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Took a while but I'm back on track with this thing now.
--------------------
EPISODE 4
ìThe Evil That Men Doî
THE WOODS
Log is standing on his favourite cliff edge, the sun catching his lantern-jawed profile as he squints thoughtfully into the sun.
Sage Owl stands next to him, but being careful to not obscure the sun from Log as he ponders the disappearance of Herb in an 80ís action-but-now-cult-hero type of way.
ìLogî
ìHmm?î
ìAre you pondering the disappearance of Herb?î
Log nods and raises his arm as a Golden Eagle lands on it and joins him in manful staring.
Sage bends over and licks a nearby rock, ìHmm, well he was taken by force byÖî gums a twig ìÖ3 men, one wearing many gold chains around his neckî
Log turns to him, ìThat must mean the rogue A-Team are involved in this. Damn dirty kids tv icons, I knew they werenít to be trustedî
Sage puts his hand on Logís shoulder in a hetero life-mate manner, ìYou werenít to know Log, donít torture yourselfî
A single tear slips down Logís face, displaying his sensitive side whilst maintaining his macho image. He wipes it away with the heel of his hand, ìItís not just that, I worry for the little crittersî
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL HEADQUARTERS ñ SECRET PRISON WING
Herb is still trussed in the chair, the blindfold back in place.
ìHello?î he calls out in a friendly old man voice, ìAnyone there?î
ìNoî comes the reply
ìFair enough.î
ENTRANCE TO BEAVER CREEK
Several limousines pull up at the Rangerís Greeting Station.
Bear comes out, smoothing his expansive beard and laughing really loudly with his head tipped back and rubbing his stomach.
A limo door opens and out steps a typical movie heavy
ìHello, Iím a typical movie heavy out with my non-stereotypical gang of heavies. We like trees and stuff. Where may we find Log Woodson?î
Bear thinks, ìHe is out there somewhere, come in and waitÖHAHAHAHAî
ìWhy do you laugh at the end of every sentence?î asks Heavy?
ìBecause I am a classically trained actor. And I have a beard. HAHAHAî
The limos pull up and more heavies get out, all wearing shades and looking around furtively.
An elder man gets out, smoothes his cashmere jacket and looks around.
ìJust as I hoped it would beî
ìSorry?î shouts Bear, trying to ease a badger into his beard
ìOh nothing, weíre certainly not here to scope this place out for future evil-doings, donít pay us any attentionî
Bear nods, ìOkî
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL HEADQUARTERS ñ SECRET PRISON WING
Herb has managed to slip his blindfold down and looks about.
He is in a nondescript room, nothing to indicate where he may be.
There is writing in what appears to be jam on the wall opposite him:
ìRoom to hold people that try to foil my evil plans for Beaver Creekî
ìDamnî says Herb, ìI think Iím in troubleî
BEAVER CREEK
Log and Sage are helping various creatures to perform tasks, whilst this weeks favourite punk/pop band play over the soundtrack to images of them assisting in dam-building, helping the deer to forage and generally act in a nice way.
Sage Owl stands and sniffs the air suddenly, ì12 men at the visitor center. One is old and wears a coat.î
Log stops and looks into the distance, ìI must go and see what they want.î
He does so.
VISITOR CENTER
The men are looking at the posters on the walls and having an entertaining yet educational time of learning about Beaver Creek and the role of nature in todayís society.
Except for the old man, who takes photographs of the surrounding area and makes notes in a black diary with ìEvil Plansî on the cover.
Log and Sage come in.
ìHello thereî says Log, turning so his profile is presented to everyone so they may appreciate him, ìCan I help?î
ìPossiblyî says the old evil dude, ìI am just looking around here at Beaver Creek and wish to learn about the valley we are in.î
Log nods.
Sage is licking the hem of the old manís coat before writing something down and passing it to Bear.
Bear looks at it and nods before leaving the room.
ìWellî says Log, ìThis valley is nice and there are creatures here. I work here to forget the traumatic death of my wife in a forest fire started mysteriously some years agoî
ìThatís niceî says the old evil dude, ìWell, I certainly am not interested in flooding this valley and using the water as a source of hydro-electricity with which to assist me in my building of a super-weapon.î
Log nods, ìGlad to hear that.î
THE WOODS
Bear is investigating the limos, managing to plant a bug on the old evil dudeís before hiding up a tree.
