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"SSC 34-Sorry I didn't rescue you"

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Mon 24/10/05 at 22:45
Regular
"Catch it!"
Posts: 6,840
It’s summer everyone’s outside they are running, but what from? I looked around like a headless chicken I’m in the middle of this I must get away. But I try to run and trip on my converse shoe laces now I’m dead. All the people run on my head feet with shoe’s on ,bare feet running right on my head nearly crushing it. I scramble myself from the floor. I look about still confused about what is happening then smack it hits me in the face.

It’s winter I’m outside laying the roses on my Mum’s grave, its been ten years now since she died. It was a cold night as my Mum walked home four boys felt like having some fun. They drove past my Mum and “BANG,BANG,BANG” they filled my Mum with bullets. They killed my Mum there were no witnesses the police never found out who it was. I was distrait for six years. I was so upset because not one person had saved my Mum, no one even tried to rescue her. Even when there were house’s round near the neighbourhood my Mum walked through. Not one person said they had heard the gun shots.

My Mum hadn’t done anything for these Men to kill her she was a kind sixty five year old woman the one that had held me in her arms since birth. So after putting down the flowers I said a couple of words like I always do when going to my Mum’s grave. Someone had put graffiti on my Mum’s grave, so I walked into the church asking for help to wash my Mum’s grave. The priest came out and help me rub clean the stone of the grave.

“So how are you now Robert? How is your Dad?” asked the priest. “We are still getting through it, but Sally is ill now, she’s going to die soon she says she will be happy to join Mum”. “Oh that’s such a shame Robert I hope she doesn’t die” “She will Father, she will I have to go now Father bye” I ran leaving foot prints in the crunchy snow.

Everyday I lay on my bed at home thinking why didn’t anyone rescue my Mum. But no one could have because if they had they would have got blown to pieces their selves. I get home pulled off my converse then walked up to Sally’s room. She lays on her bed the covers up to her neck. Her face a pale white its horrible she doesn’t look alive today maybe she isn’t. I run to the side of her bed “Sally, Sally are you still alive?” No answer I ask again still no answer. Oh god please don’t be dead “Daddddddd are you home?”. “Yes I’m here Robert what ever is the matter?”. “It’s Sally she’s not waking up come here quick please” I hear my Dad’s feet run up the stairs. He fly’s into Sally’s room checks her heart, then her pulse shakes his head a bit. Then he turns to me, hugs me and whispers two words into my ear. “I’m sorry”. Oh god Sally is dead why her? she’s so young she’s only fifteen.

A week later Sally’s funeral everyone in black suits, wiping there eyes on tissues. I stand there roses gripped in my hand. While Sally’s coffin is put into the ground I throw roses down into the grave on top of her grave.

“Rest in peace Sally sorry I didn’t rescue you”
Mon 07/11/05 at 22:04
Regular
"Catch it!"
Posts: 6,840
Oh you gave me my name back thank you very much. I will do better from now on.
Thu 03/11/05 at 14:00
Regular
"Dole scum"
Posts: 24
Bob, please note, if only to stop me screaming at my computer every time I read one of your stories - pedant that I am, and it's only one of the things you do that makes me scream at my computer - you don't add an apostrophe when you're turning something into a plural.

One shoe, two shoes.

Please try and remember this, if only because I've been kind enough to a) change your wolve title and b)give you your name back.
Thu 03/11/05 at 11:13
Regular
Posts: 16,548
Will Smith does it. It's cool.
Thu 03/11/05 at 11:08
Regular
"Dole scum"
Posts: 24
Oriental Rib wrote:
> unless i'm gravely mistaken there is 2 appauling uses of the word "converse".

Are they paying you for the product placement, Bob?
Wed 02/11/05 at 21:43
Regular
"Catch it!"
Posts: 6,840
No she is not.
Sat 29/10/05 at 16:42
Regular
"In Soviet Russia..."
Posts: 3,934
I bet Sally's the goldfish.
Thu 27/10/05 at 23:00
Regular
"Catch it!"
Posts: 6,840
Was just doing this story for a bit of description. Story behind Sally. She got depressed when Mother died didn't eat for ages got very ill from this. So never recovered.
Wed 26/10/05 at 14:23
Regular
Posts: 16,548
Read and considered.
Tue 25/10/05 at 21:36
Regular
"youngest regular"
Posts: 813
How could he have saved sally?
Tue 25/10/05 at 18:47
Regular
Posts: 9,494
C®ø§$ Bób wrote:
> It’s summer everyone’s outside they are running, but what from?

I had to read one line to find something to give you advice on. There's too little grammar in that sentence, and it sounds too rushed because of it.

It should be like:

It's a warm summer's day. Everyone's outside, but they are running?! What from?
etc etc

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