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There was a gentle tap on the window.Stanley turned his head and removed his headphones.His ears were ringing.He stood up and slowly made his way over to the window from which he had heard the tapping noise.He saw a tall,skinny man standing in snow which was drifting slowly down from the sky.The man was wearing a light green scarf and a thin orange jumper along with a pair of tattered jeans.He was obviously not local.Locals were properly dressed.
Stanley signaled for the man to go to the large door at the front of the bungalow.Stanley then cautiously made his way to the door taking a quick detour to the kitchen to pick up a small knife which he slid into his shirt pocket.He then put a jacket on over his shirt and walked over to the door.As he opened the door the man let out a sigh of relief.''Please can I come inside for a few minutes?I have been wondering round this god forsaken place for hours and this is the first sign of life that I have seen.I'm from Sydney and came here for a holiday but I was...I was kidnapped.They robbed me and left me with just the clothes that I'm wearing.Please help me,I'm cold and hungry.I'm desparate.''Stanley looked at the man suspiciously and signalled for the man to come inside with a look of annoyance on his face.
''What's your name?''
''James.I'm sory that I have disturbed you.''
''Don't worry about it.I'm Stanley and I'll help you out.Where do you need to go?''Stanley seemed kinder than before.
''Into the nearest city.I can make my way from there.''
''We'll set of in an hour.Now let's eat.''
Stanley and James sat down for dinner and a long,awkward silence ensued.Stanley slowly ate the vegetables and fish on his place while James looked slightly nervously at the clock.It was 7.45.James managed to instigate a conversion about wildlife in which Stanley seemed to thrive.He forgot all about his food whilst talking about his encouters with the animals that lived near his secluded hut.As soon as James finished his food Stanley told him that it was time to go.There was a hint of malice in his voice.James became uneasy due to the way Stanley was behaving.He seemed to have mood swings and a problem of some sort but James didn't quite know what it was.
After leaving the house the two men made their way to the car that was oddly parked about fifty metres away from the bungalow.There was a glint in James' pcket which attracted Stanley's attention.''You're not too clever are you?''
''Why?''
''I'll show you James,just come over here.''James approched Stanley and felt a strange sensation.He felt Stanley slide a knife into his stomach and a trickle of blood dropped down onto the snow.It was then followed by a barrage of blood flowing out of James onto the soft,crisp surface of the snow.As James slumped to the ground and let out a howl of pain Stanley reached into the dying man's pocket and pulled out a badge.It was a police badge.''How did you know?''Babbled Officer James.
''You're the fourth police officer.The last one was a real pretty woman as well.Shame I had to kill her but thats how things go.Another time, another place we could have been married.''Stanley sadisticly reanacted how he had killed her whilst he said this.''Well as I said you're the fourth police officer but the eleventh altogether,I've got quite a collection now.''As he finished the sentence Stanley swooped down and slit James' throat.He picked up the dead man and carried him back towards the bugalow as the snow slowly drifted down.As Stanley re-entered his home he put his headphones back on and the ringing in his ears were finally drowned out.He closed his eyes and enjoyed the music.
The End
Sorry that this isn't very good but its my first time writng in this forum so I should get better the more I write.
Stanley signaled for the man to go to the large door at the front of the bungalow.Stanley then cautiously made his way to the door taking a quick detour to the kitchen to pick up a small knife which he slid into his shirt pocket.He then put a jacket on over his shirt and walked over to the door.As he opened the door the man let out a sigh of relief.''Please can I come inside for a few minutes?I have been wondering round this god forsaken place for hours and this is the first sign of life that I have seen.I'm from Sydney and came here for a holiday but I was...I was kidnapped.They robbed me and left me with just the clothes that I'm wearing.Please help me,I'm cold and hungry.I'm desparate.''Stanley looked at the man suspiciously and signalled for the man to come inside with a look of annoyance on his face.
''What's your name?''
''James.I'm sory that I have disturbed you.''
''Don't worry about it.I'm Stanley and I'll help you out.Where do you need to go?''Stanley seemed kinder than before.
''Into the nearest city.I can make my way from there.''
''We'll set of in an hour.Now let's eat.''
