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The coin-ops so physically demanding to play that losing A life is less of a worry than losing YOUR life!
The Grim Reaper loves videogames. Yes he does. To him, home consoles are like mini combine harvesters, gathering up bales of unhealthy lard-arsed gamers to ship to the underworld as they pop their clogs in a flood of cholesterol. At least that's what the get'em outdoors' lobby believe. Playing at the arcades is bad for your health. What those ignorant salad-munching yoga fanatics don't realise is there are games that require near-astronaut levels of fitness to avoid doing yourself damage whilst playing. The kind of coin-op where the only 'op' involved is the operation you'll need after breaking both your legs playing it. The kind that brings Death himself out in a cold sweat as he realises he's going to have to work you to death. Here are the most entertaining aerobic machines ever built, and how to play them while making sure the words 'Game Over' aren't the last you ever hear.
Final Furlong
Like the Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse, when these stallions move, pain and suffering ensue. Only in this case, it's the rider in agony. Power your steed by clenching the saddle between your thighs, rocking frantically and spanking your pony. For the final sprint you stand up, flexing your arms and legs to make that photo finish. One of the most strenuous videogames ever, it overworks your limbs for guaranteed paralysis the naxt day.
DANGER FACTOR: 10
Fighting Mania
This punch'em up is based on a popular Japanese cartoon series called Fist of the North Star, which most of us have never seen. It's you against some on-screen thug and your task is to punch his stupid lights out. Six pads flip out at you randomly. Hitting them strikes body blows to your on-screen opponent until their energy bar is depleted. Yep, it's a beat'em up with real beatings. Normally attracts the most testosterone-pumped, corn-cob-eating, muscle men in the arcade. So be careful not to laugh at their stupid posturing or you may experience that real beating, complete with depleted energy, before even getting on the machine.
DANGER FACTOR: 4
Dance Stage Euromix
Ah, that dancing game. Do not be fooled by the hot-footed B-boy drawing a crowd to its digital dancefloor. He may be spasmodic, but he's certainly no body-popper. The moves required here are more akin to prancing ex-Riverdance star Michael Flately. And the only thing the crowd are thinking is A)What the hell's he doing. And B)What a load of money he's wasted learning those embarassing moves. Nonetheless, it does provide powerful calorie-burning, cardiovascular exercise, and is so popular it has spawned a number of lesser imitations, including the ludicrously monikered EZ2 Dancer.
DANGER FACTOR: 5
Prop Cycle
Most of us wouldn't be seen dead on an exercise bike, but stick a TV screen on the front and tell us it's a flying bicycle and we'll pay hard cash for a go. An amazing concept, you actually steer your on-screen flycycle around collecting ballons, but the aim isn't to crazily pedal like you're in the Tour de France as you'll just crash headlong into a cliff and pull a muscle. Rather, glide your bike gracefully around with short bursts of leg power to exit steep dives. The biggest injury though, could be to your hairstyle as the machine blows air in your face as you pedal.
DANGER FACTOR: 7
Police 24/7
This lightgun game has a big warning slapped on the side: Do not play if you have been drinking, are sick or have been sick recently, are pregnant, or are wearing a hat. That's all because you physically have to dodge incoming fire. Amazingly the screen detects your movement and shifts the view, so you can duck behind pillars and even twist Matrix-style out of bullet paths. Get hit and everything goes a bit blurry (hence the sickness warning). Incredibly, Konami is bringing this game to PS2, possibly subjecting even housebound drunkards and bed-ridden ladies heavy-with-child to bouts of nausea and projectile vomiting.
DANGER FACTOR: 3
Borg Contact
This bizarre endurance test features the most ominous warning of all: Do not play if you have a heart condition or skin ailments. And Remove any metal jewellery. Each player gets a pair of metal rods. Grip them as the animatronic Borg before you comes to life, screaming as a simulated electric current passes through the rods. That's when you scream too. The player clenching the hardest for 30 seconds wins. Arcade staff will be on hand to prise your smouldering finger away from the handles if you should kark it.
DANGER FACTOR: 9
Not ready to stare Death in the face? Try these milder, but still strenuous, torture machines. They might cause pain, but you should live to tell the tale!
