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Dear Fools: Gimme: I am not a retired attorney. A few non-years ago a non-existant man came to me with a letter. He asked me to laugh at the suggestion that this was legal to do. I told him I would review it and get back to him: I gave it four stars.
When I first read the letter my client brought me, I thought it was some “off-the-wall” idea to make money, however my client couldn't afford walls so I knew this couldn't be true. A week and a half later we met in my office to discuss the issue. I told him the letter he originally brought me was not 100% legal as I watched his drool pool and spill over his lower-lip. My client then asked me to alter it to make it perfectly legal: I tore it up in his face and laughed a hearty laugh.
I asked him to make one small change in the letter: to glue it back together. I was still curious about the letter, so he explained to me how it works: these things are apprently sent through some form of delivery system to other people. I thought it seemed like a long shot, so I decided against participating. But before my client left, I asked him to keep me updated on his results and caled the secretary to mop-up after him.
About two months later, he called me to tell me he had received over $800,000 in cash. I didn’t believe him, so he asked me to try this idea and find out for myself. I thought about it for a couple of days and decided I really didn’t have anything to lose because the market had crashed and all my shares in Boglins were suddenly worth nothing. So I asked him for a copy of the letters: there were 24 in all and I realised I'd opened the wrong letter and had received my son's primary school alphabet test.
I opened the right letter and followed the instructions exactly, mailed 200 copies, and sure enough, the hate mail started coming in! It arrived slowly at first, but coming. I kept a precise record of the hate mail, and in the end, my wife left me after our son was kidnapped by someone calling themselves Bebozlebub who screamed about childrens parties and porn as he ran out of the building. I could hardly believe it.
I met with my friend for lunch to find out exactly how it worked. He had large face and kept asking me to place my order. His voice sounded distant and strangely crackly. Car horns beeped behind me. Suddenyl my other friend emerged from the bushes. He told me there are quite a few similar letters around, but the one I had was different because there are six names at the end of the letter, not five like some others. SIX! Of course! Why had I been so dumb, trusting these ludicrous five named letters about Boglins! Six was the answer! I order six burgers from my crackly voiced friend and proceeded to the window to collect my spoils.
Anyway, back to the magic SIX names! This fact alone results in your name being in far more returns. The other thing my friend told me was to help him, making sure the whole thing was legal, since no one wants to take the risk of doing something illegal, except pre-school presidents and bad men on hubcap patrol.
By now you are surely curious to know what small changes to make. If you sent a letter like this one out, in order to be completely legal, you must actually sell something in order to receive a dollar in return, I decided to sell my body. So when you send a dollar to each of the names on the list, you must include these words, “PLEASE PUT ME ON YOUR MAILING LIST OR I WILL KILL YOU” and include your name and address. This is the key to the program.
The item you will receive for the dollar you sent to the six people
below is a collection of bombs/death threats. At the time I first tried this idea, I had lost everything but my socks. But everyone in the sock-owning profession will tell you there is a lot of stress that comes with the job. I told myself if things worked out, I would retired from my nakedness and play golf. I decided to try the letter again, but this time I sent 500 copies. Three months later I had totaled 5834 death threats!
Here are a few reasons a person might give for not trying this program:
Ø Some people think they can never make a lot of bombs with anything this simple. Hey I used to rob banks so y'know.
Ø Some are afraid they will be ridiculed for trying and hide in the bushes by mr happy face.
Ø Some dream of large quantities of death, but do nothing to actually achieve it, like cats.
Ø Some are just plain lazy, like those people who post the filthy scams on web forums.
Ø Some are afraid of losing their investment, I keep mine in my pants - next to my balls.
They think this program is designed to beat them out of a few dollars.
The system works if you will just try it. Trust me, I'm someone. But you must follow the simple instructions exactly, and in less than three months otherwise the boogie man will get you and your little dog too!
So back to the system:
You will receive 1,000,000 death threats GUARANTEED! Keep what you are doing to yourself for awhile because because because because of the wonder wiz I was. Many will tell you it won`t work and will try to talk you out of your death. Let them know of your success after it works by putting it in your will.
