
"No one knows, we can
"Vvvvvvimmmmooooo" agonised Ant; he was obviously in great pain. "Viiiimoo" he gasped.
He stopped spasming and lay on the floor.
Just when Grix thought he’d been put out of his pain, Ant started twitching. He was jerking violently. A blood - curdling scream erupted from his mouth.
And then he died. The closest person Grix ever had to a sibling was gone.
_________
"But you gotta come, Meka! If you don’t then it’ll only be me, FM and Joby!"
"What about Sheepy?"
"He’s being Shawn, he can’t come"
"Sniper?"
"Dead, remember?"
"Oh yeah, forgot about that. What about Ant then? Surely he can come"
Grix looked at the floor, tears welling up in his eyes.
"What? What’s happened?"
"Ant’s... Ant’s..." He breathed in deeply, "Ant’s dead, Meka."
"Oh" Said Meka simply.
Meka inspected his laces
"Oh" he said again
"You’ve just GOT to come, Meka. You HAVE to!" Said Grix in his most cajoling and insistent voice.
Meka sighed and looked around the pub they were in. It had been a long day and the one thing he really didn’t want right now was to be dragged off in search for something that was completely mythical. But then, he couldn’t let Grix down. Not after what Grix had done for him.
He sighed again, "Okay. I’ll come, when do we leave?"
Relief spread over Grix’s face.
"We leave tomorrow at dawn. Bring everything you’ll need to my house... Thanks Meka"
_________
Many people had gone and searched for the Plunder of Mt. Easesse. No one had come back. Many of them didn’t even make it to the mountain. Many were killed on the way. 6 years ago a body had been found at the base of what was believed to be Mt. Easesse; he had been murdered, brutally. There was nothing to see on the outside of the body and there was nothing inside either... And that was the problem. All of the man’s insides, his liver, stomach, lungs, heart... everything had been removed. How they had, no one knew but since that day the legend of the Vimo had been born.
_________
"I’m too tired for this" Thought er-no as he made his way to Grix’s dwelling. "I really can’t be bothered"
How he’d let himself be rigged into this he couldn’t remember but somehow he had been. He only thing he COULD remember from the meeting between him and Grix was the ridiculous amount of alcohol he’d drunk.
"At least it’s not just me and Grix" he thought, he’d been informed that Meka and FM were going as well.
He reached Grix’s house just before dawn. When he arrived at the dusty and dingy building, Meka was already there.
"Right, so now we’re just waiting for FM to come" Said Grix absentmindedly.
Meka sniggered.
"What’re you laughing at, Meka?" Inquired Grix fiercly.
"Err... nothing Grix. Just an attack of the nerves I suppose. I’m so nervous!" Lied Meka.
"Hmmm, well, pull yourself together"
er-no caught Meka’s eye and they both sighed. They hated it when Grix got all serious and bossy. They were confident however, that he would change back to just being normal Grix on the way to... To where? Where the Hell were they going? No one knew exactly where Mt. Easesse actually was. They only knew where it was BELIEVED to be.
A sullen knock on the door cut through the somewhat eerie silence. Grix jumped up and opened the door. FM strided in looking tired and annoyed. He obviously wasn’t in the mood for this trip either.
"Right, we’re all here" Said Grix rather pointlessly, "Let’ go"
And with that the 4 weary travellers set off in search for the Plunder of Mt. Easesse...
_________
"Look here, Time_Warp" Said the man, "You’re freelance, right?"
"Yeah that’s correct" Replied TW wearily. What did this guy want?
"And no one else has asked for your services over the past week, right?"
"Yeeeeeessssssss" TW shot back irritably. He was tired and he wanted to get home to his wife, BigSally.
"Good. Here’s what I want you to do"
The man leaned closer to TW and he began to talk...
_________
"Do have ANY idea where you’re going?" Asked er-no in an extremely annoyed voice.
"Err......no"
"What?"
"No no no, I mean, no, I don’t know where I’m going" Said Grix. He was more than just a little narked as to why everyone was so grumpy. He was sure though that they’d cheer up once he told them EXACTLY what they were looking for. Of course, they knew that they were going after the Easesse Plunder, but what they didn’t know was exactly what the Plunder was. Grix knew of course, after all it was his families, but he’d never actually told anyone.
"So when the hell are you gonna tell them what it is?" Said Brain, cutting straight through Grix’s thoughts.
"I’unno. When the time is right" He replied, more than a little annoyed at his brains rather rude interruption.
