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"Now It's My Turn..."

After seeing Grix and er-no write emotional posts about how gaming and the forums have helped them through there tough times, I thought I'd do my own. But, mine is not as serious as Grix's or er-no's, but I hope I interest you.

It was...probably about a year and a half ago now. My parents were off on their anniversary weekend away, and I went to stay with my Aunt and Uncle who lived about 45 mins away. I was quite looking forward to it, as my 2 cousins Tom and James may be younger than me, but they are totally mad-and highly amusing.

My Aunt and Uncle are very friendly with their 'neighbourhood,' and many nights everyone gets together and it's a lot of fun. Her best friend has a daughter called Grace who's my age, and a brother who's a couple of years younger-but a good friend.

I'd always liked Grace, but I thought I wasn't in her league The surprising thing was...well, as many of you know I may seem quite confident in here, but I'm am actually very unconfident, and I get very nervous around new people or girls. But with Grace I could talk to here, with no problems at all!
That weekend I went over to her house for a while, strutted my stuff, and after I'd been there for a while her brother started some rather awkward rumour. She didn't mind though-she's very forward. The opposite of me, really.

I got home, and that same day won my FIRST ever GAD!! And that same night, she rang me up and asked me out! I was extremely happy, ecstatic even. *For note, I can't even remember what game I chose*

Living 45 mins away was a bit annoying. So we e-mailed and phoned eachother all the time. I was so happy! Even when I was going through a really tough day at school, I said to myself, "Just get through it, you can talk to Grace when you get home." I don't know if any of you have felt like this, but it's amazing. I seemed so much more happier than usual. Another thing was I wasn't so unconfident at school-another plus.

So this continued for a while, with us seeing each other every week or so. It was one of the greatest times of my life.

A few months ago I won what I think was my 4th GAD. On that exact same night, she e-mailed me saying she wanted to be 'just friends.' I didn't give up hope, I continued to e-mail her, asking her for a good reason, and then it came. There was some 15 year old boy who liked her-and she liked him. I should've guessed really, she'd been out with nearly every boy in her year, and now she was going out with someone from the year above.

For a while I refused to talk to her. I had this...contemptous hate for her, as well as this boy. In the end I began to forget. I tried to forget her and the great time I'd spent with her. But I knew I'd have to face her soon...after all, I couldn't ignore my cousins forever, could I??

I was right. We went over there, and Grace and her family were there too. We got talking as 'friends,' and it felt a bit like the old days. A week later I stayed at her house again. I was so sure she wanted me back afterwards, so sure it was...well, unbelievable. I was 99% sure.

So I kept dropping hints and finally at her house, my cousin did something I'll remember for the rest of my life. He got me to whisper how I felt about Grace, and then got Grace to whisper to him how she felt about me. I hesitated, worried about her not feeling the same way as me. But I was sick of being unconfident, sick of it. I was sick of never talking to girls, but most of all I was sick of being unhappy. So I told him the truth. He then took me outside and said exactly this,

"Okay, Ant. Grace says that she doesn't love you."

There it was. Crack. BOOM! Snap. Whichever way you put it, my heart was broken. He said something else, and the jist of it was that she knew as well. I was terribly embarassed, but more so heartbroken. I nodded to my cousin, and to Grace (who was actually rather nice about it) I just laughed, and said that it 'didn't matter.' That was a lie. Inside I was crying, I felt as though someone had stuck their hand into my chest, grabbed my heart, and snapped it in 2.

My mind was hell. Messages were flying everywhere, I didn't know what to do, I was embarrased...I just wanted to scream. "Why'd this have to happen me?! What did I do to deserve this!?!?"

But I didn't. I continuted to laugh and smile. And then we went and watched a video with my aunt and her parents. It was Notting Hill. That made me feel even worse.
"That lucky sod. How come he gets the girl he wants, eh?"

That night was hell. I was sleeping over there, and as I tried to sleep in this annoying sleeping bag, I was literally crying. I couldn’t take it. I just wanted to go home and see my parents, my brother and sister, my friends, but most of all, I wanted to see you guys. I’ll explain more a bit later.

The next day was okay. I’d recovered a little, but having to sit through dinner with their whole family (including Grace’s Gran and Grandad,) was not enjoyable. Well, the food was, but I just wanted to go HOME!

My dad picked me up and asked, “So, how’d it go?”

I wanted to say, “It went crap. She broke my heart and I feel like crap.” But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it.