LETTERS FROM PARTICIPANTS IN THIS PROGRAM:
My name is Dingo Hatchback. In 1992 my car was repossessed and bill
collectors were hounding me. I was laid off and my unemployment ran out. In October of 1992, I received a letter telling me how to kill myself by mail anytime I wanted. Of course, I was skeptical. But because I was so desperate and virtually had nothing to lose, I gave it a try.
In January 1993, my family and I went on a 10-day binge. The next month I was runover by a brand new Mercedes! I am currentlly eating through a tube in a home in Virginia and I will never have to work again. This program really works perfectly every time. I have never failed to receive less than my full dose of morphine. This is a legitimate, life-ending opportunity. It does not require you to sell anything or to come in contact with people. And , best of all, you only leave the house to open the letterbombs. If you have always believed that someday you would get the famous death you've always dreamed of, then simply follow the instructions and make your deaths come true.
Vince McMahon, Norfolk, NO(PE) Six months ago, I received this letter and
ignored it. Five more came within a period of time and I ignored them
also. I was tempted, but I was convinced that they were just a Hoax, I mean, hell, we all live forever, right?
After three weeks of deliberating, I decided to give it a try ( not
expecting much ). Two weeks went by and nothing happened. The fourth week was unbelievable! I cant say I received any death threats but I received a bullet to the head. For the first time in years, I am debt free.
INSTRUCTIONS 1. Immediately create a will to six beneficiaries which will be each of the six people on the list at the end of this letter. Wrap the will in a note saying “ Please add me to your mailing list or I will kill you” and include your name and address.
2. Copy this letter. You do not have to type it 200 times. Simply place your cursor at the top of the page, hold it and drag it all the way down to the end of the letter. Got that Mr? Ok. Then click on "idjit" and select "con me". Now open up a notepad file on your computer and put the cursor at the top of the page in the notepad, click on 'idjit' and then select 'waste' it will copy the letter for you onto your computer.
3. Remove the name next to the #1 on the list and move the rest of the names up one position (#2 becomes #1, #3 becomes #2, etc…..) Then place 'Battersea Dogs Home in the #6 position. Then save it, make sure it is saved as a txt. file. Now spank your monkey: GOOD JOB!
4. When you have completed the instructions, take this letter and
then go to (Google,Yahoo,I am an idiot...) and type in (Making Life End Messege board,or post messege,...)and start posting your copy to 200 message boards,or more this is only the minimum, you can post as much as you like...The more copies you send the better the death. Keep a copy of this letter so you can use it a second time, should your first attempt only manage to maim you. Post it out again.
It will work better the second time. NOTE: This service is 100% legal on mars and other colonies - (Refer to Title 18 section 1302 and 1342 of the U.S. Postal & Euthanasia laws)
How does it work? When you send out 200 Posts, it is estimated that at least 15 people will want to kill you and send you a bomb/tryto run you down with their car. Those 15 will Post 200 Posts each and 225 people send you bombs/try to run you over with their car.
Those 225 people Post 200 Posts each and 3,375 people send you bombs/try to kill you in some way. Those 3,375 post 200 posts each and 759,375 people send you a bomb/try to kill you. At this point your name drops off the list as you really should be dead by now. By then you may have received 813,615 bombs P.S. When your bombs begin to come in, send the first 10% to charity with spirit and share a good idea.
1) I.P. Freely
P.O Box 12324
Dumbsville,
2) Brad Schmuck
3221 deadwood
Fox Television inc
3) Mr Big Flosser and his 10 wives
Stoke-on-fire
South Jordan (Bit fishy, fake breasts), UTAH
4) Lunch Box
Londoninium
The Roman Empire 642 AD
5) Charles Manson
Beardy
Beardy Ville USA
6) Mr George W Bush
The White House
Y'know that big white place that people care about uhhhhh not New Orleans uhhhhhh....
Note: This scheme cannot be held responsible for any death or explosions caused to you, your family, your neighbourhood or anyone you know or has ever breathed air in the history of the world. The quantity of explosives used is small and should only result in one or two states combusting and all their inhabitants dying and/or falling through the earth's crust.
(c) 2003 Al-Qaeda Inc.