The bedraggled foursome carried on along the dusty track that led to where Mt. Easesse was supposed to be.
_________
"No way!!! Uh uh, not a chance in Hell, NO WAY JOSE!!!!" Shouted TW in M16’s face.
"You cannot seriously expect me to go trekking off on my own to search for the Plunder of Mt. Easesse! You must be out of your head boy." He carried on. "What about the Vimo, huh? How in God’s name am I supposed to tackle that by myself?"
"The Vimo’s just a legend, born out of a crazy persons mind to scare anyone and everyone." Said M16
"NO!" TW yelled, and with that he got up and made to leave the pub. The very same pub, in fact, that Grix and Meka had been sat in only the day before, in almost exactly the same scenario.
"Wait!" Called M16 after TW, but he was already gone.
_________
It was dark. But there was still light enough to see where they were going. They had unanimously decided to find a suitable cave and bunk down for the night.
They’d already rejected two caves, one because it was absolutely soaking and one because there was something in there... or so Meka’s Dragon senses told them.
"Oh c’mon!" Whined FM after they had rejected yet another cave because of it’s ‘Aura’.
"I mean we’re not likely to be their long, are we? So who cares if it’s a little bit wet?"
"Yeah I agree with FM" Said Grix. "This is getting ridiculous"
"Alright alright" Said Meka defensively. "The next one we find that’s dry, we’ll settle down in"
They went on for another 10 minutes and finally came across a cave that was dry. Exhausted, they all unrolled their sleeping bags and climbed in for the night.
_________
The sun was blazing into the cave. It came through all the cracks in the wall and straight through the yawning mouth.
er-no looked around. Everyone else seemed to be asleep. Apart from Meka. He looked wide-awake and was just staring up at the caves ceiling.
er-no crawled over to him and whispered "Hey, Meka, you all right? You seem a little distant"
Meka just carried on staring up at the ceiling, not blinking, not moving. Er-no whipped his hand across his face. Nothing... he didn’t even blink. Er-no tried to pick him up. He was surprisingly light... and that’s when it hit him. Meka was light because there was nothing inside him. The Vimo had struck again.
A horrified yell blossomed out of his mouth, waking the others.
"What? What’s wrong?" Questioned FM sleepily. He looked first at er-no then at Meka and then back to er-no. He recognised that Meka was dead and that he had nothing inside him instantly, for it’d been him who’d done the autopsy on the other victim.
"Holy hell!!" He cried.
"Buggerlugs!" shouted Grix for some reason that no one could quite remember, buggerlugs was Grix’s favourite word but quite why he used it was a mystery to all of them... including Grix.
_________
"So what’re we gonna do?" Asked er-no 10 minutes later, when they had all calmed down.
They were sitting in a tight circle on the cave floor. Meka was stood up against the wall behind them, they had closed his eyes as a sign of respect.
"I suppose we bury him" said FM quietly.
"Yes obviously, but I mean, do we carry on with the mission or should we just abandon it now?"
"Look" Said Grix authoritatively, " There’s no point turning back now. We’ve lost Meka; he’d have wanted us to carry on this mission. It’s not about my financial problems anymore, we’re gonna do this for Meka. If anything we OWE this to him."
FM nodded in approval and er-no agreed verbally.
_________
After burying and having a small service for Meka, they carried on up the mountain.
The climb was hard and strenuous, the conditions hot and humid and the groups morale was low. The death of Meka had seen to that. They trudged on up the mountain.
"The time’s right" Grix thought, "It’s time to tell them just what the Plunder of Mt.Easesse is."
Grix stopped and turned around to face FM and er-no. They both looked at him in a curious way.
"You both know that we’re looking for the Easesse Plunder, but what you don’t know is exactly WHAT the Plunder is. So I’m going to tell you..."
FM and er-no stared at Grix, their mouths hanging open wide in amazement and shock.
"You’re joking, right? You’ve got to be!" Said er-no, that dumbfounded expression still on his face.
"You cannot be serious" Came FM’s voice. The same expression was etched onto his face as well.
A small smile drove across Grix’s lips and came to a skidding stop over the other side of his mouth. He knew this would happen, knew that they wouldn’t believe him when he told them what they were looking for.
"I’m serious, that’s what it really is. It’s been in my family for years, ever since my great – great - great – great - great – great Grandfather buried it up here." He motioned up the mountain. " Since then it’s been passed down from generation to generation. No one else ever tried to look for it, at least, no one from my family."
