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Welcome to another [S] hit interview. Today, we find out the truth behind McDonald's, and I don't mean in a "Fast Food Nation" way. So then, Ron, how did you get your job at McDonald's?
"*Drags* Well, er, mate, you see, I was in prison, with ma jail bird *Waves to R Kelly* and we saw this advert on TV, and there was something about coke. I love coke, it makes me feel giddy."
Yes…
"Right, and then I thought, "Ron, you need more money mate." So I left prison, after bribing the guards with promises of Tender Love from R Kelly."
Everyone loves R Kelly, especially the demographic group under the age of 10…
"Yer mate. Anyway, as I was saying, I mugged this old granny, and used her make up to look like a clown. Kids love clowns- that's what R Kelly told me. I guess that's why he's so popular. *drags*"
Ah, so that's how he does it... *Takes notes*
"Right, and then I thought, "I need stripy tights." All feminine like. So I walked into this Lingerie place type thing, and this woman tried beating me out of the store. Said she didn't accept MasterClown, only Visa and switch."
Hahaha. There's such a card?
"Yeah, that old woman had it. Anyway, I ended up nicking the first pair of tights I could get. All posh like. Victoria secret or something. Anyway, so I left the store and headed for foot locker. They employ clowns there, so I assumed they'd have big shoes. "
And did they?
"Nope, only ballet shoes. So I nicked some for R Kelly, and left."
Is he into that sort of thing?
"Yer, ballet shoes are mint. And all the little girlies wear them- it's what R Kelly has in common with them."
I see. *More notes are jotted down*
"Right, and then I got to McDonalds, and I had to do some kind of interview, right, and this big fat bus-woman squeezed through the hatch by the side of the tills, and came to talk to me. She must like her BigMac's.. Hehehe"
Big you say? My wife works at McDonald's…
"Hah! Right, anyway, she was all cool and stuff, and gave me a job at the tills. R Kelly taught me everything I know, so it was natural for me to be able to sell Happy Meals better than Quarter-pounders."
And what happened then?
"Right, this big mofo of a man walks in, and his gay little shiny shoes squeak on the floor. He said I was a defining model- my clothes and make-up made me perfect for the job he had in mind. He said, "Ron, I want you to be our new Mascot, Ronald McDonald." And I says, "Right, but only if I get to dance with kids. I work best when they're around…"
And he agreed?
"Yeah. So I made my first advert two weeks afterwards. By this time they had died my hair red, and gave me a proper outfit. It was cool. I was like a kid magnet. R Kelly was so proud"
I bet he would be…
"It was the one with the kids singing "We do Ron Ron Ron". It was the cut version, naturally. You can see the real version at 4:00 in the morning on Channel 5."
Let's watch a little bit of that now.
"Do you like my member when it grows and grows?"
"We do [like your member] Ron Ron Ron, we do Ron Ron"
Well, that's very… French. So, where are you today?
"Well, I'm making this music video. Tribute to R Kelly, right, so naturally there's gonna be kids. Dancing, of course. It's a song for all the family."
Well, thanks for that. And, er, thanks for the pointers.
"No Probs mate *Stubs out cigarette*"
"*Drags* Well, er, mate, you see, I was in prison, with ma jail bird *Waves to R Kelly* and we saw this advert on TV, and there was something about coke. I love coke, it makes me feel giddy."
Yes…
"Right, and then I thought, "Ron, you need more money mate." So I left prison, after bribing the guards with promises of Tender Love from R Kelly."
Everyone loves R Kelly, especially the demographic group under the age of 10…
"Yer mate. Anyway, as I was saying, I mugged this old granny, and used her make up to look like a clown. Kids love clowns- that's what R Kelly told me. I guess that's why he's so popular. *drags*"
Ah, so that's how he does it... *Takes notes*
"Right, and then I thought, "I need stripy tights." All feminine like. So I walked into this Lingerie place type thing, and this woman tried beating me out of the store. Said she didn't accept MasterClown, only Visa and switch."
Hahaha. There's such a card?
"Yeah, that old woman had it. Anyway, I ended up nicking the first pair of tights I could get. All posh like. Victoria secret or something. Anyway, so I left the store and headed for foot locker. They employ clowns there, so I assumed they'd have big shoes. "
And did they?
"Nope, only ballet shoes. So I nicked some for R Kelly, and left."
Is he into that sort of thing?
"Yer, ballet shoes are mint. And all the little girlies wear them- it's what R Kelly has in common with them."
I see. *More notes are jotted down*
"Right, and then I got to McDonalds, and I had to do some kind of interview, right, and this big fat bus-woman squeezed through the hatch by the side of the tills, and came to talk to me. She must like her BigMac's.. Hehehe"
Big you say? My wife works at McDonald's…
"Hah! Right, anyway, she was all cool and stuff, and gave me a job at the tills. R Kelly taught me everything I know, so it was natural for me to be able to sell Happy Meals better than Quarter-pounders."
And what happened then?
"Right, this big mofo of a man walks in, and his gay little shiny shoes squeak on the floor. He said I was a defining model- my clothes and make-up made me perfect for the job he had in mind. He said, "Ron, I want you to be our new Mascot, Ronald McDonald." And I says, "Right, but only if I get to dance with kids. I work best when they're around…"
And he agreed?
"Yeah. So I made my first advert two weeks afterwards. By this time they had died my hair red, and gave me a proper outfit. It was cool. I was like a kid magnet. R Kelly was so proud"
I bet he would be…
"It was the one with the kids singing "We do Ron Ron Ron". It was the cut version, naturally. You can see the real version at 4:00 in the morning on Channel 5."
Let's watch a little bit of that now.
"Do you like my member when it grows and grows?"
"We do [like your member] Ron Ron Ron, we do Ron Ron"
Well, that's very… French. So, where are you today?
"Well, I'm making this music video. Tribute to R Kelly, right, so naturally there's gonna be kids. Dancing, of course. It's a song for all the family."
Well, thanks for that. And, er, thanks for the pointers.
"No Probs mate *Stubs out cigarette*"
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Hah. Mexcellent Chipseh. :P
*would
Work- I do not know where that came from. I suspect a Shaman is at work here.
Work- I do not know where that came from. I suspect a Shaman is at work here.
Cid Vilante wrote:
> Disturbing to say the least.
Microchips wrote:
>R Kelly... Children.
Of ocurse it work be- it has the best ingredients for a horror story.
> Disturbing to say the least.
Microchips wrote:
>R Kelly... Children.
Of ocurse it work be- it has the best ingredients for a horror story.
That was... Interesting.
Truen.
O'Leary!
oooooooooh.
Can we afford him?
Bowyer goes to Newcastle!
grrrr
oooooooooh.
Can we afford him?
Bowyer goes to Newcastle!
grrrr
It's funny because it's truen.
Disturbing to say the least.
Chipseh! Chipseh! Chipseh!
Seen who our new manager is Gerrid?
Seen who our new manager is Gerrid?
Wonderful.
I'm glad my diary gave you inspiration.
I'm glad my diary gave you inspiration.
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