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pb was very unhappy. He thought being God of the whole universe would be great, but lately all his projects had failed, and he was feeling rather down. The Board of Light (a sort of council that chose who was God and then judged their performances) were very disappointed, and they supposedly had a replacement lined up for him going by the name of Meka_Dragon.
Although, what did they expect? He was just a lowly Third Class Angel, and one day he heard that position as God was open, and so he applied. He’d written on his application, “I like to do nice things.”
Well, that was it for the Board of Light. They snapped him up straight away, hoping that he would do many nice things.
He firstly tried to finish what the previous God before him (he thought his name was Grix Thraves, but he wasn’t sure,) had started. A race of beings that all looked like Henry VIII, but without the eyes. They were actually doing rather well, many of the males had at least 4 wives-which meant there were about 4 times as many females as their were males. But of course, pb had forgotten all about Henry VIII and his many wives, and he created lots of males to, ‘even it up a bit.’
Of course, this led to many wars, and the males ended up killing the whole of their race.
So next, pb created his own race called The Shmeer (he was rather proud of the name,) which looked rather like 3-legged, blue-furred Rhino’s-but quite intelligent.
He decided to leave them be for a few weeks, and when he looked at them he was shocked to see they were all dead. He spent months trying to figure out how they had died, until he realised he’d put no source of food or drink on the planet.
The Seezlomar were his third project. They were shaped like a ball with tiny little arms and a face, and they had to roll to travel. He thought that because of their shape they would be almost invulnerable to large falls, so he created lots and lots of cliffs on their planet so he could have fun watching them fall off, and then ‘roll’ straight back up again. He didn’t bother testing, and watched in horror as nearly the whole of his species fell to the ground with a splat, and did not ‘roll’ back up again.
The rest of them died by rolling head-first into things like trees and walls. One survived for quite a while, until pb killed him off as he didn’t think it was very impressive to have race that contained one member.
That was when the Board of Light enquired about why he was doing so poorly. Pb’s nervous response was, “Blame it on the species’.”
“But you created the species, so we have to blame you.”
Pb stayed silent, he was sure he was about to get fired.
Turbonutter, the head of the council said, “You’re fired,” confirming his fears. Then he slapped him rather hard on the back, guffawed, and said, “Only joking! You’ve got another go.” Turbonutter then walked off singing, “My Girl Lollipop.”
He had one more project. One more shot. One more chance at being God. So, he gathered his favourite legion of Angels, also knows as the First Class Angels, and discussed with them what his final project should be.
“What about a race of chocolate cakes?!” DeltaJava suggested excitedly.
“They’d eat eachother,” was pb’s response, surprisingly getting something right for once.
“Shortbread?!” Delta again.
“They’d do the same.”
“Chocolate chip cookies?!”
pb sighed, and asked his personal favourite angel for advice, “er-no, do you have any ideas?” er-no was very intelligent, and pb was very surprised that he wasn’t God yet.
“Why don’t we create a…special race.”
“DOUBLE CHOCOLATE CHIP?!?!”
“No Delta,” er-no’s eyes brightened, and he leant in very close, “We give them everything we have here in heaven. Food like cakes and cookies, entertainment like television and radio, even houses!”
“But what will they evolve to?” asked another angel, RastaBillySkank. “How can they become better than us?? A race must develop it’s technology.”
“Well…how about we start off slow. They can be a primitive race, with badly built houses and poor clothes to wear. And then they can develop and evolve with our help, and perhaps one day become like we are now.”
Pb was still sceptical, “But will the Board allow it?”
“They don’t even have to know! They’ll just think they’re another boring race-not knowing that we will help them to develop! We can make them almost as intelligent as us.”
Pb grinned, “Sounds good er-no, thanks for your help. Lets get started!”
“LINDT CHOCOLATE!?!”
___________________________
A few years later…how many exactly?? God knows…
Pb laid back in his deckchair, smiling at the fact that the humans had brought him up to number 3 in the “Top 10 Best Gods,” list. In 1st place was a man named Tony, who’d created 5 successful races, one of them being the all-time greatest species. In 2nd was…well, they were the first ever joint-Gods. They were called Reaper and Iguana, and although they didn’t always get on well, they did manage to create 4 successful species, one of them being the Dinosaurs. The Dinosaurs were going to become the longest-surviving race, until Iguana threw a stone at Reaper and missed.
Pb had only created 1 successful species, and was already 3rd. This showed how good the humans were, and their planet which had been named “Earth.” To be honest though, he owed it all to er-no.
Er-no designed the humans, and especially designed the first 2 people-Myst!que and Edgy. They had both eaten the forbidden cheese, but there was no real problem with that. It just proved that you cannot create a race without sin.
Er-no had come up with the successful idea of Jesus, and now much of the planet knew about who had created them. Some didn’t believe in him of course, but pb didn’t mind all that much. They would come round.
Er-no had been the one who’d helped the humans along their evolution, and although they had failed to recognise the glories of electricity, they were evolving a lot faster than any other species ever before.
The Board Of Light were very pleased.
“I must say pb, these humans of yours are rather ravishing,” Turbonutter said, “They look a lot like us, as well, which means they’re even closer to perfection! Keep it up, my good man!” Turbonutter guffawed once again, hit pb’s back rather harshly in a ‘friendly’ way, and then strutted off.
Standing in the corner of the room was er-no…he was burning with rage. Why wasn’t pb acknowledging his contribution?! Well, not a contribution-he’d done the whole damn thing! Pb was too much of an idiot to have created an amazing race like the humans. Er-no wanted power…he wanted glory, and he was willing to do anything to get it. Even if it meant rebelling…against God.
_____________________________
The Third Class and Fourth Class Angels stood in er-no’s office, wondering as to what er-no had asked them here for. The office was very spacious, with a huge desk and a black leather chair in the centre. Their was a large bookcase to the right, with a picture of er-no’s family on the wall next to it.
“What do you think he wants?” Asked 4th Class Angel Bonus, shakily, he was rather nervous, but then again, he always was. He got nervous when he had to brush his teeth at night-he thought the electric brush was planning to chop his head off. All 4th Class Angels did was clean toilets, make tea and occasionally they would be used for scientific tests. One Angel called semajal had the bad fortune to be used to test the first ever ‘anal injection.’
The worst part of it was that it failed.
Semajal hobbled over to the group and said, “It’s not another test, is it?!”
3rd Class Angel shaneo shook his head, “No, I don’t think so. Even us 3rd Class Angels would’ve heard about any tests by now.”
Suddenly, the door opened and in stepped er-no. He looked at the group of about 30 and smiled, his whole face glowing.
“Hello, as I’m sure you are all aware, my name is er-no, and I am personal assistant to our God, pb.” As he said this his eyes narrowed, and his voice shook for a moment.
“I expect you’re all wondering why I gathered you here. Well, do you think that you’re…important?”
The Angels all looked in confusion at each-other, and then shook their heads.
“Well, you’re wrong. You may not have been important before, but as soon as you stepped into this room, you BECAME important.”
Angel GasMask stepped forward, “Well, why is this?? And why only gather the 3rd and 4th Class?”
Er-no smiled again, “Ah, I see you are a confident one. You will be an asset to me. Anyway, I will show you what I mean in a moment. But first you must understand this fact, you are no longer in classes.” He pointed at Bonus, “You, what is your name and class?”
“My n-n-name is Bonus, sir,” he stuttered, “I am 4th Class.”
“No you’re not. Not anymore. With me, you won’t belong in ANY class. None of you. What you will be, is my…helper. An assistant for want of a better word.”
“Now it’s time to show you why you are here. Shall I tell you why you’re important? It’s because you’re about to start the biggest rebellion ever known.”
“A rebellion against who?” Seifer asked.
“A rebellion against the heavens. A rebellion against the people. A rebellion…” er-no sneered, “against God.”
Er-no walked over to the picture of his family, and took it off the wall. There was some sort of lever behind it. He pulled the lever, and the bookcase began to slide left. Behind it, a dark stairway.
“Follow me,” er-no beckoned the angels, and began to walk down the stairway. The Angels slowly followed.
It was dark, very dark. As they went further and further, the sound of their feet on the metallic steps became echoed.
The main thing they noticed however, was the heat. As they neared the end of the stairway, everyone was sweating.
They came to a curtain. Er-no stood in front of the curtain, and smiled evilly. Suddenly, he opened the curtain, revealing…
Flames…rocks…lava…caves…weapons…blood…
“Welcome…to Hell.”
__________________________________
The Angels looked round in awe. How had he created this desolate place, without the Board Of Light or pb seeing?!
Angel Shocktrooper was the first to speak, “What is this place for? What do you plan to do with it?”
Er-no smiled. But it wasn’t the smile he used to…smile. This smile was different somehow. This smile was full of hatred, full of evil, full of…some other bad thing that Shocktrooper couldn’t describe.
“From now on, this will be your home,” he seemed to hesitate, “No, not your home. Your base.”
Shocktrooper looked puzzled. “ You what??” He said in a tone perhaps not appropriate for the current situation he was in.
“Look, are you sick of being treated badly?” The Angels said nothing.
“Are you sick of people,” er-no thought for a moment, “looking down on you? Don’t you hate the way all those 1st and 2nd Class Angels look at you with that pompous stare, that disgusted look, the amusement in their eyes because they see you as a dirty, useless creature that doesn’t deserve to live!?”
The Angels looked at each-other, not sure what to do. What er-no was telling them was a complete lie. Yes, okay, they weren’t very important-but most of them didn’t want to be. If they did, they’d end up being promoted. To be honest, the conditions they lived in weren’t much different from all the other Angels. They had spacious homes, and enough money to have a pleasurable life.
They were treated exactly the same as any other Angel. And the 1st and 2nd Class Angels were all very friendly towards them. What er-no was saying was complete rubbish.
So what made the Angels reply the way they did? The thought of power? Perhaps they were scared or er-no? Perhaps that is a question that will never be answered. Of course, it could be answered tomorrow. Who knows, eh?
The Angels all nodded, and GasMask stepped forward and said, “Yes, we are sick of it.”
Er-no’s ‘smile’ disappeared, and he said in a cold, low voice, “Good. Then you will join my legion? Will you join me in my bid to become the most powerful faction ever to grace the presence of the Heavens? You will all be treated well, and once we complete our first mission, we will all be treated…like Kings.”
GasMask turned to the Angels, “Do you want to?”
“YES!!” Came the resounding cry.
