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"Oh the horror...the horror!"

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Mon 22/10/01 at 22:36
Regular
Posts: 787
I was thinking about horror movies, and the various evil beings that attempt to scare us in these movies, and was thinking, are they really that bad?

Let's start with the mummy.

Have you seen the speed that guy crawls along at? If you turned and ran you'd get away in no time, rather than stand there and have your eyes pulled out. mind you, the mummy seems to have gotten just a little bit harder lately, now having the ability to make his face appear in both sand and water! How absolutely horrific!

So what about ghosts?

They have the ability to move stuff around when you're not looking, and make you think "I'm sure I didn't leave that there?" They have no physical form, so struggle to do ant real damage. They still seemed to be quite scary, until Patrick Swayze portrayed one, and I realised that all ghosts really want is the chance to do some pottery.

Now Demons, they're mean characters, aren't they?

Remember that time one possessed that little girl, and made her swear a bit, and vomit, and not even get out of bed? Hardly taking over the world and forcing us to do it's evil bidding, is it? In fact possessions usually just involve making people speak a bit funny.

So what about the werewolf?

When the moon is fat a human will take on wolf form, and tear out the throats of innocent people. They can only be killed by a silver bullet, and a bite from a werewolf (if not fatal) will turn you into a werewolf. They do sound pretty tough, but then again, you don't get many full moons, so they're not a consistent threat. And after seeing Jack Nicholson as a wolf I realised that they don't do much other than run around a bit, in human form, cheeks wobbling.

But zombies, you've got to be careful of those, right?

The Resident Evil series reminds us of just how horrific the walking dead can be. I say walking, but it's not exactly a walk, as they always seem to have a gammy leg, and have to drag it behind them. They have no special powers, just walk, very slowly, arms in front of them, crying out for 'brains!'.

Then there's the terror of the night, the vampire.

Can become bat form, to fly into your room as you sleep, and suck your blood dry with his fangs. they might even turn you into a vampire if your unlucky. The thing is, they're scared of so much! Simply make a cross with your hands, and they'll cower in terror, have a healthy amount of garlic in your diet, and they won't come near. Then just get a bit of water blessed, and you can dispose of them easily.


Nothing there to be scared of, is there?

But no, what have we overlooked here?

My God, no!

The clown!

Clowns have to be the scariest characters ever to have to feature in any movie ever.

you don't believe me? Watch Poltergeist. I bet the bit that will make you jump the most is when the clown puppet disappears from it's chair.

Then there was 'It'. Another clown to be feared.

Just look at those evil eyes, the unnaturally white complex, the red nose.

Yep, it's the clowns we have to be scared of.
Mon 22/10/01 at 23:46
Regular
"Wasting away"
Posts: 2,230
Clowns aren't what I'm afraid of, just look at IT. That film makes me laugh more then anything but that bloke who plays the role is might evil. *Shudders*. I personally think that the image of something that can't be seen is more terriyfing as it's left to your own imagination. That is where the Blair Witch freighened the sh*te out of me.
Mon 22/10/01 at 23:27
Regular
Posts: 21,800
It's true clowns really are the scariest thing you can have in a film, there's just something about them.
Mon 22/10/01 at 22:36
Regular
"not dead"
Posts: 11,145
I was thinking about horror movies, and the various evil beings that attempt to scare us in these movies, and was thinking, are they really that bad?

Let's start with the mummy.

Have you seen the speed that guy crawls along at? If you turned and ran you'd get away in no time, rather than stand there and have your eyes pulled out. mind you, the mummy seems to have gotten just a little bit harder lately, now having the ability to make his face appear in both sand and water! How absolutely horrific!

So what about ghosts?

They have the ability to move stuff around when you're not looking, and make you think "I'm sure I didn't leave that there?" They have no physical form, so struggle to do ant real damage. They still seemed to be quite scary, until Patrick Swayze portrayed one, and I realised that all ghosts really want is the chance to do some pottery.

Now Demons, they're mean characters, aren't they?

Remember that time one possessed that little girl, and made her swear a bit, and vomit, and not even get out of bed? Hardly taking over the world and forcing us to do it's evil bidding, is it? In fact possessions usually just involve making people speak a bit funny.

So what about the werewolf?

When the moon is fat a human will take on wolf form, and tear out the throats of innocent people. They can only be killed by a silver bullet, and a bite from a werewolf (if not fatal) will turn you into a werewolf. They do sound pretty tough, but then again, you don't get many full moons, so they're not a consistent threat. And after seeing Jack Nicholson as a wolf I realised that they don't do much other than run around a bit, in human form, cheeks wobbling.

But zombies, you've got to be careful of those, right?

The Resident Evil series reminds us of just how horrific the walking dead can be. I say walking, but it's not exactly a walk, as they always seem to have a gammy leg, and have to drag it behind them. They have no special powers, just walk, very slowly, arms in front of them, crying out for 'brains!'.

Then there's the terror of the night, the vampire.

Can become bat form, to fly into your room as you sleep, and suck your blood dry with his fangs. they might even turn you into a vampire if your unlucky. The thing is, they're scared of so much! Simply make a cross with your hands, and they'll cower in terror, have a healthy amount of garlic in your diet, and they won't come near. Then just get a bit of water blessed, and you can dispose of them easily.


Nothing there to be scared of, is there?

But no, what have we overlooked here?

My God, no!

The clown!

Clowns have to be the scariest characters ever to have to feature in any movie ever.

you don't believe me? Watch Poltergeist. I bet the bit that will make you jump the most is when the clown puppet disappears from it's chair.

Then there was 'It'. Another clown to be feared.

Just look at those evil eyes, the unnaturally white complex, the red nose.

Yep, it's the clowns we have to be scared of.

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