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I donít know how many of you watch Have I Got News For You, or read A Life in the Day Of: from the back of the Sunday Times magazine, but without those, you probably wonít understand my cynical little jab at our esteemed Labour leader.
A LIFE IN THE DAY OF: President Tony Blair.
ë The day begins at six, when I hear a frenzied knocking at the back door. Sighing, I make my way downstairs, knowing it to be Ewan, knocking to be let in after he drank his house keys. I let him in and make Cherie some coffee. Sheís got a busy day ahead of her, smiling and pretending she has a career apart from being my wife. By seven, Iím dressed in a suit Alastair has carefully prepared for me. I started wearing my poppy ten weeks early this year. Alastair thinks itíll be a good idea. He pops in at 7:05 while Iím reading all of Rupert Murdochís papers. Rupertís a good pal, with no obvious control over the Sun.
Alastair outlines my day for me, and we go over, as always, my deep pauses after every third word. Some donít approve of this, but it at least lets me look around the audience. At 8am, itís my morning chat with my advisor from America, George. I like George. Heís a good friend, and lends a chap some stuff now and then. Sadly, heís usually in trouble. Yesterday he was asking me where his office was. He still hasnít figured out itís the oval one, bless him. Then itís on with my presidential duties. I have to go on a promotional trip to my constituency today. Donít know why, I usually have people to do that sort of thing for me. Iím usually too busy seeing what international situation to exploit.
Midday sees a brief lunch with an old chum, Greg D**e. I like to see the BBC being as unbiased as possible, you see, and I think old Greggers is the man for the job. Then itís the Lord Chancellor. He needs a couple of thousand to buy some dog biscuits. I am usually cautious about this, but the wallpaper DID suit his place well. So I give it to him. Iím sure the Cabinet will agree, but best to consult with Gordon. So Iím off to his place. Itís only next door, but I walk with 20 policeman and a couple of jets overhead. George has advised me this is a good idea after he almost stubbed a toe at some baseball match, so I listen to him. George is always full of good advise. When I asked him for general election advice, he was very certain. Win, he said. I was pleased with this.
Better see to something called Parliament next. Donít like to get them involved, but they do cry so. I see Iain Smith is in today. Must be Duncanís day off. Bless the twins, I really think they add to the Commons. He asks we something about the war, but I brush this off. Whatís the point of being President if you canít declare war, after all. I would have stayed longer, but Anne Widdicome was there. Gosh, no.
Is this going out to the public? Yes? Ah, then from 3-4 I pray, of course. I think religion is very important in todayís blue societyÖ Sorry, that should be new society. Alastair must have misspelt!
Another phone meeting with George at 6 to discuss the war so far. I donít like to bother George much. He sends me some troops and I get on with it, you know?
I knock off at 7, because baby Leo needs his father, and I have to go pick him up from the Post Office. Only kidding, itís my famous sense of working class humour! Pass the Earl Grey, will you? Anyway, I play with Leo for a while, then Cherie comes home from a busy day of nothing. I make her some more coffee. Ewan awakes at this time. Heís my Secretary for Alcohol, and Iíve asked him to explore to pubs of London. He doesnít want to, the champ, but he loves his job so. Heís out at 7, and Iíll see him back at 6. Heís very dedicated.
Iím in bed by 9. Cherie might come up later, she likes to watch TV. I, on the other hand, am a dedicated career man and need my sleep. Presidential duties are very demanding. Tommorrow Iíll see if the Queen will tell me where she hid the crown. Iíve got my eye on it, you seeÖí
Thank you, and as you might guess, I will not be voting Labour when Iím 18.
A LIFE IN THE DAY OF: President Tony Blair.
ë The day begins at six, when I hear a frenzied knocking at the back door. Sighing, I make my way downstairs, knowing it to be Ewan, knocking to be let in after he drank his house keys. I let him in and make Cherie some coffee. Sheís got a busy day ahead of her, smiling and pretending she has a career apart from being my wife. By seven, Iím dressed in a suit Alastair has carefully prepared for me. I started wearing my poppy ten weeks early this year. Alastair thinks itíll be a good idea. He pops in at 7:05 while Iím reading all of Rupert Murdochís papers. Rupertís a good pal, with no obvious control over the Sun.
Alastair outlines my day for me, and we go over, as always, my deep pauses after every third word. Some donít approve of this, but it at least lets me look around the audience. At 8am, itís my morning chat with my advisor from America, George. I like George. Heís a good friend, and lends a chap some stuff now and then. Sadly, heís usually in trouble. Yesterday he was asking me where his office was. He still hasnít figured out itís the oval one, bless him. Then itís on with my presidential duties. I have to go on a promotional trip to my constituency today. Donít know why, I usually have people to do that sort of thing for me. Iím usually too busy seeing what international situation to exploit.
Midday sees a brief lunch with an old chum, Greg D**e. I like to see the BBC being as unbiased as possible, you see, and I think old Greggers is the man for the job. Then itís the Lord Chancellor. He needs a couple of thousand to buy some dog biscuits. I am usually cautious about this, but the wallpaper DID suit his place well. So I give it to him. Iím sure the Cabinet will agree, but best to consult with Gordon. So Iím off to his place. Itís only next door, but I walk with 20 policeman and a couple of jets overhead. George has advised me this is a good idea after he almost stubbed a toe at some baseball match, so I listen to him. George is always full of good advise. When I asked him for general election advice, he was very certain. Win, he said. I was pleased with this.
