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"SSC 35: Let me lead you"

I threw down the receiver had she really just said that? “We’re over” it had gone so quick. She didn’t tell me a reason why. Just them two words that made me feel sick inside now “We‘re over‘’. Why did all these things have to happen to me?. I wasn’t a bad man I was just a normal person, I got up every morning had a shower, got dressed, brushed my teeth after eating me breakfast, then out the door off to work.

I walked down the grey path with black cracks in it. The path was like my walk to hell which was work. I worked in a little office sitting on a chair getting back pains, leaning over my desk typing up information of sales we have had. Yes so boring. So as I walked the path to work leafs blew through the air, people ran to get to places quickly. Then it started to rain at least the sky was crying and not me crying because that’s how I felt right now.

I kicked a rusty coke can across the floor it fell off the kerb and on top of the drain. Coke still left in the can poured down the drain like my feelings pouring away. I started walking quicker didn’t want to be dripping wet with rain when getting to work. It would take me five more minutes to get to work. I crossed the road then “SMACK’’ the car hit me knocking me out straight away.

I woke in a place that would even make a man the age of fifty cry. No I wasn’t in hell if I was I would be in bad pain and the devil would walk before me but no, no devil. The sky was dark, children walked along the mud floor my most horrible nightmare had came to life.

Then the children faded away and everything zoomed towards me, I was just standing still then it stopped. Trees surrounded me I was in the woods, the sun shone down on me what was happening? Was I dead after being hit by that blue car and flying halfway through the air.

If I was dead I thought I would be walking on clouds or flames would be all around me. But no trees were all around me. I took a step forward, crunching sticks on the ground. I picked up a smooth grey stone with a bit of white on it, from the floor. I then threw it through the air, silence filled the clear air then I heard the slightest sound of the stone hitting the wet mud floor.

I ran forwards from where the stone had landed I looked down to where I had heard the sound of the stone drop. But no, no stone was there planted on the ground just dark black mud filled the ground. But then a stone hit me in the back of the head. It hurt when hitting me a shot of pain ran down my spine.

I heard the stone drop just behind me, I turned round and looked down at the ground there on the ground was the smooth grey stone that I had threw. God this nightmare was getting worse and worse. I ran forwards I could now run free through the woods something I had always wanted to do. But then voices ran through my head. “Are you ok? We’re over! What happened, everything will be fine” What was happening I just screamed out I put my head in my hands and laid down on the wet mud floor. Just waiting for something to happened.

The smell of lavender filled the room, just like a hospital room to make the patient not smell so bad. I opened my two brown eyes and looked about. I laid in a bed in the middle of a forest what was happening. But then the whole hospital bedroom built together and everything was normal.

Pain ran through my body. Oh good I was ok. My vision was blurry but then I saw her sitting at the edge of my bed. The one that said it was over she put out her hand then said something very strange that put a smile on my face “Let me lead you to the woods”.

Well thanks for saying good beginning.

I really liked the beginning, I was hoping the lead character was going to turn out to be a private detective because the beginning reminded me of an old-fashioned private eye monologue (Like Sam Spade and that sort of stuff) then it dipped a fair bit.

A strong beginning though. :)

Thanks I will add my story about the Crows tonight.

The legendary Crossbob.
Some of your punctuation is still all over the place, but on a positive note I see signs of improvement in this story. Keep writing Bob, you're getting better.

This story is about a 'real-life' character... I think if you wrote more about strange/quirky/fantasy characters, you might improve further.

I do go to my english lessons but I thought it was , so its ' ???

Try going to English lessons Bob...

Thanks I did use some commas, I promise I did. Because they are, not '. I think :S

You really need commas.


,


But a good read, I enjoyed it Crossbob.

Well there were just bits spelt wrong and things.

That's the updated version? I shudder to think what the original was like.