The "Freeola Customer Forum" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
LOG IN THE CREEK
EPISODE SIX
"Porno Pilots"
THE SKY
Airwolf is flying about when Blue Thunder hovers into view.
ìHello Airwolfî says Roy Scheider, ìIt is time we settled this score once and for all. Which is better? Airwolf or Blue Thunder?î
FERAL HASSLEHOFF CAMP
Lt Colombo is trussed up and dangling over a fire, gently roasting his pee-stinking coat as he hums to himself.
Chains struts over and crouches down, ìSo Lt Colombo, who are you working for?î
Colombo is silent.
This angers Chains, who shakes him roughly ìAnswer me old man that smells of peeî
BA looks over, ìJibba-JabbaÖthe old policeman is demented and of no help. I pity da fool. Whereís Hannibal?î
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL HEADQUARTERS ñ SECRET PRISON WING
Evil old dude and Hannibal (now in his Japanese soldier disguise) stand before Herb, who politely smiles and listens to them.
ìSo Herb, you discovered my evil plan to flood the valley and use the resulting hydro-electric power to fuel my super laser? And you thought you could stop me?î
Herb looks puzzled, ìI had no idea. But thanks for revealing your wicked plan.î
Evil old dude looks annoyed, ìWell then, you should also know that I am the one responsible for the forest fire that killed Logís beautiful wife.î
Herb is shocked, ìBut why?î
ìAh, that must remain a secret, we still have 4 episodes left to run.î
ìBut why Leaf? Why kill Leaf Greenerman?î
ìWell, that was purely to let Log know this was personal. Obviously killing his wife was not enough, so I offed his best-mate. Besides, Short Circuit? Come on, I was acting in the public interestî
Herb shrugs, ìFair enoughî
THE SKY
Airwolf faces Blue Thunder in a near-silent face off.
ìSoî Jan Michael-Vincent says over the intercom, ìYou think your poor attack helicopter can defeat Airwolf? Pah, I laugh at your naivety Roy Scheider.î
Roy Scheider smiles back, ìThe Blue Thunder movie was much better than the Airwolf one. In my movie, there were boobs whilst Jaffa touched the screen as the naked woman did yoga on our secret surveillance cameraî
Ernest Borgnine is annoyed, ìDamn. He does have a pointî
Jan Michael-Vincent thinks for a moment, ìAh, but what about this? At the end of the Blue Thunder movie, you landed it in front of a train and smashed it up. So why was there a tv series?î
Roy Scheider is upset at the logic, ìYeah wellÖyou made soft-core porno movies with Erik Estrada after your series ended, so there!î
ìTrue, but you ended up in Seaquest DMV. A perfectly decent movie career that peaked with Jaws and went downhill from there. I mean, you were a woman in Naked Lunch. What were you thinking?î
Roy Scheider cannot take this criticism of his career and charges forward in Blue Thunder, screaming ìFollow my leader!î
Airwolf dodges out of the way and chases Blue Thunder across the sky.
FERAL HASSLEHOFF CAMP
Colombo is sobbing quietly into his filthy shirt as Chains prances about with backing from The Scorpions as he sings the Baywatch theme tune.
Several German rock fans with mullets and denim waistcoats applaud him and headbang, whilst the Rogue A-Team look on disgusted.
ìWe have fallen so farî mumbles Face-Man, before slipping into a Navy Admiral uniform and going off to con people out of building materials.
THE SKY
Blue Thunder and Airwolf dart around each other, trying to get a lock on with their missiles.
Roy Scheider is getting annoyed, ìI can kill a bloody shark with a rifle, but I cannot bring down this rival action-series helicopter piloted by a soft-core porno pervert and one of the Dirty Dozen. I suckî
Airwolf gets a bead on Blue Thunder and releases itís stinger missiles.
It hits Blue Thunder, which promptly disappears into the deep woods leaving a plume of smoke.
Jan Michael-Vincent and Ernest Borgnine pat each other on the helmet and nod, ìYes. Airwolf is clearly superior to Blue Thunder, as most 20-30yr old blokes knew anyway.
