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It's a Wednesday teatime and Rosalind is pottering around in her home when there is a knock at the door. When she answers it she discovers and very strange looking copper stood there.
"Um, well it's like this, I, um, I've got some handcuffs that I need to practice with and I was just passing and, I, um, wondered if you could help out" said the stranger.
"Well not right now" said Rosalind "I'm pretty tied up at the moment".
"Well, okay" said the stranger and turned to leave.
"Oh, I've got a truncheon as well" he cried.
"Really! Excellent, why didn't you say so in the first place, come in, come in" responded Rosalind.
Rosalind: "So, anyway, what's your name."
Stranger: "English_Bloke"
Rosalind: "Strange name for a copper, are you sure the uniform is genuine?"
English_Bloke: "Oh YES!! I got it yesterday, do you think the colour suits me. What about the fit? It is too baggy? Do you think it makes my bum look big?" and he gave a twirl stood right there in the hallway.
Rosalind: "No, no, your bum looks just fine, honest. Although actually I prefer trousers to be a little tighter on blokes, you know. Gives us girls something of ogle. Okay get the truncheon out, let me play with it!!"
English_Bloke: "What now? I wanted to play, I mean practice, with the handcuffs first."
Rosalind just held out her hand so English_Bloke gave in, took his truncheon out and put it in her hand.
Rosalind: "WOW, this is brilliant. What happens if I apply pressure here like this"
English_Bloke fell to the floor in a heap and in a suddenly high pitched voice replied: "It extends"
Rosalind: "Oops, sorry about that. Here let me help you into this chair."
Suddenly the door burst open and in rushed Goatboy "PRON!!!" he shouted and stopped "What are you doing in the hall? You should be in the bedroom by now."
Ros and EB looked at each other in confusion "Should we?" they replied in unison.
GB: "Of course, don't you know anything! Handcuffs + truncheon + pretty girl = bedroom. She should also be naked by now"
** The writer is shortening the names 'cos she is sick of typing them!!
EB looks shocked at this: "I can't do that, she hasn't put the heating on yet, she would freeze to death."
GB's eyebrows shot up with a universal look of 'heaven help me!'
Ros and EB set off upstairs with GB trailing them.
EB: "Where do you think you're going?"
GB: "I'm going with you."
EB: "What the hell for?"
GB: "Well you do know she is my virtual girl don't you? Also, I'm 30 now, that makes me a manchild and very experienced. I can give you some good pointers".
Ros: "Hey, that's true, this should be good"
They were less than half way up the stairs when Ros shot down to answer the door, as she believed she'd heard something. Wrenching open the door she found someone else on her doorstep.
Ros: "What do you want?"
Someone else: "Weeeelllll - I heard there was a story going on here and I wondered if I could join it"
GB, who had followed Ros to the door, growled "No - take a hike. This is a threesome not and orgy" and with that he slammed the door shut.
Ros turned to GB "that was a bit harsh, he looked really sad when he left here".
GB: "Ros, that was miserableman, he looked sad when he got here! C'mon let's move it."
They were almost to the top of the stairs when the door opened (again) and GB whispered under his breath "Flipping ummer (or words to that effect) we're never gonna get started at this rate and I have a date with another luscious lady in 5 hours"
It's Rosalinds boyfriend.
The Ogre: "Hello, hello, what's going on here then?"
EB: "Hey, that's in a test I did recently on standard police sayings"
GB: "Look we're just taking Rosalind upstairs to get some practice in with the handcuffs and the truncheon, okay"
"Really" said The Ogre, looking very excited "how long do you think you'll be?"
EB: "I don't know. Until I get it right and Ros and GB are satisfied or it starts drizzling, in which case I might go fishing instead."
GB: "Well I don't know about that, I have to leave in 4 hours."
The Ogre: "4 hours will be brilliant, sure you can't make it longer? I've been dying to play on the new console but Ros keeps hogging it to herself"
With that The Ogre grabbed himself a beer from the kitchen and plonked himself down in front of the TV - happy as Larry he was.
EB, Ros and GB eventually made it into the bedroom and, unfortunately children, that's where we have to leave them. Who knows what fun and games they will get up to as we close the door and leave them to their privacy.
Goodbye.
