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English Bloke: “Yes it’s that time of the year again, we get to watch a group of incapable misfits living out their lives on our televisions. On SR BB4 there will be a total of 7 contestants, not the usual 12 because the writer can’t be bothered writing things for that many characters, but it is guaranteed to be wonderful; that is if you’re a lazy couch potato with nothing better to do…Welcome to SR BB4!”
English Bloke: “Before we get the bloody thing underway I have to wander around the house pointing and things and droning on about how bloody great the house is. It will give us more airtime you see, and we’ll make more money from the adverts. Of course the producers have decided to spend all of our money on special effects…”
English Bloke: “Oh crap no, not my car! I knew I should have got it insured! Um anyway, on with the show!”
English Bloke: “Well the first of the inmates, I erm, mean housemates; I knew my past would come back to haunt me; are arriving now. “
Dark Mark: “Hey, I’m Mark”
English Bloke: “Hello, why did you decide to become a contestant on SR BB4?”
Dark Mark: Uh, well the supermarket lark wasn’t paying too good so I though I’d try this. Oh, and I’d been drinking toilet duck when I rang in to register.”
English Bloke: “Lovely, you’re scaring me now.”
English Bloke: “Ooh here comes a limo, this can only mean some more housemates!”
English Bloke: “Hey, and who are you two?”
Lil Ginge: “You lookin’ at me, because if you are. Good!”
English Bloke: “Are you drunk?”
Lil Ginge: “No, stooped, are you?”
English Bloke: “No, I’ve been clean for 3 months, the clinic say I’m doing well…hey shut up! What are your names?”
Lil Ginge: “I’m Lil Ginge, and I wanna get naked!”
Ms NY: “I’m Ms NY, and I swear to drunk I’m not God!”
Memorandum: “Ladies, can you make your way to the house please?”
Lil Ginge: “Hey you’re so muscly I wish you were in my bed!”
Memorandum: “Heh, this is the closest I’ve come to a threesome!”
English Bloke: “Hey, you must be J-42 and Maverick, right?”
J-42: “Yeah, we’re brothers!”
Maverick: “You don’t say…”
English Bloke: “Great, was that your mum you were kissing goodbye in the car?”
Maverick: “No, it was J-42’s boyfriend, he’s a fag”
J-42: “Oh yeah, well how about that time I caught you beating off to the ‘mens 100m hurdles’, you puff!”
English Bloke: “Ladies and gentlemen, we have had news that the remaining two contestants can not get here because they are been charged with drug offences…”
English Bloke: “Hey, you two!”
English Bloke: “Wanna be on TV?”
Jonathan Nash: “Do we get paid?”
English Bloke: “You might do!”
Jonathan Nash: “I’ll do it!”
English Bloke: “What about you?”
Zamboogle: “Me?”
English Bloke: “Yeah, sure, whatever – get in the house!”
Zamboogle: “Don’t hurt me!”
English Bloke: “Wow it looks like we’re going to be able to milk this for all it’s worth and sell loads of merchandise to the idiot public! Back-o-the net!”
English Bloke: “It’s another great day in the SR BB 4 house, where our producer is guaranteed to make nearly half a million pounds from advertising fees! And I get a 25% cut, ooooh yes! Lets take a look what’s going on inside the house…”
Lil Ginge: “I’m so sweaty after all that sex with… who was it again?”
Dark Mark: “It was me, heh!”
Lil Ginge: “Great! Well I better go and have a shower”
DanDaGr8: “Look at the behind on that”
Cid Vilante: “Damn I know, what a hottie!”
DanDaGr8: “Dude, are you jerking off…”
Cid Vilante: “Well I normally have to pay for this sort of action!”
DanDaGr8: “Too true!”
English Bloke: “Well, um, that’s interesting. Lets see what else is going on in the house!”
Maverick: “J-42?”
J-42: “Yeah?”
Maverick: “You’re a fag!”
Jonathan Nash: “STOOOPP!”
Jonathan Nash: “We should bet on the fight!”
Zamboogle: “Go on Maverick!”
Dark Mark: “Go on J-42, smack him!”
Ms NY: “Hiccup”
Maverick: “Now that’s what I call a grizzly death!”