Now we must go off and perform more goodly duties in our sophisticated helicopter. God Blue Thunder sucked as a tv series. James Farentino, what else has he done?î
Log is sitting in the back, watching with concern as Blue Thunder went down, he pulls out a parachute and jumps out, heading into the woods to seek out the burning rubbish helicopter before it damages the trees.
VISITOR CENTRE
Eartha, Blane, Bear and Sage Owl are sitting around discussing the events of the previous 5 episodes in an attempt to figure out what is happening (and remind those that have not been following)
ìSo, Leaf turned up dead, murdered by a Rogue Environmental Agency. Herb has disappeared whilst investigating, Chains has turned feral with the help of the rogue A-Team, Colombo is missing and Airwolf has gone to battle Blue Thunder.î
Bear laughs really loudly and shouts ìAh well, who wants to live forever?!î
For no apparent reason
FERAL HASSLEHOFF CAMP
Chains is sitting back on his throne once more, basking in the worship from German rock fans that clamour for his autograph and tips on how to look so buff when running in slo-mo.
Chains refuses to divulge his secrets and makes the Germans go and prod the senile urine-soaked Lt Colombo, by now completely insane and barking like a dog.
THE WOODS
Log has landed and disposed carefully of his parachute, and is now surveying the wreckage of the downed Blue Thunder.
There is no trace of Roy Scheider anywhere, and Log must utilise his tracking skills.
ìIf only Sage Owl were here, it would be a cinchî.
A twig snapping nearby makes Log freeze and assume the position of a startled Doe for disguise.
Footsteps can be heard approaching, and Log sees a man walk into the clearing.
ìHello?î calls the stranger.
ìHello thereî says Log, resuming his human pose and appearing, wraithlike in front of the man.
ìHello, I am Lee Majorsî the man announces, ìI have come to help you track Roy Scheider and rescue Lt Colombo from Feral Chains.
Log smiles, ìLee Majors, I am glad you are here. The Six Million Dollar Man is an invaluable asset in our fight against crime and Feral Chains.î
Lee Majors shakes his head, ìNo I am not Steve Austin in this series, instead I am playing the character of Colt Seaversî
Log is surprised, ìNotÖî
ìYes, The Fall Guy. My stunt-training will come in useful to you, and we can call on the assistance of trainee stunt-man and sidekick Howie. I am a bounty-hunter and have been employed to return Roy Scheider to justice.î
Log nods, ìLet us locate the Feral Hasslehoff camp and return Colombo to the home for aged television detectives.î
VISITOR CENTRE
Earth is the only person here now.
The door opens and in walks The Fonz.
ìFonzie! Herb is missingî
The Fonz brushes his ducktail hair and smiles, ìEyyyyyyyyyyy, Iíll help find MR C for you.î He clicks his fingers and Ralph-Mouth and Potsie arrive, ìBoy Fonzî says Anson Williams as Ralph, ìWe can help youî
The Fonz looks at him sternly.
ìSorry Fonzie, weíll stay in the toilet and wait for you.î
ìEyyyyyyyyyyyî
FERAL HASSLEHOFF CAMP
The rogue A-Team have dressed Lt Colombo in babyís clothes and are making him lay on his back and gurgle for their twisted, feral entertainment.
ìEnough!î commands Chains, ìWe must prepare for the following invasion. I sense that Log is coming and I must get readyî
The rogue A-Team clap their hands and run about, setting up all manner of non-lethal traps to capture Log and Lee Majors.
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL AGENCY HEADQUARTERS ñ SECRET PRISON WING
Herb is once more alone, reading books and waiting to be rescued.
Hannibal is peering at him through the spyhole, dressed in his dragon outfit from the A-Team opening credits.
ìI love it when a plan comes together, soon you will understand why the evil old dude killed Leaf who was working undercover to expose this nefarious organisation, why Logís wife was killed in revenge and the evil plan to use a super laser powered by the flooded valley. This is all coming together nicelyî
To Be ContinuedÖ
EPISODE SIX
"Porno Pilots"
THE SKY
Airwolf is flying about when Blue Thunder hovers into view.
ìHello Airwolfî says Roy Scheider, ìIt is time we settled this score once and for all. Which is better? Airwolf or Blue Thunder?î
FERAL HASSLEHOFF CAMP
Lt Colombo is trussed up and dangling over a fire, gently roasting his pee-stinking coat as he hums to himself.