"Um, well it's like this, I, um, I've got some handcuffs that I need to practice with and I was just passing and, I, um, wondered if you could help out" said the stranger.
"Well not right now" said Rosalind "I'm pretty tied up at the moment".
"Well, okay" said the stranger and turned to leave.
"Oh, I've got a truncheon as well" he cried.
"Really! Excellent, why didn't you say so in the first place, come in, come in" responded Rosalind.
Rosalind: "So, anyway, what's your name."
Stranger: "English_Bloke"
Rosalind: "Strange name for a copper, are you sure the uniform is genuine?"
English_Bloke: "Oh YES!! I got it yesterday, do you think the colour suits me. What about the fit? It is too baggy? Do you think it makes my bum look big?" and he gave a twirl stood right there in the hallway.
Rosalind: "No, no, your bum looks just fine, honest. Although actually I prefer trousers to be a little tighter on blokes, you know. Gives us girls something of ogle. Okay get the truncheon out, let me play with it!!"
English_Bloke: "What now? I wanted to play, I mean practice, with the handcuffs first."
Rosalind just held out her hand so English_Bloke gave in, took his truncheon out and put it in her hand.
Rosalind: "WOW, this is brilliant. What happens if I apply pressure here like this"
English_Bloke fell to the floor in a heap and in a suddenly high pitched voice replied: "It extends"
Rosalind: "Oops, sorry about that. Here let me help you into this chair."
Suddenly the door burst open and in rushed Goatboy "PRON!!!" he shouted and stopped "What are you doing in the hall? You should be in the bedroom by now."
Ros and EB looked at each other in confusion "Should we?" they replied in unison.
GB: "Of course, don't you know anything! Handcuffs + truncheon + pretty girl = bedroom. She should also be naked by now"
** The writer is shortening the names 'cos she is sick of typing them!!
EB looks shocked at this: "I can't do that, she hasn't put the heating on yet, she would freeze to death."
GB's eyebrows shot up with a universal look of 'heaven help me!'
Ros and EB set off upstairs with GB trailing them.
EB: "Where do you think you're going?"
GB: "I'm going with you."
EB: "What the hell for?"
GB: "Well you do know she is my virtual girl don't you? Also, I'm 30 now, that makes me a manchild and very experienced. I can give you some good pointers".
Ros: "Hey, that's true, this should be good"
They were less than half way up the stairs when Ros shot down to answer the door, as she believed she'd heard something. Wrenching open the door she found someone else on her doorstep.
Ros: "What do you want?"
Someone else: "Weeeelllll - I heard there was a story going on here and I wondered if I could join it"
GB, who had followed Ros to the door, growled "No - take a hike. This is a threesome not and orgy" and with that he slammed the door shut.
Ros turned to GB "that was a bit harsh, he looked really sad when he left here".
GB: "Ros, that was miserableman, he looked sad when he got here! C'mon let's move it."
They were almost to the top of the stairs when the door opened (again) and GB whispered under his breath "Flipping ummer (or words to that effect) we're never gonna get started at this rate and I have a date with another luscious lady in 5 hours"
It's Rosalinds boyfriend.
The Ogre: "Hello, hello, what's going on here then?"
EB: "Hey, that's in a test I did recently on standard police sayings"
GB: "Look we're just taking Rosalind upstairs to get some practice in with the handcuffs and the truncheon, okay"
"Really" said The Ogre, looking very excited "how long do you think you'll be?"
EB: "I don't know. Until I get it right and Ros and GB are satisfied or it starts drizzling, in which case I might go fishing instead."
GB: "Well I don't know about that, I have to leave in 4 hours."
The Ogre: "4 hours will be brilliant, sure you can't make it longer? I've been dying to play on the new console but Ros keeps hogging it to herself"
With that The Ogre grabbed himself a beer from the kitchen and plonked himself down in front of the TV - happy as Larry he was.
EB, Ros and GB eventually made it into the bedroom and, unfortunately children, that's where we have to leave them. Who knows what fun and games they will get up to as we close the door and leave them to their privacy.
Goodbye.
Page:
It's a Wednesday teatime and Rosalind is pottering around in her home when there is a knock at the door. When she answers it she discovers and very strange looking copper stood there.
"Um, well it's like this, I, um, I've got some handcuffs that I need to practice with and I was just passing and, I, um, wondered if you could help out" said the stranger.