GasMask turned back to er-no, and said, “Yes, we will.”
Er-no had expected this response, and showed no emotions to the Angels. “I am your leader,” he said, “You can call me anything from a choice of many names.”
Er-no got out a book named, “The A-Z of Evil Names.”
“You can call me Devil, Satan, Beezlebubbly, Your Evillishness, Margaret Thatcher or by my normal name, er-no.”
“Oh Margaret Thatcher, we bow down to you, and hope you will lead us all into victory against…against who?” Shocktrooper asked.
“Everyone. All the 1st and 2nd Class Angels, the Board Of Light, our current God-pb…everyone. We will gather guns, electric prodders, knives and other sharply-tipped painful things, and we will take over the heavens.”
___________________________
“So, how’s everything going, pb?” 1st Class Angel Sheepy asked. Sheepy was also the Commander of the Army, not that they were ever really needed. Nearly all 1st and 2nd Class Angels were members of the Army.
“Very well, Sheepy. Very well indeed. The humans are now thriving, and are evolving like a couple of Ants in a bowl of sugar! Nothing is wrong…although, I haven’t seen er-no for a while. Have you, Commander?”
Sheepy shook his head, and then remembered what he’d come to talk to pb about.
“errrr…also sir, all the weapons have disappeared from our weaponry room.”
“You what!? All of them!?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so.”
“Even the poison-tipped tinned carrots?”
“Even the poison-tipped tinned carrots,” Sheepy confirmed.
Pb was shocked, and worried, “so…where are they all now, then?”
Sheepy shook his head in amazement, “We sent our number one stealth assasin, Mongoose Man out to find them, but he came back with nothing.”
BOOM!! BAM! BAM! BAM!
Pb jumped a few metres in the air as a huge explosion went off somewhere in the heavens, and then round after round of gunfire.
“I think…” Sheepy said carefully, “That if we follow those noises, we’ll find all the weapons!”
The 2 men were situated on the top level of a 3-storey restaurant. pb looked out of a window, and saw nothing but blue sky.
“By God Sheepy…there’s nothing out there! Everything’s been destroyed!”
“Perhaps you should look down, sir.”
Pb looked down onto the streets of the heavens, and saw about 5 Angels holding Sub-Machine Guns, shooting anything that moved, and that included other Angels.
“Sheepy-get your army out there now!! Some Angels are rebelling!”
Sheepy ran off to gather his army, and pb ran down the stairs. He opened the door, and tried to keep out of sight of the renegade Angels. He hid behind a building, and peeked out. It seemed as though all the rebels were 3rd and 4th Class…yes, he was sure of it.
He began to run again, this time towards the Board Of Light Building, where he would quickly consult the Board, asking them what to do.
Unfortunately, as he neared the building, he saw about 10 3rd and 4th Class Angels, shooting up at the windows, obviously aiming for members of the Board Of Light.
He turned left, and he saw Angels running around holding knives and screaming, “Surrender, or we will kill you all!”
He looked left-more rebel Angels!
“Hey, look! There’s pb! Get him!”
pb turned forward again, to see Shocktrooper, GasMask, Bonus, Dan2K1, Grandprix, Jet and Monkey_With_Attitude (all 3rd and 4th Class Angels,) sprinting towards him with their guns held high.
Pb’s heart jumped up to his throat, and he turned back to run…where? Where could he escape?
He turned, and slammed straight into someone. He slowly got to his feet, straightened, and looked up at…er-no.
“Oh er-no, thank god you’re here. The 3rd and 4th Class are rebelling!”
er-no smiled evilly, “Yes, I know they are,” he then pulled out a poison-tipped carrot, and pointed it at pb’s face.
“And so am I.”
His eyes narrowed, and he went to stuff the carrot into pb’s mouth. Fortunately, pb had seen it coming, and he’d ducked. Instead, the carrot was stuffed in MWA’s mouth, who was just about to attack pb. He fell to the floor, dead.
Pb grinned at er-no, “Ha, you rebelling piece of Mongrel vomit, you missed, and killed one of your own!”
Er-no was shaking with rage, “I deserve more respect than this!!!”
Er-no got out a Shotgun, and was just about to blow pb’s head off, when 1st Class Angel and the best fighter in all the Heavens, M16, ran in and nailed er-no with a beautiful kick to the back of the head. Behind him came the Angel Army, led by Commander Sheepy.
“KILL THEM ALL!!” Cried Sheepy, and about 50 1st and 2nd Class Angels ran at the rebels, their guns held high.
Er-no realised he’d been beaten, “Quick, run back to Hell, my Demons!” The 3rd and 4th Class Angels, now knows as the Demons, began to retreat towards where er-no’s office was situated, with the Army following. But the whole of the Army were carrying heavy bags, and they quickly began to fall behind the Demons.
The Demons reached er-no’s office, quickly ran through the secret passage and shut it behind them, before the Army saw where they’d gone. To be honest, the Army were so far behind they didn’t even realise that they were somewhere in er-no’s office.
Sheepy called back the Army back to the Board Of Light building, where Turbonutter and pb were trying to restore order.
____________________________
er-no was inconsolable. Not even Shocktrooper’s Walrus impression could cheer him up.
One day, the Demon names Mr Snuggly decided to visit er-no, and suggest a plan to him. He went over to a lava pool, where the Devil was standing, holding a pitchfork.
“Hello, your Evillishness. How are you feeling today?”
“What’s the point of feeling anything? This rebellion has failed. What else can we do? There are more Angels than there are Demons. If we were to venture out of here, we would soon be killed.”
“Look sir, I have a…can I ask first, what’s that pitchfork for?”
er-no slowly looked down at the red pitchfork, “Oh, this old thing. I was just doing some gardening. Don’t know what the point is, though, nothing’s ever going to grow here. Anyway, you were saying you had a plan?”
Mr Snuggly’s eyes brightened, “Yes, I do. Instead of attacking our current God pb, why not attack the source of his happiness?”
“You mean the humans?”
“Yes, I do. If we begin to destroy the humans, then pb will have to surrender to us!”
“I suppose so…but why couldn’t they just come down and attack us? They’d still defeat us…”
“They wouldn’t, as the battle would destroy much of the planet! And just imagine it…down there on Earth, we would be super beings! We could do anything we liked with them…”
er-no’s eyes widened, “You’re right…if we can find some way of getting down there before pb and his cronies stop us, he would have to let us rule! He wouldn’t destroy the humans, as they mean too much to him, after all, they are the best race ever created. This could work, this could work! Well done, Mr Snuggly. From now on, you are my personal assistant.”
“Thank you, oh Margaret Thatcher. But how shall we get down to Earth?”
“Give me time. It may take a while, but it will be worth it. Soon, we will be rulers of planet Earth, and then, the Heavens! MWA HA HA HA HA HA!!”
___________________________
er-no had set up rooms for all the Demons, and when they had all gone to bed, he slowly walked up to his office, and stepped inside to meet the large figure standing in front of him.
“Good evening, Master.” Er-no said.
“Good Evening to you, er-no. But enough of this small talk, lets get down to business. What the hell (pun not intended) happened the other day?! I thought by now we would be rulers of the Heavens?!”
er-no looked down at his feet, a sorrowful look on his face.
“Look…my shoes aren’t gonna last 1 more week…anyway, look, that idea didn’t go as well as planned. But I have a new idea…something even better.”
“Go on…”
er-no then proceeded to tell the large man about Mr Snuggly’s plan, and then asked one question.
“Can you get us to Earth? There must be some way…”
The large man though for a moment, “There is a way. It will take a while though, and I will have to use a lot of my energy to do it, but the plan is brilliant. It will be worth it once we rule the Heavens. For the next hundred years or so, gather your forces. Make them larger, make them stronger! I will let you know when it is ready.”
“Will I be able to speak to you between now and then?”
“No, I’m afraid not. But you can cope.”
“Yes, Master.”
“Call me by my name, er-no.” The large man said with a smile.
“Okay then. Yes, *COUGH COUGH*”
“Excuse me?”
“Sorry, a tickle in the throat. Yes, Meka_Dragon. I will cope.”
“Good…good. Now, I must go.”
Meka walked towards the door very evilly, opened it evilly, smiled evilly, and then walked out evilly. He then promptly tripped on a large rock, got up evilly, brushed himself off evilly and walked away evilly.
___________________________
About another 500 years later…
Pb was now first in the Top 10 Best Gods list, and Turbonutter had just asked him round for dinner. Although pb was honoured, he also felt rather awkward.
He knocked on the rather large door, and it was opened by a rather small butler.
“Hello sir. My name is Dav1d, and I will be your butler for tonight. Please follow me to the Lounge, where Turbonutter and his 2 sons are waiting.”
Pb followed Dav1d, and wondered what had happened to Turbonutter’s wife. One day she just…disappeared. She didn’t die, as TBN would have told them all and there would’ve been a big funeral, so where had she gone? There were rumours that she’d gone off with an Ice Cream seller, but they were made by Sniper, who never really knows what he’s talking about.
Pb walked into the ‘lounge,’ and looked around in awe. The ceiling was pure gold, and huge, beautiful portraits hung on the lovely blue walls, one of a gorgeous woman who pb presumed was Turbonutter’s wife. 12 foot Candles stood on a pure oak ‘coffee table,’ which was about the size of an average bedroom on planet Earth. The sun was still up, and it shone brightly through the windows, leaving large patches of light all over the smooth, wooden floor.
“Ah, hello there Grix!” Turbonutter hurried over to pb, shook his hand, and took him over to the amazingly comfy sofas.
“His name’s pb, sir,” Dav1d told his master.
“Ah yes, of course! Sorry old chap, I’ve had dinner with so many Gods before, it’s hard to remember them all! I’d be careful though, over half the Gods who came over to my house for dinner died the next day!” Turbonutter laughed his head off at this, and although pb laughed with him, an uneasy feeling began to creep into his stomach.
Two boys who both looked about 15 years old strolled over to pb. One came straight up to him and said, “Hello, my name’s Lexus. How do you do?”
Pb was impressed by his confidence, “Hello Lexus, I’m fine thank-you very much,” he turned to the other boy, “And what might your name be?”
The boy looked at pb with a disgusted look on his face, then pointed his finger right at pb’s face and said, “My name’s Logan, got it? No more questions, got it?”
“I got it!” pb said jokingly. Logan did not laugh back.
20 minutes later the group were eating dinner, which was Roast Angelle-a sort of dog which angels sometimes kept for a pet, and occasionally ate.