VISITOR CENTER
The old evil dude has finished taking photographs and is preparing to leave, ìWell thank you mysterious Ranger, weíll be off then. This has beenÖmost interesting. And forget what I said about the super-weapon, that was just a jokeî
Log nods, ìFair enoughî
They all leave until Log is alone, ìI am suspicious of that evil old manî he thinks, before shrugging it off and going back to his woodly duties.
Some minutes later, Sage Owl comes running in, ìLog, Smokyís been kidnapped!î
ìSmoky?î
ìYes, the helpful racoon from episode 1. Someone has taken him and given us this note pinned to a tree.î
Log looks at the note and frowns,
ìWe got the monkey, give us free stuff we can use or weíll come and leave all the gates open in the parkÖhahahahahahaî
Log looks angry, ìIt is the feral David Hasslehoff, he is behind thisî
Sage sniffs the note, ìYes, you are correct. Damn Dirty Feral Hasslehoff.î
Eartha comes in and puts a hand to her mouth in a dramatic manner when she learns of the news, but she smiles ìI know just the person to help get Smoky back from Feral Hasslehoff, let me make a phone callî
EVIL LIMO CONVOY
The old man is smiling to himself, ìExcellent. My plan is coming to fruition, I will teach Log to meddle in my plans again. You would have thought the death of Fern would learn him.î
VISITOR CENTER
Log, Bear, Sage and Eartha are eating when the door opens and in walks a figure in a raincoat with a cigar and hair like heís been pulled through a hedge by his feet.
ìHello Earthaî he says
Eartha clamps her hand over her mouth before smiling, ìHello stranger. Gentlemen, this man can help us find Smoky and Herbî
They all turn round and watch the new person walk over.
ìHelloî he says, ìI am Lt Colombo.î
Log wrinkles his nose and whispers to Eartha, ìHe smells of peeî
Earth nods, ìHe doesnít get much work now bless him, spends most of his time in the home for redundant TV Detectives. He usually plays chess with Ironside and Banaceck but they beat him and he sulksî
Colombo is looking around and humming to himself before stopping and turning just before he reaches the door,
ìJust one more thing sirî he says to Log
ìYes?î
ìHow did you know what time the train left? You must have taken her to the station yourself, that train was delayed but they didnít announce it beforehand.î
ìWhat?î
Eartha whispers into Logís ear ìHe gets confused sometimes, just humour him.î
ìBut he smells of pee really badly and is quite clearly senileî
She nods ìYes, but heís nice and can help.î
THE WOODS
Chains is sitting on his throne and watching the rogue A-Team carry out his orders, minus Hannibal.
ìI rockî says Chains before running in slo-mo along the edge of the camp.
BA mutters to himself îCrazy fool with tha jibba-jabba. Sucka gonna get thrown helluva far.î
Chains stops and snarls in a most feral manner, ìSilence, or I will have to seek a deranged ugly person to battle in the surf before rescuing an ethnic child from a caveî
BA looks really miffed, ìA feral David Hasslehoff is a power-mad creature with afro, I fear him.î
VISITOR CENTER
Colombo is talking to a potted-plant in the corner.
Log looks disgusted and goes over to him, pinching his nose against the urine stench that emanates from the addled tv detective, ìSo you can help us then Colombo?î
ìYes, Martin Landau did it. He always did it.î
Log nods and backs-away, careful to not give his back to the insane police detective.
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL HEADQUARTERS
The old evil dude is back at his desk, smiling to himself with Hannibal standing behind him.
ìHannibal, although your rogue A-Team are keeping the feral David Hasslehoff busy, I have better uses for them.î
ìOh yah? Whatís that?î says Hannibal, now in his Chinese Laundromat owner disguise.
ìYouíll seeî chuckles the old evil dude, ìYouíll seeî
--------------------
EPISODE 4
ìThe Evil That Men Doî
THE WOODS
Log is standing on his favourite cliff edge, the sun catching his lantern-jawed profile as he squints thoughtfully into the sun.
