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It all started when Elizabeth was helping her mother decorate the Christmas tree. She found a bauble with Elizabeth written on it.
"Mummy, why does this ball have my name on it?" asked the eight-year old little girl.
"Well, you have a great, great, great aunt, and her name was also Elizabeth. But sadly she died when she was eleven." replied the slighty upset mother, who felt strongly about the subject because they live in the same house that Elizabeth got murdered in, in 1887.
"How did my aunt die?" Elizabeth was about to find out some information that changed her life in the near future.
"In the days when Elizabeth was alive, all children who seemed a bit crazy got shot, and Elizabeth was found shouting at her reflection in the mirror, but Elizabeth was also naked." Elizabeth's mother now regretted telling that to her daughter. "But don't fret, darling. Even though you look just like your great, great, great aunt Elizabeth, you have the latest technology." her mother reassured her, along with a smile.
Elizabeth then went into her room, bauble in hand, and hung the bauble above a mirror that she was very fond of. Elizabeth wasn't worried about her aunt, Elizabeth knew that she had three more years before any danger would distract her. The only thing was, that ever since she hung that bauble above her favourite mirror, her reflection started to change. Not a lot, but enough for it to build up and show after three years.
Elizabeth finally noticed these changes, not only her reflection changed, but so did the reflection of her room. One day her reflection moved, when she did not. Then her reflection spoke.
"Hello, my name is Elizabeth, I've noticed that you are no longer me, but someone else. Who?" Elizabeth was very confused, not sure whether to respond to her reflection. But she did. Even though she shouldn't have.
"Hi? I never thought I'd be talkin to meself! So you're a Lizzie too? How's things where you are?" The modern Elizabeth often preferred to be call Lizzie.
"What is it like to live with your family? My family are very traditional, but it's not always so bad." Elizabeth was keen to swap places with Lizzie, for no clear reason, and after persuading Lizzie alot, Lizzie decided she wanted to swap because Elizabeth managed to make her life sound very interesting.
"So do ya wanna swap places for the day? Wait, we'll need to take off our clothes so we fit in with each other's families." Lizzie had realised that their clothes were different. They both removed their clothing, and walked through the mirror. When they reached the other side, they put the other's clothes on. "It's smells funny 'ere! But I'm sure I'll have fun... Meet me back 'ere at midnight." Lizzie then went to explore Elizabeth's world. Elizabeth walked away with a smug look on her face.
It got to midnight, Elizabeth and Lizzie met.
"I've changed my mind, all of this new technology is fantastic" Elizabeth liked this new world so much that she didn't want to go back, so slowly walked away, not giving Lizzie a chance to talk. But soon returned and removed the bauble hanging above the mirror. Then Lizzie's mirror view changed into a real reflection, of the new her, and new world. Lizzie had removed her clothes trying to return to the future, but no luck.
"Come back! Where are you going!?! I need the furture I need the latest technology! It will keep me alive..." Then Elizabeth's father walked into the room where Lizzie was shouting at her reflection in a mirror, while she stood naked. Elizabeth's father was a well known hunter. Lizzie's life ended. While Elizabeth lived, with Lizzie's family, being Lizzie.
"Mummy, why does this ball have my name on it?" asked the eight-year old little girl.
"Well, you have a great, great, great aunt, and her name was also Elizabeth. But sadly she died when she was eleven." replied the slighty upset mother, who felt strongly about the subject because they live in the same house that Elizabeth got murdered in, in 1887.
"How did my aunt die?" Elizabeth was about to find out some information that changed her life in the near future.
"In the days when Elizabeth was alive, all children who seemed a bit crazy got shot, and Elizabeth was found shouting at her reflection in the mirror, but Elizabeth was also naked." Elizabeth's mother now regretted telling that to her daughter. "But don't fret, darling. Even though you look just like your great, great, great aunt Elizabeth, you have the latest technology." her mother reassured her, along with a smile.
Elizabeth then went into her room, bauble in hand, and hung the bauble above a mirror that she was very fond of. Elizabeth wasn't worried about her aunt, Elizabeth knew that she had three more years before any danger would distract her. The only thing was, that ever since she hung that bauble above her favourite mirror, her reflection started to change. Not a lot, but enough for it to build up and show after three years.
Elizabeth finally noticed these changes, not only her reflection changed, but so did the reflection of her room. One day her reflection moved, when she did not. Then her reflection spoke.
"Hello, my name is Elizabeth, I've noticed that you are no longer me, but someone else. Who?" Elizabeth was very confused, not sure whether to respond to her reflection. But she did. Even though she shouldn't have.