Conversation had dried up a little, and Turbonutter noticed pb staring at the portrait of his wife.
“Ah, I see you’re marvelling the picture of my lovely wife,” he said with a wry smile on his face.
“Yes…,” pb hesitated, before finally daring to ask the big question, “What…happened to her, anyway? I haven’t seen her for a while.”
Turbonutter wiped his mouth with a napkin, and said, “Oh, she ran off with an Ice Cream seller.”
“No more questions about my mother, got it?” Logan asked pb.
“Yes, I got it.” Pb slowly got back to eating, when Dav1d came up to them and said, “pb, sir, your messenger has come to see you.”
Pb’s messenger, named Strafex, came running in, completely out of breath.
“Sir…sir…” Strafex breathed deeply, “pb, sir. There is trouble on Earth, you must come quickly!”
_____________________________
A few hours earlier…
Meka_Dragon had done it. He’d completed it. He’d finished it. He had created a fast, painless, and interesting way to get to Earth. No one had ever done it before-I mean, it took Jesus 5 years to get down to Earth. Meka could send himself, er-no and the Demons down there in a matter of seconds.
He’d gotten all the Demons together, along with er-no, ready to present his amazing creation. They all stood in his science lab, ready and waiting to get down to Earth.
“Before I show you what is under this sheet of paper, I am going to tell you how I created this. It may take a while, but I want you to know how much hassle I went through to make it.”
The Demons groaned, and er-no stepped past Meka, and pulled the paper off, revealing a lamp. Not one of those stupid Lamps from the Aladdin movies, a normal lamp, with bulbs in. “What’s this?” er-no asked, dismayed.
“If you give me time, I will tell you what it…”
“I don’t care how you made it, just get us down to Earth!” er-no pressed what looked like a button, and the light shone onto a wall, revealing some sort of portal.
“Look, please let me tell you how…”
“Quick, jump through the portal everyone!” er-no shouted at the Demons, and they did so.
Er-no looked at Meka, “Sorry mate, we just don’t have time,” and then he jumped through the portal.
Meka shook his head in dismay. He was in charge of this whole rebellion after all, but he was a patient man. They were right, all they had to do was jump through the portal, and when everyone else had gone through, he did so himself.
At first he could sense nothing but the air against his face, but suddenly he was thrust into a world of colour. Blue! Green! Red! Yellow! Streaks and sparks of colour zoomed past him, as he travelled at the speed of light through the portal. Then, he was thrown into a world of sound. He could hear music…lots of music. It was extremely loud, but it didn’t seem to effect him.
Then he seemed to drop into a world full of…full of…he sniffed, and his sense of smell went wild! He could smell food, drink, petrol, smoke-everything! And finally, those 3 senses came together to form a single amazing experience, and then he landed on the ground with a ‘thud.’ He was helped up by Demon Grandprix, who then asked, “Are we on Earth?”
Meka looked around. Grass, trees, rivers-and in the distance-towers, houses and humans.
“Yes, we are here.”
Dan2K1 asked, “So, are we ‘super-beings’ here, then?”
“Yes, we most certainly are. Although these humans are further advanced than any other species ever created, we are still way more powerful. For a start, we can fly. We can make things move just with the power of our minds, and…if my calculations are correct, we can become invisible on this planet.”
Suddenly, a human came walking past them. Er-no, as the main creator of this planet, knew the name of every single person on Earth.
“His name is VenomByte,” er-no whispered.
Meka silently flew up to VenomByte, and stood right in front of him. Venom appeared not to notice anything, until he walked into Meka and fell backwards. He got up, a scared look in his eyes. He walked forward again, this time a little timidly, and once again walked into Meka.
In Venom’s eyes though, it appeared as though absolutely nothing was knocking him over. He began to walk backwards, but GasMask had gone behind them, and Venom walked into him and fell forwards.
“AAAAHHHH!!” Venom screamed, and ran to his left, where fortunately no Demons were. He ran off towards the city, screaming.
The Demons laughed, and then er-no said to them, “Let us go, and create havoc. Remember, don’t destroy too much, but make sure we get pb’s attention.”
Er-no sent groups of Demons off in different directions. The Invasion had begun.
____________________________
Your Honour sat down in his favourite chair, lied back and relaxed for the first time that day. The legs then snapped beneath him. Your Honour sighed, now resigned to the fact that a greater intelligence appeared to take great delight in waiting just until Your Honour was relaxing, and then completely ruining it for him. It wasn’t so bad at first, most of the time whenever he stepped into a shower the water was cold, and whenever he sat down to watch his favourite TV program-Bruce’s Price Is Right-his boss rang up to tell him he was needed back at work.
But as the days went by, this higher intelligence heightened his punishments. It seemed now that every day he started his long walk to the train station, it started raining about 10 minutes into the journey, when it was too far to walk back home to get the umbrella which he normally took with him. It was only a slight drizzle at first, but as he walked further and further, this greater intelligence turned on the water works, and by the time he was 10 minutes from the station, it seemed as though a monsoon was coming down on him, and he was so wet that there was no real point in taking shelter.
He looked at up to the heavens and said, “Why do you do this to me, eh?” He got back to his feet, and decided to make himself a turkey sandwich. He looked in the fridge, knowing that the turkey would not be there. But it was! He smiled, got the turkey out, and then went over to get some bread. Your Honour’s smile turned upside down, as he realised he had no bread left.
Suddenly, there was a smashing of glass behind him. He turned, and found one of his favourite glasses on the floor, in lots of different pieces. He sadly picked them up, threw them in the bin, and swept up the rest.
As he stood up, there was a sudden sharp pain right in the middle of his spine, like someone had kicked him there. He winced, rubbed his back, and then turned. There was no one there. He shrugged, and went to get on with some work he had left to do.
As he walked put of the kitchen, Demon Dogfather appeared behind him. Dogfather then threw a plate right at the back of Your Honour’s head, and it hit. YH fell to the ground, sighed, and fell unconscious.
Dogfather smiled devilishly and said, “I never miss.”
______________________________
FantasyMeister, Wookiee Monster, The Game and Ant had all gone for a day out at the Zoo. Supposedly, the best enclosure was the Elephant one. They travelled straight over there, and marvelled at the beauty of the enclosure. It was very large, with lots of thick, green grass for the big eared, tusk-wearing animals to eat. There was a small pool of water for them to drink from occasionally, with a gorgeous, flowing waterfall above it. There were largish rocks all the way around the outside so they couldn’t get near to the crowds, but behind those rocks were many different types of beautiful flowers.
“Bloomin’ heck,” Wookiee said.
“It’s a nice place,” Ant agreed, “especially compared to the Rhino one,” he said, annoyed. Rhino’s were his favourite animal, apart from Ants, of course.
“When’s feeding time?” FM asked.
The Game looked in the leaflet, “Round about…now, I reckon.”
And he was right. The Elephants were allowed out of their enclosure, and in a small pen were people could put their hands out to feed them. They all took some food from a box the zoo had provided, and quickly got to the front of the gathering crowd. Just as Wookiee was feeding 1 of the 4 Elephants, a sudden blur went across his line of vision. He stepped back in surprise. The Elephant appeared a little miffed at this move, and it wanted to finish it’s food, so Wookiee shook his head, and put his hand out again.
But there it was again. This time, there were 2 of them! Now 3…and 4! Suddenly, for no reason at all, the nets started coming off the enclosure, like they were being…pulled off by an invisible force. Then, the door between the pen and the enclosure opened, and the box of food seemed to fly into the enclosure!
All the rocks flew to the outside, one of them nearly hitting a screaming boy in the head. The Elephants ran out of the pen towards the box of food, but if flew away again, this time to outside the enclosure! The Elephants ran out of their home, quickly ate all the food and then began running around the Zoo wildly.
“Bloomin’ heck,” Wookiee said.
There was a scream behind them, and a whole horde of people were sprinting towards them, running away from…a Lion! The Lion’s had got out of their enclosure too!
“Crap!” Game cried, “Run!”
Ant, FantasyMeister, The Game and Wookiee Monster started to run towards the Zoo exit. As they ran, they came across Monkeys, Lizards, Giraffes and Zebras, and in the distance they saw a Tiger running riot.
Also, these strange people with wings kept appearing from no where, and they were laughing their heads off at the whole thing!
“Bloomin’ heck,” said Wookiee, as they neared the exit.
Two animals that had stayed in their enclosure were the Parrots, who had been named Ice Blaster and RawisAndy. They had disappointed the crowds by never saying anything, but they didn’t mind talking to each-other.
“So, what do you think is going in?” Andy asked, as a Snow Leopard sprinted past them.
“I’ve heard about this…” IB leaned in closer to Andy, “Every couple of hundred years or so, the animals gain supernatural strength, and become nearly as intelligent as humans. They then realise that they shouldn’t be penned up in enclosures, and they escape.”
Andy nodded his read and blue coloured head, “Ahhh, I see. Why don’t we leave then?
“Well, I kind of like it here, to be honest.”
“Yeah,” Andy agreed, “Also IB, why did that man and woman go into the toilets earlier, giggling and ripping eachother’s clothes off?”
“I’ve heard about this…” IB said quietly, “Every few days or so humans must take their clothes off with someone else there.”
“Why would they do that?”
“I think it’s about being spiritually fulfilled or something,” IB explained.
“Ahhh…okay, thanks IB, I understand it all now.”
____________________________
Goatboy sat back in his favourite armchair, got out a cigarette, and turned the TV on. As he inhaled and exhaled his favourite brand (Marlboro did ask did ask to be used in the story, but they were £1 million short of a deal,) he watched as some idiot on the Health Channel talked about why smoking was bad for you, and how you should give it up.
“Hello, my name is Time_Warp,” said the presenter, “and today our topic is smoking. Why do people smoke? Does it calm the nerves? Perhaps. Is it pleasurable? It seems so. But why do people pump money into the government for cigarettes-which are just going to kill them, and maybe their friends and family!”
“Ah, go away you silly git,” Goatboy said, turning the TV off. As you can guess, smoking is Goatboy’s favourite thing.
There was a knock at the door-it was Goatboy’s neighbour, Seifer. Seifer had brought lots and lots of drink. As you can guess, drinking was Seifer’s favourite thing.
“O’rite Goatie!” Seifer shouted, obviously a little drunk.
Goatboy coughed, “’ello Seifer, how are ya?”
“I’m goooood mate, gooood.”
“Well that’s just dandy.”