Chains struts over and crouches down, ìSo Lt Colombo, who are you working for?î
Colombo is silent.
This angers Chains, who shakes him roughly ìAnswer me old man that smells of peeî
BA looks over, ìJibba-JabbaÖthe old policeman is demented and of no help. I pity da fool. Whereís Hannibal?î
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL HEADQUARTERS ñ SECRET PRISON WING
Evil old dude and Hannibal (now in his Japanese soldier disguise) stand before Herb, who politely smiles and listens to them.
ìSo Herb, you discovered my evil plan to flood the valley and use the resulting hydro-electric power to fuel my super laser? And you thought you could stop me?î
Herb looks puzzled, ìI had no idea. But thanks for revealing your wicked plan.î
Evil old dude looks annoyed, ìWell then, you should also know that I am the one responsible for the forest fire that killed Logís beautiful wife.î
Herb is shocked, ìBut why?î
ìAh, that must remain a secret, we still have 4 episodes left to run.î
ìBut why Leaf? Why kill Leaf Greenerman?î
ìWell, that was purely to let Log know this was personal. Obviously killing his wife was not enough, so I offed his best-mate. Besides, Short Circuit? Come on, I was acting in the public interestî
Herb shrugs, ìFair enoughî
THE SKY
Airwolf faces Blue Thunder in a near-silent face off.
ìSoî Jan Michael-Vincent says over the intercom, ìYou think your poor attack helicopter can defeat Airwolf? Pah, I laugh at your naivety Roy Scheider.î
Roy Scheider smiles back, ìThe Blue Thunder movie was much better than the Airwolf one. In my movie, there were boobs whilst Jaffa touched the screen as the naked woman did yoga on our secret surveillance cameraî
Ernest Borgnine is annoyed, ìDamn. He does have a pointî
Jan Michael-Vincent thinks for a moment, ìAh, but what about this? At the end of the Blue Thunder movie, you landed it in front of a train and smashed it up. So why was there a tv series?î
Roy Scheider is upset at the logic, ìYeah wellÖyou made soft-core porno movies with Erik Estrada after your series ended, so there!î
ìTrue, but you ended up in Seaquest DMV. A perfectly decent movie career that peaked with Jaws and went downhill from there. I mean, you were a woman in Naked Lunch. What were you thinking?î
Roy Scheider cannot take this criticism of his career and charges forward in Blue Thunder, screaming ìFollow my leader!î
Airwolf dodges out of the way and chases Blue Thunder across the sky.
FERAL HASSLEHOFF CAMP
Colombo is sobbing quietly into his filthy shirt as Chains prances about with backing from The Scorpions as he sings the Baywatch theme tune.
Several German rock fans with mullets and denim waistcoats applaud him and headbang, whilst the Rogue A-Team look on disgusted.
ìWe have fallen so farî mumbles Face-Man, before slipping into a Navy Admiral uniform and going off to con people out of building materials.
THE SKY
Blue Thunder and Airwolf dart around each other, trying to get a lock on with their missiles.
Roy Scheider is getting annoyed, ìI can kill a bloody shark with a rifle, but I cannot bring down this rival action-series helicopter piloted by a soft-core porno pervert and one of the Dirty Dozen. I suckî
Airwolf gets a bead on Blue Thunder and releases itís stinger missiles.
It hits Blue Thunder, which promptly disappears into the deep woods leaving a plume of smoke.
Jan Michael-Vincent and Ernest Borgnine pat each other on the helmet and nod, ìYes. Airwolf is clearly superior to Blue Thunder, as most 20-30yr old blokes knew anyway.
Now we must go off and perform more goodly duties in our sophisticated helicopter. God Blue Thunder sucked as a tv series. James Farentino, what else has he done?î
Log is sitting in the back, watching with concern as Blue Thunder went down, he pulls out a parachute and jumps out, heading into the woods to seek out the burning rubbish helicopter before it damages the trees.
