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"SSC 32 - All Apologies"

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Sun 18/09/05 at 12:14
Regular
Posts: 10,437
Seeing you crumpled on the floor, head in your hands, how am I supposed to know what to do? I'm used to feeling worthless, but never so much that my movements are drowned out by your tears. Just a fuzz surrounding me, your outline sketched in jarred vision.

We both wish she'd never happened, but there was nothing else I could do. You bludgeoned me all my life with your beliefs; such ignorance, the scripted conversations, you always had the future written down in your head long before I had my own views. Your own timeline mapped out, I just had to follow it in a straight line. Written in the stars, you used to say. All our futures, written in the stars.

I met her on my way home one night; she was sweet, could never look me in the eyes. She spoke from the corner of her mouth as she angled her head away from mine. But she was free. Not like you. She could wander from the line, all she cared about was being happy, and it made me happy. For the first time in years, I could smile, I could feel more than the numb of being locked up in your regime.

I didn't want it to happen, for your sake, but I can't fight it all my life.

Every night I would have to see her. Even if it was just for a few moments. Didn't you ever notice me smiling? That happiness that you could never give to me. She gave me warmth, a warmth that even you couldn't disease. No more brittle thoughts.

Even if it has destroyed you, I had to tell you. I love you, but it happened. Your timeline has finally tapered off. Maybe it's for the best. I just hope you can forgive me some day.

I'd go after you, mum, but I'm enjoying the silence...
Fri 23/09/05 at 23:34
Regular
"not dead"
Posts: 11,145
Aye, great twist in the last line, and the characters come across well for a short piece, not easy to do in a monologue, but I guess in drawing out the differences between the characters it does make them more individual.
Fri 23/09/05 at 23:28
Regular
"relocated"
Posts: 2,833
The first time I read this I didn't like it because it seemed a bit too much like a soliloquy from Eastenders. Second time round I like it much better - and it has a great last line.
Thu 22/09/05 at 12:46
Regular
Posts: 10,437
That was kinda the point, so I succeeded. :P There was a little more basis around the story, dunno how many people'll catch onto it.

To be honest I had a lot of trouble coming up with much for this topic.
Thu 22/09/05 at 12:23
Regular
"Going nowhere fast"
Posts: 6,574
Heh - that will teach me to jump to conclusions. I expected it to be a couple not a mother and child :)

Nice enough but nothing overly great from you this time. Be ashamed!
Sun 18/09/05 at 19:26
Regular
"Laughingstock"
Posts: 3,522
Some kind of emotional apocalypse... Expressed with a pithy choice of provactive words. Keeps more back than it tells, though in a way it doesn't. Good.
Sun 18/09/05 at 12:14
Regular
Posts: 10,437
Seeing you crumpled on the floor, head in your hands, how am I supposed to know what to do? I'm used to feeling worthless, but never so much that my movements are drowned out by your tears. Just a fuzz surrounding me, your outline sketched in jarred vision.

We both wish she'd never happened, but there was nothing else I could do. You bludgeoned me all my life with your beliefs; such ignorance, the scripted conversations, you always had the future written down in your head long before I had my own views. Your own timeline mapped out, I just had to follow it in a straight line. Written in the stars, you used to say. All our futures, written in the stars.

I met her on my way home one night; she was sweet, could never look me in the eyes. She spoke from the corner of her mouth as she angled her head away from mine. But she was free. Not like you. She could wander from the line, all she cared about was being happy, and it made me happy. For the first time in years, I could smile, I could feel more than the numb of being locked up in your regime.

I didn't want it to happen, for your sake, but I can't fight it all my life.

Every night I would have to see her. Even if it was just for a few moments. Didn't you ever notice me smiling? That happiness that you could never give to me. She gave me warmth, a warmth that even you couldn't disease. No more brittle thoughts.

Even if it has destroyed you, I had to tell you. I love you, but it happened. Your timeline has finally tapered off. Maybe it's for the best. I just hope you can forgive me some day.

I'd go after you, mum, but I'm enjoying the silence...

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