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SR - The Soap Opera
Notice:
This script is best read aloud in overly-melodramatic voices. The men are all tall, dark handsome with deep, gravelly voices (although this is definately not the case in real life) and the women fit, busty, stupid and high-pitched.
***Scene 1 - an unwelcome surprise***
AJ bursts into a bedroom, gripping the door handing tightly with an eyebrow raised. A figure rushes to the bed and under the sheets, covering itself up.
“Rosalind? Is that you .... ?”
“AJ! What are you doing home so soon? I’m busy.”
A cat meows
“Ros? Was that a cat?”
AJ moves to the cupboard and swings open the door melodramatically. A cat struts out looking quite ruffled
“Ros, how could you! Illegal cat secks? In my house!? After all these years!!??”
“No! No, AJ, you don’t understand. It’s not what you think! Listen to me!”
“Then what is it?” More erratic eyebrow raising
Ros hangs her head in shame.
“Alright, AJ, but it was only this one last time. Mr Tiddiewinkles has a brain tumour!”
“That’s a lie and you know it! He had a brain transplant last week.” A tension-building silence, “I know, because it’s MY brain he’s got - and me his.” He stares longingly into middle-distance, “I gave everything to save that cat’s life and all you can do is molester it.”
Ros mumbles something.
“What was that, my wife?”
“I said, AJ, “No wonder he wasn’t any good and his throbbing manhood was .... not so manish. Now it makes sense.” okay?”
AJ looks overly aghast, he turns and leaves in a brooding sort of a fashion, then turns back.
“I gave everything, Ros, and all I got back was a desire to lick my own lowermouth. I’m not complaining, but I would have appreciated a little respect - not to come home after a long day and find my wife back on her cat secks addition after so many years. I’m ashamed.”
He turns again and leaves icily
On the landing he spies a taxi pull up outside and a familiar figure emerge.
***Scene II - The street***
In the street a man steps from the taxi. AJ looks shocked.
“Gerrid? Is that you? I thought you were dead!”
The man leans against the taxi and lights up. The taxi pulls away and he falls over in a puddle, although still manages to keep a secretive darkness about his person.
“I wasn’t dead. Just in a coma for seven years in a dumpster, then I regained consciousness but lost my memory and wandered the streets for three years. Then something came back to me, I have to tell you something, something .... important.” An extreme close-up of his face and a dodgy strings solo ruin any mood before it can develop.
“Erm ... noooo .... “ AJ starts, “I saw you get killed right in front of me .... your head was chopped off, your brain rolled away and got run over by a milk float, your heart was ritually removed and burned as an offering and your limbs were blended into health drinks. Someone stole your spleen. You can’t be alive.”
“But I AM. And that’s something you and the script writers are gonna have to deal with. Now, where’s my wife .... Rosalind ....?” More mood-destroying strings.
“No, gerrid, you’re dead. She’s my wife now. That’s something you’re gonna have to deal with.”
“I’m sure she won’t mind being widowed TWICE, my friend - that’s something you’re gonna have to deal with. Now outta my way, I’ve got a throbbing manhood to deliver.”
“She’s back on them gerrid. You can’t help her now. That’s something you’re gonna have to deal with.”
“NNNNOOOOOO!!!!” gerrid screams, then cries really badly as a camera is shoved right in his face. “Not cat secks. Not again. Not after all this time .... oh, AJ, what am I to do?”
Some graphic male-bonding ensues in the street between the two.
From a window across the street a man looks onwards (video camera in hand) and whispers under his breath. “No, not gerrid. I killed him ... he knows my secret.....”
“And that,” announced AJ. “Is how you skin a slender loris with a stopwatch and three gold buttons and make this rather attractive cape.”
“AJ, this isn’t the time. As I said ... I’ve something important to tell you .... I know what happened to Tony. I know where he’s gone and who put him there.”
“But .... he went to Blackpool ....”
“No, AJ. No he didn’t.”
The tacky classical score re-volumates and camera turns to Ros’s bedroom. A furry paw presses against the heavily steamed window and drags its way down.
**End episode 1**
Notice:
This script is best read aloud in overly-melodramatic voices. The men are all tall, dark handsome with deep, gravelly voices (although this is definately not the case in real life) and the women fit, busty, stupid and high-pitched.
***Scene 1 - an unwelcome surprise***
AJ bursts into a bedroom, gripping the door handing tightly with an eyebrow raised. A figure rushes to the bed and under the sheets, covering itself up.
“Rosalind? Is that you .... ?”
“AJ! What are you doing home so soon? I’m busy.”
A cat meows
“Ros? Was that a cat?”