Lil Ginge: “Nooo! I hadn’t even slept with him yet!”
Big Brother: “Will someone please carry the corpse of J-42 to the diary room?”
Big Brother: “Oi, you!”
Big Brother: “You have to look after the livestock in the garden…check the large wire cage”
Dark Mark: “O-K…”
Big Brother: “Don’t take that tone with me, young man”
Dark Mark: “Yes sir..”
Dark Mark: “Oh my God, there’s a man in the cage!”
Maverick: “Well I’m glad you cleared that up for me!”
Lil Ginge: “Did I hear ‘man’ ?”
Ms NY: “I’m home, take me drunk!”
Dark Mark: “Well, he is still alive”
Lil Ginge: “Yes! I have a chance then!”
Maverick: “Oh give it a rest you blooming slapper!”
Lil Ginge: “I’m not a slapper, I’m just really easy!”
Ms NY: “Hee hee look at the swirling colours!”
Dark Mark: “What’s she been drinking?”
Ns NY: “Just vodka and rum and bleach!”
Dark Mark: “Sweet Jesus!”
Big Brother: “Will someone escort Ms NY to the diary room before hey liver explodes?”
Maverick: “Well, this is going well!”
Dark Mark: “Darn tootin’!”
Jonathan Nash: “Hey guys, where’s Zamboogle?”
Maverick: “Zam whattle?”
Jonathan Nash: “He is one of the housemates…”
Maverick: “House whattle?”
Jonathan Nash: “Shut up, we better go and look for him”
Big Brother: “*cough* kitchen cabinets *cough*”
Lil Ginge: “Tasty!”
Dark Mark: “Um, they’re just wire-wool with disinfectant in them”
Lil Ginge: “No, I meant Zamboogle, what a hottie!”
Dark Mark: “Oh, you skank!”
DanDaGr8: “When are they going to get jiggy with each other?”
Cid Vilante: “I hope soon, that Lil Ginge is finnneeee”
DanDaGr8: “Uh huh!”
English Bloke: “Well how about that for an explosive show!”
English Bloke: “One bear attack, one liver failure and a shag, all within 24 hours! Join us later in SR BB XXXtra”
English Bloke: “Hello perverts and welcome to SR BB XXXtra, we only put XXX in the title to attract the ‘late night’ audience. But since you’re here, the odds are you’ll watch any old crap we show you, so here goes…”
Lil Ginge: “Eenie, meenie, miny, mo!”
DanDaGr8: “Oh yeah, here we go again”
Cid Vilante: “What a pair she has”
DanDaDr8: “Yeah, she has beautiful eyes!”
Cid Vilante: “I didn’t mean her eyes, you dipstick!”
DanDaGr8: “Well, she’s got nice hands too I guess, and good ears!”
Cid Vilante: “Nevermind…”
Dark Mark: “I knew he wouldn’t be as good as me!”
Lil Ginge: “No, its not that, he’s…”
Dark Mark: “Not well endowed, a transvestive… out with it!”
Lil Ginge: “He’s dead!”
Maverick: “What a way to go, eh?”
Big Brother: “Will someone bring the dead guy to the diary room and use the garbage shoot provided, thank you.”
Maverick: “Woah, de ja vu!”
Dark Mark: “Hey, shall we check out the guy in the cage now?”
Maverick: “Why not, nothing better to do around here.”
Maverick: “Oi! Anyone in there?”
Lil Ginge: “Please be male!”
Lou Role: “Howdy”
Dark Mark: “Who are you?”
Lou Role: “I am the pet – feed me”
Dark Mark: “But you’re a guy…not a pet”
Lou Role: “Everyone has to break into showbiz somehow”
Dark Mark: “Oooh, whatever.”
Maverick: “Lets starve it”
Lil Ginge: “No, that’s mean”
Maverick: “Shut up, or you’re not getting any tonight!”
Zamboogle: “Brillo!”
Dark Mark: “Dude, don’t feed the pet brillo pads!”
Zamboogle: “Gah!”
Lou Role: “Get off, I’m a pet not a flipping prisoner of war!”
Big Brother: “Will Maverick stop been such a callous prat!”
