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I get the feeling this is all a little cliche, but I just thught I'd write it anyway. It's a simple prologue for something bigger, and I'm just wondering if it works. Comments much appreciated:
The Genocide Stratagem (prologue)
It was a time when the most advanced life on Earth had yet to evolve eyes. Small, primitive creatures roamed the shallow waters of the blue planet, lacking the ability to even see the stars, much less imagine the vastness of space. And yet elsewhere in our galaxy, at the same time, hundreds of millions of years ago, and in a star system so remote that even today it is known only by a few, and only by a numerical designation, a single small starship appeared and fell into a lazy, elliptical orbit around a large gas giant roughly 4 AUs from the primary star.
Less than an hour later, a second, larger starship appeared. Brief communications flared between the two, and the smaller craft broke away from its orbit. A few minutes passed, and then the larger ship fired a projectile missile at the massive planet, itself a failed Brown Dwarf star. Silence stretched across the system as both craft observed the impact. The missile vanished into the super planet, seemingly lost to the incomprehensible pressure within. But then shipboard sensors began to pick up what the naked eye could not; the planet shuddered.
The giant storms that raged across the purple and red surface of the planet expanded and contracted, and then seemed to sink away. The orbit the gas giant had been following for billions of years altered abruptly, and the planet itself ceased spinning. A small plume of gas poured upwards from the northern pole, hardening into huge boulders of solid matter as the cold vacuum of space cooled it rapidly.
The plume expanded and was shortly several kilometres thick, a constant stream of mineral wealth which had lain secure in the depths of its host since the birth of the star around which the planet now orbited. The two observing ships communicated constantly, an excited exchange of chatter across the thousands of kilometres that separated them. The smaller ship fired communications outside the star system, a cheery greeting to the hundreds of support ships that lay waiting for the call.
Within 6 hours, more than 500 ships had arrived, deploying mechanised worker machines to build larger automated machines with the materials supplied by other ships as they arrived. The giant space-borne machines began work on a larger construct, designed specifically to sit above the neat plume of material, now visible from a hundred thousand kilometres away, spewing out of the broken planet.
The construction was organised at a pace, and with an accuracy inconceivable even to modern man. Within an earth day, construction of the first stage was completed at precisely the moment the material stream reached the giant gaping maw of the mineral processing unit that had been built in its path. The ships carrying material were no longer needed, and flowed out of the system in an orderly fashion. The refinery was capable of producing all the material it needed for its continuing expansion.
The first expansion, a temporary unit, was built within two hours. A factory with the single purpose of enhancing the workforce began pumping out space-manoeuvrable builder units pre-programmed to continue the work. A huge swarm of automated units consumed the processed ores and materials as fast the refinery could produce it. As the thickening stream poured more and more mass into the refinery, more material became available, and more units were there to use it.
After a further three days of rabid construction work, the stream reached its peak, a fifty kilometre thick river of ore and gas from the rich heart of the planet which would continue unabated for millennia. At about the same moment, the army of worker robots finished their tasks and threw themselves into the giant open mouth of the refinery for disassembly.
An hour later, the first starship rolled off the production line. Larger than anything else in the current military fleet, completely automated, and more heavily armed than anything else ever conceived, it pinged a single, simple communication to the smaller of the two craft still observing the planet; a request for orders.
The Genocide Stratagem (prologue)
It was a time when the most advanced life on Earth had yet to evolve eyes. Small, primitive creatures roamed the shallow waters of the blue planet, lacking the ability to even see the stars, much less imagine the vastness of space. And yet elsewhere in our galaxy, at the same time, hundreds of millions of years ago, and in a star system so remote that even today it is known only by a few, and only by a numerical designation, a single small starship appeared and fell into a lazy, elliptical orbit around a large gas giant roughly 4 AUs from the primary star.
Less than an hour later, a second, larger starship appeared. Brief communications flared between the two, and the smaller craft broke away from its orbit. A few minutes passed, and then the larger ship fired a projectile missile at the massive planet, itself a failed Brown Dwarf star. Silence stretched across the system as both craft observed the impact. The missile vanished into the super planet, seemingly lost to the incomprehensible pressure within. But then shipboard sensors began to pick up what the naked eye could not; the planet shuddered.
The giant storms that raged across the purple and red surface of the planet expanded and contracted, and then seemed to sink away. The orbit the gas giant had been following for billions of years altered abruptly, and the planet itself ceased spinning. A small plume of gas poured upwards from the northern pole, hardening into huge boulders of solid matter as the cold vacuum of space cooled it rapidly.
The plume expanded and was shortly several kilometres thick, a constant stream of mineral wealth which had lain secure in the depths of its host since the birth of the star around which the planet now orbited. The two observing ships communicated constantly, an excited exchange of chatter across the thousands of kilometres that separated them. The smaller ship fired communications outside the star system, a cheery greeting to the hundreds of support ships that lay waiting for the call.
Within 6 hours, more than 500 ships had arrived, deploying mechanised worker machines to build larger automated machines with the materials supplied by other ships as they arrived. The giant space-borne machines began work on a larger construct, designed specifically to sit above the neat plume of material, now visible from a hundred thousand kilometres away, spewing out of the broken planet.