Goatboy took Seifer into the lounge, and they both sat down for a chat. They had been talking for twenty minutes, when Goatboy turned to get another cigarette, and found the whole pack had gone.
“Oi, Seifer, have you stolen my cigs?”
Seifer swigged from his bottle of beer, and said, “Nah, ‘course not. Why would I want your cigs?”
“Well, I had at least 3 left, and their all gone-the box as well!”
“I dunno where they are…hey, where’s all my drink gone!?”
Seifer and Goatboy both got up to try and find their cigarettes and drink. Goatboy saw one in mid-air. He slowly walked up to it, grabbed for it, but it seemed to fly away from him.
The same was happening with Seifer-he kept grabbing for his bottle of Budweiser (these guys did pay enough) but it didn’t seem to want to be caught.
“What in the hell is going on?!” Goatboy cried. As he said this, 3 Demons appeared, all smoking fags and drinking alcohol. They laughed their heads off until Seifer asked,
“Who are you guys?”
One of them said, “You don’t need do know our names, but I’ll tell you anyway, I’m Shocktrooper, he’s GasMask and he’s Grandprix.”
“Okay, and what the hell are you doing?” Goatboy demanded.
Shocktrooper grinned, “We’re smoking your fags and drinking your beer,” he said, taking a swig and puffing out some smoke.
Goatboy and Seifer ran at them, but the Demons smashed through a window, and travelled to where the 3rd Class Demons were gathering.
The plan was for the 4th Class to continue to wreak havoc, and for the 3rd Class to gather in the centre of a busy city, where he would announce his plans to the 3rd Class, and then wait for pb’s response. Er-no knew he said they wouldn’t be in classes anymore, but he needed to split them this time and this was the easiest way to do it.
He was able to contact pb via his thoughts anytime he wanted, and pb could do the same normally-but er-no had blocked him off ever since he started the rebellion. Now, he took that block away, and waited.
___________________________
And he continued to wait. But nothing came. The 3rd Class Demons were getting impatient, and the 4th Class were resorting to more extreme actions as time went by.
Meanwhile, a few hours earlier in the Heavens…
Pb, Turbonutter and Strafex sprinted back to the Viewing Centre, where they could focus in on Earth and find out what was going on.
“By golly Strafex, what the dizzles is going on?” Turbonutter asked.
“It’s…” Strafex was out of breath thanks to all the running he’d been doing, “It’s er-no and his faction of Angels, we believe!”
“What!? How the hell did they get back down to Earth?!” pb asked, alarmed.
“We think we know that as well,” Strafex took a deep breath, “Meka_Dragon-the guy who was going to replace you, has been helping them. Meka has some sort of special powers, and is the best scientist in the Heavens. We think he…created some sort of portal through to Earth in his house…”
The three men ran into the Viewing Centre, and pb focused down onto the place where it seemed most of the trouble was happening.
“Yes, you’re right. There’s er-no and…it seems as though all the 3rd Class have gathered around him, they’re waiting for something…it seems as though er-no’s trying to contact someone…”
“Can he contact you?” Turbonutter enquired.
“No, ever since we pushed them back into whatever hellhole they were staying in, I’ve blocked him and any of the 3rd and 4th Class. He may be trying to talk to me…”
“Don’t answer him,” TBN told him.
They then headed off to Meka’s house, were all the Angels and the rest of the Board Of Light were standing. Sheepy and M16 came up to them.
“We believe the portal leads to Earth, sir,” Sheepy said, “Why don’t we send down some of my army, I mean, M16 here can do a lot of damage.”
“I can do a LOT of damage, sir,” M16 said in a cold voice.
Pb ran inside, and saw that the portal was created when the light was shined against one part of the wall.
“Estrocynominical Physics,” he whispered, realising the sort of science Meka had used to create it.
Pb turned, “Sheepy, send half you’re army down there, including yourself and M16. I will also be joining you.”
Sheepy nodded, assembled his men, and then they all jumped through the portal.
___________________________
Goatboy drew back his fist, and punched Demon Shocktrooper square between the eyes. While er-no was trying to contact pb, the humans had decided to do a bit of fighting themselves, and were battling the Demons.
Mr Snuggly had just sent Your Honour flying, and Jet had been left lying by GasMask and shaneo.
Shocktrooper just laughed at Goatboy, and then smacked him in the cheek with one of his large wings.
However, er-no was still frustrated, “Why won’t he let me get through to him!”
Meka appeared behind er-no, and said, “I feel something…the portal has been used by someone else…did we leave any Demons behind?”
“No, this is all of them. Who could it be then?”
Suddenly, there was a cry from behind them, and everyone turned to see M16 running at all of them, “AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!” he cried, before nailing Meka with some sort of flying dropkick.
He then went round punching and kicking all the Demons down (with a bit of help from the humans,) and then he was left facing er-no.
“Time for you to die, scum,” M16 sneered, and just as he was about to swing for er-no, Meka grabbed him by the air, and threw him into the horde of Demons, who then held him back-stopping him from attacking anyone else.
Meka laughed, “So this is what pb sends down to battle us!” He said incredulously.
“No! But this is!” Sheepy cried from behind him.
Meka turned to see Sheepy leading about 50 Angels into battle against them. “Get them!” He cried to the Demons. There were around sixty 3rd Class Demons who ran out to fight the Angels, and about forty 4th Class Demons who were still running riot on Earth-not knowing anything about the current situation.
RastaBillySkank was the first to draw blood for the Angels, when he threw a spear right through Dan2K1’s stomach. DeltaJava had managed to stick a poison tipped tinned carrot into the mouth of EyeCandy.
The Demons began to take advantage however when Mr Snuggly grabbed a Heavy Machine Gun off a surprised pb, and began shooting madly with it.
As the battle went on, more and more Angels were captured by the Demons, until it was just pb and a few 1st Class Angels left. Pb looked sadly at the Angels, “I think we’ve lost this one.”
Meka walked up to him, slapped him in the face and said, “Right then. I’ll put it in easy terms so you can understand me. If you don’t give ius the control of the Heavens, then we shall destroy Earth. Okay?”
Pb looked around at the human’s faces. Humans who had bravely battled with him and the Angels. He couldn’t give up on them…but how could he win? Basically, there were more Demons than Angels, even if he get Turbonutter to send down the rest of them.
“STOP!!”
Everyone turned and gasped. Meka knew that voice…he slowly turned to face…Grix Thraves. The previous God.
“But I killed you!” Meka cried, shocked.
“I’m afraid not, Meka.” Grix smiled, “I was going to become a very powerful God, wasn’t I? I was going to become the BEST scientist in the Heavens, wasn’t I?”
“Ye-yes, but I was the best scientist! Why should I’ve let you overtake me?!”
“Well, you didn’t let me, I know that much. I recovered from your beating, didn’t I?” He gestured to all the Angels and Demons, “You all thought I’d just gone missing, hadn’t you? Well, you were partly right. I built myself a rehabilitation casket, where I healed from my injuries for a few years. Injuries which you gave me,” he pointed to Meka, “Anyway, once I’d recovered, I decided I wanted revenge, so I created a weapon that will kill you in 5 seconds. And in that 5 seconds, you will go through immense pain.”
Grix suddenly brought out a bright yellow ball, and threw it right at Meka, it hit him in the stomach and there was small explosion right in front of him. Meka’s skin began to burn away, and he screamed in pain.
“AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!” He cried, as he melted into a small puddle.
“Well, that’s revenge enough,” Grix said, grinning. “Now, all you Demons-and you too er-no. You were never treated badly. I’m sure you liked your lives the way they were. Your leader is dead. Now c’mon, think about what you’re doing. This is wrong, and you know it. Before we all lived in harmony, and now…just look at all of us. Why er-no? Once pb was done, I’m sure you would become the next God.”
Pb walked up to er-no, “He’s right. I know I didn’t tell anyone about your contributions, but I…once the humans were the best race ever, I was going to retire, and let you be God! I swear to God er-no, that’s what I was gonna do.”
Er-no was stunned, “really?”
“Yes, er-no.”
er-no turned to the 3rd Class, and the 4th Class which had gathered when they heard Meka’s screams.
“Do you want to become Angels again? Do you want to quit this rebellion, and join pb, Turbonutter, Grix and all the other Angels back in the heavens.”
“YEAH!” Cried all the former Demons.
Er-no offered his hand to pb, and pb shook it “I think you know the answer,” er-no said with a grin.
“AAAAHHH!!” Screamed 4th Class Angel Sniper, who was not willing to come back to the Heavens. He ran straight towards pb and er-no with a Sniper Rifle held high.
He aimed at pb, and shot. Unfortunately for him, RastaBillySkank had stuck his finger in the hole where the bullet came out. The bullet rebounded right through Sniper’s eye, who fell to the floor, dead.
“Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!” Everyone laughed heartily.
__________________________
There was a big party, with a lot of humans invited, and everyone was rather drunk-Grix especially.
“Hey look, everyone! You know the weapon I killed Meka with?! I’ve got another one right here!” He pulled out a large bright yellow ball, and threw it across the room. It landed next to Wookiee Monster, and his skin began to melt rather painfully.
“Bloomin’ heck.”
_____________________________
Thanks for reading, Ant.
Although, what did they expect? He was just a lowly Third Class Angel, and one day he heard that position as God was open, and so he applied. He’d written on his application, “I like to do nice things.”
Well, that was it for the Board of Light. They snapped him up straight away, hoping that he would do many nice things.
He firstly tried to finish what the previous God before him (he thought his name was Grix Thraves, but he wasn’t sure,) had started. A race of beings that all looked like Henry VIII, but without the eyes. They were actually doing rather well, many of the males had at least 4 wives-which meant there were about 4 times as many females as their were males. But of course, pb had forgotten all about Henry VIII and his many wives, and he created lots of males to, ‘even it up a bit.’
Of course, this led to many wars, and the males ended up killing the whole of their race.
So next, pb created his own race called The Shmeer (he was rather proud of the name,) which looked rather like 3-legged, blue-furred Rhino’s-but quite intelligent.
He decided to leave them be for a few weeks, and when he looked at them he was shocked to see they were all dead. He spent months trying to figure out how they had died, until he realised he’d put no source of food or drink on the planet.
The Seezlomar were his third project. They were shaped like a ball with tiny little arms and a face, and they had to roll to travel. He thought that because of their shape they would be almost invulnerable to large falls, so he created lots and lots of cliffs on their planet so he could have fun watching them fall off, and then ‘roll’ straight back up again. He didn’t bother testing, and watched in horror as nearly the whole of his species fell to the ground with a splat, and did not ‘roll’ back up again.