Dark Mark: “Its ok now, little guy”
Dark Mark: “You git!”
Lou Role: “Calm down, its only part of the act!”
Big Brother: “Will someone bring the dead thingy to the… ah you know!”
Maverick: “Oh God, now what?”
Lil Ginge: “He said they were an aphrodisiac…”
Zamboogle: “Well, they make me randy!”
Dark Mark: “Whatever… I’m going for a shower”
DanDaGr8: “Look, here she comes!”
Cid Vilante: “Ooooh yeah!”
DanDaGr8: “What a bum, so round and pert and…”
Cid Vilante: “Oh my God it’s a guy!”
DanDaGr8: “Argh!!!”
Dark Mark: “Argh! – this water is cold!”
Big Brother: “Erm, someone, I think Zamboogle is dead!”
Lil Ginge: “Oh not now… guess we can finish this later”
Maverick: “Yeah, s’pose, it wasn’t exactly great anyway!”
Big Brother: “Can someone carry…”
Maverick: “Yeah, I will!”
Big Brother: “Housemates, there has been a break-in – a madman is in the house!”
Maverick: “Maybe it will liven stuff up…”
Dark Mark: “Are you the intruder?”
Afro Joe: “Owww, yeah”
Lil Ginge: “Ooh, it’s a he!”
Dark Mark: “Why the heck have you broken in?”
Afro Joe: “I’m the biggest SR BB fan ever!”
Dark Mark: “Oh, you gimp!”
Afro Joe: “If my back wasn’t crippled from falling 26 feet onto a coffee table, I’d slap you!”
Maverick: “Good move…”
Big Brother: “*sigh* will someone put the body in the cute?”
Dark Mark: “Lets all go to bed”
Lil Ginge: “I didn’t know you were that kinky!”
Dark Mark: “I meant to sleep, you slapper!”
Maverick: “Yeah, I’m tired – goodnight”
Dark Mark: “Get off me Lil Ginge, I said no!
Lil Ginge: “Ok, goodnight then!”
English Bloke: “In an effort to be original, we have a new devised a new surprise game for the housemates. It is called the ‘Set one of them on fire and see if they burn to death’ challenge.”
Dark Mark: “Argh sweet Jesus I am on fire!”
Maverick: “Shut up and go to sleep”
Lil Ginge: “I always said you were hot!”
Maverick: “I smell barbeque!”
English Bloke: “Good morning and welcome to day 3 of SRBB4, the penultimate day! We have to find a winner for the competition, and quickly, because our sponsors have bailed on us and refused to pay up. Remember buy our merchandise!”
Big Brother: “Get up, now!”
Lil Ginge: “I’m every ready baby, you want some?”
Big Brother: “Uh, maybe later. Wake Maverick up!”
Maverick: “What you doing?”
Lil Ginge: “Big brother wants us, you think he is ‘big’?”
Maverick: “Ewww I dunno! Shut up”
Big Brother: “Firstly, I am, secondly, you have to engage in a Gladiators style duel. Go to the living room where you will find oversized cotton buds and podiums to stand on.”
Lil Ginge: “I’m good at handling big, long, thick things!”
Big Brother: “Maverick, are you dead?”
Maverick: “Yea, dead as dead can be”
Big Brother: “Close the pit”
Maverick: “Wait, I was only jok…”
Big Brother: “Well Lil Ginge, it’s time to collect your prize.
Lil Ginge: “And its time for you to collect yours! I sure hope you are ‘big’!
Big Brother: “Come to the diary room and you’ll find out”
Fin.
English Bloke: “Before we get the bloody thing underway I have to wander around the house pointing and things and droning on about how bloody great the house is. It will give us more airtime you see, and we’ll make more money from the adverts. Of course the producers have decided to spend all of our money on special effects…”
English Bloke: “Oh crap no, not my car! I knew I should have got it insured! Um anyway, on with the show!”
English Bloke: “Well the first of the inmates, I erm, mean housemates; I knew my past would come back to haunt me; are arriving now. “
Dark Mark: “Hey, I’m Mark”
English Bloke: “Hello, why did you decide to become a contestant on SR BB4?”