The construction was organised at a pace, and with an accuracy inconceivable even to modern man. Within an earth day, construction of the first stage was completed at precisely the moment the material stream reached the giant gaping maw of the mineral processing unit that had been built in its path. The ships carrying material were no longer needed, and flowed out of the system in an orderly fashion. The refinery was capable of producing all the material it needed for its continuing expansion.
The first expansion, a temporary unit, was built within two hours. A factory with the single purpose of enhancing the workforce began pumping out space-manoeuvrable builder units pre-programmed to continue the work. A huge swarm of automated units consumed the processed ores and materials as fast the refinery could produce it. As the thickening stream poured more and more mass into the refinery, more material became available, and more units were there to use it.
After a further three days of rabid construction work, the stream reached its peak, a fifty kilometre thick river of ore and gas from the rich heart of the planet which would continue unabated for millennia. At about the same moment, the army of worker robots finished their tasks and threw themselves into the giant open mouth of the refinery for disassembly.
An hour later, the first starship rolled off the production line. Larger than anything else in the current military fleet, completely automated, and more heavily armed than anything else ever conceived, it pinged a single, simple communication to the smaller of the two craft still observing the planet; a request for orders.
I was getting around to that......
Its a good prolouge.
Happy?:P
Ah no, I'm not good at rating stories, only music.
Its a good prolouge.
Happy?:P
Ah no, I'm not good at rating stories, only music.
Thanks for all the meaningful feedback by the way. I'll be doubly sure to post my writing efforts here for critique in future.
By "answer back" I mean "brutally kill" by the way.
You are still learning, young one...who is older than me.
You are still learning, young one...who is older than me.
These posts look stupid now :\
Revolver Ocelot wrote:
> There are only about 3 people like Machie and Sunflower who won't
> answer back when you say something like that.
Won't? I think I would...
Could you please edit my name out? I've already had an arguement with them about my gender and sexuality, I don't mind having another one, but I won't be here for a while, therefore I consider it unfair that they start while I'm gone... Simply not as fun to reply to that kind of thing long after it's started.
Thank you :)
~Sunny~
EDIT: On second thoughts... Leave it in there
> There are only about 3 people like Machie and Sunflower who won't
> answer back when you say something like that.
Won't? I think I would...
Could you please edit my name out? I've already had an arguement with them about my gender and sexuality, I don't mind having another one, but I won't be here for a while, therefore I consider it unfair that they start while I'm gone... Simply not as fun to reply to that kind of thing long after it's started.
Thank you :)
~Sunny~
EDIT: On second thoughts... Leave it in there
Oh dear Lord, seriously .....Dale, is it?
You are way out of your league with any of us. There are only about 3 people like Machie and Sunflower who won't answer back when you say something like that.
Get off these forums, before you contaminate the whole place with spam.
I did the exact same thing with Kawada, but at least I tried in some smart way to defend myself. And I was 9 then.
And your wrong Everpain, this doesn't even deserve to go into General Chat.
You are way out of your league with any of us. There are only about 3 people like Machie and Sunflower who won't answer back when you say something like that.
Get off these forums, before you contaminate the whole place with spam.
I did the exact same thing with Kawada, but at least I tried in some smart way to defend myself. And I was 9 then.
And your wrong Everpain, this doesn't even deserve to go into General Chat.
Firstly, your opinion is as meaningful to me as a Horoscope in the Daily Mail, and about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. Secndly, my astonishment at your shockingly poor attention span is matched only by how stunned I am by your terrible spelling and punctuation.
Finally, I should point out that I don't have an issue with you using these boards to spew your sickening inanity, just please keep it clear from this particular forum, and confine it to General Chat, where it belongs.
Now sod off.
Finally, I should point out that I don't have an issue with you using these boards to spew your sickening inanity, just please keep it clear from this particular forum, and confine it to General Chat, where it belongs.
Now sod off.
I get the feeling this is all a little cliche, but I just thught I'd write it anyway. It's a simple prologue for something bigger, and I'm just wondering if it works. Comments much appreciated:
The Genocide Stratagem (prologue)
It was a time when the most advanced life on Earth had yet to evolve eyes. Small, primitive creatures roamed the shallow waters of the blue planet, lacking the ability to even see the stars, much less imagine the vastness of space. And yet elsewhere in our galaxy, at the same time, hundreds of millions of years ago, and in a star system so remote that even today it is known only by a few, and only by a numerical designation, a single small starship appeared and fell into a lazy, elliptical orbit around a large gas giant roughly 4 AUs from the primary star.
Less than an hour later, a second, larger starship appeared. Brief communications flared between the two, and the smaller craft broke away from its orbit. A few minutes passed, and then the larger ship fired a projectile missile at the massive planet, itself a failed Brown Dwarf star. Silence stretched across the system as both craft observed the impact. The missile vanished into the super planet, seemingly lost to the incomprehensible pressure within. But then shipboard sensors began to pick up what the naked eye could not; the planet shuddered.