Sage Owl stands next to him, but being careful to not obscure the sun from Log as he ponders the disappearance of Herb in an 80ís action-but-now-cult-hero type of way.
ìLogî
ìHmm?î
ìAre you pondering the disappearance of Herb?î
Log nods and raises his arm as a Golden Eagle lands on it and joins him in manful staring.
Sage bends over and licks a nearby rock, ìHmm, well he was taken by force byÖî gums a twig ìÖ3 men, one wearing many gold chains around his neckî
Log turns to him, ìThat must mean the rogue A-Team are involved in this. Damn dirty kids tv icons, I knew they werenít to be trustedî
Sage puts his hand on Logís shoulder in a hetero life-mate manner, ìYou werenít to know Log, donít torture yourselfî
A single tear slips down Logís face, displaying his sensitive side whilst maintaining his macho image. He wipes it away with the heel of his hand, ìItís not just that, I worry for the little crittersî
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL HEADQUARTERS ñ SECRET PRISON WING
Herb is still trussed in the chair, the blindfold back in place.
ìHello?î he calls out in a friendly old man voice, ìAnyone there?î
ìNoî comes the reply
ìFair enough.î
ENTRANCE TO BEAVER CREEK
Several limousines pull up at the Rangerís Greeting Station.
Bear comes out, smoothing his expansive beard and laughing really loudly with his head tipped back and rubbing his stomach.
A limo door opens and out steps a typical movie heavy
ìHello, Iím a typical movie heavy out with my non-stereotypical gang of heavies. We like trees and stuff. Where may we find Log Woodson?î
Bear thinks, ìHe is out there somewhere, come in and waitÖHAHAHAHAî
ìWhy do you laugh at the end of every sentence?î asks Heavy?
ìBecause I am a classically trained actor. And I have a beard. HAHAHAî
The limos pull up and more heavies get out, all wearing shades and looking around furtively.
An elder man gets out, smoothes his cashmere jacket and looks around.
ìJust as I hoped it would beî
ìSorry?î shouts Bear, trying to ease a badger into his beard
ìOh nothing, weíre certainly not here to scope this place out for future evil-doings, donít pay us any attentionî
Bear nods, ìOkî
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL HEADQUARTERS ñ SECRET PRISON WING
Herb has managed to slip his blindfold down and looks about.
He is in a nondescript room, nothing to indicate where he may be.
There is writing in what appears to be jam on the wall opposite him:
ìRoom to hold people that try to foil my evil plans for Beaver Creekî
ìDamnî says Herb, ìI think Iím in troubleî
BEAVER CREEK
Log and Sage are helping various creatures to perform tasks, whilst this weeks favourite punk/pop band play over the soundtrack to images of them assisting in dam-building, helping the deer to forage and generally act in a nice way.
Sage Owl stands and sniffs the air suddenly, ì12 men at the visitor center. One is old and wears a coat.î
Log stops and looks into the distance, ìI must go and see what they want.î
He does so.
VISITOR CENTER
The men are looking at the posters on the walls and having an entertaining yet educational time of learning about Beaver Creek and the role of nature in todayís society.
Except for the old man, who takes photographs of the surrounding area and makes notes in a black diary with ìEvil Plansî on the cover.
Log and Sage come in.
ìHello thereî says Log, turning so his profile is presented to everyone so they may appreciate him, ìCan I help?î
ìPossiblyî says the old evil dude, ìI am just looking around here at Beaver Creek and wish to learn about the valley we are in.î
Log nods.
Sage is licking the hem of the old manís coat before writing something down and passing it to Bear.
Bear looks at it and nods before leaving the room.
ìWellî says Log, ìThis valley is nice and there are creatures here. I work here to forget the traumatic death of my wife in a forest fire started mysteriously some years agoî
ìThatís niceî says the old evil dude, ìWell, I certainly am not interested in flooding this valley and using the water as a source of hydro-electricity with which to assist me in my building of a super-weapon.î
Log nods, ìGlad to hear that.î
THE WOODS
Bear is investigating the limos, managing to plant a bug on the old evil dudeís before hiding up a tree.