Dark Mark: Uh, well the supermarket lark wasn’t paying too good so I though I’d try this. Oh, and I’d been drinking toilet duck when I rang in to register.”
English Bloke: “Lovely, you’re scaring me now.”
English Bloke: “Ooh here comes a limo, this can only mean some more housemates!”
English Bloke: “Hey, and who are you two?”
Lil Ginge: “You lookin’ at me, because if you are. Good!”
English Bloke: “Are you drunk?”
Lil Ginge: “No, stooped, are you?”
English Bloke: “No, I’ve been clean for 3 months, the clinic say I’m doing well…hey shut up! What are your names?”
Lil Ginge: “I’m Lil Ginge, and I wanna get naked!”
Ms NY: “I’m Ms NY, and I swear to drunk I’m not God!”
Memorandum: “Ladies, can you make your way to the house please?”
Lil Ginge: “Hey you’re so muscly I wish you were in my bed!”
Memorandum: “Heh, this is the closest I’ve come to a threesome!”
English Bloke: “Hey, you must be J-42 and Maverick, right?”
J-42: “Yeah, we’re brothers!”
Maverick: “You don’t say…”
English Bloke: “Great, was that your mum you were kissing goodbye in the car?”
Maverick: “No, it was J-42’s boyfriend, he’s a fag”
J-42: “Oh yeah, well how about that time I caught you beating off to the ‘mens 100m hurdles’, you puff!”
English Bloke: “Ladies and gentlemen, we have had news that the remaining two contestants can not get here because they are been charged with drug offences…”
English Bloke: “Hey, you two!”
English Bloke: “Wanna be on TV?”
Jonathan Nash: “Do we get paid?”
English Bloke: “You might do!”
Jonathan Nash: “I’ll do it!”
English Bloke: “What about you?”
Zamboogle: “Me?”
English Bloke: “Yeah, sure, whatever – get in the house!”
Zamboogle: “Don’t hurt me!”
English Bloke: “Wow it looks like we’re going to be able to milk this for all it’s worth and sell loads of merchandise to the idiot public! Back-o-the net!”
English Bloke: “It’s another great day in the SR BB 4 house, where our producer is guaranteed to make nearly half a million pounds from advertising fees! And I get a 25% cut, ooooh yes! Lets take a look what’s going on inside the house…”
Lil Ginge: “I’m so sweaty after all that sex with… who was it again?”
Dark Mark: “It was me, heh!”
Lil Ginge: “Great! Well I better go and have a shower”
DanDaGr8: “Look at the behind on that”
Cid Vilante: “Damn I know, what a hottie!”
DanDaGr8: “Dude, are you jerking off…”
Cid Vilante: “Well I normally have to pay for this sort of action!”
DanDaGr8: “Too true!”
English Bloke: “Well, um, that’s interesting. Lets see what else is going on in the house!”
Maverick: “J-42?”
J-42: “Yeah?”
Maverick: “You’re a fag!”
Jonathan Nash: “STOOOPP!”
Jonathan Nash: “We should bet on the fight!”
Zamboogle: “Go on Maverick!”
Dark Mark: “Go on J-42, smack him!”
Ms NY: “Hiccup”
Maverick: “Now that’s what I call a grizzly death!”
Lil Ginge: “Nooo! I hadn’t even slept with him yet!”
Big Brother: “Will someone please carry the corpse of J-42 to the diary room?”
Big Brother: “Oi, you!”
Big Brother: “You have to look after the livestock in the garden…check the large wire cage”
Dark Mark: “O-K…”
Big Brother: “Don’t take that tone with me, young man”
Dark Mark: “Yes sir..”
Dark Mark: “Oh my God, there’s a man in the cage!”
Maverick: “Well I’m glad you cleared that up for me!”
Lil Ginge: “Did I hear ‘man’ ?”
Ms NY: “I’m home, take me drunk!”
Dark Mark: “Well, he is still alive”
Lil Ginge: “Yes! I have a chance then!”
Maverick: “Oh give it a rest you blooming slapper!”
Lil Ginge: “I’m not a slapper, I’m just really easy!”
Ms NY: “Hee hee look at the swirling colours!”
