GetDotted Domains

Viewing Thread:
"SSC 31 Tom's Escape"

The "Creative Writing" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.

Mon 05/09/05 at 17:28
Regular
"Cool!"
Posts: 280
Tom was a poor man. All he had for breakfast and lunch was some cheddar cheese and bread. He didn't have anything for dinner because he never knew there was a word called 'dinner'. He never went to school. His parents had died two years ago and any year now Tom would be joining them.

A day or two passed. Tom sat on his chair doing nothing. He only had one set of clothes. Some jeans and a T-Shirt. He decided to go out and have a walk.

It was warm day. The sun was beaming down at Tom and Tom was getting hot. Tom entered a supermarket.

"Oh not you again!" Said the owner of the shop. He was putting some mangos in a box. "Get the hell outta my shop. You've got dirty clothes and are makin' my customers leave. Get out!"

Tom had forgotten that he shouldn't enter that shop. He continued walking and bumped into a man.

"Hey, watch where you going!" The man shouted.
Tom didn't reply. The man looked at him and pushed Tom.
"What was that for?!" Tom asked loudly.
"For not answering me!"
Tom punched the man. He punched him so hard he felt through a glass window of a shop. The man landed on some printers. Tom stood there looking at the man. He heard police sirens...

That was how Tom found himself a month later in prison. There was a bunk bed. He shared his cell with a man called Joe. Joe was a big man. He had a lot of muscles and could just rip the metal bars and escape. But Joe didn't.

Tom slept in the lower bed and spent most of his time in bed. At 9:15a.m it was breakfast. At 3:00p.m it was sports. Tom didn't really participate in sports. The prison encouraged sports. But not all. They banned Skateboarding after someone managed to use a ramp to escape out of prison. Now it's just football and cricket. At 3:30p.m was lunch and at 9:15p.m as dinner.

It was 10.00p.m. It was winter and it was snowing. Joe got a life sentence in prison for killing the man. He never knew he had killed him. It turned at that the printers had managed to do most of the work. 55 working printers fell on the man. One printer got a dent and a needle was sticking out. It stabbed the man in the forehead.

Tom looked at the bars. He had to get out. Even though he enjoyed this life as more as his real life we wanted to get out. He looked at his left and saw Joe lifting a chair up. He was just exercising. That's what Tom thought, but he wasn't. Joe came to Tom and slammed the chair onto him.

Tom shouted, "AAAAAAA!"

Security came and saw that Joe was now beating up Tom.

"SECURITY!" Shouted a police man. "Cage 101. We need the key."

A man came wearing a badge saying "101". He got his key out.

Joe was still punching Tom hard. Tom shouted every time. The police started holding Joe. The police expected Tom to stay where he was. Instead Tom got up, grabbed Joe by the arm and swung him into the bars. There was a loud cracking sound, the bars broke of the wall and slammed into Joe's head. There was another cracking sound. That wasn't the bars - it was Joe's head. Tom realized this was the chance. He jumped out of the cell and started running left.

"Hey! HEY!" shouted a policeman. "C-Come back here!"

Tom was running around the prison. He found a door saying "Fire exit". Tom charge through and fell into the freezing snow. He saw policeman coming out of another exit. He started running.

A man spoke in his radio. "We have a problem. A prisoner has escaped after a fight. I'm afraid we'll have to take fire if this continues."

They chased started chasing Tom. They were about 22 meters away but could see Tom. They started taking fire. One bullet shot Tom in the arm. His blood splattered in the snow. Tom started running slower and then hid in some trees.

A man spoke to the other policeman. "We're gonna 'ave to split up. 'Kay? When you find that lil' fella try your best to arrest him. If you can't 'fraid you gotta shoot."

They all went separate directions. A police man was coming near Tom. Tom climbed the tree.

"What was that?" said a policeman to himself.

He started going forwards. He was right under Tom. If the policeman had looked up he would have seen Tom. But he didn't. He continued walking. Tom jumped of the tree and sneaked behind the policeman. He was holding a Sub-Machine gun.

Tom grabbed him and forced him to the ground - holding his neck.

"How am I supposed to get out?" Tom asked.
"Too much security. You can't." replied the policeman.
Tom took his machine gun. He pointed it at his head. "Now will you tell me?"
"No please. OK. Go to your left and you'll see some motorbikes. The red one is mine. But you'll have to get past the security to go on the bike-"
"Gimme the keys."
"Here there are." The man got the keys out of his pocket.
Tom shot the policeman in the forehead. It alerted to other policeman. He started going where the policeman had told him. He saw some policemen.

He took a breath.

He went through the leaves and fired. He killed the security. He saw the bikes. There were all red!
"Damn!" shouted Tom.
Policemen were coming. Tom didn't have much time. He couldn't shoot them all. He started turning the key he had in the motorbikes. He had done five already but none of them were the right one.