VISITOR CENTER
The old evil dude has finished taking photographs and is preparing to leave, ìWell thank you mysterious Ranger, weíll be off then. This has beenÖmost interesting. And forget what I said about the super-weapon, that was just a jokeî
Log nods, ìFair enoughî
They all leave until Log is alone, ìI am suspicious of that evil old manî he thinks, before shrugging it off and going back to his woodly duties.
Some minutes later, Sage Owl comes running in, ìLog, Smokyís been kidnapped!î
ìSmoky?î
ìYes, the helpful racoon from episode 1. Someone has taken him and given us this note pinned to a tree.î
Log looks at the note and frowns,
ìWe got the monkey, give us free stuff we can use or weíll come and leave all the gates open in the parkÖhahahahahahaî
Log looks angry, ìIt is the feral David Hasslehoff, he is behind thisî
Sage sniffs the note, ìYes, you are correct. Damn Dirty Feral Hasslehoff.î
Eartha comes in and puts a hand to her mouth in a dramatic manner when she learns of the news, but she smiles ìI know just the person to help get Smoky back from Feral Hasslehoff, let me make a phone callî
EVIL LIMO CONVOY
The old man is smiling to himself, ìExcellent. My plan is coming to fruition, I will teach Log to meddle in my plans again. You would have thought the death of Fern would learn him.î
VISITOR CENTER
Log, Bear, Sage and Eartha are eating when the door opens and in walks a figure in a raincoat with a cigar and hair like heís been pulled through a hedge by his feet.
ìHello Earthaî he says
Eartha clamps her hand over her mouth before smiling, ìHello stranger. Gentlemen, this man can help us find Smoky and Herbî
They all turn round and watch the new person walk over.
ìHelloî he says, ìI am Lt Colombo.î
Log wrinkles his nose and whispers to Eartha, ìHe smells of peeî
Earth nods, ìHe doesnít get much work now bless him, spends most of his time in the home for redundant TV Detectives. He usually plays chess with Ironside and Banaceck but they beat him and he sulksî
Colombo is looking around and humming to himself before stopping and turning just before he reaches the door,
ìJust one more thing sirî he says to Log
ìYes?î
ìHow did you know what time the train left? You must have taken her to the station yourself, that train was delayed but they didnít announce it beforehand.î
ìWhat?î
Eartha whispers into Logís ear ìHe gets confused sometimes, just humour him.î
ìBut he smells of pee really badly and is quite clearly senileî
She nods ìYes, but heís nice and can help.î
THE WOODS
Chains is sitting on his throne and watching the rogue A-Team carry out his orders, minus Hannibal.
ìI rockî says Chains before running in slo-mo along the edge of the camp.
BA mutters to himself îCrazy fool with tha jibba-jabba. Sucka gonna get thrown helluva far.î
Chains stops and snarls in a most feral manner, ìSilence, or I will have to seek a deranged ugly person to battle in the surf before rescuing an ethnic child from a caveî
BA looks really miffed, ìA feral David Hasslehoff is a power-mad creature with afro, I fear him.î
VISITOR CENTER
Colombo is talking to a potted-plant in the corner.
Log looks disgusted and goes over to him, pinching his nose against the urine stench that emanates from the addled tv detective, ìSo you can help us then Colombo?î
ìYes, Martin Landau did it. He always did it.î
Log nods and backs-away, careful to not give his back to the insane police detective.
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL HEADQUARTERS
The old evil dude is back at his desk, smiling to himself with Hannibal standing behind him.
ìHannibal, although your rogue A-Team are keeping the feral David Hasslehoff busy, I have better uses for them.î
ìOh yah? Whatís that?î says Hannibal, now in his Chinese Laundromat owner disguise.
ìYouíll seeî chuckles the old evil dude, ìYouíll seeî
POP!
It's all starting to come together....
It's all starting to come together....
Glad to see the Tradion Of Log hasn't been abandoned, I was worried for while.
Good to see they're still as good as ever Goaty, keep 'em coming!
Good to see they're still as good as ever Goaty, keep 'em coming!
Yep, the raging duality of Mr T shall be addressed in a mighty showdown between him fighting himself, with some help from Airwolf.
All will follow later.
All will follow later.
The return of Log. Excellent.