AJ moves to the cupboard and swings open the door melodramatically. A cat struts out looking quite ruffled
“Ros, how could you! Illegal cat secks? In my house!? After all these years!!??”
“No! No, AJ, you don’t understand. It’s not what you think! Listen to me!”
“Then what is it?” More erratic eyebrow raising
Ros hangs her head in shame.
“Alright, AJ, but it was only this one last time. Mr Tiddiewinkles has a brain tumour!”
“That’s a lie and you know it! He had a brain transplant last week.” A tension-building silence, “I know, because it’s MY brain he’s got - and me his.” He stares longingly into middle-distance, “I gave everything to save that cat’s life and all you can do is molester it.”
Ros mumbles something.
“What was that, my wife?”
“I said, AJ, “No wonder he wasn’t any good and his throbbing manhood was .... not so manish. Now it makes sense.” okay?”
AJ looks overly aghast, he turns and leaves in a brooding sort of a fashion, then turns back.
“I gave everything, Ros, and all I got back was a desire to lick my own lowermouth. I’m not complaining, but I would have appreciated a little respect - not to come home after a long day and find my wife back on her cat secks addition after so many years. I’m ashamed.”
He turns again and leaves icily
On the landing he spies a taxi pull up outside and a familiar figure emerge.
***Scene II - The street***
In the street a man steps from the taxi. AJ looks shocked.
“Gerrid? Is that you? I thought you were dead!”
The man leans against the taxi and lights up. The taxi pulls away and he falls over in a puddle, although still manages to keep a secretive darkness about his person.
“I wasn’t dead. Just in a coma for seven years in a dumpster, then I regained consciousness but lost my memory and wandered the streets for three years. Then something came back to me, I have to tell you something, something .... important.” An extreme close-up of his face and a dodgy strings solo ruin any mood before it can develop.
“Erm ... noooo .... “ AJ starts, “I saw you get killed right in front of me .... your head was chopped off, your brain rolled away and got run over by a milk float, your heart was ritually removed and burned as an offering and your limbs were blended into health drinks. Someone stole your spleen. You can’t be alive.”
“But I AM. And that’s something you and the script writers are gonna have to deal with. Now, where’s my wife .... Rosalind ....?” More mood-destroying strings.
“No, gerrid, you’re dead. She’s my wife now. That’s something you’re gonna have to deal with.”
“I’m sure she won’t mind being widowed TWICE, my friend - that’s something you’re gonna have to deal with. Now outta my way, I’ve got a throbbing manhood to deliver.”
“She’s back on them gerrid. You can’t help her now. That’s something you’re gonna have to deal with.”
“NNNNOOOOOO!!!!” gerrid screams, then cries really badly as a camera is shoved right in his face. “Not cat secks. Not again. Not after all this time .... oh, AJ, what am I to do?”
Some graphic male-bonding ensues in the street between the two.
From a window across the street a man looks onwards (video camera in hand) and whispers under his breath. “No, not gerrid. I killed him ... he knows my secret.....”
“And that,” announced AJ. “Is how you skin a slender loris with a stopwatch and three gold buttons and make this rather attractive cape.”
“AJ, this isn’t the time. As I said ... I’ve something important to tell you .... I know what happened to Tony. I know where he’s gone and who put him there.”
“But .... he went to Blackpool ....”
“No, AJ. No he didn’t.”
The tacky classical score re-volumates and camera turns to Ros’s bedroom. A furry paw presses against the heavily steamed window and drags its way down.
**End episode 1**
Page:
Next episode up now.
Yes, it is I
Yes, it is I
Oranges wrote:
> It may be perfect to you, but to someone else it could be crap?
Well then, that's just their crap imagination to blame, isn't it.
> It may be perfect to you, but to someone else it could be crap?
Well then, that's just their crap imagination to blame, isn't it.
FinalFantasyFanatic wrote:
> One big throbbing character
Character?
> One big throbbing character
Character?
Azul wrote:
> Heh, that was quality. I imagined it perfectly with the over-the-top
> acting etc.
> Nice one.
It may be perfect to you, but to someone else it could be crap?
I say it best, when I say nothing at all
> Heh, that was quality. I imagined it perfectly with the over-the-top
> acting etc.
> Nice one.
It may be perfect to you, but to someone else it could be crap?
I say it best, when I say nothing at all
Heh, that was quality. I imagined it perfectly with the over-the-top acting etc.
Nice one.
Nice one.
That may/may not make NASH and I look extremely gay.
Delete as appropriate.
Delete as appropriate.
New.
Don't pollute my genius
Don't pollute my genius
Here?
Or a new thread?
Or a new thread?
One big throbbing character
Nash is the main 'character' in memo's story.
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