Rodeo Rumble
Grab the bull by the horns. Literally. Then hang on!
Horse Racer
A full-size hydrautic horse torso that you ride like a stallion.
Kick It
Penalty shoot-out with a football-on-a-string. Got no mates? Have a go, but wear your steel-capped boots
Alpine Racer
Swivelling footpads perfectly replicate skiing without avalanche danger. Though it won't do your ankles much good.
Top Skater
Perform aerial skateboard tricks without ever having to see the colour of your bones.
Cracky Crab
The oldest game around. Hit moving plastic crabs with a mallet.
Now it's time to reveal the GrandFather Death!
Made by Sega in 1990, R-360 was probably the most ingenious instrument of torture since the Iron Maiden. It was a one level version of G-Loc - an Afterburner rip-off that was rubbish even back then. This machine had seat belts, an emergency panic button and span you around 360 degrees continuously. Still the only arcade game to actually apply G-force directly to your head.
Beware of these machines and resist Death's trap, but if you dare, have a go!
The Grim Reaper loves videogames. Yes he does. To him, home consoles are like mini combine harvesters, gathering up bales of unhealthy lard-arsed gamers to ship to the underworld as they pop their clogs in a flood of cholesterol. At least that's what the get'em outdoors' lobby believe. Playing at the arcades is bad for your health. What those ignorant salad-munching yoga fanatics don't realise is there are games that require near-astronaut levels of fitness to avoid doing yourself damage whilst playing. The kind of coin-op where the only 'op' involved is the operation you'll need after breaking both your legs playing it. The kind that brings Death himself out in a cold sweat as he realises he's going to have to work you to death. Here are the most entertaining aerobic machines ever built, and how to play them while making sure the words 'Game Over' aren't the last you ever hear.
Final Furlong
Like the Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse, when these stallions move, pain and suffering ensue. Only in this case, it's the rider in agony. Power your steed by clenching the saddle between your thighs, rocking frantically and spanking your pony. For the final sprint you stand up, flexing your arms and legs to make that photo finish. One of the most strenuous videogames ever, it overworks your limbs for guaranteed paralysis the naxt day.
DANGER FACTOR: 10
Fighting Mania
This punch'em up is based on a popular Japanese cartoon series called Fist of the North Star, which most of us have never seen. It's you against some on-screen thug and your task is to punch his stupid lights out. Six pads flip out at you randomly. Hitting them strikes body blows to your on-screen opponent until their energy bar is depleted. Yep, it's a beat'em up with real beatings. Normally attracts the most testosterone-pumped, corn-cob-eating, muscle men in the arcade. So be careful not to laugh at their stupid posturing or you may experience that real beating, complete with depleted energy, before even getting on the machine.
DANGER FACTOR: 4
Dance Stage Euromix
Ah, that dancing game. Do not be fooled by the hot-footed B-boy drawing a crowd to its digital dancefloor. He may be spasmodic, but he's certainly no body-popper. The moves required here are more akin to prancing ex-Riverdance star Michael Flately. And the only thing the crowd are thinking is A)What the hell's he doing. And B)What a load of money he's wasted learning those embarassing moves. Nonetheless, it does provide powerful calorie-burning, cardiovascular exercise, and is so popular it has spawned a number of lesser imitations, including the ludicrously monikered EZ2 Dancer.
DANGER FACTOR: 5
Prop Cycle
Most of us wouldn't be seen dead on an exercise bike, but stick a TV screen on the front and tell us it's a flying bicycle and we'll pay hard cash for a go. An amazing concept, you actually steer your on-screen flycycle around collecting ballons, but the aim isn't to crazily pedal like you're in the Tour de France as you'll just crash headlong into a cliff and pull a muscle. Rather, glide your bike gracefully around with short bursts of leg power to exit steep dives. The biggest injury though, could be to your hairstyle as the machine blows air in your face as you pedal.
DANGER FACTOR: 7
Police 24/7
This lightgun game has a big warning slapped on the side: Do not play if you have been drinking, are sick or have been sick recently, are pregnant, or are wearing a hat. That's all because you physically have to dodge incoming fire. Amazingly the screen detects your movement and shifts the view, so you can duck behind pillars and even twist Matrix-style out of bullet paths. Get hit and everything goes a bit blurry (hence the sickness warning). Incredibly, Konami is bringing this game to PS2, possibly subjecting even housebound drunkards and bed-ridden ladies heavy-with-child to bouts of nausea and projectile vomiting.