Better see to something called Parliament next. Donít like to get them involved, but they do cry so. I see Iain Smith is in today. Must be Duncanís day off. Bless the twins, I really think they add to the Commons. He asks we something about the war, but I brush this off. Whatís the point of being President if you canít declare war, after all. I would have stayed longer, but Anne Widdicome was there. Gosh, no.
Is this going out to the public? Yes? Ah, then from 3-4 I pray, of course. I think religion is very important in todayís blue societyÖ Sorry, that should be new society. Alastair must have misspelt!
Another phone meeting with George at 6 to discuss the war so far. I donít like to bother George much. He sends me some troops and I get on with it, you know?
I knock off at 7, because baby Leo needs his father, and I have to go pick him up from the Post Office. Only kidding, itís my famous sense of working class humour! Pass the Earl Grey, will you? Anyway, I play with Leo for a while, then Cherie comes home from a busy day of nothing. I make her some more coffee. Ewan awakes at this time. Heís my Secretary for Alcohol, and Iíve asked him to explore to pubs of London. He doesnít want to, the champ, but he loves his job so. Heís out at 7, and Iíll see him back at 6. Heís very dedicated.
Iím in bed by 9. Cherie might come up later, she likes to watch TV. I, on the other hand, am a dedicated career man and need my sleep. Presidential duties are very demanding. Tommorrow Iíll see if the Queen will tell me where she hid the crown. Iíve got my eye on it, you seeÖí
Thank you, and as you might guess, I will not be voting Labour when Iím 18.
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Stryke wrote:
> Rasta, you be a liberal. Pah, thats boring.
Better than a minion of the anti-christ! Err... I mean Tory... Or BNP for that matter... VOTE GREEN! HURRAH!
> Rasta, you be a liberal. Pah, thats boring.
Better than a minion of the anti-christ! Err... I mean Tory... Or BNP for that matter... VOTE GREEN! HURRAH!
Rasta, you be a liberal. Pah, thats boring.
Labour (26)
Liberal Democrat (41)
Conservative (33)
And I'm dead centre in the first thingy, and to the left in the second thingy.
Liberal Democrat (41)
Conservative (33)
And I'm dead centre in the first thingy, and to the left in the second thingy.
menace wrote:
> The labour party have won the past two elections in 1997 and 2001 so I don't see
> your point
No sh** sherlock, I thought the Tories had been making this hash up of our country? And I'm engaging in a popular activity called political satire. Us cynics do that.
> The labour party have won the past two elections in 1997 and 2001 so I don't see
> your point
No sh** sherlock, I thought the Tories had been making this hash up of our country? And I'm engaging in a popular activity called political satire. Us cynics do that.
The labour party have won the past two elections in 1997 and 2001 so I don't see your point
But I'm only marignally to the right, apparently. Hmm, thought I was more nationalist than that.
Cheers Dr Duck. And the website is great. I strongly disagreed that foxhunting should be banned, strongly agreed that the unemployed should be forced to do some sort of work, and the homosexual question - I won't say my views on that, it might offend people.
lol, Im 67% Conservative, and the rest is divided between Lib Dem and Labour.
lol, Im 67% Conservative, and the rest is divided between Lib Dem and Labour.
lol, i like it
Stryke wrote:
Posters and speeches won him the election.
The tories won him the election!
Also, for which party's policies you actually agree with best, and where you stand on the political spectrum, there's a questionaire at the site below (take out the space). Very interesting results.
http://www.yougov.com/colours.jsp
Stryke wrote:
Posters and speeches won him the election.
The tories won him the election!
Also, for which party's policies you actually agree with best, and where you stand on the political spectrum, there's a questionaire at the site below (take out the space). Very interesting results.
http://www.yougov.com/colours.jsp
Stryke wrote:
> Have I got News For You....what a programme.
'I haven't had my house valued
> recently'
'Ok, theres 20 quid for it'
'What is Iain Duncan Smiths first
> name?'
' Iain'
'No, Robert'
' THERES THREE OF THEM?'
'What did Iain Duncan
> Smith drop in 1992?'
'*whispers* His testicles!'
Heheheheh, the funniest unscripted TV programme by a long long long way. Did you know HIGNFY is the TV adaption of the News Quiz on Radio 4? The News Quiz is absolutely hilarious, bloody brilliant... And it's even got it's own Paul Merton, he's called Jeremy Hardy and is superb...
> Have I got News For You....what a programme.
'I haven't had my house valued
> recently'
'Ok, theres 20 quid for it'
'What is Iain Duncan Smiths first
> name?'
' Iain'
'No, Robert'
' THERES THREE OF THEM?'
'What did Iain Duncan
> Smith drop in 1992?'
'*whispers* His testicles!'
Heheheheh, the funniest unscripted TV programme by a long long long way. Did you know HIGNFY is the TV adaption of the News Quiz on Radio 4? The News Quiz is absolutely hilarious, bloody brilliant... And it's even got it's own Paul Merton, he's called Jeremy Hardy and is superb...
According to my Politics teacher, I'm right-wing liberal, and to the people I sit next to, I'm Fascist. But I know me, I'm just anti-Labour. Will probably vote British Nationalist Party though ;-)
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