VISITOR CENTRE
Eartha, Blane, Bear and Sage Owl are sitting around discussing the events of the previous 5 episodes in an attempt to figure out what is happening (and remind those that have not been following)
ìSo, Leaf turned up dead, murdered by a Rogue Environmental Agency. Herb has disappeared whilst investigating, Chains has turned feral with the help of the rogue A-Team, Colombo is missing and Airwolf has gone to battle Blue Thunder.î
Bear laughs really loudly and shouts ìAh well, who wants to live forever?!î
For no apparent reason
FERAL HASSLEHOFF CAMP
Chains is sitting back on his throne once more, basking in the worship from German rock fans that clamour for his autograph and tips on how to look so buff when running in slo-mo.
Chains refuses to divulge his secrets and makes the Germans go and prod the senile urine-soaked Lt Colombo, by now completely insane and barking like a dog.
THE WOODS
Log has landed and disposed carefully of his parachute, and is now surveying the wreckage of the downed Blue Thunder.
There is no trace of Roy Scheider anywhere, and Log must utilise his tracking skills.
ìIf only Sage Owl were here, it would be a cinchî.
A twig snapping nearby makes Log freeze and assume the position of a startled Doe for disguise.
Footsteps can be heard approaching, and Log sees a man walk into the clearing.
ìHello?î calls the stranger.
ìHello thereî says Log, resuming his human pose and appearing, wraithlike in front of the man.
ìHello, I am Lee Majorsî the man announces, ìI have come to help you track Roy Scheider and rescue Lt Colombo from Feral Chains.
Log smiles, ìLee Majors, I am glad you are here. The Six Million Dollar Man is an invaluable asset in our fight against crime and Feral Chains.î
Lee Majors shakes his head, ìNo I am not Steve Austin in this series, instead I am playing the character of Colt Seaversî
Log is surprised, ìNotÖî
ìYes, The Fall Guy. My stunt-training will come in useful to you, and we can call on the assistance of trainee stunt-man and sidekick Howie. I am a bounty-hunter and have been employed to return Roy Scheider to justice.î
Log nods, ìLet us locate the Feral Hasslehoff camp and return Colombo to the home for aged television detectives.î
VISITOR CENTRE
Earth is the only person here now.
The door opens and in walks The Fonz.
ìFonzie! Herb is missingî
The Fonz brushes his ducktail hair and smiles, ìEyyyyyyyyyyy, Iíll help find MR C for you.î He clicks his fingers and Ralph-Mouth and Potsie arrive, ìBoy Fonzî says Anson Williams as Ralph, ìWe can help youî
The Fonz looks at him sternly.
ìSorry Fonzie, weíll stay in the toilet and wait for you.î
ìEyyyyyyyyyyyî
FERAL HASSLEHOFF CAMP
The rogue A-Team have dressed Lt Colombo in babyís clothes and are making him lay on his back and gurgle for their twisted, feral entertainment.
ìEnough!î commands Chains, ìWe must prepare for the following invasion. I sense that Log is coming and I must get readyî
The rogue A-Team clap their hands and run about, setting up all manner of non-lethal traps to capture Log and Lee Majors.
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL AGENCY HEADQUARTERS ñ SECRET PRISON WING
Herb is once more alone, reading books and waiting to be rescued.
Hannibal is peering at him through the spyhole, dressed in his dragon outfit from the A-Team opening credits.
ìI love it when a plan comes together, soon you will understand why the evil old dude killed Leaf who was working undercover to expose this nefarious organisation, why Logís wife was killed in revenge and the evil plan to use a super laser powered by the flooded valley. This is all coming together nicelyî
To Be ContinuedÖ
True, did he win?
Remember that Wings was in Beastmaster 2....
Manimal Vs Beastmaster would be ok, and opens up the possibilities of Aliens, seeing as Marc "Beastmaster" Singer was Donovan in V.
But aliens as plot devices are shoddy at best
But aliens as plot devices are shoddy at best
Manimal vs Beastmaster
Airwolf beats Blue Thunder, it has been proven.
And David Banner might appear.
As might Manimal.
And David Banner might appear.
As might Manimal.
Ah the Fall guy, sweet!
Still 4 weeks to go, so who can we expect in next weeks episode?
I'd still like to see David Banner/ The Incredible Hulk....
Still 4 weeks to go, so who can we expect in next weeks episode?