There is now the problem that Mr T appears as both the Rogue Mr T and the goody Helicopter Pilot from episode one. Normally this would be a blinding error, but in eighties action B movie style it just makes it all the better.
They could fight each other at some point as well. That would rock. Sort of like good and evil Superman, but with more gold and more banter.
There is now the problem that Mr T appears as both the Rogue Mr T and the goody Helicopter Pilot from episode one. Normally this would be a blinding error, but in eighties action B movie style it just makes it all the better.
They could fight each other at some point as well. That would rock. Sort of like good and evil Superman, but with more gold and more banter.
Took a while but I'm back on track with this thing now.
--------------------
EPISODE 4
ìThe Evil That Men Doî
THE WOODS
Log is standing on his favourite cliff edge, the sun catching his lantern-jawed profile as he squints thoughtfully into the sun.
Sage Owl stands next to him, but being careful to not obscure the sun from Log as he ponders the disappearance of Herb in an 80ís action-but-now-cult-hero type of way.
ìLogî
ìHmm?î
ìAre you pondering the disappearance of Herb?î
Log nods and raises his arm as a Golden Eagle lands on it and joins him in manful staring.
Sage bends over and licks a nearby rock, ìHmm, well he was taken by force byÖî gums a twig ìÖ3 men, one wearing many gold chains around his neckî
Log turns to him, ìThat must mean the rogue A-Team are involved in this. Damn dirty kids tv icons, I knew they werenít to be trustedî
Sage puts his hand on Logís shoulder in a hetero life-mate manner, ìYou werenít to know Log, donít torture yourselfî
A single tear slips down Logís face, displaying his sensitive side whilst maintaining his macho image. He wipes it away with the heel of his hand, ìItís not just that, I worry for the little crittersî
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL HEADQUARTERS ñ SECRET PRISON WING
Herb is still trussed in the chair, the blindfold back in place.
ìHello?î he calls out in a friendly old man voice, ìAnyone there?î
ìNoî comes the reply
ìFair enough.î
ENTRANCE TO BEAVER CREEK
Several limousines pull up at the Rangerís Greeting Station.
Bear comes out, smoothing his expansive beard and laughing really loudly with his head tipped back and rubbing his stomach.
A limo door opens and out steps a typical movie heavy
ìHello, Iím a typical movie heavy out with my non-stereotypical gang of heavies. We like trees and stuff. Where may we find Log Woodson?î
Bear thinks, ìHe is out there somewhere, come in and waitÖHAHAHAHAî
ìWhy do you laugh at the end of every sentence?î asks Heavy?
ìBecause I am a classically trained actor. And I have a beard. HAHAHAî
The limos pull up and more heavies get out, all wearing shades and looking around furtively.
An elder man gets out, smoothes his cashmere jacket and looks around.
ìJust as I hoped it would beî
ìSorry?î shouts Bear, trying to ease a badger into his beard
ìOh nothing, weíre certainly not here to scope this place out for future evil-doings, donít pay us any attentionî
Bear nods, ìOkî
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL HEADQUARTERS ñ SECRET PRISON WING
Herb has managed to slip his blindfold down and looks about.
He is in a nondescript room, nothing to indicate where he may be.
There is writing in what appears to be jam on the wall opposite him:
ìRoom to hold people that try to foil my evil plans for Beaver Creekî
ìDamnî says Herb, ìI think Iím in troubleî
BEAVER CREEK
Log and Sage are helping various creatures to perform tasks, whilst this weeks favourite punk/pop band play over the soundtrack to images of them assisting in dam-building, helping the deer to forage and generally act in a nice way.
Sage Owl stands and sniffs the air suddenly, ì12 men at the visitor center. One is old and wears a coat.î
Log stops and looks into the distance, ìI must go and see what they want.î
He does so.
VISITOR CENTER
The men are looking at the posters on the walls and having an entertaining yet educational time of learning about Beaver Creek and the role of nature in todayís society.
Except for the old man, who takes photographs of the surrounding area and makes notes in a black diary with ìEvil Plansî on the cover.
Log and Sage come in.
ìHello thereî says Log, turning so his profile is presented to everyone so they may appreciate him, ìCan I help?î
ìPossiblyî says the old evil dude, ìI am just looking around here at Beaver Creek and wish to learn about the valley we are in.î
Log nods.
