The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Here is another attempt at humour to do with some of the big named characters from the gaming industry. It's all about their school report cards from their younger days. Read what their teachers had to say about them in their early days of high school.
School Reports
Solid Snake
ENGLISH
He is close to the bottom of the class, has difficulty with his spelling and his writing. Unable to read books designed for very young children. This is a serious problem that needs to be addressed very soon or he may well fail.
MATHS
It seems that he can't read and has poor writing abilities yet he is still able to perform mental arithmetic at a very high level, much higher than what is required.
ART
He has the ability to draw but not at the level at which most his classmates do. Stickmen and rainbows seem to be all he can do. Think he may have special difficulties.
PHYSICAL EDUCATION
A very hard working pupil and a fast learner. Also likes to help give those who struggle a helping hand. Could possibly make a career out of P.E teaching if he is ambitious to do so.
FRENCH
Not a strong subject but not through lack of trying. Has difficulty in fully understanding what it is people are saying and what he should be replying with.
Head teachers comment: He tries hard but we feel not enough homework and help at home is keeping him from reaching higher levels. I would like to meet with you to discuss his future.
Now what they think: Its amazing to think that this is the same person. He now saves the world and helps thousands. To think all this coming from a boy who couldn't spell cat, kat my word was he really that stupid?
Lara Croft
ENGLISH
By far one of the best pupils, has a lot of knowledge about her great ancestors which is used greatly in class. Likes reading and works well on her own. Little more help working with others is required.
MATHS
Lara is having a few problems that could be fixed with a little more effort and extra work. Lacks certain basic knowledge which is holding her back from doing well. Presentation of her work is also poor at times.
ART
Lara has grasped the essential techniques required to obtain a good pass in this subject at out prestigious school. She shows a keen interest in this subject and is always interested in new information.
PHYSICAL EDUCATION
Lara very rarely takes part in class as she always has letters excusing her from taking part. Afraid to break a nail maybe but without a certain degree of hard work in this class Lara may well fail the year and have to resit it next year. I have requested that she has an official medical examination and if she passes then she will take part in the class more. If she fails then something will have to be done.
FRENCH
After the problems at the start of the year were Lara was a little rude and obnoxious towards myself and a few of her classmates she has finally show slight improvement. Maybe extra help is needed at home if she is to reach a higher level in this subject.
HOME ECONOMICS
She can't cook and can't sew. She has the same excuse every week "why do this when my maid will do it for me" Not the kind of attitude we like to see. Hopefully next year she will not pick this subject as it is not one of her strong points.
Head teachers comment: Lara has worked hard in most of her subjects and with her fathers wealth behind her should do very well in the future. Maybe an extra help from a personal tutor could make her a quality pupil.
Now what they think: it is obvious that her daddy has helped her immensely along the way and has made her successful. Certain physical things she has done, enhancements if you like are not what we expected but glad to see she has achieved something with her life.
Duke Nukem
ENGLISH
Would be better if he paid more attention to his work and not to certain girls in the class. Has a tendency to use obscenities towards certain members of the class, mostly males.
MATHS
He has basic knowledge but nothing that will get him a decent job. Needs to work a lot harder and stop hitting on the female assistant teacher.
ART
We found him drawing pictures of scantily clad women and strippers. Excellent quality pictures that hang on my wall. Has a great ability but this seems to be all he can draw.
PHYSICAL EDUCATION
He is the biggest in the class and sometimes uses this to his advantage. Recently had a spot of trouble after he brutally attacked a classmate who hit a girl too hard at dodge-ball.
FRENCH
His attendance is poor, nearly as bad as his ability in this class. Seems to dislike French people and constantly shouts out in class. Examples are shouting things like "hey frenchie", "mmm snails"
HOME ECONOMICS
Duke has outstanding ability in this class, perfect cake decoration skills and excellent with the sewing machine. Makes a good cook and could well use these skills in a good job in the future. Top of the class on many occasions.
Head teachers comments: I have had a few problems with him and he always seems to be in trouble and at detention, yet he is still a gifted individual and would do better if he concentrated fully on what he should be doing. Could be successful if he put his mind to things.