I'd still like to see David Banner/ The Incredible Hulk....
Man, I always thought Blue Thunder was better than Airwolf! Bloody new it was going to loose though. Even though in the Airwolf film it was blown up by a guy with a pistol. That thing was more flawed than the Death Star....
At least they had to crash a freight train into Blue Thunder to write it off. Plus, I fail to see how anything without the thrust of the booster rockets on the Space Shuttle could get in the air with the podgy amorphous mass that is Ernest Borgnine in it.
At least they had to crash a freight train into Blue Thunder to write it off. Plus, I fail to see how anything without the thrust of the booster rockets on the Space Shuttle could get in the air with the podgy amorphous mass that is Ernest Borgnine in it.
LOG IN THE CREEK
EPISODE SIX
"Porno Pilots"
THE SKY
Airwolf is flying about when Blue Thunder hovers into view.
ìHello Airwolfî says Roy Scheider, ìIt is time we settled this score once and for all. Which is better? Airwolf or Blue Thunder?î
FERAL HASSLEHOFF CAMP
Lt Colombo is trussed up and dangling over a fire, gently roasting his pee-stinking coat as he hums to himself.
Chains struts over and crouches down, ìSo Lt Colombo, who are you working for?î
Colombo is silent.
This angers Chains, who shakes him roughly ìAnswer me old man that smells of peeî
BA looks over, ìJibba-JabbaÖthe old policeman is demented and of no help. I pity da fool. Whereís Hannibal?î
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL HEADQUARTERS ñ SECRET PRISON WING
Evil old dude and Hannibal (now in his Japanese soldier disguise) stand before Herb, who politely smiles and listens to them.
ìSo Herb, you discovered my evil plan to flood the valley and use the resulting hydro-electric power to fuel my super laser? And you thought you could stop me?î
Herb looks puzzled, ìI had no idea. But thanks for revealing your wicked plan.î
Evil old dude looks annoyed, ìWell then, you should also know that I am the one responsible for the forest fire that killed Logís beautiful wife.î
Herb is shocked, ìBut why?î
ìAh, that must remain a secret, we still have 4 episodes left to run.î
ìBut why Leaf? Why kill Leaf Greenerman?î
ìWell, that was purely to let Log know this was personal. Obviously killing his wife was not enough, so I offed his best-mate. Besides, Short Circuit? Come on, I was acting in the public interestî
Herb shrugs, ìFair enoughî
THE SKY
Airwolf faces Blue Thunder in a near-silent face off.
ìSoî Jan Michael-Vincent says over the intercom, ìYou think your poor attack helicopter can defeat Airwolf? Pah, I laugh at your naivety Roy Scheider.î
Roy Scheider smiles back, ìThe Blue Thunder movie was much better than the Airwolf one. In my movie, there were boobs whilst Jaffa touched the screen as the naked woman did yoga on our secret surveillance cameraî
Ernest Borgnine is annoyed, ìDamn. He does have a pointî
Jan Michael-Vincent thinks for a moment, ìAh, but what about this? At the end of the Blue Thunder movie, you landed it in front of a train and smashed it up. So why was there a tv series?î
Roy Scheider is upset at the logic, ìYeah wellÖyou made soft-core porno movies with Erik Estrada after your series ended, so there!î
ìTrue, but you ended up in Seaquest DMV. A perfectly decent movie career that peaked with Jaws and went downhill from there. I mean, you were a woman in Naked Lunch. What were you thinking?î
Roy Scheider cannot take this criticism of his career and charges forward in Blue Thunder, screaming ìFollow my leader!î
Airwolf dodges out of the way and chases Blue Thunder across the sky.
FERAL HASSLEHOFF CAMP
Colombo is sobbing quietly into his filthy shirt as Chains prances about with backing from The Scorpions as he sings the Baywatch theme tune.
Several German rock fans with mullets and denim waistcoats applaud him and headbang, whilst the Rogue A-Team look on disgusted.
ìWe have fallen so farî mumbles Face-Man, before slipping into a Navy Admiral uniform and going off to con people out of building materials.
THE SKY
Blue Thunder and Airwolf dart around each other, trying to get a lock on with their missiles.