"Well not right now" said Rosalind "I'm pretty tied up at the moment".
"Well, okay" said the stranger and turned to leave.
"Oh, I've got a truncheon as well" he cried.
"Really! Excellent, why didn't you say so in the first place, come in, come in" responded Rosalind.
Rosalind: "So, anyway, what's your name."
Stranger: "English_Bloke"
Rosalind: "Strange name for a copper, are you sure the uniform is genuine?"
English_Bloke: "Oh YES!! I got it yesterday, do you think the colour suits me. What about the fit? It is too baggy? Do you think it makes my bum look big?" and he gave a twirl stood right there in the hallway.
Rosalind: "No, no, your bum looks just fine, honest. Although actually I prefer trousers to be a little tighter on blokes, you know. Gives us girls something of ogle. Okay get the truncheon out, let me play with it!!"
English_Bloke: "What now? I wanted to play, I mean practice, with the handcuffs first."
Rosalind just held out her hand so English_Bloke gave in, took his truncheon out and put it in her hand.
Rosalind: "WOW, this is brilliant. What happens if I apply pressure here like this"
English_Bloke fell to the floor in a heap and in a suddenly high pitched voice replied: "It extends"
Rosalind: "Oops, sorry about that. Here let me help you into this chair."
Suddenly the door burst open and in rushed Goatboy "PRON!!!" he shouted and stopped "What are you doing in the hall? You should be in the bedroom by now."
Ros and EB looked at each other in confusion "Should we?" they replied in unison.
GB: "Of course, don't you know anything! Handcuffs + truncheon + pretty girl = bedroom. She should also be naked by now"
** The writer is shortening the names 'cos she is sick of typing them!!
EB looks shocked at this: "I can't do that, she hasn't put the heating on yet, she would freeze to death."
GB's eyebrows shot up with a universal look of 'heaven help me!'
Ros and EB set off upstairs with GB trailing them.
EB: "Where do you think you're going?"
GB: "I'm going with you."
EB: "What the hell for?"
GB: "Well you do know she is my virtual girl don't you? Also, I'm 30 now, that makes me a manchild and very experienced. I can give you some good pointers".
Ros: "Hey, that's true, this should be good"
They were less than half way up the stairs when Ros shot down to answer the door, as she believed she'd heard something. Wrenching open the door she found someone else on her doorstep.
Ros: "What do you want?"
Someone else: "Weeeelllll - I heard there was a story going on here and I wondered if I could join it"
GB, who had followed Ros to the door, growled "No - take a hike. This is a threesome not and orgy" and with that he slammed the door shut.
Ros turned to GB "that was a bit harsh, he looked really sad when he left here".
GB: "Ros, that was miserableman, he looked sad when he got here! C'mon let's move it."
They were almost to the top of the stairs when the door opened (again) and GB whispered under his breath "Flipping ummer (or words to that effect) we're never gonna get started at this rate and I have a date with another luscious lady in 5 hours"
It's Rosalinds boyfriend.
The Ogre: "Hello, hello, what's going on here then?"
EB: "Hey, that's in a test I did recently on standard police sayings"
GB: "Look we're just taking Rosalind upstairs to get some practice in with the handcuffs and the truncheon, okay"
"Really" said The Ogre, looking very excited "how long do you think you'll be?"
EB: "I don't know. Until I get it right and Ros and GB are satisfied or it starts drizzling, in which case I might go fishing instead."
GB: "Well I don't know about that, I have to leave in 4 hours."
The Ogre: "4 hours will be brilliant, sure you can't make it longer? I've been dying to play on the new console but Ros keeps hogging it to herself"
With that The Ogre grabbed himself a beer from the kitchen and plonked himself down in front of the TV - happy as Larry he was.
EB, Ros and GB eventually made it into the bedroom and, unfortunately children, that's where we have to leave them. Who knows what fun and games they will get up to as we close the door and leave them to their privacy.
Goodbye.
"Um, well it's like this, I, um, I've got some handcuffs that I need to practice with and I was just passing and, I, um, wondered if you could help out" said the stranger.
"Well not right now" said Rosalind "I'm pretty tied up at the moment".
"Well, okay" said the stranger and turned to leave.
