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Cheers.
Relive muscle pain
For the low low super low price of only $99.95 you can relive all those wonderful moments of agonising muscle pain, delivered directly to your door! After a short short super short wait of only 6 to 8 weeks, one of our specialist memory resurrection units will arrive at your house and help you relive any muscle pain of your choice! Itching to remember what it's like to have an unbearable burning ache in your calf? No more worries! We'll beat you to a bloody pulp and help you find those lost memories!
[S][S][S][S]Terms and conditions apply. A surcharge of $66.70 is necessary for all credit card bookings. Only credit card bookings accepted. Delivery time may be hundreds of years longer than the quoted estimate. There is a $40 shipping and handling fee. By paying for this service you are signing up to an 18 month contract ($80 per month) and you will recieve multiple text messages charged at $12, and repeat visits from our surgical organ removal unit.
Edit: Dont use the chemical stuff....... it gives you horrible side effects.
You know those Steak Hammers, usually made of wood with metal triangles? People use them for tenderising meat. Get hold of one of those and repeatedly hit the muscle in question until the pain goes away.
Cheers.