Roy Scheider is getting annoyed, ìI can kill a bloody shark with a rifle, but I cannot bring down this rival action-series helicopter piloted by a soft-core porno pervert and one of the Dirty Dozen. I suckî
Airwolf gets a bead on Blue Thunder and releases itís stinger missiles.
It hits Blue Thunder, which promptly disappears into the deep woods leaving a plume of smoke.
Jan Michael-Vincent and Ernest Borgnine pat each other on the helmet and nod, ìYes. Airwolf is clearly superior to Blue Thunder, as most 20-30yr old blokes knew anyway.
Now we must go off and perform more goodly duties in our sophisticated helicopter. God Blue Thunder sucked as a tv series. James Farentino, what else has he done?î
Log is sitting in the back, watching with concern as Blue Thunder went down, he pulls out a parachute and jumps out, heading into the woods to seek out the burning rubbish helicopter before it damages the trees.
VISITOR CENTRE
Eartha, Blane, Bear and Sage Owl are sitting around discussing the events of the previous 5 episodes in an attempt to figure out what is happening (and remind those that have not been following)
ìSo, Leaf turned up dead, murdered by a Rogue Environmental Agency. Herb has disappeared whilst investigating, Chains has turned feral with the help of the rogue A-Team, Colombo is missing and Airwolf has gone to battle Blue Thunder.î
Bear laughs really loudly and shouts ìAh well, who wants to live forever?!î
For no apparent reason
FERAL HASSLEHOFF CAMP
Chains is sitting back on his throne once more, basking in the worship from German rock fans that clamour for his autograph and tips on how to look so buff when running in slo-mo.
Chains refuses to divulge his secrets and makes the Germans go and prod the senile urine-soaked Lt Colombo, by now completely insane and barking like a dog.
THE WOODS
Log has landed and disposed carefully of his parachute, and is now surveying the wreckage of the downed Blue Thunder.
There is no trace of Roy Scheider anywhere, and Log must utilise his tracking skills.
ìIf only Sage Owl were here, it would be a cinchî.
A twig snapping nearby makes Log freeze and assume the position of a startled Doe for disguise.
Footsteps can be heard approaching, and Log sees a man walk into the clearing.
ìHello?î calls the stranger.
ìHello thereî says Log, resuming his human pose and appearing, wraithlike in front of the man.
ìHello, I am Lee Majorsî the man announces, ìI have come to help you track Roy Scheider and rescue Lt Colombo from Feral Chains.
Log smiles, ìLee Majors, I am glad you are here. The Six Million Dollar Man is an invaluable asset in our fight against crime and Feral Chains.î
Lee Majors shakes his head, ìNo I am not Steve Austin in this series, instead I am playing the character of Colt Seaversî
Log is surprised, ìNotÖî
ìYes, The Fall Guy. My stunt-training will come in useful to you, and we can call on the assistance of trainee stunt-man and sidekick Howie. I am a bounty-hunter and have been employed to return Roy Scheider to justice.î
Log nods, ìLet us locate the Feral Hasslehoff camp and return Colombo to the home for aged television detectives.î
VISITOR CENTRE
Earth is the only person here now.
The door opens and in walks The Fonz.
ìFonzie! Herb is missingî
The Fonz brushes his ducktail hair and smiles, ìEyyyyyyyyyyy, Iíll help find MR C for you.î He clicks his fingers and Ralph-Mouth and Potsie arrive, ìBoy Fonzî says Anson Williams as Ralph, ìWe can help youî
The Fonz looks at him sternly.
ìSorry Fonzie, weíll stay in the toilet and wait for you.î
ìEyyyyyyyyyyyî
FERAL HASSLEHOFF CAMP
The rogue A-Team have dressed Lt Colombo in babyís clothes and are making him lay on his back and gurgle for their twisted, feral entertainment.
ìEnough!î commands Chains, ìWe must prepare for the following invasion. I sense that Log is coming and I must get readyî
The rogue A-Team clap their hands and run about, setting up all manner of non-lethal traps to capture Log and Lee Majors.
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL AGENCY HEADQUARTERS ñ SECRET PRISON WING
Herb is once more alone, reading books and waiting to be rescued.