Dark Mark: “What’s she been drinking?”
Ns NY: “Just vodka and rum and bleach!”
Dark Mark: “Sweet Jesus!”
Big Brother: “Will someone escort Ms NY to the diary room before hey liver explodes?”
Maverick: “Well, this is going well!”
Dark Mark: “Darn tootin’!”
Jonathan Nash: “Hey guys, where’s Zamboogle?”
Maverick: “Zam whattle?”
Jonathan Nash: “He is one of the housemates…”
Maverick: “House whattle?”
Jonathan Nash: “Shut up, we better go and look for him”
Big Brother: “*cough* kitchen cabinets *cough*”
Lil Ginge: “Tasty!”
Dark Mark: “Um, they’re just wire-wool with disinfectant in them”
Lil Ginge: “No, I meant Zamboogle, what a hottie!”
Dark Mark: “Oh, you skank!”
DanDaGr8: “When are they going to get jiggy with each other?”
Cid Vilante: “I hope soon, that Lil Ginge is finnneeee”
DanDaGr8: “Uh huh!”
English Bloke: “Well how about that for an explosive show!”
English Bloke: “One bear attack, one liver failure and a shag, all within 24 hours! Join us later in SR BB XXXtra”
English Bloke: “Hello perverts and welcome to SR BB XXXtra, we only put XXX in the title to attract the ‘late night’ audience. But since you’re here, the odds are you’ll watch any old crap we show you, so here goes…”
Lil Ginge: “Eenie, meenie, miny, mo!”
DanDaGr8: “Oh yeah, here we go again”
Cid Vilante: “What a pair she has”
DanDaDr8: “Yeah, she has beautiful eyes!”
Cid Vilante: “I didn’t mean her eyes, you dipstick!”
DanDaGr8: “Well, she’s got nice hands too I guess, and good ears!”
Cid Vilante: “Nevermind…”
Dark Mark: “I knew he wouldn’t be as good as me!”
Lil Ginge: “No, its not that, he’s…”
Dark Mark: “Not well endowed, a transvestive… out with it!”
Lil Ginge: “He’s dead!”
Maverick: “What a way to go, eh?”
Big Brother: “Will someone bring the dead guy to the diary room and use the garbage shoot provided, thank you.”
Maverick: “Woah, de ja vu!”
Dark Mark: “Hey, shall we check out the guy in the cage now?”
Maverick: “Why not, nothing better to do around here.”
Maverick: “Oi! Anyone in there?”
Lil Ginge: “Please be male!”
Lou Role: “Howdy”
Dark Mark: “Who are you?”
Lou Role: “I am the pet – feed me”
Dark Mark: “But you’re a guy…not a pet”
Lou Role: “Everyone has to break into showbiz somehow”
Dark Mark: “Oooh, whatever.”
Maverick: “Lets starve it”
Lil Ginge: “No, that’s mean”
Maverick: “Shut up, or you’re not getting any tonight!”
Zamboogle: “Brillo!”
Dark Mark: “Dude, don’t feed the pet brillo pads!”
Zamboogle: “Gah!”
Lou Role: “Get off, I’m a pet not a flipping prisoner of war!”
Big Brother: “Will Maverick stop been such a callous prat!”
Dark Mark: “Its ok now, little guy”
Dark Mark: “You git!”
Lou Role: “Calm down, its only part of the act!”
Big Brother: “Will someone bring the dead thingy to the… ah you know!”
Maverick: “Oh God, now what?”
Lil Ginge: “He said they were an aphrodisiac…”
Zamboogle: “Well, they make me randy!”
Dark Mark: “Whatever… I’m going for a shower”
DanDaGr8: “Look, here she comes!”
Cid Vilante: “Ooooh yeah!”
DanDaGr8: “What a bum, so round and pert and…”
Cid Vilante: “Oh my God it’s a guy!”
DanDaGr8: “Argh!!!”
Dark Mark: “Argh! – this water is cold!”
Big Brother: “Erm, someone, I think Zamboogle is dead!”
Lil Ginge: “Oh not now… guess we can finish this later”
Maverick: “Yeah, s’pose, it wasn’t exactly great anyway!”