"There he is!"

They started shooting at him. Tom ducked. He heard the bullets getting shot into the motorbike. He looked at the other bikes. He ran to them and put the key into one of them. It worked! The engine went into life. He started driving past the guards.

"HE'S ESCAPED!" One policeman shouted. Tom started driving and reached some road. Tom thought he had lost them but he looked behind him and there were all the policemen on bikes speeding after Tom. Tom went over 160 MPH.

He drove until he had reached the end of the road. He went on a bridge until he was caught in traffic. He got of his bike and jumped down from the bridge and into a river. The water pressure was strong. It was moving Tom very fast. He was safe. He relaxed.

He saw a waterfall. "OH NO!"

He started trying swimming to the sides and holding onto something but it was not use. The waterfall was coming nearer and nearer. "NOO!"

He was falling down the waterfall. He saw some rocks. He was going to land on some rocks and die. Unless-

Tom had to move quickly. If he wanted to survive. He was near to the rocks but had enough time to try and steer himself to the right. He caught hold of a long branch. Tom's arms were nearly pulled out of his sockets. Put he was hanging safely. He dropped from the stem and landed in a puddle. He was safe. He all the way home. Which wasn't far. All he had to do was climb down the rocks and he’ll be on his street.

He entered his room and fell asleep.
Sun 11/09/05 at 19:45
"Retarded List"
Posts: 642
Some good bits, some bad bits.
Sat 10/09/05 at 18:39
"period drama"
Posts: 19,792
Not a bad story I suppose, let down by a certain lack of style and some very illogical things - he wouldn't have gotten a life-sentance, why did Joe decide to beat him up for no reason, why were there fire exits in a prison.
Sat 10/09/05 at 13:21
Regular
"not dead"
Posts: 11,145
I note the way he was imprisoned in room 101, a very subtle touch, that I hope does not go unnoticed. His greatest fear being men named Joe who can escape, but don't and insist on having the top bunk. Then beat you up at random.

The police state, the poverty. George Orwell would have been proud.
Fri 09/09/05 at 18:26
Regular
"relocated"
Posts: 2,833
I read this last night and enjoyed it much more than your other stories. It made me laugh a couple of times because you just said something totally unexpected like "The man landed on some printers". I wanted to know more about the printers and I got my wish: "55 working printers fell on the man. One printer got a dent and a needle was sticking out. It stabbed the man in the forehead". Strangely entertaining. I'd like to read a story by you where the hero doesn't kill 45 bad guys to escape: just surprise me with lines like that.
Tue 06/09/05 at 18:04
Regular
"Catch it!"
Posts: 6,840
That was another great one Cool Boy.
Mon 05/09/05 at 17:39
Regular
"Cool!"
Posts: 280
Just in-case you're wondering what it's got to do with blood in the snow.

When Tom get's shot by the gun the line says his blood get's splattered in the snow.

So that's Blood In The Snow. So Meka Dragon read this before you read the actual story.

Cheers ;0)
Mon 05/09/05 at 17:28
Regular
"Cool!"
Posts: 280
Tom was a poor man. All he had for breakfast and lunch was some cheddar cheese and bread. He didn't have anything for dinner because he never knew there was a word called 'dinner'. He never went to school. His parents had died two years ago and any year now Tom would be joining them.

A day or two passed. Tom sat on his chair doing nothing. He only had one set of clothes. Some jeans and a T-Shirt. He decided to go out and have a walk.

It was warm day. The sun was beaming down at Tom and Tom was getting hot. Tom entered a supermarket.

"Oh not you again!" Said the owner of the shop. He was putting some mangos in a box. "Get the hell outta my shop. You've got dirty clothes and are makin' my customers leave. Get out!"

Tom had forgotten that he shouldn't enter that shop. He continued walking and bumped into a man.

"Hey, watch where you going!" The man shouted.
Tom didn't reply. The man looked at him and pushed Tom.
"What was that for?!" Tom asked loudly.
"For not answering me!"
Tom punched the man. He punched him so hard he felt through a glass window of a shop. The man landed on some printers. Tom stood there looking at the man. He heard police sirens...

That was how Tom found himself a month later in prison. There was a bunk bed. He shared his cell with a man called Joe. Joe was a big man. He had a lot of muscles and could just rip the metal bars and escape. But Joe didn't.

Tom slept in the lower bed and spent most of his time in bed. At 9:15a.m it was breakfast. At 3:00p.m it was sports. Tom didn't really participate in sports. The prison encouraged sports. But not all. They banned Skateboarding after someone managed to use a ramp to escape out of prison. Now it's just football and cricket. At 3:30p.m was lunch and at 9:15p.m as dinner.

It was 10.00p.m. It was winter and it was snowing. Joe got a life sentence in prison for killing the man. He never knew he had killed him. It turned at that the printers had managed to do most of the work. 55 working printers fell on the man. One printer got a dent and a needle was sticking out. It stabbed the man in the forehead.