Hannibal is peering at him through the spyhole, dressed in his dragon outfit from the A-Team opening credits.
ìI love it when a plan comes together, soon you will understand why the evil old dude killed Leaf who was working undercover to expose this nefarious organisation, why Logís wife was killed in revenge and the evil plan to use a super laser powered by the flooded valley. This is all coming together nicelyî
To Be ContinuedÖ
EPISODE SIX
"Porno Pilots"
THE SKY
Airwolf is flying about when Blue Thunder hovers into view.
ìHello Airwolfî says Roy Scheider, ìIt is time we settled this score once and for all. Which is better? Airwolf or Blue Thunder?î
FERAL HASSLEHOFF CAMP
Lt Colombo is trussed up and dangling over a fire, gently roasting his pee-stinking coat as he hums to himself.
Chains struts over and crouches down, ìSo Lt Colombo, who are you working for?î
Colombo is silent.
This angers Chains, who shakes him roughly ìAnswer me old man that smells of peeî
BA looks over, ìJibba-JabbaÖthe old policeman is demented and of no help. I pity da fool. Whereís Hannibal?î
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL HEADQUARTERS ñ SECRET PRISON WING
Evil old dude and Hannibal (now in his Japanese soldier disguise) stand before Herb, who politely smiles and listens to them.
ìSo Herb, you discovered my evil plan to flood the valley and use the resulting hydro-electric power to fuel my super laser? And you thought you could stop me?î
Herb looks puzzled, ìI had no idea. But thanks for revealing your wicked plan.î
Evil old dude looks annoyed, ìWell then, you should also know that I am the one responsible for the forest fire that killed Logís beautiful wife.î
Herb is shocked, ìBut why?î
ìAh, that must remain a secret, we still have 4 episodes left to run.î
ìBut why Leaf? Why kill Leaf Greenerman?î
ìWell, that was purely to let Log know this was personal. Obviously killing his wife was not enough, so I offed his best-mate. Besides, Short Circuit? Come on, I was acting in the public interestî
Herb shrugs, ìFair enoughî
THE SKY
Airwolf faces Blue Thunder in a near-silent face off.
ìSoî Jan Michael-Vincent says over the intercom, ìYou think your poor attack helicopter can defeat Airwolf? Pah, I laugh at your naivety Roy Scheider.î
Roy Scheider smiles back, ìThe Blue Thunder movie was much better than the Airwolf one. In my movie, there were boobs whilst Jaffa touched the screen as the naked woman did yoga on our secret surveillance cameraî
Ernest Borgnine is annoyed, ìDamn. He does have a pointî
Jan Michael-Vincent thinks for a moment, ìAh, but what about this? At the end of the Blue Thunder movie, you landed it in front of a train and smashed it up. So why was there a tv series?î
Roy Scheider is upset at the logic, ìYeah wellÖyou made soft-core porno movies with Erik Estrada after your series ended, so there!î
ìTrue, but you ended up in Seaquest DMV. A perfectly decent movie career that peaked with Jaws and went downhill from there. I mean, you were a woman in Naked Lunch. What were you thinking?î
Roy Scheider cannot take this criticism of his career and charges forward in Blue Thunder, screaming ìFollow my leader!î
Airwolf dodges out of the way and chases Blue Thunder across the sky.
FERAL HASSLEHOFF CAMP
Colombo is sobbing quietly into his filthy shirt as Chains prances about with backing from The Scorpions as he sings the Baywatch theme tune.
Several German rock fans with mullets and denim waistcoats applaud him and headbang, whilst the Rogue A-Team look on disgusted.
ìWe have fallen so farî mumbles Face-Man, before slipping into a Navy Admiral uniform and going off to con people out of building materials.
THE SKY
Blue Thunder and Airwolf dart around each other, trying to get a lock on with their missiles.
Roy Scheider is getting annoyed, ìI can kill a bloody shark with a rifle, but I cannot bring down this rival action-series helicopter piloted by a soft-core porno pervert and one of the Dirty Dozen. I suckî
Airwolf gets a bead on Blue Thunder and releases itís stinger missiles.
It hits Blue Thunder, which promptly disappears into the deep woods leaving a plume of smoke.
