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ìHello, and welcome to this much anticipated bout, LIVE to your homes from Hollywood, U S of A! Tonight, in the Film Fighter championship, we have two true champions of Hollywood action. Introducing, from NYC ñ He wonít burn in sunlight, he wonít choke on garlic, please give a fang-tastic welcome toooooo BLADE!î
The crowd goes wild as Blade strides down the ramp, waving.
ì And the challenger, from The Future ñ Heíll run circles round you, run up walls, and make you BELIEVE! Itsssssss NEO!î
The human remnant sections goes wild as Neo flips in from a balcony. Trinity stands up and yells ì give him hell my boy!î. Blade shakes his head in disgust and mutters ìflashy.î
Neo flips over the ropes and takes up a kun-fu pose. He extends one hand and beckons. Blade promptly ignores this and draws his sword, drawing a circle round himself. At this point the referee, a Film Fighter drop-out by the name of Steven Seagal steps in and says ì No weapons boys, although I could take you with one hand. No, really.î Blade tries to stop sniggering, but fails and throws the sword away. Neo grins and runs at Blade, yelling. Blade looks up sharply and parries a stinging uppercut. Neo spins around and aims another blow, but Blade is too quick and nips in under his guard, landing a crushing kick to Neoís kneecaps. Neo groans, but Blade takes full advantage and smashes a fist into Neoís chest. The impact makes Neo soar backwards, crashing into a ring-post. The Blade supporters erupt in joy, but wait, Neo shakily stands up and prepares himself for his finisher.
ì Exploder!î yells the crowd. Blade sets his feet and readies himself. Neo charges at Blade, head lowered, and dives at his midriff. Blade stands back, a amused expression on his face and Neo bounces off.
ì We ainít in your pretty Matrix now, boy.î
Then Blade spins and lands a kick to Neoís jaw, dropping the slender fighter. He turns and cheers.
ìTHE CROWD HAS GONE WILD!!!! Blade has again defended his title. Who will now oppose the fearless slayer? IS THERE NO CHALLENGER?!î
Blade turns and faces the entrance, breathing heavily, arms crossed.
ìIn the event of no challengÖî
The announcer was cut off as a cry rang out from the darkness.
ì Yipee-Ki-Yay, motherfunna!î
ì You tell ëem, honey!î yelled his wife.
ì Are we divored or separated, honey?î he yelled back.
ì Who can tell? It varies from film to film honey!î she shrieked back.
John McClane bounded out of the entrance, a gun holster at his side. He jumped into the ring, still yelling homicidally and landed a quick one-two to the torso of Blade. When Blade just curled his lip to this, McClane was in no way indimidated, and swept Bladeís legs out from, under him. McClane cheered, but Blade was up in a flash. He grabbed McClane, lifted him and threw him bodily to the ground. McClane skidded to the edge of the ring, and the crowd groaned as he struggled to get up.
ìIs this the end for the plucky challenger?î
McClane sighed. ìFun this.î He grabbed his gun. Seagal ran up to him.
ì No no no. You must act like me and be unbelievably hard! No, its true! Why does everyone laugh when I say that?î
McClane stop laughing and hit Seagal over the ropes. He then proceeded to lay six bullets into Bladeís skull. The crowd fell silent as he fell with a thud to the floor.
McClane roared.
ìYippee-Ki-YAY! Whoís next, motherfunna!î
The lack of challengers was later attributed to the fact that McClane was a true fighter, and not to the fact that he had a semi-automatic. The papers hate that sort of thing.
The crowd goes wild as Blade strides down the ramp, waving.
ì And the challenger, from The Future ñ Heíll run circles round you, run up walls, and make you BELIEVE! Itsssssss NEO!î
The human remnant sections goes wild as Neo flips in from a balcony. Trinity stands up and yells ì give him hell my boy!î. Blade shakes his head in disgust and mutters ìflashy.î
Neo flips over the ropes and takes up a kun-fu pose. He extends one hand and beckons. Blade promptly ignores this and draws his sword, drawing a circle round himself. At this point the referee, a Film Fighter drop-out by the name of Steven Seagal steps in and says ì No weapons boys, although I could take you with one hand. No, really.î Blade tries to stop sniggering, but fails and throws the sword away. Neo grins and runs at Blade, yelling. Blade looks up sharply and parries a stinging uppercut. Neo spins around and aims another blow, but Blade is too quick and nips in under his guard, landing a crushing kick to Neoís kneecaps. Neo groans, but Blade takes full advantage and smashes a fist into Neoís chest. The impact makes Neo soar backwards, crashing into a ring-post. The Blade supporters erupt in joy, but wait, Neo shakily stands up and prepares himself for his finisher.