Sage is licking the hem of the old manís coat before writing something down and passing it to Bear.
Bear looks at it and nods before leaving the room.
ìWellî says Log, ìThis valley is nice and there are creatures here. I work here to forget the traumatic death of my wife in a forest fire started mysteriously some years agoî
ìThatís niceî says the old evil dude, ìWell, I certainly am not interested in flooding this valley and using the water as a source of hydro-electricity with which to assist me in my building of a super-weapon.î
Log nods, ìGlad to hear that.î
THE WOODS
Bear is investigating the limos, managing to plant a bug on the old evil dudeís before hiding up a tree.
VISITOR CENTER
The old evil dude has finished taking photographs and is preparing to leave, ìWell thank you mysterious Ranger, weíll be off then. This has beenÖmost interesting. And forget what I said about the super-weapon, that was just a jokeî
Log nods, ìFair enoughî
They all leave until Log is alone, ìI am suspicious of that evil old manî he thinks, before shrugging it off and going back to his woodly duties.
Some minutes later, Sage Owl comes running in, ìLog, Smokyís been kidnapped!î
ìSmoky?î
ìYes, the helpful racoon from episode 1. Someone has taken him and given us this note pinned to a tree.î
Log looks at the note and frowns,
ìWe got the monkey, give us free stuff we can use or weíll come and leave all the gates open in the parkÖhahahahahahaî
Log looks angry, ìIt is the feral David Hasslehoff, he is behind thisî
Sage sniffs the note, ìYes, you are correct. Damn Dirty Feral Hasslehoff.î
Eartha comes in and puts a hand to her mouth in a dramatic manner when she learns of the news, but she smiles ìI know just the person to help get Smoky back from Feral Hasslehoff, let me make a phone callî
EVIL LIMO CONVOY
The old man is smiling to himself, ìExcellent. My plan is coming to fruition, I will teach Log to meddle in my plans again. You would have thought the death of Fern would learn him.î
VISITOR CENTER
Log, Bear, Sage and Eartha are eating when the door opens and in walks a figure in a raincoat with a cigar and hair like heís been pulled through a hedge by his feet.
ìHello Earthaî he says
Eartha clamps her hand over her mouth before smiling, ìHello stranger. Gentlemen, this man can help us find Smoky and Herbî
They all turn round and watch the new person walk over.
ìHelloî he says, ìI am Lt Colombo.î
Log wrinkles his nose and whispers to Eartha, ìHe smells of peeî
Earth nods, ìHe doesnít get much work now bless him, spends most of his time in the home for redundant TV Detectives. He usually plays chess with Ironside and Banaceck but they beat him and he sulksî
Colombo is looking around and humming to himself before stopping and turning just before he reaches the door,
ìJust one more thing sirî he says to Log
ìYes?î
ìHow did you know what time the train left? You must have taken her to the station yourself, that train was delayed but they didnít announce it beforehand.î
ìWhat?î
Eartha whispers into Logís ear ìHe gets confused sometimes, just humour him.î
ìBut he smells of pee really badly and is quite clearly senileî
She nods ìYes, but heís nice and can help.î
THE WOODS
Chains is sitting on his throne and watching the rogue A-Team carry out his orders, minus Hannibal.
ìI rockî says Chains before running in slo-mo along the edge of the camp.
BA mutters to himself îCrazy fool with tha jibba-jabba. Sucka gonna get thrown helluva far.î
Chains stops and snarls in a most feral manner, ìSilence, or I will have to seek a deranged ugly person to battle in the surf before rescuing an ethnic child from a caveî
BA looks really miffed, ìA feral David Hasslehoff is a power-mad creature with afro, I fear him.î
VISITOR CENTER
Colombo is talking to a potted-plant in the corner.
Log looks disgusted and goes over to him, pinching his nose against the urine stench that emanates from the addled tv detective, ìSo you can help us then Colombo?î
ìYes, Martin Landau did it. He always did it.î
Log nods and backs-away, careful to not give his back to the insane police detective.
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL HEADQUARTERS
The old evil dude is back at his desk, smiling to himself with Hannibal standing behind him.