Jan Michael-Vincent and Ernest Borgnine pat each other on the helmet and nod, ìYes. Airwolf is clearly superior to Blue Thunder, as most 20-30yr old blokes knew anyway.
Now we must go off and perform more goodly duties in our sophisticated helicopter. God Blue Thunder sucked as a tv series. James Farentino, what else has he done?î
Log is sitting in the back, watching with concern as Blue Thunder went down, he pulls out a parachute and jumps out, heading into the woods to seek out the burning rubbish helicopter before it damages the trees.
VISITOR CENTRE
Eartha, Blane, Bear and Sage Owl are sitting around discussing the events of the previous 5 episodes in an attempt to figure out what is happening (and remind those that have not been following)
ìSo, Leaf turned up dead, murdered by a Rogue Environmental Agency. Herb has disappeared whilst investigating, Chains has turned feral with the help of the rogue A-Team, Colombo is missing and Airwolf has gone to battle Blue Thunder.î
Bear laughs really loudly and shouts ìAh well, who wants to live forever?!î
For no apparent reason
FERAL HASSLEHOFF CAMP
Chains is sitting back on his throne once more, basking in the worship from German rock fans that clamour for his autograph and tips on how to look so buff when running in slo-mo.
Chains refuses to divulge his secrets and makes the Germans go and prod the senile urine-soaked Lt Colombo, by now completely insane and barking like a dog.
THE WOODS
Log has landed and disposed carefully of his parachute, and is now surveying the wreckage of the downed Blue Thunder.
There is no trace of Roy Scheider anywhere, and Log must utilise his tracking skills.
ìIf only Sage Owl were here, it would be a cinchî.
A twig snapping nearby makes Log freeze and assume the position of a startled Doe for disguise.
Footsteps can be heard approaching, and Log sees a man walk into the clearing.
ìHello?î calls the stranger.
ìHello thereî says Log, resuming his human pose and appearing, wraithlike in front of the man.
ìHello, I am Lee Majorsî the man announces, ìI have come to help you track Roy Scheider and rescue Lt Colombo from Feral Chains.
Log smiles, ìLee Majors, I am glad you are here. The Six Million Dollar Man is an invaluable asset in our fight against crime and Feral Chains.î
Lee Majors shakes his head, ìNo I am not Steve Austin in this series, instead I am playing the character of Colt Seaversî
Log is surprised, ìNotÖî
ìYes, The Fall Guy. My stunt-training will come in useful to you, and we can call on the assistance of trainee stunt-man and sidekick Howie. I am a bounty-hunter and have been employed to return Roy Scheider to justice.î
Log nods, ìLet us locate the Feral Hasslehoff camp and return Colombo to the home for aged television detectives.î
VISITOR CENTRE
Earth is the only person here now.
The door opens and in walks The Fonz.
ìFonzie! Herb is missingî
The Fonz brushes his ducktail hair and smiles, ìEyyyyyyyyyyy, Iíll help find MR C for you.î He clicks his fingers and Ralph-Mouth and Potsie arrive, ìBoy Fonzî says Anson Williams as Ralph, ìWe can help youî
The Fonz looks at him sternly.
ìSorry Fonzie, weíll stay in the toilet and wait for you.î
ìEyyyyyyyyyyyî
FERAL HASSLEHOFF CAMP
The rogue A-Team have dressed Lt Colombo in babyís clothes and are making him lay on his back and gurgle for their twisted, feral entertainment.
ìEnough!î commands Chains, ìWe must prepare for the following invasion. I sense that Log is coming and I must get readyî
The rogue A-Team clap their hands and run about, setting up all manner of non-lethal traps to capture Log and Lee Majors.
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL AGENCY HEADQUARTERS ñ SECRET PRISON WING
Herb is once more alone, reading books and waiting to be rescued.
Hannibal is peering at him through the spyhole, dressed in his dragon outfit from the A-Team opening credits.
ìI love it when a plan comes together, soon you will understand why the evil old dude killed Leaf who was working undercover to expose this nefarious organisation, why Logís wife was killed in revenge and the evil plan to use a super laser powered by the flooded valley. This is all coming together nicelyî
To Be ContinuedÖ