The rest of them died by rolling head-first into things like trees and walls. One survived for quite a while, until pb killed him off as he didn’t think it was very impressive to have race that contained one member.
That was when the Board of Light enquired about why he was doing so poorly. Pb’s nervous response was, “Blame it on the species’.”
“But you created the species, so we have to blame you.”
Pb stayed silent, he was sure he was about to get fired.
Turbonutter, the head of the council said, “You’re fired,” confirming his fears. Then he slapped him rather hard on the back, guffawed, and said, “Only joking! You’ve got another go.” Turbonutter then walked off singing, “My Girl Lollipop.”
He had one more project. One more shot. One more chance at being God. So, he gathered his favourite legion of Angels, also knows as the First Class Angels, and discussed with them what his final project should be.
“What about a race of chocolate cakes?!” DeltaJava suggested excitedly.
“They’d eat eachother,” was pb’s response, surprisingly getting something right for once.
“Shortbread?!” Delta again.
“They’d do the same.”
“Chocolate chip cookies?!”
pb sighed, and asked his personal favourite angel for advice, “er-no, do you have any ideas?” er-no was very intelligent, and pb was very surprised that he wasn’t God yet.
“Why don’t we create a…special race.”
“DOUBLE CHOCOLATE CHIP?!?!”
“No Delta,” er-no’s eyes brightened, and he leant in very close, “We give them everything we have here in heaven. Food like cakes and cookies, entertainment like television and radio, even houses!”
“But what will they evolve to?” asked another angel, RastaBillySkank. “How can they become better than us?? A race must develop it’s technology.”
“Well…how about we start off slow. They can be a primitive race, with badly built houses and poor clothes to wear. And then they can develop and evolve with our help, and perhaps one day become like we are now.”
Pb was still sceptical, “But will the Board allow it?”
“They don’t even have to know! They’ll just think they’re another boring race-not knowing that we will help them to develop! We can make them almost as intelligent as us.”
Pb grinned, “Sounds good er-no, thanks for your help. Lets get started!”
“LINDT CHOCOLATE!?!”
___________________________
A few years later…how many exactly?? God knows…
Pb laid back in his deckchair, smiling at the fact that the humans had brought him up to number 3 in the “Top 10 Best Gods,” list. In 1st place was a man named Tony, who’d created 5 successful races, one of them being the all-time greatest species. In 2nd was…well, they were the first ever joint-Gods. They were called Reaper and Iguana, and although they didn’t always get on well, they did manage to create 4 successful species, one of them being the Dinosaurs. The Dinosaurs were going to become the longest-surviving race, until Iguana threw a stone at Reaper and missed.
Pb had only created 1 successful species, and was already 3rd. This showed how good the humans were, and their planet which had been named “Earth.” To be honest though, he owed it all to er-no.
Er-no designed the humans, and especially designed the first 2 people-Myst!que and Edgy. They had both eaten the forbidden cheese, but there was no real problem with that. It just proved that you cannot create a race without sin.
Er-no had come up with the successful idea of Jesus, and now much of the planet knew about who had created them. Some didn’t believe in him of course, but pb didn’t mind all that much. They would come round.
Er-no had been the one who’d helped the humans along their evolution, and although they had failed to recognise the glories of electricity, they were evolving a lot faster than any other species ever before.
The Board Of Light were very pleased.
“I must say pb, these humans of yours are rather ravishing,” Turbonutter said, “They look a lot like us, as well, which means they’re even closer to perfection! Keep it up, my good man!” Turbonutter guffawed once again, hit pb’s back rather harshly in a ‘friendly’ way, and then strutted off.
Standing in the corner of the room was er-no…he was burning with rage. Why wasn’t pb acknowledging his contribution?! Well, not a contribution-he’d done the whole damn thing! Pb was too much of an idiot to have created an amazing race like the humans. Er-no wanted power…he wanted glory, and he was willing to do anything to get it. Even if it meant rebelling…against God.
_____________________________
The Third Class and Fourth Class Angels stood in er-no’s office, wondering as to what er-no had asked them here for. The office was very spacious, with a huge desk and a black leather chair in the centre. Their was a large bookcase to the right, with a picture of er-no’s family on the wall next to it.
“What do you think he wants?” Asked 4th Class Angel Bonus, shakily, he was rather nervous, but then again, he always was. He got nervous when he had to brush his teeth at night-he thought the electric brush was planning to chop his head off. All 4th Class Angels did was clean toilets, make tea and occasionally they would be used for scientific tests. One Angel called semajal had the bad fortune to be used to test the first ever ‘anal injection.’
The worst part of it was that it failed.
Semajal hobbled over to the group and said, “It’s not another test, is it?!”
3rd Class Angel shaneo shook his head, “No, I don’t think so. Even us 3rd Class Angels would’ve heard about any tests by now.”
Suddenly, the door opened and in stepped er-no. He looked at the group of about 30 and smiled, his whole face glowing.
“Hello, as I’m sure you are all aware, my name is er-no, and I am personal assistant to our God, pb.” As he said this his eyes narrowed, and his voice shook for a moment.
“I expect you’re all wondering why I gathered you here. Well, do you think that you’re…important?”
The Angels all looked in confusion at each-other, and then shook their heads.
“Well, you’re wrong. You may not have been important before, but as soon as you stepped into this room, you BECAME important.”
Angel GasMask stepped forward, “Well, why is this?? And why only gather the 3rd and 4th Class?”
Er-no smiled again, “Ah, I see you are a confident one. You will be an asset to me. Anyway, I will show you what I mean in a moment. But first you must understand this fact, you are no longer in classes.” He pointed at Bonus, “You, what is your name and class?”
“My n-n-name is Bonus, sir,” he stuttered, “I am 4th Class.”
“No you’re not. Not anymore. With me, you won’t belong in ANY class. None of you. What you will be, is my…helper. An assistant for want of a better word.”
“Now it’s time to show you why you are here. Shall I tell you why you’re important? It’s because you’re about to start the biggest rebellion ever known.”
“A rebellion against who?” Seifer asked.
“A rebellion against the heavens. A rebellion against the people. A rebellion…” er-no sneered, “against God.”
Er-no walked over to the picture of his family, and took it off the wall. There was some sort of lever behind it. He pulled the lever, and the bookcase began to slide left. Behind it, a dark stairway.
“Follow me,” er-no beckoned the angels, and began to walk down the stairway. The Angels slowly followed.
It was dark, very dark. As they went further and further, the sound of their feet on the metallic steps became echoed.
The main thing they noticed however, was the heat. As they neared the end of the stairway, everyone was sweating.
They came to a curtain. Er-no stood in front of the curtain, and smiled evilly. Suddenly, he opened the curtain, revealing…
Flames…rocks…lava…caves…weapons…blood…
“Welcome…to Hell.”
__________________________________
The Angels looked round in awe. How had he created this desolate place, without the Board Of Light or pb seeing?!
Angel Shocktrooper was the first to speak, “What is this place for? What do you plan to do with it?”
Er-no smiled. But it wasn’t the smile he used to…smile. This smile was different somehow. This smile was full of hatred, full of evil, full of…some other bad thing that Shocktrooper couldn’t describe.
“From now on, this will be your home,” he seemed to hesitate, “No, not your home. Your base.”
Shocktrooper looked puzzled. “ You what??” He said in a tone perhaps not appropriate for the current situation he was in.
“Look, are you sick of being treated badly?” The Angels said nothing.
“Are you sick of people,” er-no thought for a moment, “looking down on you? Don’t you hate the way all those 1st and 2nd Class Angels look at you with that pompous stare, that disgusted look, the amusement in their eyes because they see you as a dirty, useless creature that doesn’t deserve to live!?”
The Angels looked at each-other, not sure what to do. What er-no was telling them was a complete lie. Yes, okay, they weren’t very important-but most of them didn’t want to be. If they did, they’d end up being promoted. To be honest, the conditions they lived in weren’t much different from all the other Angels. They had spacious homes, and enough money to have a pleasurable life.
They were treated exactly the same as any other Angel. And the 1st and 2nd Class Angels were all very friendly towards them. What er-no was saying was complete rubbish.
So what made the Angels reply the way they did? The thought of power? Perhaps they were scared or er-no? Perhaps that is a question that will never be answered. Of course, it could be answered tomorrow. Who knows, eh?
The Angels all nodded, and GasMask stepped forward and said, “Yes, we are sick of it.”
Er-no’s ‘smile’ disappeared, and he said in a cold, low voice, “Good. Then you will join my legion? Will you join me in my bid to become the most powerful faction ever to grace the presence of the Heavens? You will all be treated well, and once we complete our first mission, we will all be treated…like Kings.”
GasMask turned to the Angels, “Do you want to?”
“YES!!” Came the resounding cry.
GasMask turned back to er-no, and said, “Yes, we will.”
Er-no had expected this response, and showed no emotions to the Angels. “I am your leader,” he said, “You can call me anything from a choice of many names.”
Er-no got out a book named, “The A-Z of Evil Names.”
“You can call me Devil, Satan, Beezlebubbly, Your Evillishness, Margaret Thatcher or by my normal name, er-no.”
“Oh Margaret Thatcher, we bow down to you, and hope you will lead us all into victory against…against who?” Shocktrooper asked.
“Everyone. All the 1st and 2nd Class Angels, the Board Of Light, our current God-pb…everyone. We will gather guns, electric prodders, knives and other sharply-tipped painful things, and we will take over the heavens.”
___________________________
“So, how’s everything going, pb?” 1st Class Angel Sheepy asked. Sheepy was also the Commander of the Army, not that they were ever really needed. Nearly all 1st and 2nd Class Angels were members of the Army.
“Very well, Sheepy. Very well indeed. The humans are now thriving, and are evolving like a couple of Ants in a bowl of sugar! Nothing is wrong…although, I haven’t seen er-no for a while. Have you, Commander?”
Sheepy shook his head, and then remembered what he’d come to talk to pb about.
“errrr…also sir, all the weapons have disappeared from our weaponry room.”
“You what!? All of them!?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so.”
“Even the poison-tipped tinned carrots?”
“Even the poison-tipped tinned carrots,” Sheepy confirmed.
Pb was shocked, and worried, “so…where are they all now, then?”
Sheepy shook his head in amazement, “We sent our number one stealth assasin, Mongoose Man out to find them, but he came back with nothing.”