"Hi? I never thought I'd be talkin to meself! So you're a Lizzie too? How's things where you are?" The modern Elizabeth often preferred to be call Lizzie.
"What is it like to live with your family? My family are very traditional, but it's not always so bad." Elizabeth was keen to swap places with Lizzie, for no clear reason, and after persuading Lizzie alot, Lizzie decided she wanted to swap because Elizabeth managed to make her life sound very interesting.
"So do ya wanna swap places for the day? Wait, we'll need to take off our clothes so we fit in with each other's families." Lizzie had realised that their clothes were different. They both removed their clothing, and walked through the mirror. When they reached the other side, they put the other's clothes on. "It's smells funny 'ere! But I'm sure I'll have fun... Meet me back 'ere at midnight." Lizzie then went to explore Elizabeth's world. Elizabeth walked away with a smug look on her face.
It got to midnight, Elizabeth and Lizzie met.
"I've changed my mind, all of this new technology is fantastic" Elizabeth liked this new world so much that she didn't want to go back, so slowly walked away, not giving Lizzie a chance to talk. But soon returned and removed the bauble hanging above the mirror. Then Lizzie's mirror view changed into a real reflection, of the new her, and new world. Lizzie had removed her clothes trying to return to the future, but no luck.
"Come back! Where are you going!?! I need the furture I need the latest technology! It will keep me alive..." Then Elizabeth's father walked into the room where Lizzie was shouting at her reflection in a mirror, while she stood naked. Elizabeth's father was a well known hunter. Lizzie's life ended. While Elizabeth lived, with Lizzie's family, being Lizzie.
A little odd in places. Elizabeth (Lizzie) knew she had three years before she was in danger and the fact that Elizabeths' father was a hunter so he kills his own daughter?
As a reworking of a campfire story though it worked quite well.
As a reworking of a campfire story though it worked quite well.
Yes, good idea and good story. You just need to work on the details, such as mentioning the name Elizabeth far too much and the grammatical errors which make it harder to read.
Plus, I think you could build on the suspense by making it less obvious from the outset that something was going to happen.
Plus, I think you could build on the suspense by making it less obvious from the outset that something was going to happen.
Nice story. Reminds of a short tale from an old Hammer Horror film.
Shanty Claws wrote:
> "Your an lizzie too?".
I originally wrote "Your an Elizabeth too?" but had to change alot because even I got confused with two Elizabeths :P
> "Your an lizzie too?".
I originally wrote "Your an Elizabeth too?" but had to change alot because even I got confused with two Elizabeths :P
Very good, but yeah, you should have read over it (like I never do) to spot things like "Your an lizzie too?".
Good idea though, reminds me of my "Deja vu" story.
Good idea though, reminds me of my "Deja vu" story.
Everpain wrote:
> proof-reading
Dude, look at the time I posted this...
> proof-reading
Dude, look at the time I posted this...
Ah, very 'campfire' indeed. Grammatically, I still think you need a lot of work, and some proof-reading would have reaped dividends here. But these skills come with time.
Nice escapist story.
Nice escapist story.
This was based on a horror story told at camp, by a friend, I made it alot more interesting, as my friend told it within 12 seconds!
It all started when Elizabeth was helping her mother decorate the Christmas tree. She found a bauble with Elizabeth written on it.
"Mummy, why does this ball have my name on it?" asked the eight-year old little girl.
"Well, you have a great, great, great aunt, and her name was also Elizabeth. But sadly she died when she was eleven." replied the slighty upset mother, who felt strongly about the subject because they live in the same house that Elizabeth got murdered in, in 1887.
"How did my aunt die?" Elizabeth was about to find out some information that changed her life in the near future.
"In the days when Elizabeth was alive, all children who seemed a bit crazy got shot, and Elizabeth was found shouting at her reflection in the mirror, but Elizabeth was also naked." Elizabeth's mother now regretted telling that to her daughter. "But don't fret, darling. Even though you look just like your great, great, great aunt Elizabeth, you have the latest technology." her mother reassured her, along with a smile.
Elizabeth then went into her room, bauble in hand, and hung the bauble above a mirror that she was very fond of. Elizabeth wasn't worried about her aunt, Elizabeth knew that she had three more years before any danger would distract her. The only thing was, that ever since she hung that bauble above her favourite mirror, her reflection started to change. Not a lot, but enough for it to build up and show after three years.
Elizabeth finally noticed these changes, not only her reflection changed, but so did the reflection of her room. One day her reflection moved, when she did not. Then her reflection spoke.
"Hello, my name is Elizabeth, I've noticed that you are no longer me, but someone else. Who?" Elizabeth was very confused, not sure whether to respond to her reflection. But she did. Even though she shouldn't have.