ìHannibal, although your rogue A-Team are keeping the feral David Hasslehoff busy, I have better uses for them.î
ìOh yah? Whatís that?î says Hannibal, now in his Chinese Laundromat owner disguise.
ìYouíll seeî chuckles the old evil dude, ìYouíll seeî
--------------------
EPISODE 4
ìThe Evil That Men Doî
THE WOODS
Log is standing on his favourite cliff edge, the sun catching his lantern-jawed profile as he squints thoughtfully into the sun.
Sage Owl stands next to him, but being careful to not obscure the sun from Log as he ponders the disappearance of Herb in an 80ís action-but-now-cult-hero type of way.
ìLogî
ìHmm?î
ìAre you pondering the disappearance of Herb?î
Log nods and raises his arm as a Golden Eagle lands on it and joins him in manful staring.
Sage bends over and licks a nearby rock, ìHmm, well he was taken by force byÖî gums a twig ìÖ3 men, one wearing many gold chains around his neckî
Log turns to him, ìThat must mean the rogue A-Team are involved in this. Damn dirty kids tv icons, I knew they werenít to be trustedî
Sage puts his hand on Logís shoulder in a hetero life-mate manner, ìYou werenít to know Log, donít torture yourselfî
A single tear slips down Logís face, displaying his sensitive side whilst maintaining his macho image. He wipes it away with the heel of his hand, ìItís not just that, I worry for the little crittersî
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL HEADQUARTERS ñ SECRET PRISON WING
Herb is still trussed in the chair, the blindfold back in place.
ìHello?î he calls out in a friendly old man voice, ìAnyone there?î
ìNoî comes the reply
ìFair enough.î
ENTRANCE TO BEAVER CREEK
Several limousines pull up at the Rangerís Greeting Station.
Bear comes out, smoothing his expansive beard and laughing really loudly with his head tipped back and rubbing his stomach.
A limo door opens and out steps a typical movie heavy
ìHello, Iím a typical movie heavy out with my non-stereotypical gang of heavies. We like trees and stuff. Where may we find Log Woodson?î
Bear thinks, ìHe is out there somewhere, come in and waitÖHAHAHAHAî
ìWhy do you laugh at the end of every sentence?î asks Heavy?
ìBecause I am a classically trained actor. And I have a beard. HAHAHAî
The limos pull up and more heavies get out, all wearing shades and looking around furtively.
An elder man gets out, smoothes his cashmere jacket and looks around.
ìJust as I hoped it would beî
ìSorry?î shouts Bear, trying to ease a badger into his beard
ìOh nothing, weíre certainly not here to scope this place out for future evil-doings, donít pay us any attentionî
Bear nods, ìOkî
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL HEADQUARTERS ñ SECRET PRISON WING
Herb has managed to slip his blindfold down and looks about.
He is in a nondescript room, nothing to indicate where he may be.
There is writing in what appears to be jam on the wall opposite him:
ìRoom to hold people that try to foil my evil plans for Beaver Creekî
ìDamnî says Herb, ìI think Iím in troubleî
BEAVER CREEK
Log and Sage are helping various creatures to perform tasks, whilst this weeks favourite punk/pop band play over the soundtrack to images of them assisting in dam-building, helping the deer to forage and generally act in a nice way.
Sage Owl stands and sniffs the air suddenly, ì12 men at the visitor center. One is old and wears a coat.î
Log stops and looks into the distance, ìI must go and see what they want.î
He does so.
VISITOR CENTER
The men are looking at the posters on the walls and having an entertaining yet educational time of learning about Beaver Creek and the role of nature in todayís society.
Except for the old man, who takes photographs of the surrounding area and makes notes in a black diary with ìEvil Plansî on the cover.
Log and Sage come in.
ìHello thereî says Log, turning so his profile is presented to everyone so they may appreciate him, ìCan I help?î
ìPossiblyî says the old evil dude, ìI am just looking around here at Beaver Creek and wish to learn about the valley we are in.î
Log nods.
Sage is licking the hem of the old manís coat before writing something down and passing it to Bear.
Bear looks at it and nods before leaving the room.