BOOM!! BAM! BAM! BAM!
Pb jumped a few metres in the air as a huge explosion went off somewhere in the heavens, and then round after round of gunfire.
“I think…” Sheepy said carefully, “That if we follow those noises, we’ll find all the weapons!”
The 2 men were situated on the top level of a 3-storey restaurant. pb looked out of a window, and saw nothing but blue sky.
“By God Sheepy…there’s nothing out there! Everything’s been destroyed!”
“Perhaps you should look down, sir.”
Pb looked down onto the streets of the heavens, and saw about 5 Angels holding Sub-Machine Guns, shooting anything that moved, and that included other Angels.
“Sheepy-get your army out there now!! Some Angels are rebelling!”
Sheepy ran off to gather his army, and pb ran down the stairs. He opened the door, and tried to keep out of sight of the renegade Angels. He hid behind a building, and peeked out. It seemed as though all the rebels were 3rd and 4th Class…yes, he was sure of it.
He began to run again, this time towards the Board Of Light Building, where he would quickly consult the Board, asking them what to do.
Unfortunately, as he neared the building, he saw about 10 3rd and 4th Class Angels, shooting up at the windows, obviously aiming for members of the Board Of Light.
He turned left, and he saw Angels running around holding knives and screaming, “Surrender, or we will kill you all!”
He looked left-more rebel Angels!
“Hey, look! There’s pb! Get him!”
pb turned forward again, to see Shocktrooper, GasMask, Bonus, Dan2K1, Grandprix, Jet and Monkey_With_Attitude (all 3rd and 4th Class Angels,) sprinting towards him with their guns held high.
Pb’s heart jumped up to his throat, and he turned back to run…where? Where could he escape?
He turned, and slammed straight into someone. He slowly got to his feet, straightened, and looked up at…er-no.
“Oh er-no, thank god you’re here. The 3rd and 4th Class are rebelling!”
er-no smiled evilly, “Yes, I know they are,” he then pulled out a poison-tipped carrot, and pointed it at pb’s face.
“And so am I.”
His eyes narrowed, and he went to stuff the carrot into pb’s mouth. Fortunately, pb had seen it coming, and he’d ducked. Instead, the carrot was stuffed in MWA’s mouth, who was just about to attack pb. He fell to the floor, dead.
Pb grinned at er-no, “Ha, you rebelling piece of Mongrel vomit, you missed, and killed one of your own!”
Er-no was shaking with rage, “I deserve more respect than this!!!”
Er-no got out a Shotgun, and was just about to blow pb’s head off, when 1st Class Angel and the best fighter in all the Heavens, M16, ran in and nailed er-no with a beautiful kick to the back of the head. Behind him came the Angel Army, led by Commander Sheepy.
“KILL THEM ALL!!” Cried Sheepy, and about 50 1st and 2nd Class Angels ran at the rebels, their guns held high.
Er-no realised he’d been beaten, “Quick, run back to Hell, my Demons!” The 3rd and 4th Class Angels, now knows as the Demons, began to retreat towards where er-no’s office was situated, with the Army following. But the whole of the Army were carrying heavy bags, and they quickly began to fall behind the Demons.
The Demons reached er-no’s office, quickly ran through the secret passage and shut it behind them, before the Army saw where they’d gone. To be honest, the Army were so far behind they didn’t even realise that they were somewhere in er-no’s office.
Sheepy called back the Army back to the Board Of Light building, where Turbonutter and pb were trying to restore order.
____________________________
er-no was inconsolable. Not even Shocktrooper’s Walrus impression could cheer him up.
One day, the Demon names Mr Snuggly decided to visit er-no, and suggest a plan to him. He went over to a lava pool, where the Devil was standing, holding a pitchfork.
“Hello, your Evillishness. How are you feeling today?”
“What’s the point of feeling anything? This rebellion has failed. What else can we do? There are more Angels than there are Demons. If we were to venture out of here, we would soon be killed.”
“Look sir, I have a…can I ask first, what’s that pitchfork for?”
er-no slowly looked down at the red pitchfork, “Oh, this old thing. I was just doing some gardening. Don’t know what the point is, though, nothing’s ever going to grow here. Anyway, you were saying you had a plan?”
Mr Snuggly’s eyes brightened, “Yes, I do. Instead of attacking our current God pb, why not attack the source of his happiness?”
“You mean the humans?”
“Yes, I do. If we begin to destroy the humans, then pb will have to surrender to us!”
“I suppose so…but why couldn’t they just come down and attack us? They’d still defeat us…”
“They wouldn’t, as the battle would destroy much of the planet! And just imagine it…down there on Earth, we would be super beings! We could do anything we liked with them…”
er-no’s eyes widened, “You’re right…if we can find some way of getting down there before pb and his cronies stop us, he would have to let us rule! He wouldn’t destroy the humans, as they mean too much to him, after all, they are the best race ever created. This could work, this could work! Well done, Mr Snuggly. From now on, you are my personal assistant.”
“Thank you, oh Margaret Thatcher. But how shall we get down to Earth?”
“Give me time. It may take a while, but it will be worth it. Soon, we will be rulers of planet Earth, and then, the Heavens! MWA HA HA HA HA HA!!”
___________________________
er-no had set up rooms for all the Demons, and when they had all gone to bed, he slowly walked up to his office, and stepped inside to meet the large figure standing in front of him.
“Good evening, Master.” Er-no said.
“Good Evening to you, er-no. But enough of this small talk, lets get down to business. What the hell (pun not intended) happened the other day?! I thought by now we would be rulers of the Heavens?!”
er-no looked down at his feet, a sorrowful look on his face.
“Look…my shoes aren’t gonna last 1 more week…anyway, look, that idea didn’t go as well as planned. But I have a new idea…something even better.”
“Go on…”
er-no then proceeded to tell the large man about Mr Snuggly’s plan, and then asked one question.
“Can you get us to Earth? There must be some way…”
The large man though for a moment, “There is a way. It will take a while though, and I will have to use a lot of my energy to do it, but the plan is brilliant. It will be worth it once we rule the Heavens. For the next hundred years or so, gather your forces. Make them larger, make them stronger! I will let you know when it is ready.”
“Will I be able to speak to you between now and then?”
“No, I’m afraid not. But you can cope.”
“Yes, Master.”
“Call me by my name, er-no.” The large man said with a smile.
“Okay then. Yes, *COUGH COUGH*”
“Excuse me?”
“Sorry, a tickle in the throat. Yes, Meka_Dragon. I will cope.”
“Good…good. Now, I must go.”
Meka walked towards the door very evilly, opened it evilly, smiled evilly, and then walked out evilly. He then promptly tripped on a large rock, got up evilly, brushed himself off evilly and walked away evilly.
___________________________
About another 500 years later…
Pb was now first in the Top 10 Best Gods list, and Turbonutter had just asked him round for dinner. Although pb was honoured, he also felt rather awkward.
He knocked on the rather large door, and it was opened by a rather small butler.
“Hello sir. My name is Dav1d, and I will be your butler for tonight. Please follow me to the Lounge, where Turbonutter and his 2 sons are waiting.”
Pb followed Dav1d, and wondered what had happened to Turbonutter’s wife. One day she just…disappeared. She didn’t die, as TBN would have told them all and there would’ve been a big funeral, so where had she gone? There were rumours that she’d gone off with an Ice Cream seller, but they were made by Sniper, who never really knows what he’s talking about.
Pb walked into the ‘lounge,’ and looked around in awe. The ceiling was pure gold, and huge, beautiful portraits hung on the lovely blue walls, one of a gorgeous woman who pb presumed was Turbonutter’s wife. 12 foot Candles stood on a pure oak ‘coffee table,’ which was about the size of an average bedroom on planet Earth. The sun was still up, and it shone brightly through the windows, leaving large patches of light all over the smooth, wooden floor.
“Ah, hello there Grix!” Turbonutter hurried over to pb, shook his hand, and took him over to the amazingly comfy sofas.
“His name’s pb, sir,” Dav1d told his master.
“Ah yes, of course! Sorry old chap, I’ve had dinner with so many Gods before, it’s hard to remember them all! I’d be careful though, over half the Gods who came over to my house for dinner died the next day!” Turbonutter laughed his head off at this, and although pb laughed with him, an uneasy feeling began to creep into his stomach.
Two boys who both looked about 15 years old strolled over to pb. One came straight up to him and said, “Hello, my name’s Lexus. How do you do?”
Pb was impressed by his confidence, “Hello Lexus, I’m fine thank-you very much,” he turned to the other boy, “And what might your name be?”
The boy looked at pb with a disgusted look on his face, then pointed his finger right at pb’s face and said, “My name’s Logan, got it? No more questions, got it?”
“I got it!” pb said jokingly. Logan did not laugh back.
20 minutes later the group were eating dinner, which was Roast Angelle-a sort of dog which angels sometimes kept for a pet, and occasionally ate.
Conversation had dried up a little, and Turbonutter noticed pb staring at the portrait of his wife.
“Ah, I see you’re marvelling the picture of my lovely wife,” he said with a wry smile on his face.
“Yes…,” pb hesitated, before finally daring to ask the big question, “What…happened to her, anyway? I haven’t seen her for a while.”
Turbonutter wiped his mouth with a napkin, and said, “Oh, she ran off with an Ice Cream seller.”
“No more questions about my mother, got it?” Logan asked pb.
“Yes, I got it.” Pb slowly got back to eating, when Dav1d came up to them and said, “pb, sir, your messenger has come to see you.”
Pb’s messenger, named Strafex, came running in, completely out of breath.
“Sir…sir…” Strafex breathed deeply, “pb, sir. There is trouble on Earth, you must come quickly!”
_____________________________
A few hours earlier…
Meka_Dragon had done it. He’d completed it. He’d finished it. He had created a fast, painless, and interesting way to get to Earth. No one had ever done it before-I mean, it took Jesus 5 years to get down to Earth. Meka could send himself, er-no and the Demons down there in a matter of seconds.
He’d gotten all the Demons together, along with er-no, ready to present his amazing creation. They all stood in his science lab, ready and waiting to get down to Earth.
“Before I show you what is under this sheet of paper, I am going to tell you how I created this. It may take a while, but I want you to know how much hassle I went through to make it.”
The Demons groaned, and er-no stepped past Meka, and pulled the paper off, revealing a lamp. Not one of those stupid Lamps from the Aladdin movies, a normal lamp, with bulbs in. “What’s this?” er-no asked, dismayed.