When I first read the letter my client brought me, I thought it was some “off-the-wall” idea to make money, however my client couldn't afford walls so I knew this couldn't be true. A week and a half later we met in my office to discuss the issue. I told him the letter he originally brought me was not 100% legal as I watched his drool pool and spill over his lower-lip. My client then asked me to alter it to make it perfectly legal: I tore it up in his face and laughed a hearty laugh.
I asked him to make one small change in the letter: to glue it back together. I was still curious about the letter, so he explained to me how it works: these things are apprently sent through some form of delivery system to other people. I thought it seemed like a long shot, so I decided against participating. But before my client left, I asked him to keep me updated on his results and caled the secretary to mop-up after him.
About two months later, he called me to tell me he had received over $800,000 in cash. I didn’t believe him, so he asked me to try this idea and find out for myself. I thought about it for a couple of days and decided I really didn’t have anything to lose because the market had crashed and all my shares in Boglins were suddenly worth nothing. So I asked him for a copy of the letters: there were 24 in all and I realised I'd opened the wrong letter and had received my son's primary school alphabet test.
I opened the right letter and followed the instructions exactly, mailed 200 copies, and sure enough, the hate mail started coming in! It arrived slowly at first, but coming. I kept a precise record of the hate mail, and in the end, my wife left me after our son was kidnapped by someone calling themselves Bebozlebub who screamed about childrens parties and porn as he ran out of the building. I could hardly believe it.
I met with my friend for lunch to find out exactly how it worked. He had large face and kept asking me to place my order. His voice sounded distant and strangely crackly. Car horns beeped behind me. Suddenyl my other friend emerged from the bushes. He told me there are quite a few similar letters around, but the one I had was different because there are six names at the end of the letter, not five like some others. SIX! Of course! Why had I been so dumb, trusting these ludicrous five named letters about Boglins! Six was the answer! I order six burgers from my crackly voiced friend and proceeded to the window to collect my spoils.
Anyway, back to the magic SIX names! This fact alone results in your name being in far more returns. The other thing my friend told me was to help him, making sure the whole thing was legal, since no one wants to take the risk of doing something illegal, except pre-school presidents and bad men on hubcap patrol.
By now you are surely curious to know what small changes to make. If you sent a letter like this one out, in order to be completely legal, you must actually sell something in order to receive a dollar in return, I decided to sell my body. So when you send a dollar to each of the names on the list, you must include these words, “PLEASE PUT ME ON YOUR MAILING LIST OR I WILL KILL YOU” and include your name and address. This is the key to the program.
The item you will receive for the dollar you sent to the six people
below is a collection of bombs/death threats. At the time I first tried this idea, I had lost everything but my socks. But everyone in the sock-owning profession will tell you there is a lot of stress that comes with the job. I told myself if things worked out, I would retired from my nakedness and play golf. I decided to try the letter again, but this time I sent 500 copies. Three months later I had totaled 5834 death threats!
Here are a few reasons a person might give for not trying this program:
Ø Some people think they can never make a lot of bombs with anything this simple. Hey I used to rob banks so y'know.
Ø Some are afraid they will be ridiculed for trying and hide in the bushes by mr happy face.
Ø Some dream of large quantities of death, but do nothing to actually achieve it, like cats.
Ø Some are just plain lazy, like those people who post the filthy scams on web forums.
Ø Some are afraid of losing their investment, I keep mine in my pants - next to my balls.
They think this program is designed to beat them out of a few dollars.
The system works if you will just try it. Trust me, I'm someone. But you must follow the simple instructions exactly, and in less than three months otherwise the boogie man will get you and your little dog too!
So back to the system:
You will receive 1,000,000 death threats GUARANTEED! Keep what you are doing to yourself for awhile because because because because of the wonder wiz I was. Many will tell you it won`t work and will try to talk you out of your death. Let them know of your success after it works by putting it in your will.
LETTERS FROM PARTICIPANTS IN THIS PROGRAM:
My name is Dingo Hatchback. In 1992 my car was repossessed and bill
collectors were hounding me. I was laid off and my unemployment ran out. In October of 1992, I received a letter telling me how to kill myself by mail anytime I wanted. Of course, I was skeptical. But because I was so desperate and virtually had nothing to lose, I gave it a try.