“Oh, fine. It was okay,” was my actual reply.

I had school the next day, which made me feel even worse. But for some reason I wasn’t inconsolable. I thought I would be, but I thought of my PS2, and I thought of UKDiscussions (as it was known then,) and my heart rose. That’s how much gaming means to me. That’s how much these forums mean to me.

I got home and played on a game. I can’t remember what it was, but I know I played for a long time. I was in a different world…I was able to forget everything that had happened the previous night, and as I turned my PS2 off everything came back to me suddenly. But I went onto the forums, and I forgot everything that had happened. As soon as I started talking to Grix, FM, Meka, er-no whoever it was, I felt a whole lot better.

The only people who know about this are Grix and Grandprix. My parents don’t know. My friends at school don’t know. My brother and sister don’t know. Why have I told you all this?? Because you’re all people I can class as ‘friends.’ It feels good to get all this off my chest, and I’d just like to thank Grix for giving me the words that have helped me the most. He said to me, “Well, it’s an experience, Ant.”

And that’s true. It was an experience. Not a nice one, but I’ll remember it for the rest of my life. And hopefully it’ll help me through other tough times. I also now know how much I love gaming, and that it can be used for more than just fun. I also now know why I love these forums so much.

Thanks for reading guys, and thanks for chatting. You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know.

Thanks once again for reading, Ant.

After seeing Grix and er-no write emotional posts about how gaming and the forums have helped them through there tough times, I thought I'd do my own. But, mine is not as serious as Grix's or er-no's, but I hope I interest you.

It was...probably about a year and a half ago now. My parents were off on their anniversary weekend away, and I went to stay with my Aunt and Uncle who lived about 45 mins away. I was quite looking forward to it, as my 2 cousins Tom and James may be younger than me, but they are totally mad-and highly amusing.

My Aunt and Uncle are very friendly with their 'neighbourhood,' and many nights everyone gets together and it's a lot of fun. Her best friend has a daughter called Grace who's my age, and a brother who's a couple of years younger-but a good friend.

I'd always liked Grace, but I thought I wasn't in her league The surprising thing was...well, as many of you know I may seem quite confident in here, but I'm am actually very unconfident, and I get very nervous around new people or girls. But with Grace I could talk to here, with no problems at all!
That weekend I went over to her house for a while, strutted my stuff, and after I'd been there for a while her brother started some rather awkward rumour. She didn't mind though-she's very forward. The opposite of me, really.

I got home, and that same day won my FIRST ever GAD!! And that same night, she rang me up and asked me out! I was extremely happy, ecstatic even. *For note, I can't even remember what game I chose*

Living 45 mins away was a bit annoying. So we e-mailed and phoned eachother all the time. I was so happy! Even when I was going through a really tough day at school, I said to myself, "Just get through it, you can talk to Grace when you get home." I don't know if any of you have felt like this, but it's amazing. I seemed so much more happier than usual. Another thing was I wasn't so unconfident at school-another plus.

So this continued for a while, with us seeing each other every week or so. It was one of the greatest times of my life.

A few months ago I won what I think was my 4th GAD. On that exact same night, she e-mailed me saying she wanted to be 'just friends.' I didn't give up hope, I continued to e-mail her, asking her for a good reason, and then it came. There was some 15 year old boy who liked her-and she liked him. I should've guessed really, she'd been out with nearly every boy in her year, and now she was going out with someone from the year above.

For a while I refused to talk to her. I had this...contemptous hate for her, as well as this boy. In the end I began to forget. I tried to forget her and the great time I'd spent with her. But I knew I'd have to face her soon...after all, I couldn't ignore my cousins forever, could I??

I was right. We went over there, and Grace and her family were there too. We got talking as 'friends,' and it felt a bit like the old days. A week later I stayed at her house again. I was so sure she wanted me back afterwards, so sure it was...well, unbelievable. I was 99% sure.

So I kept dropping hints and finally at her house, my cousin did something I'll remember for the rest of my life. He got me to whisper how I felt about Grace, and then got Grace to whisper to him how she felt about me. I hesitated, worried about her not feeling the same way as me. But I was sick of being unconfident, sick of it. I was sick of never talking to girls, but most of all I was sick of being unhappy. So I told him the truth. He then took me outside and said exactly this,

"Okay, Ant. Grace says that she doesn't love you."