ì Exploder!î yells the crowd. Blade sets his feet and readies himself. Neo charges at Blade, head lowered, and dives at his midriff. Blade stands back, a amused expression on his face and Neo bounces off.
ì We ainít in your pretty Matrix now, boy.î
Then Blade spins and lands a kick to Neoís jaw, dropping the slender fighter. He turns and cheers.
ìTHE CROWD HAS GONE WILD!!!! Blade has again defended his title. Who will now oppose the fearless slayer? IS THERE NO CHALLENGER?!î
Blade turns and faces the entrance, breathing heavily, arms crossed.
ìIn the event of no challengÖî
The announcer was cut off as a cry rang out from the darkness.
ì Yipee-Ki-Yay, motherfunna!î
ì You tell ëem, honey!î yelled his wife.
ì Are we divored or separated, honey?î he yelled back.
ì Who can tell? It varies from film to film honey!î she shrieked back.
John McClane bounded out of the entrance, a gun holster at his side. He jumped into the ring, still yelling homicidally and landed a quick one-two to the torso of Blade. When Blade just curled his lip to this, McClane was in no way indimidated, and swept Bladeís legs out from, under him. McClane cheered, but Blade was up in a flash. He grabbed McClane, lifted him and threw him bodily to the ground. McClane skidded to the edge of the ring, and the crowd groaned as he struggled to get up.
ìIs this the end for the plucky challenger?î
McClane sighed. ìFun this.î He grabbed his gun. Seagal ran up to him.
ì No no no. You must act like me and be unbelievably hard! No, its true! Why does everyone laugh when I say that?î
McClane stop laughing and hit Seagal over the ropes. He then proceeded to lay six bullets into Bladeís skull. The crowd fell silent as he fell with a thud to the floor.
McClane roared.
ìYippee-Ki-YAY! Whoís next, motherfunna!î
The lack of challengers was later attributed to the fact that McClane was a true fighter, and not to the fact that he had a semi-automatic. The papers hate that sort of thing.
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Matrix is OK, not too good. Bit too into Neo being amazing.
I have only ever watched 5 minutes of the matrix, then some cleverperson decided it would be better to watch hannibal.
That quote is good, I suppose I would put it in my top 10 quotes if I could think of about 5 more (to boost the numbers up)
That quote is good, I suppose I would put it in my top 10 quotes if I could think of about 5 more (to boost the numbers up)
heh, thats damn good quote. And everyone avoids the fact that Neo couldn't beat up squat if he wasn't in the Matrix.
nice one.
can just imagine neo getting his butt kicked by blade in that kind of
"............always trying to iceskate uphill"
cant put the first part of that quote in but if you have seen blade then you will probably know what it is.
can just imagine neo getting his butt kicked by blade in that kind of
"............always trying to iceskate uphill"
cant put the first part of that quote in but if you have seen blade then you will probably know what it is.
Hmm. Nope, its a micktake of Seagal and Neo ;-). Oh, and that too...nm.
Nice blatent FAD attempt there.
Seagal says he can do all the things he does in films in real life. Stupid git :-)
And what the hell is a nunchucka?
And what the hell is a nunchucka?
Mind you, that move that Seagal keeps doing in Nico is pretty quality....
....but it's sort of cancelled out by his unbelievably retarded walk.
:)
And guess what, I just ordered my nunchaku. WOOHOOOO!!!
....but it's sort of cancelled out by his unbelievably retarded walk.
:)
And guess what, I just ordered my nunchaku. WOOHOOOO!!!
Cheers Ross. It was fun to write. I like seeing film characters who are portrayed as indefeatable getting really decked. Oh, and I aslo like taking the mick out of Steven ' I am the hardest ' Seagal. ;-)
Quality. Absolute Quality. Well done Gaz.
I especially liked the references to Steven Segal. And the last line just made it better.
:)
I especially liked the references to Steven Segal. And the last line just made it better.
:)
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