In January 1993, my family and I went on a 10-day binge. The next month I was runover by a brand new Mercedes! I am currentlly eating through a tube in a home in Virginia and I will never have to work again. This program really works perfectly every time. I have never failed to receive less than my full dose of morphine. This is a legitimate, life-ending opportunity. It does not require you to sell anything or to come in contact with people. And , best of all, you only leave the house to open the letterbombs. If you have always believed that someday you would get the famous death you've always dreamed of, then simply follow the instructions and make your deaths come true.
Vince McMahon, Norfolk, NO(PE) Six months ago, I received this letter and
ignored it. Five more came within a period of time and I ignored them
also. I was tempted, but I was convinced that they were just a Hoax, I mean, hell, we all live forever, right?
After three weeks of deliberating, I decided to give it a try ( not
expecting much ). Two weeks went by and nothing happened. The fourth week was unbelievable! I cant say I received any death threats but I received a bullet to the head. For the first time in years, I am debt free.
INSTRUCTIONS 1. Immediately create a will to six beneficiaries which will be each of the six people on the list at the end of this letter. Wrap the will in a note saying “ Please add me to your mailing list or I will kill you” and include your name and address.
2. Copy this letter. You do not have to type it 200 times. Simply place your cursor at the top of the page, hold it and drag it all the way down to the end of the letter. Got that Mr? Ok. Then click on "idjit" and select "con me". Now open up a notepad file on your computer and put the cursor at the top of the page in the notepad, click on 'idjit' and then select 'waste' it will copy the letter for you onto your computer.
3. Remove the name next to the #1 on the list and move the rest of the names up one position (#2 becomes #1, #3 becomes #2, etc…..) Then place 'Battersea Dogs Home in the #6 position. Then save it, make sure it is saved as a txt. file. Now spank your monkey: GOOD JOB!
4. When you have completed the instructions, take this letter and
then go to (Google,Yahoo,I am an idiot...) and type in (Making Life End Messege board,or post messege,...)and start posting your copy to 200 message boards,or more this is only the minimum, you can post as much as you like...The more copies you send the better the death. Keep a copy of this letter so you can use it a second time, should your first attempt only manage to maim you. Post it out again.
It will work better the second time. NOTE: This service is 100% legal on mars and other colonies - (Refer to Title 18 section 1302 and 1342 of the U.S. Postal & Euthanasia laws)
How does it work? When you send out 200 Posts, it is estimated that at least 15 people will want to kill you and send you a bomb/tryto run you down with their car. Those 15 will Post 200 Posts each and 225 people send you bombs/try to run you over with their car.
Those 225 people Post 200 Posts each and 3,375 people send you bombs/try to kill you in some way. Those 3,375 post 200 posts each and 759,375 people send you a bomb/try to kill you. At this point your name drops off the list as you really should be dead by now. By then you may have received 813,615 bombs P.S. When your bombs begin to come in, send the first 10% to charity with spirit and share a good idea.
1) I.P. Freely
P.O Box 12324
Dumbsville,
2) Brad Schmuck
3221 deadwood
Fox Television inc
3) Mr Big Flosser and his 10 wives
Stoke-on-fire
South Jordan (Bit fishy, fake breasts), UTAH
4) Lunch Box
Londoninium
The Roman Empire 642 AD
5) Charles Manson
Beardy
Beardy Ville USA
6) Mr George W Bush
The White House
Y'know that big white place that people care about uhhhhh not New Orleans uhhhhhh....
Note: This scheme cannot be held responsible for any death or explosions caused to you, your family, your neighbourhood or anyone you know or has ever breathed air in the history of the world. The quantity of explosives used is small and should only result in one or two states combusting and all their inhabitants dying and/or falling through the earth's crust.
(c) 2003 Al-Qaeda Inc.
Nope.
This is pants.
I know. :)
That's why I made this thread because i knew the other one would be deleted and all my hard work with it. Unless you did one of those weird deletes where the 2nd message becomes the titles post and the thread stays.
That's why I made this thread because i knew the other one would be deleted and all my hard work with it. Unless you did one of those weird deletes where the 2nd message becomes the titles post and the thread stays.