Stanley and James sat down for dinner and a long,awkward silence ensued.Stanley slowly ate the vegetables and fish on his place while James looked slightly nervously at the clock.It was 7.45.James managed to instigate a conversion about wildlife in which Stanley seemed to thrive.He forgot all about his food whilst talking about his encouters with the animals that lived near his secluded hut.As soon as James finished his food Stanley told him that it was time to go.There was a hint of malice in his voice.James became uneasy due to the way Stanley was behaving.He seemed to have mood swings and a problem of some sort but James didn't quite know what it was.
After leaving the house the two men made their way to the car that was oddly parked about fifty metres away from the bungalow.There was a glint in James' pcket which attracted Stanley's attention.''You're not too clever are you?''
''Why?''
''I'll show you James,just come over here.''James approched Stanley and felt a strange sensation.He felt Stanley slide a knife into his stomach and a trickle of blood dropped down onto the snow.It was then followed by a barrage of blood flowing out of James onto the soft,crisp surface of the snow.As James slumped to the ground and let out a howl of pain Stanley reached into the dying man's pocket and pulled out a badge.It was a police badge.''How did you know?''Babbled Officer James.
''You're the fourth police officer.The last one was a real pretty woman as well.Shame I had to kill her but thats how things go.Another time, another place we could have been married.''Stanley sadisticly reanacted how he had killed her whilst he said this.''Well as I said you're the fourth police officer but the eleventh altogether,I've got quite a collection now.''As he finished the sentence Stanley swooped down and slit James' throat.He picked up the dead man and carried him back towards the bugalow as the snow slowly drifted down.As Stanley re-entered his home he put his headphones back on and the ringing in his ears were finally drowned out.He closed his eyes and enjoyed the music.
The End
Sorry that this isn't very good but its my first time writng in this forum so I should get better the more I write.
There was a gentle tap on the window.Stanley turned his head and removed his headphones.His ears were ringing.He stood up and slowly made his way over to the window from which he had heard the tapping noise.He saw a tall,skinny man standing in snow which was drifting slowly down from the sky.The man was wearing a light green scarf and a thin orange jumper along with a pair of tattered jeans.He was obviously not local.Locals were properly dressed.
Stanley signaled for the man to go to the large door at the front of the bungalow.Stanley then cautiously made his way to the door taking a quick detour to the kitchen to pick up a small knife which he slid into his shirt pocket.He then put a jacket on over his shirt and walked over to the door.As he opened the door the man let out a sigh of relief.''Please can I come inside for a few minutes?I have been wondering round this god forsaken place for hours and this is the first sign of life that I have seen.I'm from Sydney and came here for a holiday but I was...I was kidnapped.They robbed me and left me with just the clothes that I'm wearing.Please help me,I'm cold and hungry.I'm desparate.''Stanley looked at the man suspiciously and signalled for the man to come inside with a look of annoyance on his face.
''What's your name?''
''James.I'm sory that I have disturbed you.''
''Don't worry about it.I'm Stanley and I'll help you out.Where do you need to go?''Stanley seemed kinder than before.
''Into the nearest city.I can make my way from there.''
''We'll set of in an hour.Now let's eat.''
Stanley and James sat down for dinner and a long,awkward silence ensued.Stanley slowly ate the vegetables and fish on his place while James looked slightly nervously at the clock.It was 7.45.James managed to instigate a conversion about wildlife in which Stanley seemed to thrive.He forgot all about his food whilst talking about his encouters with the animals that lived near his secluded hut.As soon as James finished his food Stanley told him that it was time to go.There was a hint of malice in his voice.James became uneasy due to the way Stanley was behaving.He seemed to have mood swings and a problem of some sort but James didn't quite know what it was.
After leaving the house the two men made their way to the car that was oddly parked about fifty metres away from the bungalow.There was a glint in James' pcket which attracted Stanley's attention.''You're not too clever are you?''
''Why?''
''I'll show you James,just come over here.''James approched Stanley and felt a strange sensation.He felt Stanley slide a knife into his stomach and a trickle of blood dropped down onto the snow.It was then followed by a barrage of blood flowing out of James onto the soft,crisp surface of the snow.As James slumped to the ground and let out a howl of pain Stanley reached into the dying man's pocket and pulled out a badge.It was a police badge.''How did you know?''Babbled Officer James.