"Oh, I've got a truncheon as well" he cried.
"Really! Excellent, why didn't you say so in the first place, come in, come in" responded Rosalind.
Rosalind: "So, anyway, what's your name."
Stranger: "English_Bloke"
Rosalind: "Strange name for a copper, are you sure the uniform is genuine?"
English_Bloke: "Oh YES!! I got it yesterday, do you think the colour suits me. What about the fit? It is too baggy? Do you think it makes my bum look big?" and he gave a twirl stood right there in the hallway.
Rosalind: "No, no, your bum looks just fine, honest. Although actually I prefer trousers to be a little tighter on blokes, you know. Gives us girls something of ogle. Okay get the truncheon out, let me play with it!!"
English_Bloke: "What now? I wanted to play, I mean practice, with the handcuffs first."
Rosalind just held out her hand so English_Bloke gave in, took his truncheon out and put it in her hand.
Rosalind: "WOW, this is brilliant. What happens if I apply pressure here like this"
English_Bloke fell to the floor in a heap and in a suddenly high pitched voice replied: "It extends"
Rosalind: "Oops, sorry about that. Here let me help you into this chair."
Suddenly the door burst open and in rushed Goatboy "PRON!!!" he shouted and stopped "What are you doing in the hall? You should be in the bedroom by now."
Ros and EB looked at each other in confusion "Should we?" they replied in unison.
GB: "Of course, don't you know anything! Handcuffs + truncheon + pretty girl = bedroom. She should also be naked by now"
** The writer is shortening the names 'cos she is sick of typing them!!
EB looks shocked at this: "I can't do that, she hasn't put the heating on yet, she would freeze to death."
GB's eyebrows shot up with a universal look of 'heaven help me!'
Ros and EB set off upstairs with GB trailing them.
EB: "Where do you think you're going?"
GB: "I'm going with you."
EB: "What the hell for?"
GB: "Well you do know she is my virtual girl don't you? Also, I'm 30 now, that makes me a manchild and very experienced. I can give you some good pointers".
Ros: "Hey, that's true, this should be good"
They were less than half way up the stairs when Ros shot down to answer the door, as she believed she'd heard something. Wrenching open the door she found someone else on her doorstep.
Ros: "What do you want?"
Someone else: "Weeeelllll - I heard there was a story going on here and I wondered if I could join it"
GB, who had followed Ros to the door, growled "No - take a hike. This is a threesome not and orgy" and with that he slammed the door shut.
Ros turned to GB "that was a bit harsh, he looked really sad when he left here".
GB: "Ros, that was miserableman, he looked sad when he got here! C'mon let's move it."
They were almost to the top of the stairs when the door opened (again) and GB whispered under his breath "Flipping ummer (or words to that effect) we're never gonna get started at this rate and I have a date with another luscious lady in 5 hours"
It's Rosalinds boyfriend.
The Ogre: "Hello, hello, what's going on here then?"
EB: "Hey, that's in a test I did recently on standard police sayings"
GB: "Look we're just taking Rosalind upstairs to get some practice in with the handcuffs and the truncheon, okay"
"Really" said The Ogre, looking very excited "how long do you think you'll be?"
EB: "I don't know. Until I get it right and Ros and GB are satisfied or it starts drizzling, in which case I might go fishing instead."
GB: "Well I don't know about that, I have to leave in 4 hours."
The Ogre: "4 hours will be brilliant, sure you can't make it longer? I've been dying to play on the new console but Ros keeps hogging it to herself"
With that The Ogre grabbed himself a beer from the kitchen and plonked himself down in front of the TV - happy as Larry he was.
EB, Ros and GB eventually made it into the bedroom and, unfortunately children, that's where we have to leave them. Who knows what fun and games they will get up to as we close the door and leave them to their privacy.
Goodbye.
...
:-D
I can't believe you actually wrote that, I thought you were joking...it was very good though.
*fap fap fap fap fapfapfapfapfapfapfap fap fap fap*
Thank you, I can't believe I actually wrote it either. Think I will stick to straight stories next time as the speech marks were driving me nuts.
Gggnnnnnngggggggnnnnnn
*sniggers*
Goatboy never replied to MY spoofs/stories...
*cries*
*cries*
Yeah but how many of your spoofs had him watching people at it?
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