Now what they think: Outstanding specimen of the male species and an animal in bed. Err I mean, he has done so well and we all love him. Well the women do anyway.
School Reports
Solid Snake
ENGLISH
He is close to the bottom of the class, has difficulty with his spelling and his writing. Unable to read books designed for very young children. This is a serious problem that needs to be addressed very soon or he may well fail.
MATHS
It seems that he can't read and has poor writing abilities yet he is still able to perform mental arithmetic at a very high level, much higher than what is required.
ART
He has the ability to draw but not at the level at which most his classmates do. Stickmen and rainbows seem to be all he can do. Think he may have special difficulties.
PHYSICAL EDUCATION
A very hard working pupil and a fast learner. Also likes to help give those who struggle a helping hand. Could possibly make a career out of P.E teaching if he is ambitious to do so.
FRENCH
Not a strong subject but not through lack of trying. Has difficulty in fully understanding what it is people are saying and what he should be replying with.
Head teachers comment: He tries hard but we feel not enough homework and help at home is keeping him from reaching higher levels. I would like to meet with you to discuss his future.
Now what they think: Its amazing to think that this is the same person. He now saves the world and helps thousands. To think all this coming from a boy who couldn't spell cat, kat my word was he really that stupid?
Lara Croft
ENGLISH
By far one of the best pupils, has a lot of knowledge about her great ancestors which is used greatly in class. Likes reading and works well on her own. Little more help working with others is required.
MATHS
Lara is having a few problems that could be fixed with a little more effort and extra work. Lacks certain basic knowledge which is holding her back from doing well. Presentation of her work is also poor at times.
ART
Lara has grasped the essential techniques required to obtain a good pass in this subject at out prestigious school. She shows a keen interest in this subject and is always interested in new information.
PHYSICAL EDUCATION
Lara very rarely takes part in class as she always has letters excusing her from taking part. Afraid to break a nail maybe but without a certain degree of hard work in this class Lara may well fail the year and have to resit it next year. I have requested that she has an official medical examination and if she passes then she will take part in the class more. If she fails then something will have to be done.
FRENCH
After the problems at the start of the year were Lara was a little rude and obnoxious towards myself and a few of her classmates she has finally show slight improvement. Maybe extra help is needed at home if she is to reach a higher level in this subject.
HOME ECONOMICS
She can't cook and can't sew. She has the same excuse every week "why do this when my maid will do it for me" Not the kind of attitude we like to see. Hopefully next year she will not pick this subject as it is not one of her strong points.
Head teachers comment: Lara has worked hard in most of her subjects and with her fathers wealth behind her should do very well in the future. Maybe an extra help from a personal tutor could make her a quality pupil.
Now what they think: it is obvious that her daddy has helped her immensely along the way and has made her successful. Certain physical things she has done, enhancements if you like are not what we expected but glad to see she has achieved something with her life.
Duke Nukem
ENGLISH
Would be better if he paid more attention to his work and not to certain girls in the class. Has a tendency to use obscenities towards certain members of the class, mostly males.
MATHS
He has basic knowledge but nothing that will get him a decent job. Needs to work a lot harder and stop hitting on the female assistant teacher.
ART
We found him drawing pictures of scantily clad women and strippers. Excellent quality pictures that hang on my wall. Has a great ability but this seems to be all he can draw.
PHYSICAL EDUCATION
He is the biggest in the class and sometimes uses this to his advantage. Recently had a spot of trouble after he brutally attacked a classmate who hit a girl too hard at dodge-ball.
FRENCH
His attendance is poor, nearly as bad as his ability in this class. Seems to dislike French people and constantly shouts out in class. Examples are shouting things like "hey frenchie", "mmm snails"
HOME ECONOMICS
Duke has outstanding ability in this class, perfect cake decoration skills and excellent with the sewing machine. Makes a good cook and could well use these skills in a good job in the future. Top of the class on many occasions.
Head teachers comments: I have had a few problems with him and he always seems to be in trouble and at detention, yet he is still a gifted individual and would do better if he concentrated fully on what he should be doing. Could be successful if he put his mind to things.