Tom looked at the bars. He had to get out. Even though he enjoyed this life as more as his real life we wanted to get out. He looked at his left and saw Joe lifting a chair up. He was just exercising. That's what Tom thought, but he wasn't. Joe came to Tom and slammed the chair onto him.

Tom shouted, "AAAAAAA!"

Security came and saw that Joe was now beating up Tom.

"SECURITY!" Shouted a police man. "Cage 101. We need the key."

A man came wearing a badge saying "101". He got his key out.

Joe was still punching Tom hard. Tom shouted every time. The police started holding Joe. The police expected Tom to stay where he was. Instead Tom got up, grabbed Joe by the arm and swung him into the bars. There was a loud cracking sound, the bars broke of the wall and slammed into Joe's head. There was another cracking sound. That wasn't the bars - it was Joe's head. Tom realized this was the chance. He jumped out of the cell and started running left.

"Hey! HEY!" shouted a policeman. "C-Come back here!"

Tom was running around the prison. He found a door saying "Fire exit". Tom charge through and fell into the freezing snow. He saw policeman coming out of another exit. He started running.

A man spoke in his radio. "We have a problem. A prisoner has escaped after a fight. I'm afraid we'll have to take fire if this continues."

They chased started chasing Tom. They were about 22 meters away but could see Tom. They started taking fire. One bullet shot Tom in the arm. His blood splattered in the snow. Tom started running slower and then hid in some trees.

A man spoke to the other policeman. "We're gonna 'ave to split up. 'Kay? When you find that lil' fella try your best to arrest him. If you can't 'fraid you gotta shoot."

They all went separate directions. A police man was coming near Tom. Tom climbed the tree.

"What was that?" said a policeman to himself.

He started going forwards. He was right under Tom. If the policeman had looked up he would have seen Tom. But he didn't. He continued walking. Tom jumped of the tree and sneaked behind the policeman. He was holding a Sub-Machine gun.

Tom grabbed him and forced him to the ground - holding his neck.

"How am I supposed to get out?" Tom asked.
"Too much security. You can't." replied the policeman.
Tom took his machine gun. He pointed it at his head. "Now will you tell me?"
"No please. OK. Go to your left and you'll see some motorbikes. The red one is mine. But you'll have to get past the security to go on the bike-"
"Gimme the keys."
"Here there are." The man got the keys out of his pocket.
Tom shot the policeman in the forehead. It alerted to other policeman. He started going where the policeman had told him. He saw some policemen.

He took a breath.

He went through the leaves and fired. He killed the security. He saw the bikes. There were all red!
"Damn!" shouted Tom.
Policemen were coming. Tom didn't have much time. He couldn't shoot them all. He started turning the key he had in the motorbikes. He had done five already but none of them were the right one.

"There he is!"

They started shooting at him. Tom ducked. He heard the bullets getting shot into the motorbike. He looked at the other bikes. He ran to them and put the key into one of them. It worked! The engine went into life. He started driving past the guards.

"HE'S ESCAPED!" One policeman shouted. Tom started driving and reached some road. Tom thought he had lost them but he looked behind him and there were all the policemen on bikes speeding after Tom. Tom went over 160 MPH.

He drove until he had reached the end of the road. He went on a bridge until he was caught in traffic. He got of his bike and jumped down from the bridge and into a river. The water pressure was strong. It was moving Tom very fast. He was safe. He relaxed.

He saw a waterfall. "OH NO!"

He started trying swimming to the sides and holding onto something but it was not use. The waterfall was coming nearer and nearer. "NOO!"

He was falling down the waterfall. He saw some rocks. He was going to land on some rocks and die. Unless-

Tom had to move quickly. If he wanted to survive. He was near to the rocks but had enough time to try and steer himself to the right. He caught hold of a long branch. Tom's arms were nearly pulled out of his sockets. Put he was hanging safely. He dropped from the stem and landed in a puddle. He was safe. He all the way home. Which wasn't far. All he had to do was climb down the rocks and he’ll be on his street.

He entered his room and fell asleep.

Freeola & GetDotted are rated 5 Stars

Check out some of our customer reviews below:

Continue this excellent work...
Brilliant! As usual the careful and intuitive production that Freeola puts into everything it sets out to do, I am delighted.
My website looks tremendous!
Fantastic site, easy to follow, simple guides... impressed with whole package. My website looks tremendous. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to set this up, Freeola helps you step-by-step.
Susan

View More Reviews

Need some help? Give us a call on 01376 55 60 60

Go to Support Centre
Feedback Close Feedback

It appears you are using an old browser, as such, some parts of the Freeola and Getdotted site will not work as intended. Using the latest version of your browser, or another browser such as Google Chrome, Mozilla Firefox, or Opera will provide a better, safer browsing experience for you.