As he’d hoped, FM and er-no now looked willing to do the task. They no longer gave the impression that they’d been dragged out there, they looked READY to risk their lives and find the plunder.
_________
I couldn’t believe what Grix had just told us. I honestly couldn’t believe it. At first I was so sure he was kidding but then I took a look at his face after FM had questioned it, he was wearing that expression. The one that everyone uses when they know they’re right.
He was telling the truth.
Suddenly I was filled with joy. We were hunting the most sought after treasure and we knew exactly what it was unlike nearly everyone else who had looked or it.
"Heh" er-no couldn’t help thinking, "If they’d known what it was they would’ve been a lot keener!"
_________
By noon of the second day the group were very near the top of the mountain. They stopped for a bit of lunch and then carried on.
By 11:30 that night they couldn’t see so they decided to go to bed. This time they were more cautious, despite Grix’s revelation they were still mourning Meka and they had no intention of being caught again. This time they slept in the mouth of the cave and kept a lookout.
When the other two woke up they were pleased to see that FM still had all his internal organs present and, on a much larger scale of relief, that they had theirs as well. They packed up their stuff and then set off again.
They reached the summit at 11 o’ clock and, after stopping for a rest, went in search of a little crack that Grix had told them about. It was believed that the crack was the key to the mountain. It was also believed that only a direct descendent of Aiesiee Thraves could use the key. So quite how the other treasure hunters intended to get in was a mystery but that didn’t stop them.
They searched for 6 hours. 6 long hours under the scorching sun. At 5 Grix called a halt. Thy both gathered round him, heat radiating from their bodies.
"Err... I get the feeling that this err... isn’t the right mountain…"
"WHAT!?" Shouted Fm and er-no in unison. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY"
"Err... that this is the wrong mountain."
"Oh bloody brilliant" grumbled FM.
"Stupid sodding shower of sh..."
"Look!" Said Grix, cutting er-no off in mid rant, "This is the wrong mountain for the treasure, but that doesn’t matter!"
It was clear to FM now. Grix was completely insane.
"If it doesn’t matter when we’ve walked up the wrong bloody mountain then what does matter?" He asked in a patronising voice.
"Shut up and listen. How do you pronounce the mountain’s where the treasures buried?" Asked Grix.
"You what? You’ve completely flipped you nutter"
" No I haven’t. So how do you pronounce it?"
"E ess E" Chimed er-no. From the look on his face Grix could see that he’d cottoned on.
"Yup, that’s right and what’s this below my feet?" Questioned Grix, stepping aside so that FM could see.
"It’s a com... COMPASS!" Shouted FM, finally seeing what Grix was getting at.
There, etched into the dirt, was a compass showing North, South, East and West.
"E Ess E" Said FM, "E S E!!! East South East!!!"
"Yup, you got it" Said Grix. "Now let’s stop sodding around and get moving.
And they did.
_________
Their course took them through a large wooded area and over a river to another mountain. It was the only mountain that was in the direction they were headed so they, correctly, assumed that it was Mt. Easesse.
It was dark by the time they got there. So they found a cave, set up a watchman and went to sleep.
The following morning after finding they could still breathe they set off up the mountain. It was a long and hard hike but after many hours of struggling, they got to the top. They immediately started looking for the crack but there was no need. Er-no had already found it.
"Right then" Said Grix, "Time to open up the treasure box"
He slipped his two fingers gingerly inside the crack and... Nothing happened.
"BUGGERLUGS!" Shouted Grix with great annoyance.
There was a cracking sound and suddenly the crack widened. And widened. And widened. And there it was, the door to the mountain.
Er-no and FM looked at Grix, astounded.
"So that’s why it’s your favourite word then, eh?"
They both chuckled and Grix allowed himself a satisfied smile. "I guess so"
And into the mountain they went.
It was dark after only 5 paces. Completely dark. On more than one occasion Er-no came in contact with very hard and very pointy rock.
"Crap! That’s the fourth time in 5 minutes! There’s got to be someway to see, I’m going to end up dead if I carry on like this."
"Hang on" Came the voice of Grix from somewhere to the left. "Just getting out my matches"
There was a crack and the match sparked into life.
"Thankgod"
"Indeed. Now, I suggest you stop thanking him and start praying" Came Grix’s voice in a very worried tone.
"Eh?" Grunted FM. He looked around. " Hmmm... What does this remind me of?" He said with almost amusement in his voice.