Now what they think: Outstanding specimen of the male species and an animal in bed. Err I mean, he has done so well and we all love him. Well the women do anyway.
Hmm Yeah!!
MARIO
Or known as Mazza by his mates!
ENGLISH:
Well his grammer isn't of the best in his class although he tries very hard to get it right through his very thick Italian Accent and moustache. His spelling on the other hand is resonably good and his reading is about average.
MATHS:
What can I say his maths is atrocious, he is now in the very bottom group and doing Maths that kids 2 yrs younger than him can manage. He can barly do his times table and divide let alone equaions and I would seriously hope he pulls up his socks next year as I will be making an appointment with his parents.
P.E:
Overall quite good, despite his shape and size. Likes to show off abit using backward flips, and long jumps, although his kickboxing skils are outstanding..a natural born killer.
COOKING:
Marios best class me thinks although when it comes to testing and tasting the food he goes a bit overboard. He specialises in Pizza and pasta and best of all he enjoys it, usually the best in the class although he does interuppt a bit when you are teaching with crys of joy and mamma mia.
Head Teacher: Mario has made a fairly average effort through the year although I would like to see more effort in his maths, as he does tend to fall asleep from boredom.
So whaddya think of Marios report?
MARIO
Or known as Mazza by his mates!
ENGLISH:
Well his grammer isn't of the best in his class although he tries very hard to get it right through his very thick Italian Accent and moustache. His spelling on the other hand is resonably good and his reading is about average.
MATHS:
What can I say his maths is atrocious, he is now in the very bottom group and doing Maths that kids 2 yrs younger than him can manage. He can barly do his times table and divide let alone equaions and I would seriously hope he pulls up his socks next year as I will be making an appointment with his parents.
P.E:
Overall quite good, despite his shape and size. Likes to show off abit using backward flips, and long jumps, although his kickboxing skils are outstanding..a natural born killer.
COOKING:
Marios best class me thinks although when it comes to testing and tasting the food he goes a bit overboard. He specialises in Pizza and pasta and best of all he enjoys it, usually the best in the class although he does interuppt a bit when you are teaching with crys of joy and mamma mia.
Head Teacher: Mario has made a fairly average effort through the year although I would like to see more effort in his maths, as he does tend to fall asleep from boredom.
So whaddya think of Marios report?
I never said she was "bad" at P.E, just that she hardly does it. Its all done for humour none of it is true and remember this is their school days. A lot could change from then to when they appeared in the games.
LARA CROFT...bad at P.e, but in the movies and games she is so agile and atheletic? Ha!
I use them because alot of people know who they are and they are popular. Also alot of the other characters aren't really that good and not worth talking about.
justa wondering why does everyone use snake and lara in their imaginary post thingys?
Aliboy wrote:
HOME ECONOMICS
Duke has outstanding ability in this class,
> perfect cake decoration skills and excellent with the sewing machine. Makes a
> good cook and could well use these skills in a good job in the future. Top of
> the class on many occasions.
hahah! Excellent!
Now what they think: Outstanding specimen of the male species and an
> animal in bed. Err I mean, he has done so well and we all love him. Well the
> women do anyway.
Full marks ALiboy!
HOME ECONOMICS
Duke has outstanding ability in this class,
> perfect cake decoration skills and excellent with the sewing machine. Makes a
> good cook and could well use these skills in a good job in the future. Top of
> the class on many occasions.
hahah! Excellent!
Now what they think: Outstanding specimen of the male species and an
> animal in bed. Err I mean, he has done so well and we all love him. Well the
> women do anyway.
Full marks ALiboy!
Did you know Snake was suspended?
yeah it's true, he was caught on school grounds having one of his "trusty smokes" :-D
yeah it's true, he was caught on school grounds having one of his "trusty smokes" :-D
Here is another attempt at humour to do with some of the big named characters from the gaming industry. It's all about their school report cards from their younger days. Read what their teachers had to say about them in their early days of high school.