“If you give me time, I will tell you what it…”
“I don’t care how you made it, just get us down to Earth!” er-no pressed what looked like a button, and the light shone onto a wall, revealing some sort of portal.
“Look, please let me tell you how…”
“Quick, jump through the portal everyone!” er-no shouted at the Demons, and they did so.
Er-no looked at Meka, “Sorry mate, we just don’t have time,” and then he jumped through the portal.
Meka shook his head in dismay. He was in charge of this whole rebellion after all, but he was a patient man. They were right, all they had to do was jump through the portal, and when everyone else had gone through, he did so himself.
At first he could sense nothing but the air against his face, but suddenly he was thrust into a world of colour. Blue! Green! Red! Yellow! Streaks and sparks of colour zoomed past him, as he travelled at the speed of light through the portal. Then, he was thrown into a world of sound. He could hear music…lots of music. It was extremely loud, but it didn’t seem to effect him.
Then he seemed to drop into a world full of…full of…he sniffed, and his sense of smell went wild! He could smell food, drink, petrol, smoke-everything! And finally, those 3 senses came together to form a single amazing experience, and then he landed on the ground with a ‘thud.’ He was helped up by Demon Grandprix, who then asked, “Are we on Earth?”
Meka looked around. Grass, trees, rivers-and in the distance-towers, houses and humans.
“Yes, we are here.”
Dan2K1 asked, “So, are we ‘super-beings’ here, then?”
“Yes, we most certainly are. Although these humans are further advanced than any other species ever created, we are still way more powerful. For a start, we can fly. We can make things move just with the power of our minds, and…if my calculations are correct, we can become invisible on this planet.”
Suddenly, a human came walking past them. Er-no, as the main creator of this planet, knew the name of every single person on Earth.
“His name is VenomByte,” er-no whispered.
Meka silently flew up to VenomByte, and stood right in front of him. Venom appeared not to notice anything, until he walked into Meka and fell backwards. He got up, a scared look in his eyes. He walked forward again, this time a little timidly, and once again walked into Meka.
In Venom’s eyes though, it appeared as though absolutely nothing was knocking him over. He began to walk backwards, but GasMask had gone behind them, and Venom walked into him and fell forwards.
“AAAAHHHH!!” Venom screamed, and ran to his left, where fortunately no Demons were. He ran off towards the city, screaming.
The Demons laughed, and then er-no said to them, “Let us go, and create havoc. Remember, don’t destroy too much, but make sure we get pb’s attention.”
Er-no sent groups of Demons off in different directions. The Invasion had begun.
____________________________
Your Honour sat down in his favourite chair, lied back and relaxed for the first time that day. The legs then snapped beneath him. Your Honour sighed, now resigned to the fact that a greater intelligence appeared to take great delight in waiting just until Your Honour was relaxing, and then completely ruining it for him. It wasn’t so bad at first, most of the time whenever he stepped into a shower the water was cold, and whenever he sat down to watch his favourite TV program-Bruce’s Price Is Right-his boss rang up to tell him he was needed back at work.
But as the days went by, this higher intelligence heightened his punishments. It seemed now that every day he started his long walk to the train station, it started raining about 10 minutes into the journey, when it was too far to walk back home to get the umbrella which he normally took with him. It was only a slight drizzle at first, but as he walked further and further, this greater intelligence turned on the water works, and by the time he was 10 minutes from the station, it seemed as though a monsoon was coming down on him, and he was so wet that there was no real point in taking shelter.
He looked at up to the heavens and said, “Why do you do this to me, eh?” He got back to his feet, and decided to make himself a turkey sandwich. He looked in the fridge, knowing that the turkey would not be there. But it was! He smiled, got the turkey out, and then went over to get some bread. Your Honour’s smile turned upside down, as he realised he had no bread left.
Suddenly, there was a smashing of glass behind him. He turned, and found one of his favourite glasses on the floor, in lots of different pieces. He sadly picked them up, threw them in the bin, and swept up the rest.
As he stood up, there was a sudden sharp pain right in the middle of his spine, like someone had kicked him there. He winced, rubbed his back, and then turned. There was no one there. He shrugged, and went to get on with some work he had left to do.
As he walked put of the kitchen, Demon Dogfather appeared behind him. Dogfather then threw a plate right at the back of Your Honour’s head, and it hit. YH fell to the ground, sighed, and fell unconscious.
Dogfather smiled devilishly and said, “I never miss.”
______________________________
FantasyMeister, Wookiee Monster, The Game and Ant had all gone for a day out at the Zoo. Supposedly, the best enclosure was the Elephant one. They travelled straight over there, and marvelled at the beauty of the enclosure. It was very large, with lots of thick, green grass for the big eared, tusk-wearing animals to eat. There was a small pool of water for them to drink from occasionally, with a gorgeous, flowing waterfall above it. There were largish rocks all the way around the outside so they couldn’t get near to the crowds, but behind those rocks were many different types of beautiful flowers.
“Bloomin’ heck,” Wookiee said.
“It’s a nice place,” Ant agreed, “especially compared to the Rhino one,” he said, annoyed. Rhino’s were his favourite animal, apart from Ants, of course.
“When’s feeding time?” FM asked.
The Game looked in the leaflet, “Round about…now, I reckon.”
And he was right. The Elephants were allowed out of their enclosure, and in a small pen were people could put their hands out to feed them. They all took some food from a box the zoo had provided, and quickly got to the front of the gathering crowd. Just as Wookiee was feeding 1 of the 4 Elephants, a sudden blur went across his line of vision. He stepped back in surprise. The Elephant appeared a little miffed at this move, and it wanted to finish it’s food, so Wookiee shook his head, and put his hand out again.
But there it was again. This time, there were 2 of them! Now 3…and 4! Suddenly, for no reason at all, the nets started coming off the enclosure, like they were being…pulled off by an invisible force. Then, the door between the pen and the enclosure opened, and the box of food seemed to fly into the enclosure!
All the rocks flew to the outside, one of them nearly hitting a screaming boy in the head. The Elephants ran out of the pen towards the box of food, but if flew away again, this time to outside the enclosure! The Elephants ran out of their home, quickly ate all the food and then began running around the Zoo wildly.
“Bloomin’ heck,” Wookiee said.
There was a scream behind them, and a whole horde of people were sprinting towards them, running away from…a Lion! The Lion’s had got out of their enclosure too!
“Crap!” Game cried, “Run!”
Ant, FantasyMeister, The Game and Wookiee Monster started to run towards the Zoo exit. As they ran, they came across Monkeys, Lizards, Giraffes and Zebras, and in the distance they saw a Tiger running riot.
Also, these strange people with wings kept appearing from no where, and they were laughing their heads off at the whole thing!
“Bloomin’ heck,” said Wookiee, as they neared the exit.
Two animals that had stayed in their enclosure were the Parrots, who had been named Ice Blaster and RawisAndy. They had disappointed the crowds by never saying anything, but they didn’t mind talking to each-other.
“So, what do you think is going in?” Andy asked, as a Snow Leopard sprinted past them.
“I’ve heard about this…” IB leaned in closer to Andy, “Every couple of hundred years or so, the animals gain supernatural strength, and become nearly as intelligent as humans. They then realise that they shouldn’t be penned up in enclosures, and they escape.”
Andy nodded his read and blue coloured head, “Ahhh, I see. Why don’t we leave then?
“Well, I kind of like it here, to be honest.”
“Yeah,” Andy agreed, “Also IB, why did that man and woman go into the toilets earlier, giggling and ripping eachother’s clothes off?”
“I’ve heard about this…” IB said quietly, “Every few days or so humans must take their clothes off with someone else there.”
“Why would they do that?”
“I think it’s about being spiritually fulfilled or something,” IB explained.
“Ahhh…okay, thanks IB, I understand it all now.”
____________________________
Goatboy sat back in his favourite armchair, got out a cigarette, and turned the TV on. As he inhaled and exhaled his favourite brand (Marlboro did ask did ask to be used in the story, but they were £1 million short of a deal,) he watched as some idiot on the Health Channel talked about why smoking was bad for you, and how you should give it up.
“Hello, my name is Time_Warp,” said the presenter, “and today our topic is smoking. Why do people smoke? Does it calm the nerves? Perhaps. Is it pleasurable? It seems so. But why do people pump money into the government for cigarettes-which are just going to kill them, and maybe their friends and family!”
“Ah, go away you silly git,” Goatboy said, turning the TV off. As you can guess, smoking is Goatboy’s favourite thing.
There was a knock at the door-it was Goatboy’s neighbour, Seifer. Seifer had brought lots and lots of drink. As you can guess, drinking was Seifer’s favourite thing.
“O’rite Goatie!” Seifer shouted, obviously a little drunk.
Goatboy coughed, “’ello Seifer, how are ya?”
“I’m goooood mate, gooood.”
“Well that’s just dandy.”
Goatboy took Seifer into the lounge, and they both sat down for a chat. They had been talking for twenty minutes, when Goatboy turned to get another cigarette, and found the whole pack had gone.
“Oi, Seifer, have you stolen my cigs?”
Seifer swigged from his bottle of beer, and said, “Nah, ‘course not. Why would I want your cigs?”
“Well, I had at least 3 left, and their all gone-the box as well!”
“I dunno where they are…hey, where’s all my drink gone!?”
Seifer and Goatboy both got up to try and find their cigarettes and drink. Goatboy saw one in mid-air. He slowly walked up to it, grabbed for it, but it seemed to fly away from him.
The same was happening with Seifer-he kept grabbing for his bottle of Budweiser (these guys did pay enough) but it didn’t seem to want to be caught.
“What in the hell is going on?!” Goatboy cried. As he said this, 3 Demons appeared, all smoking fags and drinking alcohol. They laughed their heads off until Seifer asked,
“Who are you guys?”
One of them said, “You don’t need do know our names, but I’ll tell you anyway, I’m Shocktrooper, he’s GasMask and he’s Grandprix.”
“Okay, and what the hell are you doing?” Goatboy demanded.
Shocktrooper grinned, “We’re smoking your fags and drinking your beer,” he said, taking a swig and puffing out some smoke.
Goatboy and Seifer ran at them, but the Demons smashed through a window, and travelled to where the 3rd Class Demons were gathering.