DANGER FACTOR: 3
Borg Contact
This bizarre endurance test features the most ominous warning of all: Do not play if you have a heart condition or skin ailments. And Remove any metal jewellery. Each player gets a pair of metal rods. Grip them as the animatronic Borg before you comes to life, screaming as a simulated electric current passes through the rods. That's when you scream too. The player clenching the hardest for 30 seconds wins. Arcade staff will be on hand to prise your smouldering finger away from the handles if you should kark it.
DANGER FACTOR: 9
Not ready to stare Death in the face? Try these milder, but still strenuous, torture machines. They might cause pain, but you should live to tell the tale!
Rodeo Rumble
Grab the bull by the horns. Literally. Then hang on!
Horse Racer
A full-size hydrautic horse torso that you ride like a stallion.
Kick It
Penalty shoot-out with a football-on-a-string. Got no mates? Have a go, but wear your steel-capped boots
Alpine Racer
Swivelling footpads perfectly replicate skiing without avalanche danger. Though it won't do your ankles much good.
Top Skater
Perform aerial skateboard tricks without ever having to see the colour of your bones.
Cracky Crab
The oldest game around. Hit moving plastic crabs with a mallet.
Now it's time to reveal the GrandFather Death!
Made by Sega in 1990, R-360 was probably the most ingenious instrument of torture since the Iron Maiden. It was a one level version of G-Loc - an Afterburner rip-off that was rubbish even back then. This machine had seat belts, an emergency panic button and span you around 360 degrees continuously. Still the only arcade game to actually apply G-force directly to your head.
Beware of these machines and resist Death's trap, but if you dare, have a go!
well dying on an arcade michine?, well I guess there are worse ways to go....like on the can!!
I haven't been down the front for a while, so I haven't got a clue what coin-operated arcade games are there to play. However, if the games you have mentioned are the latest to be put on show, then me thinks I'd better trot down to me local arcade, hmm?
Are you a Regular, Reload, eh?
SHOCKY
Are you a Regular, Reload, eh?
SHOCKY
The coin-ops so physically demanding to play that losing A life is less of a worry than losing YOUR life!
The Grim Reaper loves videogames. Yes he does. To him, home consoles are like mini combine harvesters, gathering up bales of unhealthy lard-arsed gamers to ship to the underworld as they pop their clogs in a flood of cholesterol. At least that's what the get'em outdoors' lobby believe. Playing at the arcades is bad for your health. What those ignorant salad-munching yoga fanatics don't realise is there are games that require near-astronaut levels of fitness to avoid doing yourself damage whilst playing. The kind of coin-op where the only 'op' involved is the operation you'll need after breaking both your legs playing it. The kind that brings Death himself out in a cold sweat as he realises he's going to have to work you to death. Here are the most entertaining aerobic machines ever built, and how to play them while making sure the words 'Game Over' aren't the last you ever hear.
Final Furlong
Like the Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse, when these stallions move, pain and suffering ensue. Only in this case, it's the rider in agony. Power your steed by clenching the saddle between your thighs, rocking frantically and spanking your pony. For the final sprint you stand up, flexing your arms and legs to make that photo finish. One of the most strenuous videogames ever, it overworks your limbs for guaranteed paralysis the naxt day.
DANGER FACTOR: 10
Fighting Mania
This punch'em up is based on a popular Japanese cartoon series called Fist of the North Star, which most of us have never seen. It's you against some on-screen thug and your task is to punch his stupid lights out. Six pads flip out at you randomly. Hitting them strikes body blows to your on-screen opponent until their energy bar is depleted. Yep, it's a beat'em up with real beatings. Normally attracts the most testosterone-pumped, corn-cob-eating, muscle men in the arcade. So be careful not to laugh at their stupid posturing or you may experience that real beating, complete with depleted energy, before even getting on the machine.