School Reports
Solid Snake
ENGLISH
He is close to the bottom of the class, has difficulty with his spelling and his writing. Unable to read books designed for very young children. This is a serious problem that needs to be addressed very soon or he may well fail.
MATHS
It seems that he can't read and has poor writing abilities yet he is still able to perform mental arithmetic at a very high level, much higher than what is required.
ART
He has the ability to draw but not at the level at which most his classmates do. Stickmen and rainbows seem to be all he can do. Think he may have special difficulties.
PHYSICAL EDUCATION
A very hard working pupil and a fast learner. Also likes to help give those who struggle a helping hand. Could possibly make a career out of P.E teaching if he is ambitious to do so.
FRENCH
Not a strong subject but not through lack of trying. Has difficulty in fully understanding what it is people are saying and what he should be replying with.
Head teachers comment: He tries hard but we feel not enough homework and help at home is keeping him from reaching higher levels. I would like to meet with you to discuss his future.
Now what they think: Its amazing to think that this is the same person. He now saves the world and helps thousands. To think all this coming from a boy who couldn't spell cat, kat my word was he really that stupid?
Lara Croft
ENGLISH
By far one of the best pupils, has a lot of knowledge about her great ancestors which is used greatly in class. Likes reading and works well on her own. Little more help working with others is required.
MATHS
Lara is having a few problems that could be fixed with a little more effort and extra work. Lacks certain basic knowledge which is holding her back from doing well. Presentation of her work is also poor at times.
ART
Lara has grasped the essential techniques required to obtain a good pass in this subject at out prestigious school. She shows a keen interest in this subject and is always interested in new information.
PHYSICAL EDUCATION
Lara very rarely takes part in class as she always has letters excusing her from taking part. Afraid to break a nail maybe but without a certain degree of hard work in this class Lara may well fail the year and have to resit it next year. I have requested that she has an official medical examination and if she passes then she will take part in the class more. If she fails then something will have to be done.
FRENCH
After the problems at the start of the year were Lara was a little rude and obnoxious towards myself and a few of her classmates she has finally show slight improvement. Maybe extra help is needed at home if she is to reach a higher level in this subject.
HOME ECONOMICS
She can't cook and can't sew. She has the same excuse every week "why do this when my maid will do it for me" Not the kind of attitude we like to see. Hopefully next year she will not pick this subject as it is not one of her strong points.
Head teachers comment: Lara has worked hard in most of her subjects and with her fathers wealth behind her should do very well in the future. Maybe an extra help from a personal tutor could make her a quality pupil.
Now what they think: it is obvious that her daddy has helped her immensely along the way and has made her successful. Certain physical things she has done, enhancements if you like are not what we expected but glad to see she has achieved something with her life.
Duke Nukem
ENGLISH
Would be better if he paid more attention to his work and not to certain girls in the class. Has a tendency to use obscenities towards certain members of the class, mostly males.
MATHS
He has basic knowledge but nothing that will get him a decent job. Needs to work a lot harder and stop hitting on the female assistant teacher.
ART
We found him drawing pictures of scantily clad women and strippers. Excellent quality pictures that hang on my wall. Has a great ability but this seems to be all he can draw.
PHYSICAL EDUCATION
He is the biggest in the class and sometimes uses this to his advantage. Recently had a spot of trouble after he brutally attacked a classmate who hit a girl too hard at dodge-ball.
FRENCH
His attendance is poor, nearly as bad as his ability in this class. Seems to dislike French people and constantly shouts out in class. Examples are shouting things like "hey frenchie", "mmm snails"
HOME ECONOMICS
Duke has outstanding ability in this class, perfect cake decoration skills and excellent with the sewing machine. Makes a good cook and could well use these skills in a good job in the future. Top of the class on many occasions.
Head teachers comments: I have had a few problems with him and he always seems to be in trouble and at detention, yet he is still a gifted individual and would do better if he concentrated fully on what he should be doing. Could be successful if he put his mind to things.
Now what they think: Outstanding specimen of the male species and an animal in bed. Err I mean, he has done so well and we all love him. Well the women do anyway.