The whole cavern was piled high with box’s of TNT. (And at this point I’d like to apologise to Lucas Arts even though I did not steal this bit from Monkey Island 2... Honest!)
Grix just had time to read "Property of Aiesiee Thraves" on the side of one of the boxes before the whole lot blew.
All three of the adventurers were flung high into the air. And when gravity finally took hold of them they were sure they were going to die.
"Ahhh well, it was fun while it lasted" Said Grix"
They all three came crashing down into another cavern.
This was it. He was finally going to die. Grix braced himself.
Splat.
Creak.
"ARGH!"
Were the noises that came out of that cavern. The last one coming from a very disturbed Er-no. They had all three landed on a gigantic bed made from mattresses!
"What the fu-"
"Am I dead?"
"Hurrah! Let’s go meet St Peter!"
"I’m alive, I’M ALIVEEEEE!!!"
"Yeah so am I"
"And me!"
"What the hell happened?" asked FM
" Hmmm... I reckon that was supposed to happen. I’m sure old Aiesiee planned that."
"You reckon?"
"I’m sure"
"Well then, let’s get up and go search for that plunder!"
"Yup, let’s."
They all got up and all made their way to the corner of the room where a chest lay.
"Buggerlugs" Said Grix without even thinking about it. And the chest opened.
They’d finally done it. They’d finally found the Plunder of Mt Eassee.
Grix bent over and picked up whatever was in the chest. Although they all knew what it would be.
"So, what you gonna do with it?" Inquired Er-no
"Well I’m going to take it back home and play on it. Just like God intended."
"Fair enough. Can we have our share then?"
"Certainly can"
Grix went to pick up what was in the chest. He looked down and saw something he couldn’t believe. There, in the chest, lay the broken up pieces of three GameCubes. Attached to the pieces was a note.
"Dear Grix and Co.
Sorry about this old chaps but I simply couldn’t let you take your GameCube’s home with you. They would cause too much damage to Sony’s profits, so, consequently I killed Meka, smashed up the GC’s and let you carry on trying to find them.
Signed Vimo "AKA Turbonutter"
PS. Look behind you"
"Well let’s see ‘em then" Said FM and Er-no excitedly.
Grix turned around with a dumb expression on his face which melted into fear soon thereafter.
"What is it?" Asked FM, turning around.
And there, they saw the Vimo. Snarling at them, murder in its eyes.
"Hello Ladsssssss" He hissed. "Glad you make it"
And with that he leapt, jaws snapping at the throat of FM. FM tried to block but it was too late. Vimo’s jaws latched on and tore through his wind-pipe like a warm knife through butter. With a strangled yell FM fell to the ground. Dead.
"Who’sssss Nexttttttt?" Grinned the beast. Before leaping at the groin of Grix. Again he tried to parry but the jaws locked on. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Came the very high yell of Grix before HE fell to the ground, moaning and whimpering clutching his beaten balls.
" Eep" Said Er-no simply.
"Eeeeep indeed, Joby, prepare to dieeeee" Screamed the Vimo before jumping at er-no.
This time though, the victim managed to parry the Vimo off, and he started circling the beast.
The Vimo’s devil-like eyes watched every step he took. Waiting for the right time to strike.
"Grix" said a voice. "Grix, use the force of of the ‘Tards. USE THE FORCE GRIX!"
Grix looked up to see a face floating before him. "USE THE FORCE, GRIX, USE THE FORCE!"
Grix dragged himself across the ground, still clutching his injured crotch. He headed for the chest and grabbed a piece of the shattered GameCubes. A particularly sharp and pointy piece. He crawled back to where Er-no was still fending off the Vimo. Grix was amazed he’d lasted this long.
And with the thought of revenge for FM and Meka running through his head he emitted a primal scream and launched himself at the Vimo, still wielding the piece of GameCube.
Hearing the yell the Vimo turned to see Grix flying through the air, holding a sharp piece of plastic and still holding his groin. And he burst out laughing. And he was still laughing when Grix shoved the pointy piece of GameCube straight into his heart muttering, "I’ll give you cute and cuddly".
And, still laughing hysterically, Turbonutter crumpled to the ground and died.
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Stryke wrote:
> Ahem. So, I have to say this right, in a quasi-newbie voice...
I wasnt in it
> i am wel anoyed oo do yoo fink yoo is, rasta? gimme gad etc.
