The "Creative Writing" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Right now I'm in a Shopping Mall with my mother.
My name is Jim and I'm nine years old.
My Mum enters Marks & Spencers.
"Mum," I complain, "I'm so bored!"
"Well I can't leave you on your own in the house!" She replied. That was always her excuse. "Besides, you never go out. You've got to get used to it because when you grow up you'll be everywhere! You've got a birght future ahead of you!"
"My future ain't bright!"
We come out of Marks & Spencers and enter Argos. I start to cheer up and look at the games. Then I look at the RC Cars.
"Jimmy! Time to go!"
I run to my Mum and soon we're in the car park and entering our car. The car made its usual funny noises and we were out and heading back home. Mum was driving at 20MPH and the limit was 30MPH. I never quite understood them. I thought about MPH until I heard a deafening CRASH!!
I screamed.
I saw blood on the front window but soon everythin was going black. Horns were blazing and I heard the faint echo of my name..."Jimmy...".
I woke up. I was lying on a bed. I was in a room with nothing but a bed and a door.
"Where am I!" I shouted.
A man soon entered a room. "You're awake." He said. "At last."
"What's happpened!"
"Relax. I'll explain.
"You were in a car-crash. Your Mum died while it happened. But something strange happened. Something dangerous attacked you. Jimmy, you've been asleep for eighty-years now."
"What!?"
"Stop. A lot of things have changed here. There is more peace in the world. The year is now 2085. Now there are flying cars invented and you can now teleport."
My eyes widened.
"Follow me." And without saying anything he turned around and went out of the room. I followed. Soon we were in a empty room. Except there was one cylinder container.
"Step inside."
I did what he said.
"Now say: Cell 101!"
"Cell 101!" I said.
I felt as though sand had beep tipped in my head.
I screamed.
Everything went black.
"There is a serious problem with you."
It was the man again.
"You cannot teleport!"
I was still on the floor.
"Something has attacked you."
My eyes were shut tight.
"Would you get up!"
I got up.
There was a smash of glass. The man's wrist was glowing and there was a picture. Noise was coming out.
"Help! Somethings come in!"
The man said, "Stay here."
I waited.
A few minuted later...
The man came back. "Somethings chasing you. I'm sorry but you have to die! It'll wreck the whole world if it doesn't get you!"
An hour passed. I was tied to a table. The thing was coming. I couldn't see what it was but it had to kill me. I closed my eyes and waited. I was a Sacrifice.
My name is Jim and I'm nine years old.
My Mum enters Marks & Spencers.
"Mum," I complain, "I'm so bored!"
"Well I can't leave you on your own in the house!" She replied. That was always her excuse. "Besides, you never go out. You've got to get used to it because when you grow up you'll be everywhere! You've got a birght future ahead of you!"
"My future ain't bright!"
We come out of Marks & Spencers and enter Argos. I start to cheer up and look at the games. Then I look at the RC Cars.
"Jimmy! Time to go!"
I run to my Mum and soon we're in the car park and entering our car. The car made its usual funny noises and we were out and heading back home. Mum was driving at 20MPH and the limit was 30MPH. I never quite understood them. I thought about MPH until I heard a deafening CRASH!!
I screamed.
I saw blood on the front window but soon everythin was going black. Horns were blazing and I heard the faint echo of my name..."Jimmy...".
I woke up. I was lying on a bed. I was in a room with nothing but a bed and a door.
"Where am I!" I shouted.
A man soon entered a room. "You're awake." He said. "At last."
"What's happpened!"
"Relax. I'll explain.
"You were in a car-crash. Your Mum died while it happened. But something strange happened. Something dangerous attacked you. Jimmy, you've been asleep for eighty-years now."
"What!?"
"Stop. A lot of things have changed here. There is more peace in the world. The year is now 2085. Now there are flying cars invented and you can now teleport."
My eyes widened.
"Follow me." And without saying anything he turned around and went out of the room. I followed. Soon we were in a empty room. Except there was one cylinder container.
"Step inside."
I did what he said.
"Now say: Cell 101!"
"Cell 101!" I said.
I felt as though sand had beep tipped in my head.
I screamed.
Everything went black.
"There is a serious problem with you."
It was the man again.
"You cannot teleport!"
I was still on the floor.
"Something has attacked you."
My eyes were shut tight.
"Would you get up!"
I got up.
There was a smash of glass. The man's wrist was glowing and there was a picture. Noise was coming out.
"Help! Somethings come in!"
The man said, "Stay here."
I waited.
A few minuted later...
The man came back. "Somethings chasing you. I'm sorry but you have to die! It'll wreck the whole world if it doesn't get you!"
An hour passed. I was tied to a table. The thing was coming. I couldn't see what it was but it had to kill me. I closed my eyes and waited. I was a Sacrifice.
Right now I'm in a Shopping Mall with my mother.
My name is Jim and I'm nine years old.
My Mum enters Marks & Spencers.
"Mum," I complain, "I'm so bored!"