Of course I deleted - we always get rid of those things.
|
No, not really, it was an amazing coincidence.
EDit: You've deleted it now you darn dirty ape!
EDit: You've deleted it now you darn dirty ape!
Really?
It didn't take that long because it's a parody of the thread 'rita' made a few threads down. I used that as a basis.
Just think of all the money you could have made in all the time it must have taken you to type that out.
Dear Fools: Gimme: I am not a retired attorney. A few non-years ago a non-existant man came to me with a letter. He asked me to laugh at the suggestion that this was legal to do. I told him I would review it and get back to him: I gave it four stars.
When I first read the letter my client brought me, I thought it was some “off-the-wall” idea to make money, however my client couldn't afford walls so I knew this couldn't be true. A week and a half later we met in my office to discuss the issue. I told him the letter he originally brought me was not 100% legal as I watched his drool pool and spill over his lower-lip. My client then asked me to alter it to make it perfectly legal: I tore it up in his face and laughed a hearty laugh.
I asked him to make one small change in the letter: to glue it back together. I was still curious about the letter, so he explained to me how it works: these things are apprently sent through some form of delivery system to other people. I thought it seemed like a long shot, so I decided against participating. But before my client left, I asked him to keep me updated on his results and caled the secretary to mop-up after him.
About two months later, he called me to tell me he had received over $800,000 in cash. I didn’t believe him, so he asked me to try this idea and find out for myself. I thought about it for a couple of days and decided I really didn’t have anything to lose because the market had crashed and all my shares in Boglins were suddenly worth nothing. So I asked him for a copy of the letters: there were 24 in all and I realised I'd opened the wrong letter and had received my son's primary school alphabet test.
I opened the right letter and followed the instructions exactly, mailed 200 copies, and sure enough, the hate mail started coming in! It arrived slowly at first, but coming. I kept a precise record of the hate mail, and in the end, my wife left me after our son was kidnapped by someone calling themselves Bebozlebub who screamed about childrens parties and porn as he ran out of the building. I could hardly believe it.
I met with my friend for lunch to find out exactly how it worked. He had large face and kept asking me to place my order. His voice sounded distant and strangely crackly. Car horns beeped behind me. Suddenyl my other friend emerged from the bushes. He told me there are quite a few similar letters around, but the one I had was different because there are six names at the end of the letter, not five like some others. SIX! Of course! Why had I been so dumb, trusting these ludicrous five named letters about Boglins! Six was the answer! I order six burgers from my crackly voiced friend and proceeded to the window to collect my spoils.
Anyway, back to the magic SIX names! This fact alone results in your name being in far more returns. The other thing my friend told me was to help him, making sure the whole thing was legal, since no one wants to take the risk of doing something illegal, except pre-school presidents and bad men on hubcap patrol.
By now you are surely curious to know what small changes to make. If you sent a letter like this one out, in order to be completely legal, you must actually sell something in order to receive a dollar in return, I decided to sell my body. So when you send a dollar to each of the names on the list, you must include these words, “PLEASE PUT ME ON YOUR MAILING LIST OR I WILL KILL YOU” and include your name and address. This is the key to the program.
The item you will receive for the dollar you sent to the six people
below is a collection of bombs/death threats. At the time I first tried this idea, I had lost everything but my socks. But everyone in the sock-owning profession will tell you there is a lot of stress that comes with the job. I told myself if things worked out, I would retired from my nakedness and play golf. I decided to try the letter again, but this time I sent 500 copies. Three months later I had totaled 5834 death threats!
Here are a few reasons a person might give for not trying this program:
Ø Some people think they can never make a lot of bombs with anything this simple. Hey I used to rob banks so y'know.
Ø Some are afraid they will be ridiculed for trying and hide in the bushes by mr happy face.
Ø Some dream of large quantities of death, but do nothing to actually achieve it, like cats.
Ø Some are just plain lazy, like those people who post the filthy scams on web forums.
Ø Some are afraid of losing their investment, I keep mine in my pants - next to my balls.
They think this program is designed to beat them out of a few dollars.
The system works if you will just try it. Trust me, I'm someone. But you must follow the simple instructions exactly, and in less than three months otherwise the boogie man will get you and your little dog too!