There it was. Crack. BOOM! Snap. Whichever way you put it, my heart was broken. He said something else, and the jist of it was that she knew as well. I was terribly embarassed, but more so heartbroken. I nodded to my cousin, and to Grace (who was actually rather nice about it) I just laughed, and said that it 'didn't matter.' That was a lie. Inside I was crying, I felt as though someone had stuck their hand into my chest, grabbed my heart, and snapped it in 2.

My mind was hell. Messages were flying everywhere, I didn't know what to do, I was embarrased...I just wanted to scream. "Why'd this have to happen me?! What did I do to deserve this!?!?"

But I didn't. I continuted to laugh and smile. And then we went and watched a video with my aunt and her parents. It was Notting Hill. That made me feel even worse.
"That lucky sod. How come he gets the girl he wants, eh?"

That night was hell. I was sleeping over there, and as I tried to sleep in this annoying sleeping bag, I was literally crying. I couldn’t take it. I just wanted to go home and see my parents, my brother and sister, my friends, but most of all, I wanted to see you guys. I’ll explain more a bit later.

The next day was okay. I’d recovered a little, but having to sit through dinner with their whole family (including Grace’s Gran and Grandad,) was not enjoyable. Well, the food was, but I just wanted to go HOME!

My dad picked me up and asked, “So, how’d it go?”

I wanted to say, “It went crap. She broke my heart and I feel like crap.” But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it.

“Oh, fine. It was okay,” was my actual reply.

I had school the next day, which made me feel even worse. But for some reason I wasn’t inconsolable. I thought I would be, but I thought of my PS2, and I thought of UKDiscussions (as it was known then,) and my heart rose. That’s how much gaming means to me. That’s how much these forums mean to me.

I got home and played on a game. I can’t remember what it was, but I know I played for a long time. I was in a different world…I was able to forget everything that had happened the previous night, and as I turned my PS2 off everything came back to me suddenly. But I went onto the forums, and I forgot everything that had happened. As soon as I started talking to Grix, FM, Meka, er-no whoever it was, I felt a whole lot better.

The only people who know about this are Grix and Grandprix. My parents don’t know. My friends at school don’t know. My brother and sister don’t know. Why have I told you all this?? Because you’re all people I can class as ‘friends.’ It feels good to get all this off my chest, and I’d just like to thank Grix for giving me the words that have helped me the most. He said to me, “Well, it’s an experience, Ant.”

And that’s true. It was an experience. Not a nice one, but I’ll remember it for the rest of my life. And hopefully it’ll help me through other tough times. I also now know how much I love gaming, and that it can be used for more than just fun. I also now know why I love these forums so much.

Thanks for reading guys, and thanks for chatting. You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know.

Thanks once again for reading, Ant.

God bless you Ant... You're a fine lad....

My heart was 'broken' once... but i'll post that story some other time...

Good on you mate.
And if ANYONE posts a sarcastic or dumb reply to this, I'll hunt you down and pee in your chips.

Glad we foolish Foggers can cheer ya up Ant.

*sniffle*

what a nice story, they should make a film of it

...although thinking about it, the finding hope in the internet and a PS2 might not transfer very well to the big screen:-)

But I know what you mean Ant! Thats quite an important lesson you learnt. Its probably hardest the first time, but it never really gets easy.

I'm not foolish... I'm a Fantastic Fogger!

Well... my mum says i'm the best boy in the world so there!

That was a light hearted but serious reply Goaty, don't pee in my chips!

Good one, Ant.

I've posted posts along the lines of "Cheers for letting me in the group" kinda stuff before, just before I became a regular and since then theres been some other people doing the same.

I think its great that this place is about, I have met friends here, as everyone else has, and the console wars cheer me up on a monday morning just as much as YH's I hate Ironong thread.

Its not about the GADs anymore, like it was when I was a newbie, its about the people, the conversation, the help when needed (game or life). Perhaps that is why people get agitated with new people coming here to try and win, I dunno.

This place is cool.

:)

Slaveunit, it's not that I hate ironing, I just don't know how to do it!

When I've learnt how to do it, I can then go on to decide if I like it or not.

Thinking about it, I'll leave it for my mum to do at the weekend....

:-)

Great post Ant. Really good. I can tell its all the truth even if I don't know you.

Wow, what a sad story. I think that you deserve that girl.

It sounds familiar though. I too get a little nervous when i´m talking to girls, but not with a girl i know well. I can talk straight out with her. Pretty weird actually...