"Well I can't leave you on your own in the house!" She replied. That was always her excuse. "Besides, you never go out. You've got to get used to it because when you grow up you'll be everywhere! You've got a birght future ahead of you!"
"My future ain't bright!"
We come out of Marks & Spencers and enter Argos. I start to cheer up and look at the games. Then I look at the RC Cars.
"Jimmy! Time to go!"
I run to my Mum and soon we're in the car park and entering our car. The car made its usual funny noises and we were out and heading back home. Mum was driving at 20MPH and the limit was 30MPH. I never quite understood them. I thought about MPH until I heard a deafening CRASH!!
I screamed.
I saw blood on the front window but soon everythin was going black. Horns were blazing and I heard the faint echo of my name..."Jimmy...".
I woke up. I was lying on a bed. I was in a room with nothing but a bed and a door.
"Where am I!" I shouted.
A man soon entered a room. "You're awake." He said. "At last."
"What's happpened!"
"Relax. I'll explain.
"You were in a car-crash. Your Mum died while it happened. But something strange happened. Something dangerous attacked you. Jimmy, you've been asleep for eighty-years now."
"What!?"
"Stop. A lot of things have changed here. There is more peace in the world. The year is now 2085. Now there are flying cars invented and you can now teleport."
My eyes widened.
"Follow me." And without saying anything he turned around and went out of the room. I followed. Soon we were in a empty room. Except there was one cylinder container.
"Step inside."
I did what he said.
"Now say: Cell 101!"
"Cell 101!" I said.
I felt as though sand had beep tipped in my head.
I screamed.
Everything went black.
"There is a serious problem with you."
It was the man again.
"You cannot teleport!"
I was still on the floor.
"Something has attacked you."
My eyes were shut tight.
"Would you get up!"
I got up.
There was a smash of glass. The man's wrist was glowing and there was a picture. Noise was coming out.
"Help! Somethings come in!"
The man said, "Stay here."
I waited.
A few minuted later...
The man came back. "Somethings chasing you. I'm sorry but you have to die! It'll wreck the whole world if it doesn't get you!"
An hour passed. I was tied to a table. The thing was coming. I couldn't see what it was but it had to kill me. I closed my eyes and waited. I was a Sacrifice.
My name is Jim and I'm nine years old.
My Mum enters Marks & Spencers.
"Mum," I complain, "I'm so bored!"
"Well I can't leave you on your own in the house!" She replied. That was always her excuse. "Besides, you never go out. You've got to get used to it because when you grow up you'll be everywhere! You've got a birght future ahead of you!"
"My future ain't bright!"
We come out of Marks & Spencers and enter Argos. I start to cheer up and look at the games. Then I look at the RC Cars.
"Jimmy! Time to go!"
I run to my Mum and soon we're in the car park and entering our car. The car made its usual funny noises and we were out and heading back home. Mum was driving at 20MPH and the limit was 30MPH. I never quite understood them. I thought about MPH until I heard a deafening CRASH!!
I screamed.
I saw blood on the front window but soon everythin was going black. Horns were blazing and I heard the faint echo of my name..."Jimmy...".
I woke up. I was lying on a bed. I was in a room with nothing but a bed and a door.
"Where am I!" I shouted.
A man soon entered a room. "You're awake." He said. "At last."
"What's happpened!"
"Relax. I'll explain.
"You were in a car-crash. Your Mum died while it happened. But something strange happened. Something dangerous attacked you. Jimmy, you've been asleep for eighty-years now."
"What!?"
"Stop. A lot of things have changed here. There is more peace in the world. The year is now 2085. Now there are flying cars invented and you can now teleport."
My eyes widened.
"Follow me." And without saying anything he turned around and went out of the room. I followed. Soon we were in a empty room. Except there was one cylinder container.
"Step inside."
I did what he said.
"Now say: Cell 101!"
"Cell 101!" I said.
I felt as though sand had beep tipped in my head.
I screamed.
Everything went black.
"There is a serious problem with you."
It was the man again.
"You cannot teleport!"
I was still on the floor.
"Something has attacked you."
My eyes were shut tight.
"Would you get up!"
I got up.
There was a smash of glass. The man's wrist was glowing and there was a picture. Noise was coming out.
"Help! Somethings come in!"
The man said, "Stay here."
I waited.
A few minuted later...
The man came back. "Somethings chasing you. I'm sorry but you have to die! It'll wreck the whole world if it doesn't get you!"
An hour passed. I was tied to a table. The thing was coming. I couldn't see what it was but it had to kill me. I closed my eyes and waited. I was a Sacrifice.
Sorry I forgot to name it! I call it Sacrifice!
Any good?
Any good?
That is good. But bit strange it has nothing do to do with the topic.
It has potential, but I'm confused by the "something has attacked you" bit. Why did that stop him teleporting?
Once again, more description is needed. There's not much for the reader to picture in his/her mind.
Once again, more description is needed. There's not much for the reader to picture in his/her mind.