DANGER FACTOR: 4
Dance Stage Euromix
Ah, that dancing game. Do not be fooled by the hot-footed B-boy drawing a crowd to its digital dancefloor. He may be spasmodic, but he's certainly no body-popper. The moves required here are more akin to prancing ex-Riverdance star Michael Flately. And the only thing the crowd are thinking is A)What the hell's he doing. And B)What a load of money he's wasted learning those embarassing moves. Nonetheless, it does provide powerful calorie-burning, cardiovascular exercise, and is so popular it has spawned a number of lesser imitations, including the ludicrously monikered EZ2 Dancer.
DANGER FACTOR: 5
Prop Cycle
Most of us wouldn't be seen dead on an exercise bike, but stick a TV screen on the front and tell us it's a flying bicycle and we'll pay hard cash for a go. An amazing concept, you actually steer your on-screen flycycle around collecting ballons, but the aim isn't to crazily pedal like you're in the Tour de France as you'll just crash headlong into a cliff and pull a muscle. Rather, glide your bike gracefully around with short bursts of leg power to exit steep dives. The biggest injury though, could be to your hairstyle as the machine blows air in your face as you pedal.
DANGER FACTOR: 7
Police 24/7
This lightgun game has a big warning slapped on the side: Do not play if you have been drinking, are sick or have been sick recently, are pregnant, or are wearing a hat. That's all because you physically have to dodge incoming fire. Amazingly the screen detects your movement and shifts the view, so you can duck behind pillars and even twist Matrix-style out of bullet paths. Get hit and everything goes a bit blurry (hence the sickness warning). Incredibly, Konami is bringing this game to PS2, possibly subjecting even housebound drunkards and bed-ridden ladies heavy-with-child to bouts of nausea and projectile vomiting.
DANGER FACTOR: 3
Borg Contact
This bizarre endurance test features the most ominous warning of all: Do not play if you have a heart condition or skin ailments. And Remove any metal jewellery. Each player gets a pair of metal rods. Grip them as the animatronic Borg before you comes to life, screaming as a simulated electric current passes through the rods. That's when you scream too. The player clenching the hardest for 30 seconds wins. Arcade staff will be on hand to prise your smouldering finger away from the handles if you should kark it.
DANGER FACTOR: 9
Not ready to stare Death in the face? Try these milder, but still strenuous, torture machines. They might cause pain, but you should live to tell the tale!
Rodeo Rumble
Grab the bull by the horns. Literally. Then hang on!
Horse Racer
A full-size hydrautic horse torso that you ride like a stallion.
Kick It
Penalty shoot-out with a football-on-a-string. Got no mates? Have a go, but wear your steel-capped boots
Alpine Racer
Swivelling footpads perfectly replicate skiing without avalanche danger. Though it won't do your ankles much good.
Top Skater
Perform aerial skateboard tricks without ever having to see the colour of your bones.
Cracky Crab
The oldest game around. Hit moving plastic crabs with a mallet.
Now it's time to reveal the GrandFather Death!
Made by Sega in 1990, R-360 was probably the most ingenious instrument of torture since the Iron Maiden. It was a one level version of G-Loc - an Afterburner rip-off that was rubbish even back then. This machine had seat belts, an emergency panic button and span you around 360 degrees continuously. Still the only arcade game to actually apply G-force directly to your head.
Beware of these machines and resist Death's trap, but if you dare, have a go!
The Grim Reaper loves videogames. Yes he does. To him, home consoles are like mini combine harvesters, gathering up bales of unhealthy lard-arsed gamers to ship to the underworld as they pop their clogs in a flood of cholesterol. At least that's what the get'em outdoors' lobby believe. Playing at the arcades is bad for your health. What those ignorant salad-munching yoga fanatics don't realise is there are games that require near-astronaut levels of fitness to avoid doing yourself damage whilst playing. The kind of coin-op where the only 'op' involved is the operation you'll need after breaking both your legs playing it. The kind that brings Death himself out in a cold sweat as he realises he's going to have to work you to death. Here are the most entertaining aerobic machines ever built, and how to play them while making sure the words 'Game Over' aren't the last you ever hear.
