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There was this old married couple who had been happily married for 40 years
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of loudly farting every morning as he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off as it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop if and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a Doctor as she was concerned that one day he was going to fart his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
Then on Christmas morning as she was downstairs preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had just put the turkey innards and neck, gizzards, liver and all the
spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and gently pulling back the bed covers she slid down his underpants at the back and emptied the
bowl of turkey guts into them.
Several hours later she heard her husband waken with his usual ripping trumpeting and this was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran to the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing with tears in her eyes.
After years of torture she reakoned she had got her own back.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.
He said, "Honey, you were right. All those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you".
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out and today it finally happened. But..... by the grace of God, some Vaseline and these two fingers, I
think I got most of them back in again."
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of loudly farting every morning as he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off as it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop if and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a Doctor as she was concerned that one day he was going to fart his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
Then on Christmas morning as she was downstairs preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had just put the turkey innards and neck, gizzards, liver and all the
spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and gently pulling back the bed covers she slid down his underpants at the back and emptied the
bowl of turkey guts into them.
Several hours later she heard her husband waken with his usual ripping trumpeting and this was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran to the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing with tears in her eyes.
After years of torture she reakoned she had got her own back.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.
He said, "Honey, you were right. All those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you".
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out and today it finally happened. But..... by the grace of God, some Vaseline and these two fingers, I
think I got most of them back in again."
Wow.
hehe
What a joke !!!
TheBest_2k1 wrote:
> This is a tad crude, but its quite funny, and we are all mature
> enough!
3 Prostitutes, all hate life, decide to comit suicide
> together. They climb onto a tall builing, and the first flops off,
> and lands on the pavement. It took a week to clean up her mess. The
> second took a really high leap, and summersaulted onto a car. It
> took a month to clean her up. The third took a really high leap, and
> landed on a lamp-post. It took years to wipe the smile off her
> face!
Thats both sick and perverted. I love it!
> This is a tad crude, but its quite funny, and we are all mature
> enough!
3 Prostitutes, all hate life, decide to comit suicide
> together. They climb onto a tall builing, and the first flops off,
> and lands on the pavement. It took a week to clean up her mess. The
> second took a really high leap, and summersaulted onto a car. It
> took a month to clean her up. The third took a really high leap, and
> landed on a lamp-post. It took years to wipe the smile off her
> face!
Thats both sick and perverted. I love it!
This is a tad crude, but its quite funny, and we are all mature enough!
3 Prostitutes, all hate life, decide to comit suicide together. They climb onto a tall builing, and the first flops off, and lands on the pavement. It took a week to clean up her mess. The second took a really high leap, and summersaulted onto a car. It took a month to clean her up. The third took a really high leap, and landed on a lamp-post. It took years to wipe the smile off her face!
3 Prostitutes, all hate life, decide to comit suicide together. They climb onto a tall builing, and the first flops off, and lands on the pavement. It took a week to clean up her mess. The second took a really high leap, and summersaulted onto a car. It took a month to clean her up. The third took a really high leap, and landed on a lamp-post. It took years to wipe the smile off her face!
heres a funny one:
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period." "Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period." "Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."
Ok here is one for you.
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. After a few minutes he starts dialing numbers...like a telephone...but on the back of his hand. He then flips his
hand over and starts talking into the palm of his hand. The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any
trouble from weirdos here. The guy says "You don't understand, I'm very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the
cellular." The bartender says "Prove it!", so the guy dials up a number and hands his hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and
carries on a brief conversation. "That's incredible" says the bartender, "I would never have believed it!" "Yeah" said the guy, "I can keep in touch with
my broker, my wife, you name it. By the way, where is the men's room?" The bartender directs him to the men's room. The guy goes in, and 5, 10, 20
minutes go by and he doesn't return. Fearing the worst, given the violence in the neighborhood, the bartender goes into the men's room. The guy is
spread-eagle against the wall. His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper shoved up his butt. "Oh my God!" said the bartender. "Did the
locals rob you" Are you hurt?" The guy casually turns around and says, "No, I'm OK. I'm just waiting for a fax."
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. After a few minutes he starts dialing numbers...like a telephone...but on the back of his hand. He then flips his
hand over and starts talking into the palm of his hand. The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any
trouble from weirdos here. The guy says "You don't understand, I'm very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the
cellular." The bartender says "Prove it!", so the guy dials up a number and hands his hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and
carries on a brief conversation. "That's incredible" says the bartender, "I would never have believed it!" "Yeah" said the guy, "I can keep in touch with
my broker, my wife, you name it. By the way, where is the men's room?" The bartender directs him to the men's room. The guy goes in, and 5, 10, 20
minutes go by and he doesn't return. Fearing the worst, given the violence in the neighborhood, the bartender goes into the men's room. The guy is
spread-eagle against the wall. His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper shoved up his butt. "Oh my God!" said the bartender. "Did the
locals rob you" Are you hurt?" The guy casually turns around and says, "No, I'm OK. I'm just waiting for a fax."
:D
Ho he ha
Eurgh
Ho he ha
Eurgh
There was this old married couple who had been happily married for 40 years
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of loudly farting every morning as he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off as it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop if and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a Doctor as she was concerned that one day he was going to fart his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
Then on Christmas morning as she was downstairs preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had just put the turkey innards and neck, gizzards, liver and all the
spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and gently pulling back the bed covers she slid down his underpants at the back and emptied the
bowl of turkey guts into them.
Several hours later she heard her husband waken with his usual ripping trumpeting and this was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran to the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing with tears in her eyes.
After years of torture she reakoned she had got her own back.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.
He said, "Honey, you were right. All those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you".
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out and today it finally happened. But..... by the grace of God, some Vaseline and these two fingers, I
think I got most of them back in again."
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of loudly farting every morning as he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off as it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop if and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a Doctor as she was concerned that one day he was going to fart his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
Then on Christmas morning as she was downstairs preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had just put the turkey innards and neck, gizzards, liver and all the
spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and gently pulling back the bed covers she slid down his underpants at the back and emptied the
bowl of turkey guts into them.
Several hours later she heard her husband waken with his usual ripping trumpeting and this was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran to the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing with tears in her eyes.
After years of torture she reakoned she had got her own back.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.
He said, "Honey, you were right. All those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you".
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out and today it finally happened. But..... by the grace of God, some Vaseline and these two fingers, I
think I got most of them back in again."