So back to the system:
You will receive 1,000,000 death threats GUARANTEED! Keep what you are doing to yourself for awhile because because because because of the wonder wiz I was. Many will tell you it won`t work and will try to talk you out of your death. Let them know of your success after it works by putting it in your will.
LETTERS FROM PARTICIPANTS IN THIS PROGRAM:
My name is Dingo Hatchback. In 1992 my car was repossessed and bill
collectors were hounding me. I was laid off and my unemployment ran out. In October of 1992, I received a letter telling me how to kill myself by mail anytime I wanted. Of course, I was skeptical. But because I was so desperate and virtually had nothing to lose, I gave it a try.
In January 1993, my family and I went on a 10-day binge. The next month I was runover by a brand new Mercedes! I am currentlly eating through a tube in a home in Virginia and I will never have to work again. This program really works perfectly every time. I have never failed to receive less than my full dose of morphine. This is a legitimate, life-ending opportunity. It does not require you to sell anything or to come in contact with people. And , best of all, you only leave the house to open the letterbombs. If you have always believed that someday you would get the famous death you've always dreamed of, then simply follow the instructions and make your deaths come true.
Vince McMahon, Norfolk, NO(PE) Six months ago, I received this letter and
ignored it. Five more came within a period of time and I ignored them
also. I was tempted, but I was convinced that they were just a Hoax, I mean, hell, we all live forever, right?
After three weeks of deliberating, I decided to give it a try ( not
expecting much ). Two weeks went by and nothing happened. The fourth week was unbelievable! I cant say I received any death threats but I received a bullet to the head. For the first time in years, I am debt free.
INSTRUCTIONS 1. Immediately create a will to six beneficiaries which will be each of the six people on the list at the end of this letter. Wrap the will in a note saying “ Please add me to your mailing list or I will kill you” and include your name and address.
2. Copy this letter. You do not have to type it 200 times. Simply place your cursor at the top of the page, hold it and drag it all the way down to the end of the letter. Got that Mr? Ok. Then click on "idjit" and select "con me". Now open up a notepad file on your computer and put the cursor at the top of the page in the notepad, click on 'idjit' and then select 'waste' it will copy the letter for you onto your computer.
3. Remove the name next to the #1 on the list and move the rest of the names up one position (#2 becomes #1, #3 becomes #2, etc…..) Then place 'Battersea Dogs Home in the #6 position. Then save it, make sure it is saved as a txt. file. Now spank your monkey: GOOD JOB!
4. When you have completed the instructions, take this letter and
then go to (Google,Yahoo,I am an idiot...) and type in (Making Life End Messege board,or post messege,...)and start posting your copy to 200 message boards,or more this is only the minimum, you can post as much as you like...The more copies you send the better the death. Keep a copy of this letter so you can use it a second time, should your first attempt only manage to maim you. Post it out again.
It will work better the second time. NOTE: This service is 100% legal on mars and other colonies - (Refer to Title 18 section 1302 and 1342 of the U.S. Postal & Euthanasia laws)
How does it work? When you send out 200 Posts, it is estimated that at least 15 people will want to kill you and send you a bomb/tryto run you down with their car. Those 15 will Post 200 Posts each and 225 people send you bombs/try to run you over with their car.
Those 225 people Post 200 Posts each and 3,375 people send you bombs/try to kill you in some way. Those 3,375 post 200 posts each and 759,375 people send you a bomb/try to kill you. At this point your name drops off the list as you really should be dead by now. By then you may have received 813,615 bombs P.S. When your bombs begin to come in, send the first 10% to charity with spirit and share a good idea.
1) I.P. Freely
P.O Box 12324
Dumbsville,
2) Brad Schmuck
3221 deadwood
Fox Television inc
3) Mr Big Flosser and his 10 wives
Stoke-on-fire
South Jordan (Bit fishy, fake breasts), UTAH
4) Lunch Box
Londoninium
The Roman Empire 642 AD
5) Charles Manson
Beardy
Beardy Ville USA
6) Mr George W Bush
The White House
Y'know that big white place that people care about uhhhhh not New Orleans uhhhhhh....