The plan was for the 4th Class to continue to wreak havoc, and for the 3rd Class to gather in the centre of a busy city, where he would announce his plans to the 3rd Class, and then wait for pb’s response. Er-no knew he said they wouldn’t be in classes anymore, but he needed to split them this time and this was the easiest way to do it.
He was able to contact pb via his thoughts anytime he wanted, and pb could do the same normally-but er-no had blocked him off ever since he started the rebellion. Now, he took that block away, and waited.
___________________________
And he continued to wait. But nothing came. The 3rd Class Demons were getting impatient, and the 4th Class were resorting to more extreme actions as time went by.
Meanwhile, a few hours earlier in the Heavens…
Pb, Turbonutter and Strafex sprinted back to the Viewing Centre, where they could focus in on Earth and find out what was going on.
“By golly Strafex, what the dizzles is going on?” Turbonutter asked.
“It’s…” Strafex was out of breath thanks to all the running he’d been doing, “It’s er-no and his faction of Angels, we believe!”
“What!? How the hell did they get back down to Earth?!” pb asked, alarmed.
“We think we know that as well,” Strafex took a deep breath, “Meka_Dragon-the guy who was going to replace you, has been helping them. Meka has some sort of special powers, and is the best scientist in the Heavens. We think he…created some sort of portal through to Earth in his house…”
The three men ran into the Viewing Centre, and pb focused down onto the place where it seemed most of the trouble was happening.
“Yes, you’re right. There’s er-no and…it seems as though all the 3rd Class have gathered around him, they’re waiting for something…it seems as though er-no’s trying to contact someone…”
“Can he contact you?” Turbonutter enquired.
“No, ever since we pushed them back into whatever hellhole they were staying in, I’ve blocked him and any of the 3rd and 4th Class. He may be trying to talk to me…”
“Don’t answer him,” TBN told him.
They then headed off to Meka’s house, were all the Angels and the rest of the Board Of Light were standing. Sheepy and M16 came up to them.
“We believe the portal leads to Earth, sir,” Sheepy said, “Why don’t we send down some of my army, I mean, M16 here can do a lot of damage.”
“I can do a LOT of damage, sir,” M16 said in a cold voice.
Pb ran inside, and saw that the portal was created when the light was shined against one part of the wall.
“Estrocynominical Physics,” he whispered, realising the sort of science Meka had used to create it.
Pb turned, “Sheepy, send half you’re army down there, including yourself and M16. I will also be joining you.”
Sheepy nodded, assembled his men, and then they all jumped through the portal.
___________________________
Goatboy drew back his fist, and punched Demon Shocktrooper square between the eyes. While er-no was trying to contact pb, the humans had decided to do a bit of fighting themselves, and were battling the Demons.
Mr Snuggly had just sent Your Honour flying, and Jet had been left lying by GasMask and shaneo.
Shocktrooper just laughed at Goatboy, and then smacked him in the cheek with one of his large wings.
However, er-no was still frustrated, “Why won’t he let me get through to him!”
Meka appeared behind er-no, and said, “I feel something…the portal has been used by someone else…did we leave any Demons behind?”
“No, this is all of them. Who could it be then?”
Suddenly, there was a cry from behind them, and everyone turned to see M16 running at all of them, “AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!” he cried, before nailing Meka with some sort of flying dropkick.
He then went round punching and kicking all the Demons down (with a bit of help from the humans,) and then he was left facing er-no.
“Time for you to die, scum,” M16 sneered, and just as he was about to swing for er-no, Meka grabbed him by the air, and threw him into the horde of Demons, who then held him back-stopping him from attacking anyone else.
Meka laughed, “So this is what pb sends down to battle us!” He said incredulously.
“No! But this is!” Sheepy cried from behind him.
Meka turned to see Sheepy leading about 50 Angels into battle against them. “Get them!” He cried to the Demons. There were around sixty 3rd Class Demons who ran out to fight the Angels, and about forty 4th Class Demons who were still running riot on Earth-not knowing anything about the current situation.
RastaBillySkank was the first to draw blood for the Angels, when he threw a spear right through Dan2K1’s stomach. DeltaJava had managed to stick a poison tipped tinned carrot into the mouth of EyeCandy.
The Demons began to take advantage however when Mr Snuggly grabbed a Heavy Machine Gun off a surprised pb, and began shooting madly with it.
As the battle went on, more and more Angels were captured by the Demons, until it was just pb and a few 1st Class Angels left. Pb looked sadly at the Angels, “I think we’ve lost this one.”
Meka walked up to him, slapped him in the face and said, “Right then. I’ll put it in easy terms so you can understand me. If you don’t give ius the control of the Heavens, then we shall destroy Earth. Okay?”
Pb looked around at the human’s faces. Humans who had bravely battled with him and the Angels. He couldn’t give up on them…but how could he win? Basically, there were more Demons than Angels, even if he get Turbonutter to send down the rest of them.
“STOP!!”
Everyone turned and gasped. Meka knew that voice…he slowly turned to face…Grix Thraves. The previous God.
“But I killed you!” Meka cried, shocked.
“I’m afraid not, Meka.” Grix smiled, “I was going to become a very powerful God, wasn’t I? I was going to become the BEST scientist in the Heavens, wasn’t I?”
“Ye-yes, but I was the best scientist! Why should I’ve let you overtake me?!”
“Well, you didn’t let me, I know that much. I recovered from your beating, didn’t I?” He gestured to all the Angels and Demons, “You all thought I’d just gone missing, hadn’t you? Well, you were partly right. I built myself a rehabilitation casket, where I healed from my injuries for a few years. Injuries which you gave me,” he pointed to Meka, “Anyway, once I’d recovered, I decided I wanted revenge, so I created a weapon that will kill you in 5 seconds. And in that 5 seconds, you will go through immense pain.”
Grix suddenly brought out a bright yellow ball, and threw it right at Meka, it hit him in the stomach and there was small explosion right in front of him. Meka’s skin began to burn away, and he screamed in pain.
“AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!” He cried, as he melted into a small puddle.
“Well, that’s revenge enough,” Grix said, grinning. “Now, all you Demons-and you too er-no. You were never treated badly. I’m sure you liked your lives the way they were. Your leader is dead. Now c’mon, think about what you’re doing. This is wrong, and you know it. Before we all lived in harmony, and now…just look at all of us. Why er-no? Once pb was done, I’m sure you would become the next God.”
Pb walked up to er-no, “He’s right. I know I didn’t tell anyone about your contributions, but I…once the humans were the best race ever, I was going to retire, and let you be God! I swear to God er-no, that’s what I was gonna do.”
Er-no was stunned, “really?”
“Yes, er-no.”
er-no turned to the 3rd Class, and the 4th Class which had gathered when they heard Meka’s screams.
“Do you want to become Angels again? Do you want to quit this rebellion, and join pb, Turbonutter, Grix and all the other Angels back in the heavens.”
“YEAH!” Cried all the former Demons.
Er-no offered his hand to pb, and pb shook it “I think you know the answer,” er-no said with a grin.
“AAAAHHH!!” Screamed 4th Class Angel Sniper, who was not willing to come back to the Heavens. He ran straight towards pb and er-no with a Sniper Rifle held high.
He aimed at pb, and shot. Unfortunately for him, RastaBillySkank had stuck his finger in the hole where the bullet came out. The bullet rebounded right through Sniper’s eye, who fell to the floor, dead.
“Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!” Everyone laughed heartily.
__________________________
There was a big party, with a lot of humans invited, and everyone was rather drunk-Grix especially.
“Hey look, everyone! You know the weapon I killed Meka with?! I’ve got another one right here!” He pulled out a large bright yellow ball, and threw it across the room. It landed next to Wookiee Monster, and his skin began to melt rather painfully.
“Bloomin’ heck.”
_____________________________
Thanks for reading, Ant.
Page:
Pro Evo wrote:
> Ant wrote:
> Pro Evo wrote:
> Hi ant, never really spoken to
> you but good
> post there (story), Bad
> luck on the GAD
> front though. :)
No
> worries, was it your review that won??
> Congratulations, it was a
> good piece of work.
Thanks for
> the comments, as well.
Yeah it was my review and thanks, so is
> there another story on the horizon?
I've written 2 previous ones which should be in the Stories forum, they're called, "Those Little Voices In Your Head," and, "Those Little Voices In Your Head:The Return."
And yeah, I think I'll keep writing short stories, as I want to become an author in the future anyway.
> Ant wrote:
> Pro Evo wrote:
> Hi ant, never really spoken to
> you but good
> post there (story), Bad
> luck on the GAD
> front though. :)
No
> worries, was it your review that won??
> Congratulations, it was a
> good piece of work.
Thanks for
> the comments, as well.
Yeah it was my review and thanks, so is
> there another story on the horizon?
I've written 2 previous ones which should be in the Stories forum, they're called, "Those Little Voices In Your Head," and, "Those Little Voices In Your Head:The Return."
And yeah, I think I'll keep writing short stories, as I want to become an author in the future anyway.
Ant wrote:
> Pro Evo wrote:
> Hi ant, never really spoken to you but good
> post there (story), Bad
> luck on the GAD front though. :)
No
> worries, was it your review that won?? Congratulations, it was a
> good piece of work.
Thanks for the comments, as well.
Yeah it was my review and thanks, so is there another story on the horizon?
> Pro Evo wrote:
> Hi ant, never really spoken to you but good
> post there (story), Bad
> luck on the GAD front though. :)
No
> worries, was it your review that won?? Congratulations, it was a
> good piece of work.
Thanks for the comments, as well.
Yeah it was my review and thanks, so is there another story on the horizon?
Pro Evo wrote:
> Hi ant, never really spoken to you but good post there (story), Bad
> luck on the GAD front though. :)
No worries, was it your review that won?? Congratulations, it was a good piece of work.
Thanks for the comments, as well.
> Hi ant, never really spoken to you but good post there (story), Bad
> luck on the GAD front though. :)
No worries, was it your review that won?? Congratulations, it was a good piece of work.
Thanks for the comments, as well.
Hi ant, never really spoken to you but good post there (story), Bad luck on the GAD front though. :)
Highly amusing Seifer.
Highly amusing.
Anyway, I want people like Dav1d, EyeCandy and there's a few more who haven't read it to read it on here.
Highly amusing.
Anyway, I want people like Dav1d, EyeCandy and there's a few more who haven't read it to read it on here.
POP to the TOP.
{:)
{:)
Heh heh heh. Cool story, I was a demon :o) Cool.
I enjoyed it, zoo's and all. :-)
I enjoyed it, zoo's and all. :-)
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