Big Brother: “Can someone carry…”
Maverick: “Yeah, I will!”
Big Brother: “Housemates, there has been a break-in – a madman is in the house!”
Maverick: “Maybe it will liven stuff up…”
Dark Mark: “Are you the intruder?”
Afro Joe: “Owww, yeah”
Lil Ginge: “Ooh, it’s a he!”
Dark Mark: “Why the heck have you broken in?”
Afro Joe: “I’m the biggest SR BB fan ever!”
Dark Mark: “Oh, you gimp!”
Afro Joe: “If my back wasn’t crippled from falling 26 feet onto a coffee table, I’d slap you!”
Maverick: “Good move…”
Big Brother: “*sigh* will someone put the body in the cute?”
Dark Mark: “Lets all go to bed”
Lil Ginge: “I didn’t know you were that kinky!”
Dark Mark: “I meant to sleep, you slapper!”
Maverick: “Yeah, I’m tired – goodnight”
Dark Mark: “Get off me Lil Ginge, I said no!
Lil Ginge: “Ok, goodnight then!”
English Bloke: “In an effort to be original, we have a new devised a new surprise game for the housemates. It is called the ‘Set one of them on fire and see if they burn to death’ challenge.”
Dark Mark: “Argh sweet Jesus I am on fire!”
Maverick: “Shut up and go to sleep”
Lil Ginge: “I always said you were hot!”
Maverick: “I smell barbeque!”
English Bloke: “Good morning and welcome to day 3 of SRBB4, the penultimate day! We have to find a winner for the competition, and quickly, because our sponsors have bailed on us and refused to pay up. Remember buy our merchandise!”
Big Brother: “Get up, now!”
Lil Ginge: “I’m every ready baby, you want some?”
Big Brother: “Uh, maybe later. Wake Maverick up!”
Maverick: “What you doing?”
Lil Ginge: “Big brother wants us, you think he is ‘big’?”
Maverick: “Ewww I dunno! Shut up”
Big Brother: “Firstly, I am, secondly, you have to engage in a Gladiators style duel. Go to the living room where you will find oversized cotton buds and podiums to stand on.”
Lil Ginge: “I’m good at handling big, long, thick things!”
Big Brother: “Maverick, are you dead?”
Maverick: “Yea, dead as dead can be”
Big Brother: “Close the pit”
Maverick: “Wait, I was only jok…”
Big Brother: “Well Lil Ginge, it’s time to collect your prize.
Lil Ginge: “And its time for you to collect yours! I sure hope you are ‘big’!
Big Brother: “Come to the diary room and you’ll find out”
Fin.
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Thanks a lot Mav - I hope it inspires a lot of people to write some spoofs again - the forum has been without them for a long time!
I'm usually quite critical of spoofs - but the sharp dialogue of this, coupled with the fact that I starred as the sarcastic but cool guy meant that it was both enjoyable to read and funny.
Inspired me to write my own spoof, too.
Inspired me to write my own spoof, too.
Thanks very much mate :-)
Really nicely done, I liked the Slapper, the drunk and the guy who kept eating brillo pads.
I thought my character lacked personality, but then again I was meant to be a presenter, so I suppose I wouldn’t have needed one; people would just tell me what to say.
I thought my character lacked personality, but then again I was meant to be a presenter, so I suppose I wouldn’t have needed one; people would just tell me what to say.
]-[ØM€® B€€® §ØL!!D wrote:
> That story was still great - if only i was 'Big' Brother, but noone
> would want to see me doin it wil Lil Ginge...
*blushes* erm no, nobody would wanna see that...
> That story was still great - if only i was 'Big' Brother, but noone
> would want to see me doin it wil Lil Ginge...
*blushes* erm no, nobody would wanna see that...
That story was still great - if only i was 'Big' Brother, but noone would want to see me doin it wil Lil Ginge...
Memorandum wrote:
> Go away you retard.
That better have been to Crazycol...
> Go away you retard.
That better have been to Crazycol...
Go away you retard.
Good spoof Kyz22, still Crazycol should of been crazed fan and not AfroJoe, but still very good. Vote Crazycol.
I'll give you a good role next time I get round to writing one mate :-)
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