School Reports
Solid Snake
ENGLISH
He is close to the bottom of the class, has difficulty with his spelling and his writing. Unable to read books designed for very young children. This is a serious problem that needs to be addressed very soon or he may well fail.
MATHS
It seems that he can't read and has poor writing abilities yet he is still able to perform mental arithmetic at a very high level, much higher than what is required.
ART
He has the ability to draw but not at the level at which most his classmates do. Stickmen and rainbows seem to be all he can do. Think he may have special difficulties.
PHYSICAL EDUCATION
A very hard working pupil and a fast learner. Also likes to help give those who struggle a helping hand. Could possibly make a career out of P.E teaching if he is ambitious to do so.
FRENCH
Not a strong subject but not through lack of trying. Has difficulty in fully understanding what it is people are saying and what he should be replying with.
Head teachers comment: He tries hard but we feel not enough homework and help at home is keeping him from reaching higher levels. I would like to meet with you to discuss his future.
Now what they think: Its amazing to think that this is the same person. He now saves the world and helps thousands. To think all this coming from a boy who couldn't spell cat, kat my word was he really that stupid?
Lara Croft
ENGLISH
By far one of the best pupils, has a lot of knowledge about her great ancestors which is used greatly in class. Likes reading and works well on her own. Little more help working with others is required.
MATHS
Lara is having a few problems that could be fixed with a little more effort and extra work. Lacks certain basic knowledge which is holding her back from doing well. Presentation of her work is also poor at times.
ART
Lara has grasped the essential techniques required to obtain a good pass in this subject at out prestigious school. She shows a keen interest in this subject and is always interested in new information.
PHYSICAL EDUCATION
Lara very rarely takes part in class as she always has letters excusing her from taking part. Afraid to break a nail maybe but without a certain degree of hard work in this class Lara may well fail the year and have to resit it next year. I have requested that she has an official medical examination and if she passes then she will take part in the class more. If she fails then something will have to be done.
FRENCH
After the problems at the start of the year were Lara was a little rude and obnoxious towards myself and a few of her classmates she has finally show slight improvement. Maybe extra help is needed at home if she is to reach a higher level in this subject.
HOME ECONOMICS
She can't cook and can't sew. She has the same excuse every week "why do this when my maid will do it for me" Not the kind of attitude we like to see. Hopefully next year she will not pick this subject as it is not one of her strong points.
Head teachers comment: Lara has worked hard in most of her subjects and with her fathers wealth behind her should do very well in the future. Maybe an extra help from a personal tutor could make her a quality pupil.
Now what they think: it is obvious that her daddy has helped her immensely along the way and has made her successful. Certain physical things she has done, enhancements if you like are not what we expected but glad to see she has achieved something with her life.
Duke Nukem
ENGLISH
Would be better if he paid more attention to his work and not to certain girls in the class. Has a tendency to use obscenities towards certain members of the class, mostly males.
MATHS
He has basic knowledge but nothing that will get him a decent job. Needs to work a lot harder and stop hitting on the female assistant teacher.
ART
We found him drawing pictures of scantily clad women and strippers. Excellent quality pictures that hang on my wall. Has a great ability but this seems to be all he can draw.
PHYSICAL EDUCATION
He is the biggest in the class and sometimes uses this to his advantage. Recently had a spot of trouble after he brutally attacked a classmate who hit a girl too hard at dodge-ball.
FRENCH
His attendance is poor, nearly as bad as his ability in this class. Seems to dislike French people and constantly shouts out in class. Examples are shouting things like "hey frenchie", "mmm snails"
HOME ECONOMICS
Duke has outstanding ability in this class, perfect cake decoration skills and excellent with the sewing machine. Makes a good cook and could well use these skills in a good job in the future. Top of the class on many occasions.
Head teachers comments: I have had a few problems with him and he always seems to be in trouble and at detention, yet he is still a gifted individual and would do better if he concentrated fully on what he should be doing. Could be successful if he put his mind to things.
Now what they think: Outstanding specimen of the male species and an animal in bed. Err I mean, he has done so well and we all love him. Well the women do anyway.