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This is my first topic in the Future Of Gaming forum, so I thought I'd write about gaming. In the future. Clever, eh?
After reading some of the game ideas on that Game Ideas forum, I figured that all these top games need a new console to belong to. Without further ado, I present “The definitive next, next, next generation console”. Sony, Sega, Nintendo and even you Bill, listen up...this really IS the Future Of Gaming.
#1: What’s with all the boxes? X-Box, GameCube, all square related shapes. This is utter rubbish. Where’s the originality in that? My console would be spherical. Think about it, PS2s can go horizontal or vertical. A sphere can stand on any point through all 3 axes!! Wicked! But what about the problem about it rolling away. Well, there’s portability for you. And the possibilities are endless... For FIFA 2005, or whatever the EA footie game would be then, you could use the console as a ball and control the game with it. Of course, the shape of the console needs to feature in the name. After careful thought, I came up with SuperUltraMechaÜberSphere™. Jazzy...
#2: The console will be backwards, forwards and sideways compatible with all known games and all unknown ones and will feature CD, DVD, cartridge slots of varying sizes and even slots for all other games related junk like dice, playing cards and Monopoly money. You never know, do you?
#3: The hardware features of this console will be spectacular. The graphics card will be so good, it will run at over 5,000 fps. Which is apparently more than the eye can see. Or something. But higher numbers are better, so i’ll just say it’ll be 6,000 instead. The console will also be able to display 6.32 trillion colours, all at once. Just like the decoration at an Indian restaurant, then.
#4: The PS2 has got 2 controller ports, the X-Box and GameCube have 4. This is useless. The SuperUltraMechaÜberSphere will have 50. I don’t know why, it just will. That’s that one sorted then.
#5: Internet gaming will not only be featured as standard, it will be necessary. As well as being able to smack up anyone in the world at any time, new levels and additions to games will be automatically downloaded so that your games last for ever.
#6: Home integration. Everyone’s banging on about “the connected home” these days, so the SuperUltraMechaÜberSphere will bring you right into the 21st Century with a swift boot to the Jacobs for good measure. The console will be connected to everything in sight so you never actually need to move for anything. The most important feature is the CyberFridge™, which will sense the need for beer and supply you with cold bottles of Bud.
#7: It will be impossible to chip, so copying games for my fantastic new console will be impossible. The security system will be called the “Genuine Only, Not Absolutely Dodgy System”, or GONADS for short. All the games companies and retailers, including Tony and the Special Reserve people, will love it when they finally get GONADS. They’ll make more money, see? If the SuperUltraMechaÜberSphere detects any dodgy software, it will rip off the player’s arms and beat them to death with the wet ends. However, the technology to achieve this has not yet been developed.
#8: It’ll come in different colours too. But no poncy Game Boy Advance pink, supposedly “Clear Red”, nonsense.
I’m running out of ideas now, so I have to go. I need to e-mail this to all the console companies. You never know, in a few years you may have a SuperUltraMechaÜberSphere in your home.
Thanks for reading,
Dave.
After reading some of the game ideas on that Game Ideas forum, I figured that all these top games need a new console to belong to. Without further ado, I present “The definitive next, next, next generation console”. Sony, Sega, Nintendo and even you Bill, listen up...this really IS the Future Of Gaming.
#1: What’s with all the boxes? X-Box, GameCube, all square related shapes. This is utter rubbish. Where’s the originality in that? My console would be spherical. Think about it, PS2s can go horizontal or vertical. A sphere can stand on any point through all 3 axes!! Wicked! But what about the problem about it rolling away. Well, there’s portability for you. And the possibilities are endless... For FIFA 2005, or whatever the EA footie game would be then, you could use the console as a ball and control the game with it. Of course, the shape of the console needs to feature in the name. After careful thought, I came up with SuperUltraMechaÜberSphere™. Jazzy...
#2: The console will be backwards, forwards and sideways compatible with all known games and all unknown ones and will feature CD, DVD, cartridge slots of varying sizes and even slots for all other games related junk like dice, playing cards and Monopoly money. You never know, do you?
#3: The hardware features of this console will be spectacular. The graphics card will be so good, it will run at over 5,000 fps. Which is apparently more than the eye can see. Or something. But higher numbers are better, so i’ll just say it’ll be 6,000 instead. The console will also be able to display 6.32 trillion colours, all at once. Just like the decoration at an Indian restaurant, then.
#4: The PS2 has got 2 controller ports, the X-Box and GameCube have 4. This is useless. The SuperUltraMechaÜberSphere will have 50. I don’t know why, it just will. That’s that one sorted then.
#5: Internet gaming will not only be featured as standard, it will be necessary. As well as being able to smack up anyone in the world at any time, new levels and additions to games will be automatically downloaded so that your games last for ever.
#6: Home integration. Everyone’s banging on about “the connected home” these days, so the SuperUltraMechaÜberSphere will bring you right into the 21st Century with a swift boot to the Jacobs for good measure. The console will be connected to everything in sight so you never actually need to move for anything. The most important feature is the CyberFridge™, which will sense the need for beer and supply you with cold bottles of Bud.
#7: It will be impossible to chip, so copying games for my fantastic new console will be impossible. The security system will be called the “Genuine Only, Not Absolutely Dodgy System”, or GONADS for short. All the games companies and retailers, including Tony and the Special Reserve people, will love it when they finally get GONADS. They’ll make more money, see? If the SuperUltraMechaÜberSphere detects any dodgy software, it will rip off the player’s arms and beat them to death with the wet ends. However, the technology to achieve this has not yet been developed.
#8: It’ll come in different colours too. But no poncy Game Boy Advance pink, supposedly “Clear Red”, nonsense.
I’m running out of ideas now, so I have to go. I need to e-mail this to all the console companies. You never know, in a few years you may have a SuperUltraMechaÜberSphere in your home.
Thanks for reading,
Dave.
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It's a brilliant game... Especially bullet-time! Ho hoooo how fun will that be.
Good choice mate!
I'm a bit gutted actually 'cos i only got Code Veronica X on Saturday...if only i'd waited! I've actually sent for Max Payne.
So , what game will you be getting?!
Thanks everyone, much appreciated. Special Reserve is officially great. I mean, where else can you write about something you're interested in and get free games for it? Brilliant stuff!
Well done mate, thoroughyl deserved!
Well done Beech! Easily deserved to win!
The price? Now, I hadn't thought of that. £2.50 and a bag of chips to you, sir. Plus VAT. Interest free credit option available, buy now and pay whenever you can be bothered.
by the time this thing comes out a trillion quid will be the equivalent to £100 now !!! and how big will this thing be !!! and 50 controller ports ???!! how the hell are you ment to fit 50 people in yur room !??? and how are they gonna see the screeen ??? maybe 50 sets of those olympus optical glasses ?? but any way , very cool post !!
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