The giant storms that raged across the purple and red surface of the planet expanded and contracted, and then seemed to sink away. The orbit the gas giant had been following for billions of years altered abruptly, and the planet itself ceased spinning. A small plume of gas poured upwards from the northern pole, hardening into huge boulders of solid matter as the cold vacuum of space cooled it rapidly.
The plume expanded and was shortly several kilometres thick, a constant stream of mineral wealth which had lain secure in the depths of its host since the birth of the star around which the planet now orbited. The two observing ships communicated constantly, an excited exchange of chatter across the thousands of kilometres that separated them. The smaller ship fired communications outside the star system, a cheery greeting to the hundreds of support ships that lay waiting for the call.
Within 6 hours, more than 500 ships had arrived, deploying mechanised worker machines to build larger automated machines with the materials supplied by other ships as they arrived. The giant space-borne machines began work on a larger construct, designed specifically to sit above the neat plume of material, now visible from a hundred thousand kilometres away, spewing out of the broken planet.
The construction was organised at a pace, and with an accuracy inconceivable even to modern man. Within an earth day, construction of the first stage was completed at precisely the moment the material stream reached the giant gaping maw of the mineral processing unit that had been built in its path. The ships carrying material were no longer needed, and flowed out of the system in an orderly fashion. The refinery was capable of producing all the material it needed for its continuing expansion.
The first expansion, a temporary unit, was built within two hours. A factory with the single purpose of enhancing the workforce began pumping out space-manoeuvrable builder units pre-programmed to continue the work. A huge swarm of automated units consumed the processed ores and materials as fast the refinery could produce it. As the thickening stream poured more and more mass into the refinery, more material became available, and more units were there to use it.
After a further three days of rabid construction work, the stream reached its peak, a fifty kilometre thick river of ore and gas from the rich heart of the planet which would continue unabated for millennia. At about the same moment, the army of worker robots finished their tasks and threw themselves into the giant open mouth of the refinery for disassembly.
An hour later, the first starship rolled off the production line. Larger than anything else in the current military fleet, completely automated, and more heavily armed than anything else ever conceived, it pinged a single, simple communication to the smaller of the two craft still observing the planet; a request for orders.
The Genocide Stratagem (prologue)
It was a time when the most advanced life on Earth had yet to evolve eyes. Small, primitive creatures roamed the shallow waters of the blue planet, lacking the ability to even see the stars, much less imagine the vastness of space. And yet elsewhere in our galaxy, at the same time, hundreds of millions of years ago, and in a star system so remote that even today it is known only by a few, and only by a numerical designation, a single small starship appeared and fell into a lazy, elliptical orbit around a large gas giant roughly 4 AUs from the primary star.
Less than an hour later, a second, larger starship appeared. Brief communications flared between the two, and the smaller craft broke away from its orbit. A few minutes passed, and then the larger ship fired a projectile missile at the massive planet, itself a failed Brown Dwarf star. Silence stretched across the system as both craft observed the impact. The missile vanished into the super planet, seemingly lost to the incomprehensible pressure within. But then shipboard sensors began to pick up what the naked eye could not; the planet shuddered.
The giant storms that raged across the purple and red surface of the planet expanded and contracted, and then seemed to sink away. The orbit the gas giant had been following for billions of years altered abruptly, and the planet itself ceased spinning. A small plume of gas poured upwards from the northern pole, hardening into huge boulders of solid matter as the cold vacuum of space cooled it rapidly.
The plume expanded and was shortly several kilometres thick, a constant stream of mineral wealth which had lain secure in the depths of its host since the birth of the star around which the planet now orbited. The two observing ships communicated constantly, an excited exchange of chatter across the thousands of kilometres that separated them. The smaller ship fired communications outside the star system, a cheery greeting to the hundreds of support ships that lay waiting for the call.
Within 6 hours, more than 500 ships had arrived, deploying mechanised worker machines to build larger automated machines with the materials supplied by other ships as they arrived. The giant space-borne machines began work on a larger construct, designed specifically to sit above the neat plume of material, now visible from a hundred thousand kilometres away, spewing out of the broken planet.
The construction was organised at a pace, and with an accuracy inconceivable even to modern man. Within an earth day, construction of the first stage was completed at precisely the moment the material stream reached the giant gaping maw of the mineral processing unit that had been built in its path. The ships carrying material were no longer needed, and flowed out of the system in an orderly fashion. The refinery was capable of producing all the material it needed for its continuing expansion.
The first expansion, a temporary unit, was built within two hours. A factory with the single purpose of enhancing the workforce began pumping out space-manoeuvrable builder units pre-programmed to continue the work. A huge swarm of automated units consumed the processed ores and materials as fast the refinery could produce it. As the thickening stream poured more and more mass into the refinery, more material became available, and more units were there to use it.
After a further three days of rabid construction work, the stream reached its peak, a fifty kilometre thick river of ore and gas from the rich heart of the planet which would continue unabated for millennia. At about the same moment, the army of worker robots finished their tasks and threw themselves into the giant open mouth of the refinery for disassembly.
An hour later, the first starship rolled off the production line. Larger than anything else in the current military fleet, completely automated, and more heavily armed than anything else ever conceived, it pinged a single, simple communication to the smaller of the two craft still observing the planet; a request for orders.