ìWellî says Log, ìThis valley is nice and there are creatures here. I work here to forget the traumatic death of my wife in a forest fire started mysteriously some years agoî
ìThatís niceî says the old evil dude, ìWell, I certainly am not interested in flooding this valley and using the water as a source of hydro-electricity with which to assist me in my building of a super-weapon.î
Log nods, ìGlad to hear that.î
THE WOODS
Bear is investigating the limos, managing to plant a bug on the old evil dudeís before hiding up a tree.
VISITOR CENTER
The old evil dude has finished taking photographs and is preparing to leave, ìWell thank you mysterious Ranger, weíll be off then. This has beenÖmost interesting. And forget what I said about the super-weapon, that was just a jokeî
Log nods, ìFair enoughî
They all leave until Log is alone, ìI am suspicious of that evil old manî he thinks, before shrugging it off and going back to his woodly duties.
Some minutes later, Sage Owl comes running in, ìLog, Smokyís been kidnapped!î
ìSmoky?î
ìYes, the helpful racoon from episode 1. Someone has taken him and given us this note pinned to a tree.î
Log looks at the note and frowns,
ìWe got the monkey, give us free stuff we can use or weíll come and leave all the gates open in the parkÖhahahahahahaî
Log looks angry, ìIt is the feral David Hasslehoff, he is behind thisî
Sage sniffs the note, ìYes, you are correct. Damn Dirty Feral Hasslehoff.î
Eartha comes in and puts a hand to her mouth in a dramatic manner when she learns of the news, but she smiles ìI know just the person to help get Smoky back from Feral Hasslehoff, let me make a phone callî
EVIL LIMO CONVOY
The old man is smiling to himself, ìExcellent. My plan is coming to fruition, I will teach Log to meddle in my plans again. You would have thought the death of Fern would learn him.î
VISITOR CENTER
Log, Bear, Sage and Eartha are eating when the door opens and in walks a figure in a raincoat with a cigar and hair like heís been pulled through a hedge by his feet.
ìHello Earthaî he says
Eartha clamps her hand over her mouth before smiling, ìHello stranger. Gentlemen, this man can help us find Smoky and Herbî
They all turn round and watch the new person walk over.
ìHelloî he says, ìI am Lt Colombo.î
Log wrinkles his nose and whispers to Eartha, ìHe smells of peeî
Earth nods, ìHe doesnít get much work now bless him, spends most of his time in the home for redundant TV Detectives. He usually plays chess with Ironside and Banaceck but they beat him and he sulksî
Colombo is looking around and humming to himself before stopping and turning just before he reaches the door,
ìJust one more thing sirî he says to Log
ìYes?î
ìHow did you know what time the train left? You must have taken her to the station yourself, that train was delayed but they didnít announce it beforehand.î
ìWhat?î
Eartha whispers into Logís ear ìHe gets confused sometimes, just humour him.î
ìBut he smells of pee really badly and is quite clearly senileî
She nods ìYes, but heís nice and can help.î
THE WOODS
Chains is sitting on his throne and watching the rogue A-Team carry out his orders, minus Hannibal.
ìI rockî says Chains before running in slo-mo along the edge of the camp.
BA mutters to himself îCrazy fool with tha jibba-jabba. Sucka gonna get thrown helluva far.î
Chains stops and snarls in a most feral manner, ìSilence, or I will have to seek a deranged ugly person to battle in the surf before rescuing an ethnic child from a caveî
BA looks really miffed, ìA feral David Hasslehoff is a power-mad creature with afro, I fear him.î
VISITOR CENTER
Colombo is talking to a potted-plant in the corner.
Log looks disgusted and goes over to him, pinching his nose against the urine stench that emanates from the addled tv detective, ìSo you can help us then Colombo?î
ìYes, Martin Landau did it. He always did it.î
Log nods and backs-away, careful to not give his back to the insane police detective.
ROGUE ENVIRONMENTAL HEADQUARTERS
The old evil dude is back at his desk, smiling to himself with Hannibal standing behind him.
ìHannibal, although your rogue A-Team are keeping the feral David Hasslehoff busy, I have better uses for them.î
ìOh yah? Whatís that?î says Hannibal, now in his Chinese Laundromat owner disguise.
ìYouíll seeî chuckles the old evil dude, ìYouíll seeî