''You're the fourth police officer.The last one was a real pretty woman as well.Shame I had to kill her but thats how things go.Another time, another place we could have been married.''Stanley sadisticly reanacted how he had killed her whilst he said this.''Well as I said you're the fourth police officer but the eleventh altogether,I've got quite a collection now.''As he finished the sentence Stanley swooped down and slit James' throat.He picked up the dead man and carried him back towards the bugalow as the snow slowly drifted down.As Stanley re-entered his home he put his headphones back on and the ringing in his ears were finally drowned out.He closed his eyes and enjoyed the music.
The End
Sorry that this isn't very good but its my first time writng in this forum so I should get better the more I write.
Stanley signaled for the man to go to the large door at the front of the bungalow.Stanley then cautiously made his way to the door taking a quick detour to the kitchen to pick up a small knife which he slid into his shirt pocket.He then put a jacket on over his shirt and walked over to the door.As he opened the door the man let out a sigh of relief.''Please can I come inside for a few minutes?I have been wondering round this god forsaken place for hours and this is the first sign of life that I have seen.I'm from Sydney and came here for a holiday but I was...I was kidnapped.They robbed me and left me with just the clothes that I'm wearing.Please help me,I'm cold and hungry.I'm desparate.''Stanley looked at the man suspiciously and signalled for the man to come inside with a look of annoyance on his face.
''What's your name?''
''James.I'm sory that I have disturbed you.''
''Don't worry about it.I'm Stanley and I'll help you out.Where do you need to go?''Stanley seemed kinder than before.
''Into the nearest city.I can make my way from there.''
''We'll set of in an hour.Now let's eat.''
Stanley and James sat down for dinner and a long,awkward silence ensued.Stanley slowly ate the vegetables and fish on his place while James looked slightly nervously at the clock.It was 7.45.James managed to instigate a conversion about wildlife in which Stanley seemed to thrive.He forgot all about his food whilst talking about his encouters with the animals that lived near his secluded hut.As soon as James finished his food Stanley told him that it was time to go.There was a hint of malice in his voice.James became uneasy due to the way Stanley was behaving.He seemed to have mood swings and a problem of some sort but James didn't quite know what it was.
After leaving the house the two men made their way to the car that was oddly parked about fifty metres away from the bungalow.There was a glint in James' pcket which attracted Stanley's attention.''You're not too clever are you?''
''Why?''
''I'll show you James,just come over here.''James approched Stanley and felt a strange sensation.He felt Stanley slide a knife into his stomach and a trickle of blood dropped down onto the snow.It was then followed by a barrage of blood flowing out of James onto the soft,crisp surface of the snow.As James slumped to the ground and let out a howl of pain Stanley reached into the dying man's pocket and pulled out a badge.It was a police badge.''How did you know?''Babbled Officer James.
''You're the fourth police officer.The last one was a real pretty woman as well.Shame I had to kill her but thats how things go.Another time, another place we could have been married.''Stanley sadisticly reanacted how he had killed her whilst he said this.''Well as I said you're the fourth police officer but the eleventh altogether,I've got quite a collection now.''As he finished the sentence Stanley swooped down and slit James' throat.He picked up the dead man and carried him back towards the bugalow as the snow slowly drifted down.As Stanley re-entered his home he put his headphones back on and the ringing in his ears were finally drowned out.He closed his eyes and enjoyed the music.
The End
Sorry that this isn't very good but its my first time writng in this forum so I should get better the more I write.
Wow great I like the end is this your first story on here? Coz it is very good.
Not bad. I like the way it didn't go where I was expecting it to, but overall, it doesn't feel complete.
Its my first attempt so I rushed it.In a couple of days I'll post an essay I did for a end of year school exam.
It's not too bad. The structure is fine, but fell down a little with the logic of the piece. I don't get why the police man turned up in such a manner - surely if they wanted to take this man down - a cop killer - they'd send a troop, and shoot to kill, not sit down to dinner with him, and get in a position to get themselves stabbed.
Still, it had potential.
Still, it had potential.
For your first story, that was very good. Meka pretty much outlined my main concerns, but that's about it.
Keep 'em coming.
Keep 'em coming.
I think if you tweaked a few things in the last paragraph, many members of this forum would be proud of it. It captured a sadistic person's attitude very well. Although you do throw certain actions in as a-matter-of-fact, instead of building them up, or describing them.
So, yes. Do keep writing.
So, yes. Do keep writing.