Final Furlong
Like the Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse, when these stallions move, pain and suffering ensue. Only in this case, it's the rider in agony. Power your steed by clenching the saddle between your thighs, rocking frantically and spanking your pony. For the final sprint you stand up, flexing your arms and legs to make that photo finish. One of the most strenuous videogames ever, it overworks your limbs for guaranteed paralysis the naxt day.
DANGER FACTOR: 10
Fighting Mania
This punch'em up is based on a popular Japanese cartoon series called Fist of the North Star, which most of us have never seen. It's you against some on-screen thug and your task is to punch his stupid lights out. Six pads flip out at you randomly. Hitting them strikes body blows to your on-screen opponent until their energy bar is depleted. Yep, it's a beat'em up with real beatings. Normally attracts the most testosterone-pumped, corn-cob-eating, muscle men in the arcade. So be careful not to laugh at their stupid posturing or you may experience that real beating, complete with depleted energy, before even getting on the machine.
DANGER FACTOR: 4
Dance Stage Euromix
Ah, that dancing game. Do not be fooled by the hot-footed B-boy drawing a crowd to its digital dancefloor. He may be spasmodic, but he's certainly no body-popper. The moves required here are more akin to prancing ex-Riverdance star Michael Flately. And the only thing the crowd are thinking is A)What the hell's he doing. And B)What a load of money he's wasted learning those embarassing moves. Nonetheless, it does provide powerful calorie-burning, cardiovascular exercise, and is so popular it has spawned a number of lesser imitations, including the ludicrously monikered EZ2 Dancer.
DANGER FACTOR: 5
Prop Cycle
Most of us wouldn't be seen dead on an exercise bike, but stick a TV screen on the front and tell us it's a flying bicycle and we'll pay hard cash for a go. An amazing concept, you actually steer your on-screen flycycle around collecting ballons, but the aim isn't to crazily pedal like you're in the Tour de France as you'll just crash headlong into a cliff and pull a muscle. Rather, glide your bike gracefully around with short bursts of leg power to exit steep dives. The biggest injury though, could be to your hairstyle as the machine blows air in your face as you pedal.
DANGER FACTOR: 7
Police 24/7
This lightgun game has a big warning slapped on the side: Do not play if you have been drinking, are sick or have been sick recently, are pregnant, or are wearing a hat. That's all because you physically have to dodge incoming fire. Amazingly the screen detects your movement and shifts the view, so you can duck behind pillars and even twist Matrix-style out of bullet paths. Get hit and everything goes a bit blurry (hence the sickness warning). Incredibly, Konami is bringing this game to PS2, possibly subjecting even housebound drunkards and bed-ridden ladies heavy-with-child to bouts of nausea and projectile vomiting.
DANGER FACTOR: 3
Borg Contact
This bizarre endurance test features the most ominous warning of all: Do not play if you have a heart condition or skin ailments. And Remove any metal jewellery. Each player gets a pair of metal rods. Grip them as the animatronic Borg before you comes to life, screaming as a simulated electric current passes through the rods. That's when you scream too. The player clenching the hardest for 30 seconds wins. Arcade staff will be on hand to prise your smouldering finger away from the handles if you should kark it.
DANGER FACTOR: 9
Not ready to stare Death in the face? Try these milder, but still strenuous, torture machines. They might cause pain, but you should live to tell the tale!
Rodeo Rumble
Grab the bull by the horns. Literally. Then hang on!
Horse Racer
A full-size hydrautic horse torso that you ride like a stallion.
Kick It
Penalty shoot-out with a football-on-a-string. Got no mates? Have a go, but wear your steel-capped boots
Alpine Racer
Swivelling footpads perfectly replicate skiing without avalanche danger. Though it won't do your ankles much good.
Top Skater
Perform aerial skateboard tricks without ever having to see the colour of your bones.
Cracky Crab
The oldest game around. Hit moving plastic crabs with a mallet.
Now it's time to reveal the GrandFather Death!
Made by Sega in 1990, R-360 was probably the most ingenious instrument of torture since the Iron Maiden. It was a one level version of G-Loc - an Afterburner rip-off that was rubbish even back then. This machine had seat belts, an emergency panic button and span you around 360 degrees continuously. Still the only arcade game to actually apply G-force directly to your head.
Beware of these machines and resist Death's trap, but if you dare, have a go!