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An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on
the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she
says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"No" she replies "This time it's mayonnaise."
- - - - - - -
David Beckham runs in early from training one afternoon and dashes to
the bedroom to find Posh spread out on the bed naked, puffing and panting.
Becks asks her suspiciously "What are you doing?"
Posh stutters a reply "I'm - er, er.... I'm having a heart attack"
"Oh no" he cries in despair. "I'll call an ambulance".
He runs downstairs, picks up the phone and begins dialling 999. However,
he is stopped in his tracks by a tearful Brooklyn. "What's the matter,
son?" asks Becks.
"Uncle Giggsy is in the wardrobe with no clothes on, daddy" sniffles
Brooklyn.
Infuriated by this, Beckham runs upstairs and kicks down the wardrobe
door. Sure enough, the carpet-chested Welshman is stood there, starkers.
"You w****r Giggsy" screams Becks. "My wife is right over there having a
heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the s*** out of
Brooklyn."
- - - - - - -
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on
their faces. The coroner calls in the police to tell them what has happened.
First body: "Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to
his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, inspector", says the Coroner.
Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent
it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one: Big Seamus Quinn from Donegal, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his photo taken."
the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she
says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"No" she replies "This time it's mayonnaise."
- - - - - - -
David Beckham runs in early from training one afternoon and dashes to
the bedroom to find Posh spread out on the bed naked, puffing and panting.
Becks asks her suspiciously "What are you doing?"
Posh stutters a reply "I'm - er, er.... I'm having a heart attack"
"Oh no" he cries in despair. "I'll call an ambulance".
He runs downstairs, picks up the phone and begins dialling 999. However,
he is stopped in his tracks by a tearful Brooklyn. "What's the matter,
son?" asks Becks.
"Uncle Giggsy is in the wardrobe with no clothes on, daddy" sniffles
Brooklyn.
Infuriated by this, Beckham runs upstairs and kicks down the wardrobe
door. Sure enough, the carpet-chested Welshman is stood there, starkers.
"You w****r Giggsy" screams Becks. "My wife is right over there having a
heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the s*** out of
Brooklyn."
- - - - - - -
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on
their faces. The coroner calls in the police to tell them what has happened.
First body: "Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to
his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, inspector", says the Coroner.
Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent
it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one: Big Seamus Quinn from Donegal, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his photo taken."
Some good jokes in a thread for once!
Well done people! :)
Well done people! :)
I would'nt put it past becks being that thick!
Pretty good.
haha! class ^__^ luff them both, the original post, and neos, calls utter class!
Mine was the best joke on the thread...!
Tough crowd =P
Tough crowd =P
First two were excellent, unsure about the third.
Oh, and Neo, that was damn good.
Oh, and Neo, that was damn good.
What's red and invisible?
- No tomatoes.
(classic!)
- No tomatoes.
(classic!)
Heres one I received via email this morning:
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to write a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the dwarf."
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to write a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the dwarf."
Classics, liked the becks 1 and nothin like a few good jokes on a monday morning
An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on
the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she
says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"No" she replies "This time it's mayonnaise."
- - - - - - -
David Beckham runs in early from training one afternoon and dashes to
the bedroom to find Posh spread out on the bed naked, puffing and panting.
Becks asks her suspiciously "What are you doing?"
Posh stutters a reply "I'm - er, er.... I'm having a heart attack"
"Oh no" he cries in despair. "I'll call an ambulance".
He runs downstairs, picks up the phone and begins dialling 999. However,
he is stopped in his tracks by a tearful Brooklyn. "What's the matter,
son?" asks Becks.
"Uncle Giggsy is in the wardrobe with no clothes on, daddy" sniffles
Brooklyn.
Infuriated by this, Beckham runs upstairs and kicks down the wardrobe
door. Sure enough, the carpet-chested Welshman is stood there, starkers.
"You w****r Giggsy" screams Becks. "My wife is right over there having a
heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the s*** out of
Brooklyn."
- - - - - - -
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on
their faces. The coroner calls in the police to tell them what has happened.
First body: "Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to
his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, inspector", says the Coroner.
Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent
it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one: Big Seamus Quinn from Donegal, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his photo taken."
the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she
says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"No" she replies "This time it's mayonnaise."
- - - - - - -
David Beckham runs in early from training one afternoon and dashes to
the bedroom to find Posh spread out on the bed naked, puffing and panting.
Becks asks her suspiciously "What are you doing?"
Posh stutters a reply "I'm - er, er.... I'm having a heart attack"
"Oh no" he cries in despair. "I'll call an ambulance".
He runs downstairs, picks up the phone and begins dialling 999. However,
he is stopped in his tracks by a tearful Brooklyn. "What's the matter,
son?" asks Becks.
"Uncle Giggsy is in the wardrobe with no clothes on, daddy" sniffles
Brooklyn.
Infuriated by this, Beckham runs upstairs and kicks down the wardrobe
door. Sure enough, the carpet-chested Welshman is stood there, starkers.
"You w****r Giggsy" screams Becks. "My wife is right over there having a
heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the s*** out of
Brooklyn."
- - - - - - -
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on
their faces. The coroner calls in the police to tell them what has happened.
First body: "Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to
his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, inspector", says the Coroner.
Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent
it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one: Big Seamus Quinn from Donegal, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his photo taken."