:-)
Lol. I started writing this before you were here and couldn't be bothered to write you in :-D
> Ahem. So, I have to say this right, in a quasi-newbie voice...
I wasnt in it
> i am wel anoyed oo do yoo fink yoo is, rasta? gimme gad etc.
:-)
Lol. I started writing this before you were here and couldn't be bothered to write you in :-D
Ahem. So, I have to say this right, in a quasi-newbie voice...
I wasnt in it i am wel anoyed oo do yoo fink yoo is, rasta? gimme gad etc.
:-)
I wasnt in it i am wel anoyed oo do yoo fink yoo is, rasta? gimme gad etc.
:-)
Read it you Damn Dirty Apes!
Your Honour wrote:
> RastaBillySkank wrote:
Heh, no
> Russian Roulette is just a gambling
> game.
I think you're wrong there Rasta.
It is as GH described.
You
> put 1 bullet in a 6 shooter, spin it, put it to your head and pull the
> trigger.
You win if it's an empty chamber that gets fired.
You lose if
> your brains end up splattered all over the wall.
Oopsy daisy :-)
> RastaBillySkank wrote:
Heh, no
> Russian Roulette is just a gambling
> game.
I think you're wrong there Rasta.
It is as GH described.
You
> put 1 bullet in a 6 shooter, spin it, put it to your head and pull the
> trigger.
You win if it's an empty chamber that gets fired.
You lose if
> your brains end up splattered all over the wall.
Oopsy daisy :-)
RastaBillySkank wrote:
Heh, no
> Russian Roulette is just a gambling game.
I think you're wrong there Rasta.
It is as GH described.
You put 1 bullet in a 6 shooter, spin it, put it to your head and pull the trigger.
You win if it's an empty chamber that gets fired.
You lose if your brains end up splattered all over the wall.
Heh, no
> Russian Roulette is just a gambling game.
I think you're wrong there Rasta.
It is as GH described.
You put 1 bullet in a 6 shooter, spin it, put it to your head and pull the trigger.
You win if it's an empty chamber that gets fired.
You lose if your brains end up splattered all over the wall.
RastaBillySkank wrote:
Heh, no
> Russian Roulette is just a gambling game.
Oh ok......my bad!
Heh, no
> Russian Roulette is just a gambling game.
Oh ok......my bad!
I started it on 12th November 2000
Gangsta Hamsta wrote:
> Errrrm.....wow? Not sure what else to say. At long last i have finished reading
> it....i started some time last year and now i am done!
:D
BTW, isnt russian
> roulette where you put one bullet in the chamber of a gun, spin it, put it to
> your head and pull the trigger? You then have like a 1/6 chance of survival.
> Sounds bloody stupid to me but if Grix had lost at that (see very beginning) i
> am not sure much of the rest of this story would have happened!!
Did you
> write it in word? Go to properties and find out how long you spent writing
> it!!!
Heh, no Russian Roulette is just a gambling game.
> Errrrm.....wow? Not sure what else to say. At long last i have finished reading
> it....i started some time last year and now i am done!
:D
BTW, isnt russian
> roulette where you put one bullet in the chamber of a gun, spin it, put it to
> your head and pull the trigger? You then have like a 1/6 chance of survival.
> Sounds bloody stupid to me but if Grix had lost at that (see very beginning) i
> am not sure much of the rest of this story would have happened!!
Did you
> write it in word? Go to properties and find out how long you spent writing
> it!!!
Heh, no Russian Roulette is just a gambling game.
I was gonna 'reply quoting this message' coz i need to boost my word count a bit!
:D
Resisted the temptation though!
:D
Resisted the temptation though!
Errrrm.....wow? Not sure what else to say. At long last i have finished reading it....i started some time last year and now i am done!
:D
BTW, isnt russian roulette where you put one bullet in the chamber of a gun, spin it, put it to your head and pull the trigger? You then have like a 1/6 chance of survival. Sounds bloody stupid to me but if Grix had lost at that (see very beginning) i am not sure much of the rest of this story would have happened!!
Did you write it in word? Go to properties and find out how long you spent writing it!!!
:D
BTW, isnt russian roulette where you put one bullet in the chamber of a gun, spin it, put it to your head and pull the trigger? You then have like a 1/6 chance of survival. Sounds bloody stupid to me but if Grix had lost at that (see very beginning) i am not sure much of the rest of this story would have happened!!
Did you write it in word? Go to properties and find out how long you spent writing it!!!
Page: