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My mission was to rescue the scientist, Nicholas the famous scientist who creates robots. He was kidnapped by group of evil people, who wanted to rule the world. They needed him to make a mammoth and powerful robot.
I started my mission off, landing from an aero plane into a desert. I looked around it was dark at night I could hardly see anything, there were also fully armed soldiers. I snuck behind one of them and slit his throat. I pulled out my suppressed socom pistol, and held it up to the other soldiers head. “Freeze” I nervously said. “Where are you keeping Nicholas?” He wouldn’t reply so I shot his leg.
“He he… he’s right at the and, in the small lab. He stuttered.
I smacked him in the head with my pistol. I stealthy snuck past the other soldiers, making no sound. I sneezed. I swiftly ran behind the tree. They heard me. They called for backup. My heart was pounding; I was so close to the building. One of the soldiers was coming close. I ran behind him, and choked him out. I took his cloths.
Now they think I’m one of them, all is I have to do now is act like them. I looked at their movement patterns and how they hold there gun. My eyes were different thought, so I couldn’t make eye contact with them. So I did so. I went up to the door and was about to open it. “DAMN!” The door needed to check your eyes before you go in. I silently went behind a soldier chocked him out, and put his face on the eye checker. “YES!” it worked!
I walked into the lab, my mission is finally done.
*Edited*
I started my mission off, landing from an aero plane into a desert. I looked around it was dark at night I could hardly see anything, there were also fully armed soldiers. I snuck behind one of them and slit his throat. I pulled out my suppressed socom pistol, and held it up to the other soldiers head. “Freeze” I nervously said. “Where are you keeping Nicholas?” He wouldn’t reply so I shot his leg.
“He he… he’s right at the and, in the small lab. He stuttered.
I smacked him in the head with my pistol. I stealthy snuck past the other soldiers, making no sound. I sneezed. I swiftly ran behind the tree. They heard me. They called for backup. My heart was pounding; I was so close to the building. One of the soldiers was coming close. I ran behind him, and choked him out. I took his cloths.
Now they think I’m one of them, all is I have to do now is act like them. I looked at their movement patterns and how they hold there gun. My eyes were different thought, so I couldn’t make eye contact with them. So I did so. I went up to the door and was about to open it. “DAMN!” The door needed to check your eyes before you go in. I silently went behind a soldier chocked him out, and put his face on the eye checker. “YES!” it worked!
I walked into the lab, my mission is finally done.
*Edited*
My mission was to rescue the scientist, Nicholas the famous scientist who creates robots. He was kidnapped by group of evil people, who wanted to rule the world. They needed him to make a mammoth and powerful robot.
I started my mission off, landing from an aero plane into a desert. I looked around it was dark at night I could hardly see anything, there were also fully armed soldiers. I snuck behind one of them and slit his throat. I pulled out my suppressed socom pistol, and held it up to the other soldiers head. “Freeze” I nervously said. “Where are you keeping Nicholas?” He wouldn’t reply so I shot his leg.
“He he… he’s right at the and, in the small lab. He stuttered.
I smacked him in the head with my pistol. I stealthy snuck past the other soldiers, making no sound. I sneezed. I swiftly ran behind the tree. They heard me. They called for backup. My heart was pounding; I was so close to the building. One of the soldiers was coming close. I ran behind him, and choked him out. I took his cloths.
Now they think I’m one of them, all is I have to do now is act like them. I looked at their movement patterns and how they hold there gun. My eyes were different thought, so I couldn’t make eye contact with them. So I did so. I went up to the door and was about to open it. “DAMN!” The door needed to check your eyes before you go in. I silently went behind a soldier chocked him out, and put his face on the eye checker. “YES!” it worked!
I walked into the lab, my mission is finally done.
*Edited*
I started my mission off, landing from an aero plane into a desert. I looked around it was dark at night I could hardly see anything, there were also fully armed soldiers. I snuck behind one of them and slit his throat. I pulled out my suppressed socom pistol, and held it up to the other soldiers head. “Freeze” I nervously said. “Where are you keeping Nicholas?” He wouldn’t reply so I shot his leg.
“He he… he’s right at the and, in the small lab. He stuttered.
I smacked him in the head with my pistol. I stealthy snuck past the other soldiers, making no sound. I sneezed. I swiftly ran behind the tree. They heard me. They called for backup. My heart was pounding; I was so close to the building. One of the soldiers was coming close. I ran behind him, and choked him out. I took his cloths.
Now they think I’m one of them, all is I have to do now is act like them. I looked at their movement patterns and how they hold there gun. My eyes were different thought, so I couldn’t make eye contact with them. So I did so. I went up to the door and was about to open it. “DAMN!” The door needed to check your eyes before you go in. I silently went behind a soldier chocked him out, and put his face on the eye checker. “YES!” it worked!
I walked into the lab, my mission is finally done.
*Edited*
What age are you?
That was a slightly different genre, under the n00b story category. At least it contained attempts at description and some punctuation.
The story was far too short and really didn't join very well. There was no description of where this desert was and how the lab was found so quickly. I suggest you watch a Bond film or read a subterfuge novel and then look at how that was written again.
It was just a letdown, simply because you wasted the tension, when he was about to sneak up on the soldiers. For me that bit was worse than even simply finding the lab or jumping out a plane. Firstly he apparently slit on of their throats, then he grabbed the same man and shot him in the leg with an AK-47 (perhaps the most noisy gun known to man) before smacking him with the barrel. After all that you're saying he simply snuck past the remaining guards?!
To be honest there was just too many plot-holes and nowehere near enough description. I'd also recommend checking up on words, such as "aeroplane".
Not too bad though...
The story was far too short and really didn't join very well. There was no description of where this desert was and how the lab was found so quickly. I suggest you watch a Bond film or read a subterfuge novel and then look at how that was written again.
It was just a letdown, simply because you wasted the tension, when he was about to sneak up on the soldiers. For me that bit was worse than even simply finding the lab or jumping out a plane. Firstly he apparently slit on of their throats, then he grabbed the same man and shot him in the leg with an AK-47 (perhaps the most noisy gun known to man) before smacking him with the barrel. After all that you're saying he simply snuck past the remaining guards?!
To be honest there was just too many plot-holes and nowehere near enough description. I'd also recommend checking up on words, such as "aeroplane".
Not too bad though...
tnc wrote:
> That was a slightly different genre, under the n00b story category. At
> least it contained attempts at description and some punctuation.
>
> The story was far too short and really didn't join very well. There
> was no description of where this desert was and how the lab was found
> so quickly. I suggest you watch a Bond film or read a subterfuge novel
> and then look at how that was written again.
>
> It was just a letdown, simply because you wasted the tension, when he
> was about to sneak up on the soldiers. For me that bit was worse than
> even simply finding the lab or jumping out a plane. Firstly he
> apparently slit on of their throats, then he grabbed the same man and
> shot him in the leg with an AK-47 (perhaps the most noisy gun known to
> man) before smacking him with the barrel. After all that you're saying
> he simply snuck past the remaining guards?!
>
> To be honest there was just too many plot-holes and nowehere near
> enough description. I'd also recommend checking up on words, such as
> "aeroplane".
>
> Not too bad though...
ah ok, thanks for the tip anyway. I will do better in the next competition.
> That was a slightly different genre, under the n00b story category. At
> least it contained attempts at description and some punctuation.
>
> The story was far too short and really didn't join very well. There
> was no description of where this desert was and how the lab was found
> so quickly. I suggest you watch a Bond film or read a subterfuge novel
> and then look at how that was written again.
>
> It was just a letdown, simply because you wasted the tension, when he
> was about to sneak up on the soldiers. For me that bit was worse than
> even simply finding the lab or jumping out a plane. Firstly he
> apparently slit on of their throats, then he grabbed the same man and
> shot him in the leg with an AK-47 (perhaps the most noisy gun known to
> man) before smacking him with the barrel. After all that you're saying
> he simply snuck past the remaining guards?!
>
> To be honest there was just too many plot-holes and nowehere near
> enough description. I'd also recommend checking up on words, such as
> "aeroplane".
>
> Not too bad though...
ah ok, thanks for the tip anyway. I will do better in the next competition.
You're allowed another entry I think. It was a nice solid piece of writing but as aforementioned it wasn't descriptive enough and I felt it ended way to quickly.
A good twist is never a bad thing.
A good twist is never a bad thing.
Good but like other people said to short.
Yup, stories sometimes work when they're this short (see pb's for this comp) but this just feels like you copied it from the front of a computer games manual.
Stryke wrote:
> Yup, stories sometimes work when they're this short (see pb's for this
> comp) but this just feels like you copied it from the front of a
> computer games manual.
I dont get how that works... sheesh.. hater
> Yup, stories sometimes work when they're this short (see pb's for this
> comp) but this just feels like you copied it from the front of a
> computer games manual.
I dont get how that works... sheesh.. hater