"Hi? I never thought I'd be talkin to meself! So you're a Lizzie too? How's things where you are?" The modern Elizabeth often preferred to be call Lizzie.
"What is it like to live with your family? My family are very traditional, but it's not always so bad." Elizabeth was keen to swap places with Lizzie, for no clear reason, and after persuading Lizzie alot, Lizzie decided she wanted to swap because Elizabeth managed to make her life sound very interesting.
"So do ya wanna swap places for the day? Wait, we'll need to take off our clothes so we fit in with each other's families." Lizzie had realised that their clothes were different. They both removed their clothing, and walked through the mirror. When they reached the other side, they put the other's clothes on. "It's smells funny 'ere! But I'm sure I'll have fun... Meet me back 'ere at midnight." Lizzie then went to explore Elizabeth's world. Elizabeth walked away with a smug look on her face.
It got to midnight, Elizabeth and Lizzie met.
"I've changed my mind, all of this new technology is fantastic" Elizabeth liked this new world so much that she didn't want to go back, so slowly walked away, not giving Lizzie a chance to talk. But soon returned and removed the bauble hanging above the mirror. Then Lizzie's mirror view changed into a real reflection, of the new her, and new world. Lizzie had removed her clothes trying to return to the future, but no luck.
"Come back! Where are you going!?! I need the furture I need the latest technology! It will keep me alive..." Then Elizabeth's father walked into the room where Lizzie was shouting at her reflection in a mirror, while she stood naked. Elizabeth's father was a well known hunter. Lizzie's life ended. While Elizabeth lived, with Lizzie's family, being Lizzie.
"Mummy, why does this ball have my name on it?" asked the eight-year old little girl.
"Well, you have a great, great, great aunt, and her name was also Elizabeth. But sadly she died when she was eleven." replied the slighty upset mother, who felt strongly about the subject because they live in the same house that Elizabeth got murdered in, in 1887.
"How did my aunt die?" Elizabeth was about to find out some information that changed her life in the near future.
"In the days when Elizabeth was alive, all children who seemed a bit crazy got shot, and Elizabeth was found shouting at her reflection in the mirror, but Elizabeth was also naked." Elizabeth's mother now regretted telling that to her daughter. "But don't fret, darling. Even though you look just like your great, great, great aunt Elizabeth, you have the latest technology." her mother reassured her, along with a smile.
Elizabeth then went into her room, bauble in hand, and hung the bauble above a mirror that she was very fond of. Elizabeth wasn't worried about her aunt, Elizabeth knew that she had three more years before any danger would distract her. The only thing was, that ever since she hung that bauble above her favourite mirror, her reflection started to change. Not a lot, but enough for it to build up and show after three years.
Elizabeth finally noticed these changes, not only her reflection changed, but so did the reflection of her room. One day her reflection moved, when she did not. Then her reflection spoke.
"Hello, my name is Elizabeth, I've noticed that you are no longer me, but someone else. Who?" Elizabeth was very confused, not sure whether to respond to her reflection. But she did. Even though she shouldn't have.
"Hi? I never thought I'd be talkin to meself! So you're a Lizzie too? How's things where you are?" The modern Elizabeth often preferred to be call Lizzie.
"What is it like to live with your family? My family are very traditional, but it's not always so bad." Elizabeth was keen to swap places with Lizzie, for no clear reason, and after persuading Lizzie alot, Lizzie decided she wanted to swap because Elizabeth managed to make her life sound very interesting.
"So do ya wanna swap places for the day? Wait, we'll need to take off our clothes so we fit in with each other's families." Lizzie had realised that their clothes were different. They both removed their clothing, and walked through the mirror. When they reached the other side, they put the other's clothes on. "It's smells funny 'ere! But I'm sure I'll have fun... Meet me back 'ere at midnight." Lizzie then went to explore Elizabeth's world. Elizabeth walked away with a smug look on her face.
It got to midnight, Elizabeth and Lizzie met.
"I've changed my mind, all of this new technology is fantastic" Elizabeth liked this new world so much that she didn't want to go back, so slowly walked away, not giving Lizzie a chance to talk. But soon returned and removed the bauble hanging above the mirror. Then Lizzie's mirror view changed into a real reflection, of the new her, and new world. Lizzie had removed her clothes trying to return to the future, but no luck.
"Come back! Where are you going!?! I need the furture I need the latest technology! It will keep me alive..." Then Elizabeth's father walked into the room where Lizzie was shouting at her reflection in a mirror, while she stood naked. Elizabeth's father was a well known hunter. Lizzie's life ended. While Elizabeth lived, with Lizzie's family, being Lizzie.