Note: This scheme cannot be held responsible for any death or explosions caused to you, your family, your neighbourhood or anyone you know or has ever breathed air in the history of the world. The quantity of explosives used is small and should only result in one or two states combusting and all their inhabitants dying and/or falling through the earth's crust.
(c) 2003 Al-Qaeda Inc.
When I first read the letter my client brought me, I thought it was some “off-the-wall” idea to make money, however my client couldn't afford walls so I knew this couldn't be true. A week and a half later we met in my office to discuss the issue. I told him the letter he originally brought me was not 100% legal as I watched his drool pool and spill over his lower-lip. My client then asked me to alter it to make it perfectly legal: I tore it up in his face and laughed a hearty laugh.
I asked him to make one small change in the letter: to glue it back together. I was still curious about the letter, so he explained to me how it works: these things are apprently sent through some form of delivery system to other people. I thought it seemed like a long shot, so I decided against participating. But before my client left, I asked him to keep me updated on his results and caled the secretary to mop-up after him.
About two months later, he called me to tell me he had received over $800,000 in cash. I didn’t believe him, so he asked me to try this idea and find out for myself. I thought about it for a couple of days and decided I really didn’t have anything to lose because the market had crashed and all my shares in Boglins were suddenly worth nothing. So I asked him for a copy of the letters: there were 24 in all and I realised I'd opened the wrong letter and had received my son's primary school alphabet test.
I opened the right letter and followed the instructions exactly, mailed 200 copies, and sure enough, the hate mail started coming in! It arrived slowly at first, but coming. I kept a precise record of the hate mail, and in the end, my wife left me after our son was kidnapped by someone calling themselves Bebozlebub who screamed about childrens parties and porn as he ran out of the building. I could hardly believe it.
I met with my friend for lunch to find out exactly how it worked. He had large face and kept asking me to place my order. His voice sounded distant and strangely crackly. Car horns beeped behind me. Suddenyl my other friend emerged from the bushes. He told me there are quite a few similar letters around, but the one I had was different because there are six names at the end of the letter, not five like some others. SIX! Of course! Why had I been so dumb, trusting these ludicrous five named letters about Boglins! Six was the answer! I order six burgers from my crackly voiced friend and proceeded to the window to collect my spoils.
Anyway, back to the magic SIX names! This fact alone results in your name being in far more returns. The other thing my friend told me was to help him, making sure the whole thing was legal, since no one wants to take the risk of doing something illegal, except pre-school presidents and bad men on hubcap patrol.
By now you are surely curious to know what small changes to make. If you sent a letter like this one out, in order to be completely legal, you must actually sell something in order to receive a dollar in return, I decided to sell my body. So when you send a dollar to each of the names on the list, you must include these words, “PLEASE PUT ME ON YOUR MAILING LIST OR I WILL KILL YOU” and include your name and address. This is the key to the program.
The item you will receive for the dollar you sent to the six people
below is a collection of bombs/death threats. At the time I first tried this idea, I had lost everything but my socks. But everyone in the sock-owning profession will tell you there is a lot of stress that comes with the job. I told myself if things worked out, I would retired from my nakedness and play golf. I decided to try the letter again, but this time I sent 500 copies. Three months later I had totaled 5834 death threats!
Here are a few reasons a person might give for not trying this program:
Ø Some people think they can never make a lot of bombs with anything this simple. Hey I used to rob banks so y'know.
Ø Some are afraid they will be ridiculed for trying and hide in the bushes by mr happy face.
Ø Some dream of large quantities of death, but do nothing to actually achieve it, like cats.
Ø Some are just plain lazy, like those people who post the filthy scams on web forums.
Ø Some are afraid of losing their investment, I keep mine in my pants - next to my balls.
They think this program is designed to beat them out of a few dollars.
The system works if you will just try it. Trust me, I'm someone. But you must follow the simple instructions exactly, and in less than three months otherwise the boogie man will get you and your little dog too!
So back to the system:
You will receive 1,000,000 death threats GUARANTEED! Keep what you are doing to yourself for awhile because because because because of the wonder wiz I was. Many will tell you it won`t work and will try to talk you out of your death. Let them know of your success after it works by putting it in your will.
LETTERS FROM PARTICIPANTS IN THIS PROGRAM:
My name is Dingo Hatchback. In 1992 my car was repossessed and bill
collectors were hounding me. I was laid off and my unemployment ran out. In October of 1992, I received a letter telling me how to kill myself by mail anytime I wanted. Of course, I was skeptical. But because I was so desperate and virtually had nothing to lose, I gave it a try.
In January 1993, my family and I went on a 10-day binge. The next month I was runover by a brand new Mercedes! I am currentlly eating through a tube in a home in Virginia and I will never have to work again. This program really works perfectly every time. I have never failed to receive less than my full dose of morphine. This is a legitimate, life-ending opportunity. It does not require you to sell anything or to come in contact with people. And , best of all, you only leave the house to open the letterbombs. If you have always believed that someday you would get the famous death you've always dreamed of, then simply follow the instructions and make your deaths come true.
Vince McMahon, Norfolk, NO(PE) Six months ago, I received this letter and
ignored it. Five more came within a period of time and I ignored them
also. I was tempted, but I was convinced that they were just a Hoax, I mean, hell, we all live forever, right?
After three weeks of deliberating, I decided to give it a try ( not
expecting much ). Two weeks went by and nothing happened. The fourth week was unbelievable! I cant say I received any death threats but I received a bullet to the head. For the first time in years, I am debt free.
INSTRUCTIONS 1. Immediately create a will to six beneficiaries which will be each of the six people on the list at the end of this letter. Wrap the will in a note saying “ Please add me to your mailing list or I will kill you” and include your name and address.
2. Copy this letter. You do not have to type it 200 times. Simply place your cursor at the top of the page, hold it and drag it all the way down to the end of the letter. Got that Mr? Ok. Then click on "idjit" and select "con me". Now open up a notepad file on your computer and put the cursor at the top of the page in the notepad, click on 'idjit' and then select 'waste' it will copy the letter for you onto your computer.
3. Remove the name next to the #1 on the list and move the rest of the names up one position (#2 becomes #1, #3 becomes #2, etc…..) Then place 'Battersea Dogs Home in the #6 position. Then save it, make sure it is saved as a txt. file. Now spank your monkey: GOOD JOB!
4. When you have completed the instructions, take this letter and
then go to (Google,Yahoo,I am an idiot...) and type in (Making Life End Messege board,or post messege,...)and start posting your copy to 200 message boards,or more this is only the minimum, you can post as much as you like...The more copies you send the better the death. Keep a copy of this letter so you can use it a second time, should your first attempt only manage to maim you. Post it out again.
It will work better the second time. NOTE: This service is 100% legal on mars and other colonies - (Refer to Title 18 section 1302 and 1342 of the U.S. Postal & Euthanasia laws)
How does it work? When you send out 200 Posts, it is estimated that at least 15 people will want to kill you and send you a bomb/tryto run you down with their car. Those 15 will Post 200 Posts each and 225 people send you bombs/try to run you over with their car.
Those 225 people Post 200 Posts each and 3,375 people send you bombs/try to kill you in some way. Those 3,375 post 200 posts each and 759,375 people send you a bomb/try to kill you. At this point your name drops off the list as you really should be dead by now. By then you may have received 813,615 bombs P.S. When your bombs begin to come in, send the first 10% to charity with spirit and share a good idea.
1) I.P. Freely
P.O Box 12324
Dumbsville,
2) Brad Schmuck
3221 deadwood
Fox Television inc
3) Mr Big Flosser and his 10 wives
Stoke-on-fire
South Jordan (Bit fishy, fake breasts), UTAH
4) Lunch Box
Londoninium
The Roman Empire 642 AD
5) Charles Manson
Beardy
Beardy Ville USA
6) Mr George W Bush
The White House
Y'know that big white place that people care about uhhhhh not New Orleans uhhhhhh....
Note: This scheme cannot be held responsible for any death or explosions caused to you, your family, your neighbourhood or anyone you know or has ever breathed air in the history of the world. The quantity of explosives used is small and should only result in one or two states combusting and all their inhabitants dying and/or falling through the earth's crust.
(c) 2003 Al-Qaeda Inc.